


To Be a Man

by animomma



Series: The Life and Times of Victuuri [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, F/M, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, Victuuri child - Freeform, i've been told i'm an impolite hag for not allowing them to kiss for so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-04-18 06:51:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 89,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14207508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animomma/pseuds/animomma
Summary: Victor and Yuuri's son is determined to be masculine, and pursues a career in hockey. An unfortunate injury, however, leaves him questioning his identity, his perception, and his relationships.





	1. Chapter 1

Nikolai had been adopted when he was just a baby. Of course, Nikolai himself had no memory of it. But his parents were always more than happy to relay the story of how he had looked up at his papa with his bright blue eyes and gurgled happily, how he had crinkled his nose at his otousan, and how he had grabbed his sister’s finger and put it in his mouth while she squealed in delight. And, just like that, their family had been complete, and perfect.

At least, that was the way his parents always told it.

Nikolai himself wasn’t so sure. The first memory he had of feeling out of place came from the tender age of 4. They had all been out at a restaurant, simply having dinner, when a young couple had been led to a table next to them. The man had looked scornfully at the two men and children, and his lip had curled up into a sneer. He had loudly asked if they could be seated away from the “disgusting display of homosexuality,” looking almost triumphant as every eye in the restaurant turned on them. The woman with him had said nothing, but looked smug as they were led to another table in a separate room. His otousan had looked close to tears, and his papa had given his best podium smile as he’d asked to speak to the owner. Nikolai didn’t fail to notice that they were only granted this audience after Papa had mentioned all the medals that he and Otousan had won for ice skating. The night ended with a profuse apology to their family, and the removal of the other couple from the restaurant, but it had left little Nikolai with many questions. He’d tried asking his sister Aki, but she had simply pursed her lips tightly and said that he should ask Papa instead. 

Luckily for him, he hadn’t had to wait too long with his questions, as Papa had taken both of them aside as soon as they’d arrived home and sent Otousan safely to bed. He’d pulled both of them onto his lap, Aki not even protesting this despite fancying herself to be a grown lady at the important age of 11. Papa had looked them both in the face unflinchingly and explained that, while he and Otousan loved each other and both of them very much, there were some people who thought that two men being in love was wrong. He told them that, in their lives, they were sure to see much more of this when they were out as a family, but they should remember that, no matter what anyone said or thought, they were a real family, and there was no reason to feel ashamed with how they lived their lives. Both children had cried, although Aki had tried to hide it, and Nikolai had asked his thousand questions, which Papa had answered kindly and patiently. Otousan had even come out of his room after a little while, his eyes shimmering with tears, and embraced them all together. They had sat there for a long time, simply being together, and Nikolai’s vulnerable heart had healed a little bit.

However, he had never forgotten that feeling of derision, of ridicule. And, true to what his papa had told him, it was far from the last time that he was forced to endure that feeling in public. Time and again, the scoffing looks, the muttered derision, the scandalized gasps of passerby ticked their way into Nikolai’s heart. Slowly, he came to hate the family that had chosen him, and resentment began to seep its way into his life. 

By the time he was in elementary school, he knew enough to understand that he wanted no part in that life for his future family. He realized that he was unable to protect his parents from the scorn of the world, but he was determined not to allow himself and any family he chose to have in the future to live that kind of pain. So he watched quietly, and he learned. He learned that men who loved other men were seen as weak, feminine, and unworthy to be accepted by true men. He noticed that, while his parents were highly respected for their long, prestigious skating careers, some people tinged that respect with something akin to disgust. Suddenly, he understood that the figure skating he had loved his whole short life was something that would lead to his greatest fear: being seen as feminine, as less than a man, as someone who deserved scorn. His love for figure skating soured overnight, and he spent several days sulking in his room as his confused parents tried to puzzle out why Nikolai suddenly refused to accompany them to the rink that he loved.

It was Otousan who, on the third day, had knocked softly on his door, and quietly worked his way into Nikolai’s confidence with his gentle voice and kind eyes. He had listened as Nikolai explained why he didn’t want to be seen at the ice rink anymore, and smoothed his blonde hair as Nikolai cried bitter tears. When the boy had sniffled himself out, Otousan had asked Nikolai if he might be interested in hockey instead.

And thus, his new passion was born.

From that day on, Nikolai had thrown himself into the masculine sport. Otousan became his staunch supporter, signing him up for the best lessons money could buy in St. Petersburg, driving him to games and practice, finding a private coach when he showed talent for the sport. His papa never said much about the sudden switch, and always came to his games, but there were times when Nikolai saw a distinct look of something like sadness or disappointment flash across his icy eyes when he played.

Years passed, and Nikolai advanced quickly, gaining the notice of several junior talent scouts. Similarly, his resentment towards his papa grew more and more as he was met with his apparent disapproval. He even began to be angry with his otousan. After all, if it weren’t for the two of them, Nikolai would never have been forced into this situation in the first place, would never have had to know and face the hatred of the world. His talent and his bitterness both grew steadily.

When he was 16, he was invited to join the SKA-1946 team of the Junior Hockey League. His parents were thrilled, and took him out to celebrate. His sister even took the night off from her new office job to join them, and they celebrated as a family. Nikolai was allowed to pick the restaurant, and, on a sudden impulse, he chose the same restaurant where, years ago, he had first become aware of his parents’ homosexuality. Sitting at the table, he looked around at his family, and felt a tremulous sense of triumph. He was a hockey player now, officially recognized. He was a real man, one who could protect his family from the world, could keep the tears from Otousan’s and Aki’s eyes. He felt like he could conquer anything, and resolved that nothing would take this away from him. 

Fate, however, had different ideas.


	2. Chapter 2

Nikolai raced around the empty hockey rink. He closed his eyes and smiled, enjoying the rush of air on his face as he gained speed. This was one of the things that had always drawn him to the ice, even as a child. The speed made him feel like he was flying, free, like nothing could ever hold him down. When he skated, his heart practically did fly, leaving his body far below, a swirling speck on the frozen plane.

He was always the first one to get to the rink for practice so he could enjoy the ice like this. Although he’d never admit it to anyone, this unfettered feeling that he got from being alone on the ice made him miss his early days when he had wanted to be a figure skater. The flow and beauty of skating had been pure for him then, and he had loved how simple and free his time on the ice had been. Compared to that, solo warm-up time was a pale reminder of the experience he had once basked in. But still he came, every day there was practice, to have his time on the rink.

Today, the nostalgia hit him hard. He found himself swaying back and forth gently, a love ballad playing in his head, and he paired the movement of his feet to the percussion of his blades. He spread his arms, describing a graceful arc that complemented his mental song. He flipped around, skating backwards around the end of the rink, building up speed. Before he realized fully what he was doing, he bent his knees, lifted his left foot, and launched himself off the ice. 

As soon as he became airborne, he knew that it was wrong. His absent mind had, for some reason, decided on a toe loop. On takeoff, he had correctly dug his toe into the ice, but his muscle memory had failed to take into account the fact that he was wearing short-bladed hockey skates, without a toe pick. As a result, as soon as he left the ice, he pitched forward awkwardly in mid-jump, all while spinning. Frantically, he tried to place his feet to catch himself, but his impossible angle in the air proved to be his undoing. He landed, hard, on the ice, his leg twisting under him. He just barely managed to avoid landing on his blades as he skidded across the cold surface, sending up a spray of ice.

He slid into the wall, sending a loud, reverberating boom around the empty rink. He drooped his head down and allowed himself to lie there, feeling nothing. What the hell had he been thinking? His figure skating days were over, and he had chosen to end them himself. Hockey was his life now. He mustn’t let himself forget how feminine men were treated. He had to be a strong man. He had to. Strong, masculine men didn’t ice skate, and they certainly didn’t fall on a simple toe loop.

Suddenly, the sound of his name echoed over the ice sternly. “Katsuki-Nikiforov, you ok there?” 

He whipped his head up to locate the source, and saw his coach standing near the door of the locker room, looking in his direction with an unreadable expression. Nikolai quickly scrambled up, dusting shards of ice off his clothing. He called back, “Yeah, Coach Kravetz, I’m fine. Sorry about that.”

Coach Kravetz observed him silently for another moment, and then nodded his head. “All right, as long as you can still skate today. I know it’s off season, but we have some newbies coming in soon to do some training, and I need every experienced player I can get. I’ll be counting on you to look out for the new forwards.”

Nikolai, too touched to come up with words, instinctively gave his coach one of Otousan’s slight bows from the hips. Coach Kravetz chuckled, and nodded back, before turning around to enter the locker room.

Once he was gone, Nikolai sighed, and allowed himself to lean back against the protective plastic of the rink’s wall. Had Coach Kravetz seen him trying to do a jump? No, he would have said something if he had, right? He must have just seen Nikolai lying on the ice, or heard the fall and come to see what happened. He ran his hand through his hair, awkward around his glove. More importantly, he had to make sure to get control of himself. To lose sight of what he was doing at the hockey rink was dangerous. He would keep going down the path he had chosen, at all costs, and he wouldn’t allow his ridiculous whims to hold him back.

Resolute, he pushed himself off the wall, and continued his warm up laps.

 

That evening, Nikolai scaled the steps up to his apartment, musing over the day. He’d managed to pull himself together during practice and not make any major screw-ups, but he’d felt like his head had been in a cloud all the while. There was a prevailing itchiness under his skin that the rough practice session simply hadn’t satisfied. Sighing, he unlocked his door and swung it wide.

He braced himself for Makkachin to come running over, but the poodle was nowhere near the door. Puzzled, he looked around the room, but instead of Makkachin, a different sandy-colored head turned his way and directed a smile at him. “Kolya! Welcome home!”

The breath left his lungs for a moment, leaving him staring at the girl in his living room and trying desperately to get air. Aliya, the daughter of his parents’ friends, wasn’t exactly a stranger. While Aliya’s papa never wanted to admit it, their parents were all very good friends, having met through competitive figure skating long before any of the kids had been born. Aliya was only 2 years younger than him, and much too young to play seriously with Aki when they had been children. So, Aliya and Nikolai had often been thrown together as playmates when their parents got together.

For as long as he could remember, Nikolai had been head over heels for the pretty little girl. They’d always clicked together well, Nikolai’s protectiveness complementing her happy, easygoing nature. This had proved to be a good thing, since Nikolai’s protectiveness towards her had intensified steadily in his childhood, coinciding with his determination to become a real man. He supposed his urge to shield her was due in part to the fact that Aliya shared the same family situation that he and Aki did; she had two fathers. When they were children, he had ended up defending her and her family on more than one occasion from bullies at the park. Each time, she would cry until he had chased off the other kids, and accepted his comfort easily. However, it never seemed to get her down for very long, and she would be back to climbing around happily within minutes, while Nikolai steamed over each incident for days after. 

As they had grown older, the tears had stopped, as had the trips to the playground. The definitive break in their friendship had come when Nikolai chose to pursue hockey. For Aliya, figure skating was and always would be her first love. She didn’t hold any grudge against him for leaving the sport that she loved, but he never forgot the sad look in her eyes when he finally got up the courage to tell her that he wouldn’t be back to the rink with her anymore.

Of course, they had still remained friends, but it was never the same after that. Aliya had steadily become more and more involved with figure skating, eventually taking up pairs skating and moving to Moscow when she turned 13 to train and compete with her partner, Mischa. It was then that Nikolai realized that his childhood crush had turned into a real love, and all the texts and casual calls they sent back and forth did little to heal the hurt in his heart. It was also the first time that he experienced jealousy, and the feeling did not sit well with him. Even he had to admit, Mischa was a perfectly fine person, but Nikolai still couldn’t bring himself to be friendly with someone who got to touch Aliya all the time. The only thing that had saved his sanity was his own acceptance into the MHL last season, and the intense training and game schedule he’d had to follow. More often than not lately, he found that he was the one missing Aliya’s calls, and their communication had dropped off significantly in the last few months. Nikolai had started to wonder if she was even interested in being friends with him anymore. But now, miraculously, she was here. In his living room.

After a second of staring at his unexpected visitor, Nikolai managed to draw in some air, and responded with what he hoped was a casual smile, “Hey, Aliya! What are you doing here? I thought you were in Moscow?”

The girl shook her head. “Mm, I was, but Mischa quit. He’s going to enter the men’s single division in the upcoming season. Since he’s not my partner anymore, there was no reason for me to stay in Moscow, so I came back here to look for a new partner.” 

Nikolai stared at her for a second, and a familiar, warm spurt of anger shot through him. How could that idiot have abandoned Aliya? Did he not realize what an amazing partner Aliya was? Nikolai always made a point to watch every junior competition that Aliya was in, having to get creative with computer streaming on more than one occasion. He had observed her enough to know that she was among the best. She had an unbelievable grace and fluidity on the ice that rivaled that of her famous papa, and her technical skill was undoubtedly something that her әкем had drilled into her at practice, seeing as he was her coach. How Mischa had given that up, Nikolai didn’t know. He knew that if he had Aliya as a partner, in anything, he’d never give her up. 

Luckily, he was saved from these embarrassing thoughts by his sister and her boyfriend, entering through the door he had left cracked open. Aki flung the door open with the same exuberance she directed at life, and called out, “Hello, everyone! We’re here!”

Nikolai glared at his sister, and snapped, “You could at least close the door before yelling at the top of your lungs, Aki.” He nodded at her boyfriend, a tall, quiet, dark-haired man standing slightly behind Aki. He liked her boyfriend, Mavra. He was steady and kind, balancing out his outspoken sister quite well. Nikolai and Mavra got along quite well, with an unspoken understanding between them as men that cared for Aki. Nikolai reveled in the feeling of having his masculinity recognized by his sister’s steadfast boyfriend. 

Aki, however, had always been a different story. She gave Nikolai one of her famous smiles, and said, “Aww, Nika, you know you just missed me! Come here and give your Onee-chan a hug!” She made a grab at him, trapping his head under her arm, rubbing her knuckles into his short blond hair. Nikolai struggled, protesting loudly, “Aki! Stop it! Aki, come on, I’m not a kid anymore, stop doing this crap!”

As she cackled at him, their papa emerged from the kitchen, a bright smile on his face. “Nika, Aki, you’re both here! Great!” He crossed the room, and Nikolai had a brief moment of hope that his papa would release him from this torment. However, he simply placed a kiss on top of Nikolai’s head, then wrapped one arm around Aki and kissed her cheek. As Nikolai sputtered in indignation, Victor turned away from his children to extend a hand to Aki’s boyfriend. “Mavra, always a pleasure to see you. How are things at the office?”

Mavra offered a smile in return, and shook the outstretched hand. “It’s good, can’t complain. The boss is a bit hard on me sometimes, though.” His gentle smile was like a soft fluorescent bulb being turned on.

Aki finally let go of Nikolai, placed her hands on her hips, and huffed at her boyfriend. “Well, I’m sorry that I’m apparently so mean to you at work! I can’t be giving you any special treatment, now, can I?”

Mavra laughed at her gently. “Of course not, Akiya, you know I’m just teasing you.”

Victor laughed. “It’s good to see that someone keeps Aki on her toes, da, Nika?”

Nikolai simply glared at his papa, too busy trying to repair the damage done to his hair.

Victor turned next to Aliya. “Well, my dear guest, since everyone is here, shall we eat?”

Aliya smiled. “Yeah, I’m starving!”

He returned her happy smile. “Great! Nika, escort our lovely guest to the table, please.” He winked at Nikolai before heading back into the kitchen, as Mavra bowed gallantly and offered his arm to the laughing Aki.

Nikolai felt his face redden, and he groaned out loud as he turned to Aliya. Luckily, she was giggling, and spoke before he could try to come up with something to say. “Well, Kolya, looks like you have no choice.” She reached out her hand daintily, a grin on her face. Nikolai was certain his entire face was red, but he went along with her, holding his arm out for her to rest her hand on. She did so gingerly, apparently trying to portray the proper young lady. 

Thankfully, the dining table wasn’t very far from the living room, so Nikolai was able to quickly escort his guest to the seat next to his, even holding her chair out for her so she could sit. She giggled again, and sat elegantly. Nikolai felt like an ogre in comparison as he clambered into his own chair.

As they settled themselves across from Aki and Mavra, Aliya’s parents entered the room, carrying drinks. Aki smiled and greeted them, “Hello, Otabek. Hello, Yurio.” 

Yuri snorted and set his drink down at the end of the table, plopping unceremoniously into the place he usually used when his family visited. “Hello to you too, little brat.” He nodded at Mavra, and his husband silently arranged himself into a chair and nodded as well. Mavra smiled cheerfully back at the other two men in greeting.

Yuri then turned his attention onto Nikolai. “Hey there, soplyak. How’s your murder sport going for you?”

Nikolai sighed internally. He had long suspected that Yuri knew exactly why he had chosen hockey over figure skating all those years ago, but he wasn’t sure if the knowledge came from his parents or from Yuri’s own observations. He wouldn’t have been surprised either way. Yuri’s keen eyes were surprisingly perceptive. Either way, Yuri seemed to take personal offence with Nikolai’s attitude towards the sport he and his family had dedicated their lives to. 

“Hockey is going fine, sir,” Nikolai responded wearily.

Aliya chimed in, “Papa, we’ve been over this. Don’t call hockey a ‘murder sport.’ Kolya is doing something that makes him happy, now leave him alone.” She turned and gave Nikolai a secret little smile, and he felt his heart flip over.

Yuri tsked, but Otabek put a gentle hand on his arm, and the Russian man fell silent.

Aki was all too glad to take up where Yuri had left off, however. “Oh, are you enjoying your murder sport, Kolya?” she asked, a devilish grin on her face.

Nikolai glared at her. “Aki, don’t call me that!” He had been called Kolya quite often as a child, but had requested to be called Nika as a nickname instead. He preferred the more masculine consonant sounds of Nika. The only one he still allowed to call him Kolya was Aliya. Somehow, coming from her, the name filled him with a sense of comfort. 

Aki raised her eyebrow, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “Why? Aliya called you that.”

Nikolai snapped back, “That’s different!”

The grin widened. “Ah, so Aliya is different? Why is she so special, hmm?”

The blush came roaring back with a vengeance. He tried to silence his sister with his eyes, but she simply returned his look, one hand propped on her chin, waiting for his reply with that mischievous smile. 

Hot anger welled up in Nikolai. He snapped, “Just shut up, Aki! What do you even know about anything? Idiot!”

Just then, their parents entered the room, laden with several dishes of food. Nikolai’s otousan frowned slightly at his children, and reprimanded, “Hey, you two, this is the first time we’ve all been together for a couple weeks, and this is how you want to start it?” The quiet look of disapproval in his eyes was enough to quell Nikolai’s anger, and make him feel a small sense of shame. He darted his gaze away from his sister, coming to rest on Aliya. Her deep blue eyes bored into his with the same gentle reprimand that was held in his otousan’s brown ones.

Nikolai sighed deeply, and turned back to his sister. “Sorry for calling you an idiot, Aki,” he mumbled sourly. 

Aki had apparently had a similar eye conversation with Mavra, since she replied in an uncharacteristically subdued tone, “Sorry for teasing, Nika.”

Victor settled in at the head of the table, and grinned happily at his husband. “There, isn’t that better now, luybov moya?”

Yuuri smiled back, and took his place next to Victor. “Yes, this is nice now. We have everyone here after so long.” His smile took in everyone at the table, making each person feel personally noticed. Nikolai loved this talent of his otousan’s. He could never figure out how he did it, but his otousan always made each person in the room feel like they were immensely important, simply for existing. 

As they began to eat, Yuuri turned his gentle smile on the slight girl seated next to Nikolai, and said, “Aliya, I hear from your parents that you’re looking for a new pairs partner?”

Aliya swallowed her mouthful of food and nodded. “Yes, I am. My old partner, Mischa, decided that he wants to pursue a career in singles, so I’m currently without a partner.” She took a sip of her drink, and continued. “But I figure this gives me the chance to enter the adult division, myself.”

Nikolai glanced at her. He was a little surprised to hear her say that, but certainly her skill level was good enough, from what he had observed. He directed his glance at Otabek to see his reaction. But, as usual, Otabek was wearing a stoic expression. Nikolai mentally sighed at himself. He wasn’t sure what he had expected from the man, really. He had never been one to show many expressions, except for a few rare times when Nikolai had seen him bare an unimpeded smile or tender look at one of his family members. 

Nikolai’s papa, however, always had emotions available in spades. Victor clapped his hands together in delight. “That’s wonderful, Aliya! And you’re 15 now, aren’t you? That’s the same age your papa was when he entered the men’s division and won gold!”

Yuuri’s eyes widened, and he scolded his husband, “Victor, that’s putting a bit of pressure on the poor girl, don’t you think?”

Aki chimed in, “Yeah, Papa, especially when she doesn’t even have a partner yet. She can’t exactly compete on her own.”

The horrified look was directed at his sister now. “Akilina!” his otousan hissed.

Nikolai looked at Aliya out of the corner of his eye to gauge her reaction. She had the same gentle smile that she always wore, but Nikolai could see the slight waver in the corner of her mouth.

Yuri was quick to jump to her defense. “Shut up, old man. Aliya isn’t me, she’s her own person, and she’ll do just fine if she remembers that.” He gave his daughter a small, private smile, which she returned with a bright one of her own. 

Yuuri was quick to add, “Well, Aliya, there’s no need to worry. You have a few months until the season starts, so take your time finding the partner that fits best with you.” He tilted his head slightly and gave a half-smile to his husband. “Having someone who is compatible with you makes all the difference in the world in pairs.”

Aliya nodded. “I’ll be sure to do that, Yuuri. Thank you.” She turned to Otabek and said, “Besides, I’m pretty sure Әкем won’t approve anyone for me unless they can prove they’re worthy.” She smiled prettily. “Fatherly instincts and all that.”

Otabek nodded somberly. 

Victor sighed and swished his drink around in his glass. “Ah, parenthood. I never thought I could be this protective until we had kids.”

Yuuri snorted. “That’s ridiculously untrue, Vitya. One time you threatened to have Christophe kicked out of competitive skating because you thought he was hitting on me!”

Yuri snickered as Victor frowned. “That doesn’t count, it’s just Chris.”

The conversation turned naturally back to more benign topics from there, laughter and easy joking filling the room. Nikolai, however, didn’t miss the fact that Aliya’s blinding smile had lost a few shades of its brightness.

As his family saw the Plisetsky-Altins to the door after dinner, Nikolai pulled her aside briefly and whispered, “Aliya, you’ll be just fine. I promise. You’re an amazing skater, and someone will figure that out very soon. And until then, remember that I’m just a phone call or text away.” He bored his gaze into her, trying to gauge her mood.

She blinked up at him once, then smiled. He was relieved to see it was her usual, sunny one. “Thanks, Nikolai,” she said simply, reaching up and resting her hand on his cheek. He froze, and before he could think of a way to react, she was removing the soft hand, smiling, and saying, “Good night, Kolya.” She turned to the door, and was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes:
> 
> Әкем is dad in Kazakh. I think, in this family situation, it makes most sense for the kids to refer to their parents in their original languages from their countries of origin. Thus, Victor and Yuri are Papa, Yuuri is Otousan, and Otabek is Әкем.
> 
> da: yes in Russian  
> luybov moya: my love in Russian  
> solpyak: snot in Russian. Yuri is not a fan of Nikolai at this point in time.
> 
> Coincidentally, I chose the name Nikolai because it means something along the lines of "triumphant victory of the people." Seemed like something Victor would choose for his son. There also might be a famous Russian ice skater named Nikolai that Victor would be motivated to name a son after. Spoilers, I guess?  
> Aliya means "the chosen one," and is the name of several historical/fictional women who kick serious ass. Tell me Yuri wouldn't pick that name for his kid.  
> Mavra, the name of Akilina's boyfriend, means darkness. I thought I was hilarious at the time.
> 
> Final note, YES, I REALIZE THAT MAKKACHIN WOULD BE OLD AS SHIT AT THIS TIME. I GIVE ZERO FUCKS. HE IS IMMORTAL.


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night, after Aki and Mavra had also left, Nikolai sat on the couch, scrolling through his phone with no real thought in his mind other than the sweet softness of Aliya’s hand as it had touched his face. He tossed his phone on the couch, giving up on the futile act of trying to distract himself. He flopped his head backwards onto the head rest, covered his face with a hand, and groaned in frustration. 

He mentally slapped himself, whipped his head up, and sat upright. Sitting here trying to puzzle out what that touch had meant was doing him no good. He bounded off the couch, and went to the closet to gather his things. When he needed to think, there was only one place that would do for him. His black duffel bag in hand, he grabbed his phone off the couch, and exited the apartment as quietly as he could. 

His feet fell naturally onto the path that they had memorized over the years. Even though he had quit figure skating years ago, he increasingly found that, as he got older, it was the only thing with the ability to clear his head. Often, he would sneak out of the house at night, using a copy of his otousan’s key to get into the rink, and skate until whatever problem he was dealing with became clear.

Luckily, his destination was within easy walking distance of their apartment. He suspected that his papa had chosen the apartment for that specific reason, back before his parents had met. Before he knew it, he was unlocking the door to the building, and making his way to the rink. 

He threw the lights on, and stood still as they flickered to life in the empty dome. He loved how the hum of the lights made his soul thrum in the vacant arena. But just this wouldn’t do. He quickly paced over to a bench, threw his bag down, and drew out his skates to lace them up. Even though he hadn’t asked for new figure skates since he was in elementary school, there was always a pair in this bag that fit his feet perfectly. He had never really questioned it, attributing this to his otousan, but choosing not to say anything about them.

Impatiently, he finished lacing his skates, and pushed out eagerly onto the smooth ice. That was another thing that he never mentioned. Whenever he came here at night, the Zamboni had already done its rounds, and the ice that he scored his skates over was smooth and fresh. However, no one had ever breathed a word when, come morning, there were new skate marks on the ice that should have been blemish-free.

At first, Nikolai simply skated laps, occasionally throwing in some steps or a turn. His mind began to calm, and, unbidden, he remembered his failure in the hockey rink that afternoon. Determination welled up in him, and he reversed his direction, gaining speed and positioning himself for a triple toe loop. Without hesitation, he launched himself in the air. This time, however, his toe pick bit into the ice, and he flew. He twisted around perfectly, rotating three times. He landed solidly on his right foot, sweeping his left leg up and behind, extending his arms for balance. He grinned widely. The sensation of executing a jump perfectly was something that he could never give up.

As he lowered his leg and righted his body to face forward, he caught sight of a person standing at the side of the rink, and nearly lost his balance. He turned to face the person, and felt certain that he must have entered a nightmare.

Aliya stood there, clutching the gate, her mouth formed into a perfect, beautiful “o.”

Nikolai skidded to a stop on the ice, holding himself perfectly still. Maybe if he didn’t acknowledge her, she would disappear? Or maybe there was a chance she hadn’t seem him do that jump? Maybe she would just ignore him, or pretend none of this had happened? She probably didn’t like being reminded of the very thing that was bothering her right now, anyway.

That thought brought a small frown to his face. What was Aliya doing at the skate center, anyway? 

He decided that he should probably find out.

“Um…hi, Aliya.”

She shook herself slightly, and raised a hand timidly. “Hi, Kolya,” she called quietly across the silence of the rink.

He skated towards her slowly, almost reluctantly. “Um, Aliya…I guess you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here.”

She stared at him in awe for a second, and then squeaked, “Actually, I’m more interested in why you’re executing perfect triple toe loops here at night by yourself.”

Nikolai stopped moving his feet. So she had seen. He chose to respond to the last part of her inquiry. “Well, sometimes I like to come here at night, when no one’s around, and just…skate. It helps me think.” He carded his fingers through his short locks, raking his scalp with his fingertips as he tried to look anywhere but at his pretty friend.

Her voice reached him anyway, quiet and laced with an emotion he couldn’t identify. “Me, too.”

He looked up sharply, and in that second, realized that he had failed to stop his forward motion. He was inches away from the partition, too close to react, and he smacked unceremoniously into the gate. Unfortunately for him, Aliya had been directly where he hit the wall, and their torsos collided. Nikolai nearly fell backwards, but shot his hands out at the last second to steady himself, grabbing onto the nearest thing to him: Aliya’s shoulders. This proved to work out well, as she had also been staggering backwards from the impact.

He stood there on the ice for a second, panting and clinging onto his friend for dear life. He managed to get out, “Hey, Aliyen’ka, you ok?”

She gasped in several mouthfuls of air, and smiled shakily up at him. “Yeah, I’m ok, Kolya. You must have been worried, huh? You haven’t called me that in years.”

Nikolai felt his face color, and quickly let go of his hold on her shoulders, which had suddenly become unbearably hot. He turned his head away and muttered, “Yeah, well, I guess I was kinda worried. I mean, I just crashed into your head and all.”

Her laugh tinkled around the domed ceiling above them. Nikolai shivered slightly, treasuring the sensation of the sound running through him. 

“I’m fine, really, Kolya,” she said. Her face grew more serious, and she added, “But you never answered my question. What’s with that perfect toe loop you just did? I thought you quit figure skating?”

Nikolai felt his heart stop dead for a moment. Of course she would want to ask about that. He had been caught in the middle of doing something feminine, in front of the girl he liked, no less. This was a disaster. His chest pricked, and he felt a deep, primal need to assure her of his masculinity. 

But he couldn’t come up with anything to say.

He stood there, as frozen as the ice he was on, staring at her in horror. After a few seconds, she smiled gently. “It’s okay, Kolya. You don’t have to tell me.” The quiet, hurt tone of her voice stung him more deeply than he would have imagined. He opened his mouth to tell her something, anything to alleviate her disappointment in him, but she kept talking. “It doesn’t matter to me what you like doing. I just like my friend Kolya.”

Nikolai wasn’t sure if his heart would ever start beating again.

Aliya, however, didn’t seem to notice the state of shock he had entered, and said, “At any rate, do you mind if I share the rink with you? I’m just…kind of worried about how I’m going to find a new partner, and entering the adult division, and…well, you know. Just all of it.” She gave him a shaky smile that his soul understood all too well.

Silently, he reached out and shoved the gate open for her. Whatever Aliya needed, he would make sure she got. Even if it came at his expense.

She drew in a short breath, and stepped out next to him on the ice. He shut the door gently, but the sound still boomed throughout the dome. Aliya stared up at him for a second, then reached out and grabbed his hand. Before he could make sense of what was happening, she said, “Kolya, let’s skate around the rink together like we used to when we were kids.” She turned on her sweet smile, and Nikolai found himself nodding dumbly, and being dragged along by her hand.

A thousand thoughts ran through his head as they skated hand in hand, but none of them formed anything understandable. For a few minutes, they simply lapped around the rink, skating in silence.

As they rounded one of the ends, Aliya stretched out the distance between them, leaning out to the limit of their linked, outstretched hands. She smiled at him, then turned around and skated backwards in front of him. “Try not to run me over,” she smiled at him, not letting go of his hand.

Nikolai was far beyond any rational thought now. He simply nodded, and concentrated on not running into Aliya as she slid smoothly over the ice before him.

After another lap, she yanked on his hand gently, and he allowed himself to be prompted to move beside her, and both of them skated backwards around the rink, the shush of their skates the only sound. 

As they rounded the next curve, Aliya gave him a mischievous grin. “Ok, Kolya, you’ve kept up with me pretty well. But can you copy what I do?” She released his hand and began to execute a series of twists and turns on the ice. Blindly, Nikolai followed her, doing his best to copy each motion that she made, following her back and forth across the ice. 

This continued for a few rounds until Nikolai began to discern a pattern to her movements. Slowly, he began to echo them in real time with her, remembering more and more of the steps she took, until, by the fourth or fifth time around the sequence, the two of them were in perfect harmony, swirling around and around together. 

At the end of that round, however, Aliya didn’t simply repeat the pattern again, as she had been doing. She skated to the center of the rink, and Nikolai followed her obediently. Once she reached the place that was her apparent goal, she glanced back at him, and in that moment, he briefly caught a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. It was gone quickly, however, as she lifted a leg up behind her, dipping her torso down so that her body created a flat plane, and spread her arms out for balance. 

Nikolai hesitated. “We sure never did this when we were kids,” he commented. 

She glided around him, describing a wide circle, and smiled. “What, aren’t you up for the challenge, Kolya?”

His pride flared up at her words, and without another protest, he copied her pose, lifting his leg behind him into a perfect arabesque. 

Aliya smiled with something akin to triumph, and led him back to the center of the rink. Before he could react, she had dipped her foot down to gain leverage, then lifted it again, entering a camel spin. 

He straightened up, and dug his skates into the ice, stopping swiftly. “Aliya,” he intoned, a warning in his voice. 

Her voice protested, resounding strangely as she continued to spin, “Kolya, come on! You don’t want to lose to a girl, do you?”

A spark of anger touched his chest. Fine. If she wanted to make it like that, how could he back down? He pushed off, sliding smoothly into a camel spin that echoed Aliya’s own. She was, losing speed by now, however, and slowed down considerably, lasting only a few more rotations before she set her foot back down on the ice.

She smiled at him amiably. “I admit it, you won, Kolya.”

Nikolai ignored her. He shifted his leg down and forward, repositioning his body and arms so that he was now in an energetic sit spin. From there, he lifted himself up, elongating into a high-velocity scratch spin. Reaching his arms out, he slowed himself, stepping one foot back and digging his toe into the ice to halt his movements. His gaze then found Aliya’s.

His friend was staring at him, her mouth open wide in shock. The sight of her face brought him back to himself. What the hell had he just done right in front of Aliya? Acting like this sure wasn’t going to convince her that he was a man worthy of her attentions. 

In the void created by his fear, the anger came back, all too eager to fill the hole. What should he be embarrassed for? So he had showed her up at her own sport, so what? She shouldn’t have provoked him. She had been the one to force him to behave this way, and he wasn’t going to back down now. He breathed deeply, and allowed the heat of his emotions fill him up. He gathered these up into a glare that he directed at the petite blonde who still stood motionless on the ice in front of him. Nikolai gritted his teeth together tightly, and growled at her, “Are you happy now, Aliya? Did I make myself enough of a fool for you yet?” Not waiting for her reply, he twisted around sharply, exiting the ice as quickly as he could without looking desperate, carrying himself on his anger. He roughly yanked his skates off when he got to the bench, shoving them unceremoniously into his bag and practically fleeing the rink as fast as he could.

Had he looked back, he would have noticed his friend, still standing in the middle of the ice, watching him go.


	4. Chapter 4

On the way home, Nikolai fumed wordlessly. Not only had he not been able to release his feelings while skating, he’d gotten himself even more worked up that he had been originally. The swirl of emotions in Nikolai’s head kept him from getting much sleep that night. What sleep he did get was fitful, and by the time the sun came up, he could easily count on one hand the number of hours he had actually slept. Once the light started trickling in his window, resisting didn’t seem worth it anymore. He threw off the covers and rose to deal with the new day.

There was hockey practice today, and Coach Kravetz had told him to be ready for newbies. He glanced at the clock, even though he knew it was way too early to consider going to the rink, even for his warm-up skate. Nikolai sighed. A run would have to do until then, he decided. He threw on some sweats and cautiously opened the door to his room. 

He made it out into the living room before he noticed that he was not alone. His otousan was perched in the arm chair facing the hallway, typing away at something busily. He looked up with some surprise when Nikolai entered the room. “Nika, you’re up awfully early. I thought you’d sleep in longer.” 

Otousan must have noticed that he’d come back late last night. Unless it was a major issue, however, he never pried into things that he sensed were touchy for his children. Nikolai appreciated that fact very much, even more so today.

He responded, “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep. Why are you up, Otousan?” 

Yuuri gestured over toward the couch and continued in a stage whisper, “Papa was up late working on something for FSFR. I was keeping him company, and we both ended up falling asleep out here.”

Nikolai nodded. His papa’s work for the skating federation often kept him busy at unusual hours. He padded over to the door and sat down to put his sneakers on.

“Where are you headed to?”

Nikolai twisted around to face his otousan and replied, “I thought I’d take an early run before I have to go to practice today.”

Yuuri shifted the laptop onto the coffee table. “Would you like some company? I’m pretty sure I can still keep up with you.” He smiled invitingly.

Nikolai hesitated for just a second before nodding silently.

“Great. Give me a second, I’ll go change.”

As his otousan tiptoed down the hallway to his room, he finished lacing up his shoes and started doing some stretches. By the time Yuuri reappeared, Nikolai was standing by the door, rolling his neck, ready to go. They silently left the apartment together, trotted down the stairs, and out of the building. 

Nikolai let his otousan chose the route. They didn’t jog together very often, but when they did, this was their usual routine. Yuuri was good at setting a good pace for both of them, and assessing how far they could comfortably run for whatever goal they had in mind. Since today’s run was simply a precursor to later physical activity, they settled into a low jog, and headed toward a nearby park. They jogged for a few minutes in silence, Nikolai relishing the feeling of the physical movement in his body. The repetitive motion of his muscles relaxed his mind, slowly but surely. 

Yuuri appeared to be gauging his son, since he didn’t say anything until the edge had been taken off of Nikolai’s mood. Only then did he speak, surprisingly lightly, considering the fact that they were running. “So, Nika, is something bothering you?”

They were entering the park now, and the cool shade of the trees felt good on Nikolai’s skin. He allowed himself to enjoy the sensation for a second, and jogged another few paces before answering, “Why do you think something’s bothering me?”

A chuckle. “Nika, I’m your father, I know when something’s wrong. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, though. I just want to make sure you’re doing ok.”

Nikolai considered this. “No, it’s ok, Otousan. I don’t mind talking to you.” He paused for a second to consider what he wanted to say. His otousan waited patiently, looking straight ahead. “Well, I went out to the rink last night. You know, just to skate off some steam. Practice for hockey. We have some rookies coming in today, and Coach wants me to mentor them. Bit of pressure.” Yuuri nodded. Relieved that he’d bought that story, Nikolai added, “But Aliya showed up, too.”

“Oh? Did you two talk?”

“Well, yeah, Otousan. We were the only two people in the rink, it would have been weird to ingore each other.” He allowed his feet to simply pulse into the pavement for a few beats before continuing, “She wanted to figure skate.” A few more pulses. “She wanted me to play follow the leader, so I did. At first it was fun, you know? Just like when we were kids. But then she went into an arabesque.” He stopped talking, anger resurfacing at the memory. 

Yuuri prodded gently, “And that bothered you?”

Nikolai finally turned to look at him. “Otousan, she was totally making fun of me! Mocking me by making me look feminine! And I just don’t understand it. We had been having so much fun together before that, and we were doing fine at dinner, too.” He faced his head back forward. “I guess we haven’t seen each other for a while, though. Maybe I just read her wrong since I’m not used to being around her anymore?”

“I think that’s exactly what happened.”

He jolted his head to look at his otousan in surprise. “Geez, Otousan, you don’t have to be so harsh!”

Yuuri laughed. “That’s not what I meant, Nika. I think you read her intention wrong.”

He stared for a second, not comprehending. “What?”

“I think that she was just trying to have fun with you, not make fun of you at all.” He paused visibly for a second, bobbing beside his son silently while he chose his words. “Aliya…doesn’t view figure skating the same way a lot of people do. She simply thinks that it’s beautiful, and fun, and wants everyone else to enjoy it as much as she does. That’s all. I’d be willing to bet that she had no intent to make you feel bad at all last night.” 

Nikolai turned these words over for a minute. Maybe Otousan was right. Nikolai had certainly watched Aliya’s skating enough to know that what he was saying was true. Hell, anyone watching her couldn’t help but feel an innate joy. She just overflowed with enthusiasm when she skated, drawing everyone else in. It was possible that she hadn’t been trying to embarrass him at all. 

“But, you know,” his otousan continued, “you’ll never know for sure unless you talk to her about it.”

Nikolai groaned. “You mean apologize for being an ass?”

Yuuri smiled, but didn’t look at his son. “I never said that. I don’t know how you acted towards her.”

“Like hell you don’t,” Nikolai muttered.

His otousan’s mouth twitched. “I was just saying that the easiest way to know what someone is thinking is to ask them. Assuming only gets you both hurt.”

“All right, all right, Otousan. I’ll call her later and apologize for my extreme assholery.”

Yuuri grinned. “See that you do.”

Nikolai laughed out loud at that, the sound threading through the sweet morning air.

The rest of the run was passed in bouts of companionable silence peppered with comfortable conversation. By the time they got back to their apartment, Nikolai had worked up a slight sweat, and his pent-up frustration from the night before was gone. He noted that, despite his otousan’s joking words about keeping up with his young son, he had hardly even broken a sweat. Nikolai supposed that being a former champion was partially responsible for his ridiculous stamina. But then again, the kids he chased around at his skating classes probably didn’t hurt his endurance, either. 

Yuuri opened the door, and Makkachin came bounding over, covering them both in kisses. Victor poked his head out from the kitchen, and smiled broadly. “Nika, Yuuri, you’re back! Where did you two go? I was all alone when I woke up,” he said, switching his expression to a pout.

Yuuri laughed softly as Nikolai shut the door behind them. “Sorry, Vitya, we just went for a run. I didn’t think you’d even be awake when we got back.”

Victor sighed deeply. “I felt your absence keenly, zvezda moya, as if part of my very soul had been missing.”

Nikolai groaned loudly. “Can you two please save this for a time when I’m not here?”

His papa winked at him. “Sure thing, Nika. I made you both some breakfast, by the way. Why don’t you two come eat?”

Yuuri smiled at his husband fondly. “Sounds great. Come on, Nika, we can clean up after we eat.”

Nikolai allowed himself to be led to the kitchen, and took his seat at the table in front of a large stack of blini. They settled in and began to eat, with Nikolai attempting to ignore the sickening looks his parents were exchanging. Honestly, they had been married for over two decades. You’d think things between them would have cooled down a bit by now, but he was constantly catching them looking at each other as if the other was the most perfect being in existence. The blatant display of emotion always made him feel a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t a big deal when they were at home, and in a way, it was comforting to know that his parents were in it for the long haul, and would always be together with him as a family. On the other hand, seeing them like that was a bitter reminder of how the world saw that same family that they had created. Sometimes when he caught them making love eyes at each other in public, Nikolai wanted nothing more than to scream at them to stop humiliating all of them in front of everyone, and to just act like normal men. One time, when he had been very small, he had made the mistake of doing just that, breaking into tears as he yelled at his papa to stop staring at otousan at the park. The look in his papa’s eyes that day had never left him, and from then on, Nikolai had learned that there were some things that you just kept to yourself. Sometimes, emotions were hurtful to others, and you had to be very, very careful about how you let them out.

Finally, Victor pulled himself together enough to remember that his son was also sitting at the table. He directed a different sickeningly sweet smile at Nikolai and asked, “So, Nika, where did you two go? For a run?”

He nodded. “Da, Papa.”

“Any particular reason?”

Nikolai swallowed a bite of blini as he shook his head. “Nah, sometimes it’s just nice to get some exercise.”

Victor frowned. “But don’t you have hockey practice later today? Won’t that tire you out too much?”

Nikolai gritted his teeth. For some reason, his papa’s fussing over him always felt like the pecking of a mother hen. He hated it. “Papa, I’ll be fine. I’m still young, I have plenty of stamina.”

Victor chuckled. “Just like Otousan, huh? I always wished I had that much energy.”

Yuuri smiled back at him. “You made up for it in plenty of other ways though, Vitya.”

Nikolai could practically see his papa melt at the praise. “Aww, Yuuri, so sweet!” He turned back to his son and said, “But really, Nika, you went out last night, too, and then out running this morning before practice. Just be aware of your body’s limits, is all I’m trying to say.”

He had noticed him leaving last night? Did he know that Nikolai had gone to the rink? Did he suspect that he’d been figure skating? A flare of anger welled up inside Nikolai as his nerves took over. He stood abruptly, shooting his chair out behind him and clattering the dishes as he slapped his hands on the table. “You know what, Papa? How about you let me worry about my own body, ok? I can take care of myself just fine. I don’t need you to do it.” Ignoring the shocked looks on his parents’ faces, he pivoted on his heel and strode out of the kitchen. He strode to his room, grabbed his hockey bag and sticks, and headed back out to the living room. As he was pulling his shoes on, he announced without looking up, “I’m headed off to the rink.” He stood up and opened the door, then hesitated. Refusing to turn his head, he called, “And thanks for breakfast, Papa.” Not wanting to deal with a response, he hurried out the door, shutting it quickly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation note:
> 
> zvezda moya: Russian for "my star"


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to his dramatic exit from the apartment that morning, Nikolai showed up ridiculously early for practice. Since there wasn’t anything better to do with his time, he got dressed anyway, and headed out to the ice. 

By now he had cooled his head down a little bit, and was having the grace to feel ashamed of how he had acted towards his papa. He hadn’t really done anything wrong, and Nikolai had no real reason to think that his papa suspected him going to the rink for late night figure skating sessions. The only one who knew anything about that was his otousan, the suspected source of his perfectly-fitting figure skates. 

Well, and Aliya now, he supposed.

Nikolai knew that he was still upset about everything that had happened with Aliya last night. He couldn’t quite shake the tense, sour feeling of an unsettled argument that he knew he had to apologize for. He sighed. He supposed that was something he could be doing, instead of skating 300 laps around the ice rink. He slid to a stop at the nearest gate, trudging to the locker room to fetch his cell phone. He selected Aliya’s name, and waited nervously as the phone rang. On the third nerve-wracking ring, she picked up, and he heard the hesitation in her voice as she said, “Hello? Kolya?”

He took a deep breath and nodded. Then, realizing that she couldn’t see him since it wasn’t on video call, he hastily said, “Uh, yeah. It’s me.”

“Hi.” Her voice was unsure, lacking the simple confidence that she always carried herself with. “What’s up?”

“About last night.” He paused, working up his courage.

“Oh. That.”

The flatness of her tone sent a shiver through him. Shit, she was really mad. He had to apologize, and fast. “Aliya, I’m so sorry. I had no right to act like that towards you. I thought that you were making fun of me, teasing me for being feminine or something. I took it out on you, and I’m sorry.”

There were several seconds of silence, during which Nikolai convinced himself several times over that Aliya would never forgive him, and would instead hate him until the end of time. Finally, she spoke, relief apparent as she said, “Oh, Kolya, I’m so glad you aren’t mad at me anymore! I was so worried about you not wanting to talk to me! I’m the one who’s sorry. I teased you and made you do something you didn’t want to, when I know your feelings about figure skating. Can you forgive me?”

He was stunned. He managed to get out, “Aliya, I’m the one who was a jerk for no reason. I don’t have anything to forgive you for, but can you forgive me?”

She laughed, and he swore he heard bells inside of it. “Well, sounds like we’re both very sorry, and nobody’s mad anymore! That’s good enough for me!”

Nikolai grinned. “Yeah, sounds like it.” He sat there for anther second, smiling like an idiot, before he realized where he was. “Oh, Aliya, I should get going. I’m actually at the hockey rink getting ready for practice.”

Disappointment threaded Aliya’s voice as she replied, “Oh, ok. That’s fine, Kolya, I’ll talk to you later?”

A sudden urge struck him, and he replied, “Hey, Aliya, why don’t we meet up at the rink later? We can skate. And I promise I’ll do whatever you want, without complaining. Sound good?”

Only her usual joy was left in her voice now as Aliya squealed, “Oooh, perfect! Sounds great! What time would you be able to meet?”

“Hmm, let’s say 20:00?”

“Ok, 20:00 it is then! It’s a date! See you later, Kolya!”

Luckily for Nikolai, the line went dead after that statement, because there were no words available in his head to reply with.

A date? Had she really called it a date?

No, Nika, he scolded himself. She thinks of you like a brother, there’s no way she’d mean it as an actual date. Pull yourself together. He shook his head a bit to clear it, stuffed his phone back into his bag, and headed out to the ice. 

A few dozen laps and not much mental clarity later, the coach other skaters began to trickle onto the ice along with him. Eventually, the physical therapists arrived, and those who needed treatment lined up to be seen. 

Finally, Coach Kravetz called all the boys out onto the ice. Once they had all huddled around him, he announced in his booming tone, “Listen up, all of you. As you can see, I am here alone today. Since it is the off season, the other coaches will not be in today. Too busy tanning their asses off on some godforsaken beach. As you also probably see, we have some new faces with us today. These guys are our fresh meant, and will be rookies this upcoming season. That means that for you veterans, we have four months to whip these guys into shape to make sure that we all don’t humiliate ourselves this season. Don’t let me down.” He gave a general glare that swept over the assembled boys, then smiled widely. “Ok then, let’s get started.”

The next few hours were a series of endless drills, and, true to his word, Coach Kravetz stuck three new forwards with Nikolai. Every time one of the new boys messed up, both the actual offender and Nikolai took a verbal lashing from the coach. By the end of the practice, when they were allowed to trudge into the locker room, he felt beaten down both physically and mentally. He shuffled through the motions of showering and getting himself dressed, hurrying so he could get home and eat quickly, his potential date with Aliya foremost in his exhausted mind.

As he was pulling his pants on, however, one of the new forwards emerged from the shower with a towel around his waist. He had distinguished himself that day as the rookie who’d made the most mistakes, fumbling and tripping everywhere. The majority of Coach Kravetz’s yelling had been directed at him, and by extension, Nikolai. The look in the boy’s eyes shifted from neutral to vindictive in the space of a second as he located his target. Nikolai froze. He recognized that look all too well. It had been aimed at his family many times. He finished adjusting his pants and stood up tall, ready and waiting for what was coming.

The boy smiled nastily. “Ugh, it’s Katsuki-Nikoforov! Guys, better get dressed fast, he’s probably looking at all of your dicks.”

Nikolai picked up his shirt and held it tightly in his fist as the other boys around them stared. “What was your name again? Evgeny Dadonov?” he asked coolly. 

The boy leered. “Why do you know my name? You planning to stalk me, you damn pidor?”

Nikolai gritted his teeth tightly and exhaled his breath quietly before answering, “No, I just wanted to ask what your problem is, Evgeny?”

The boy curled up a lip at him. “My problem is that you’re a fucking pidor. I mean, you’d have to be, right? Being raised by your gay dads, what chance did you ever really have at being normal?”

The blood thrummed through his veins as Nikolai struggled to stay calm. It had been years since he had gotten into a fist fight over his or Aliya’s family, and he was determined to keep it that way as long as possible. He couldn’t let this brat get to him. 

While he was collecting himself, Evgeny clutched his towel to himself dramatically, and said loudly, “You’d better not look at me while I’m changing, pidor. I don’t want anything to do with your gay little fantasies.” Some of the other boys tittered at that. 

Nikolai flushed red with anger. He yanked his shirt over his head, slammed his locker shut, and turned to leave, grabbing his bag. He called over his shoulder, “I’ll just leave then, if you’re too uncomfortable being in front of other guys while you’re changing. See you tomorrow. Oh, and try to bring your talent, Evgeny.” Without turning around, he raised one hand in farewell, and walked swiftly out of the locker room. 

Once he had managed his escape to the outside, he let out his air forcefully. By now he was trembling with anger. That fucking bastard. Why the hell did he know so much about Nikolai? Only a few other players on the team knew about his famous figure skating parents. Had Evgeny looked him up prior to practice, just so he could torture him? He started to walk home, deciding not to try hailing down a ride. Walking would help him blow off some of his pent-up feelings. 

About halfway to his house, he heard the honk of a car behind him, and turned around to see Aliya’s father, Yuri, in a sleek black car, pulling over next to the sidewalk. Surprised, he waved, and walked over to the open car window and bent down.

“Hello, Yuri. What a coincidence running into you here!”

Yuri looked unimpressed, peering at him over the top of his sunglasses. “Yeah, hi, soplyak. What’s going on, you need a ride or something?”

Nikolai hesitated. He had wanted to walk, but he didn’t want to offend Aliya’s papa. The man already didn’t like him. Hesitantly, he replied, “Well, I was kind of walking off some anger. So I think maybe I’ll keep walking?”

Yuri grunted. “Looked like it was something like that. Get in, soplyak. I’ll take you somewhere better for that.”

Nikolai stared at him for a second, and Yuri curled up his lip. “Come on, just get in the damn car.”

Obediently, Nikolai opened the back seat and deposited his gear, struggling a bit to get the bulky hockey bag in the oddly-shaped door. He didn’t miss the tongue click Yuri did at the sight of his equipment. Finally, he managed to get his stuff settled in, and arranged himself into the front seat. Yuri pulled away from the curb, accelerating quickly enough to make his tires squeal a little.

Nikolai jerked backwards, and tried to surreptitiously grab onto the door handle, attempting to make it look as if he was just wanting to casually rest his arm. It had been several years since he had been in a car driven by Yuri, and now he was remembering why his parents had forbidden it in the first place. Yuri drove as if he was in a derby race, weaving in and out of traffic, making the most of his flashy car’s deft breaks and quick acceleration. More than one person honked loudly as they threaded their way through the streets of St. Petersburg. 

Trying to distract himself from the feeling of being on an out-of-control roller coaster, Nikolai attempted to strike up a conversation with Aliya’s surly father. “So, Yuri, where were you headed? Home?”

He grunted. “Yeah.”

Nikolai tried again. “Where were you coming from?”

“Work.”

Why was he so difficult? “Some kind of meeting for the upcoming season?”

“Yeah. They wanted to go over the judging criteria again. As if I haven’t been doing this for longer than some of those brats have been alive.”

Finally, some sort of response. “Any new rules for this year we should know about, Judge Plisetsky?”

Yuri glared at him, nearly clipping another car’s bumper. “And why would you be interested in that, soplyak? It’s not like you skate.”

For some reason, that annoyed him. He still skated, even if it wasn’t figure skating. He chose to ignore the jab, though, instead saying, “It’s just that I watch Aliya’s competitions all the time, so I was curious.”

Yuri glanced sideways at him. “Yeah, you do?”

Nikolai nodded, too embarrassed to expand on his statement. He shouldn’t have admitted that to her father in the first place. Hopefully the blond wouldn’t torture him too much over it.

Instead, however, Yuri simply asked, “So what do you think of her?”

Surprised, Nikolai peeked at Yuri before answering. “I think she’s beautiful. To watch,” he added hastily. “She has this amazing fluidity, but she’s also very precise. It’s obvious that she’s trained very hard.” He paused for a moment. “But beyond that, I think it just makes people happy to watch her skate. When she’s out on the ice, it’s like she’s showcasing her love for it to the whole world, and it makes you kind of want to love it, too.” Suddenly, he realized that he was rambling on like the lovesick idiot he was. He hastily added, “At least, that’s what it looks like.”

Yuri looked him over carefully, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he jerked the wheel, launching them into a swift turn. He pulled into a parking lot and slid into a space, cutting the engine abruptly. “Here we are,” he announced simply.

Nikolai peered out the window, and saw that they had arrived at a small gym. He looked over at Yuri questioningly as he unbuckled. All he got in return was, “Just get out of the car.”

He obediently followed Yuri into the gym, where the older man was greeted enthusiastically by the young lady at the front desk. Her fawning over him marked her as one of Yuri’s many fans, perhaps even one of the famous Angels. Even in his forties, Yuri was quite an attractive man, if Nikolai was honest. He could see why girls went crazy over him and his skating career.

After they escaped the receptionist, Nikolai was led into a room filled with martial arts equipment. Punching bags, dummies, even a small boxing ring with gloves. He looked around the room, then at Yuri. The blond nodded, indicating a large punching bag. “Go for it. Knock yourself out.” It finally dawned on Nikolai that he was intended to relieve his frustration on the punching bag. He stepped up to the bag readily enough, and brought his fists up to his chest. 

Yuri called out, “Wait a second there, soplyak. You need some gloves before you do that, if you don’t want to fuck up your hands.” He walked over to a rack and pulled off a pair of black padded gloves. He tossed them over to Nikolai, who shuffled them on. Nikolai flexed his hands experimentally. The gloves were open on the fingertips, and it felt very foreign to him after the full coverage of his hockey gloves.

Ah, whatever. At least he had gloves on now, and he was ready to beat the shit out of this punching bag. He lined himself up again, and began to hit.

At first, his punches were controlled, methodical. He thought about how he was holding his body, trying to imitate how he had seen boxers punch on TV. After a while, though, he started to loosen up, and he lost whatever attempt at a form he’d had. His anger started to come out, and he began to lash wildly at the bag, imagining Evgeny’s face.

After a few minutes of this, he felt a hand on his shoulder, restraining him from yet another wild punch. He whipped his head around, and suddenly remembered that Yuri had brought him here, and was now standing right behind him. The blond commented mildly, “You’ll want to try to keep some kind of form, or you’re going to mess up something in your body.” He let go of Nikolai’s shoulder and moved around to stand to the side of him. Nikolai resumed his punching, trying to control them a little more again. 

Yuri nodded, then commented, “So, what got you so mad in the first place, anyway?”

Nikolai punched the bag again, and replied sullenly, “I never said I was mad about anything.”

The other man snorted. “Please, I’m married to Beka. Reading through emotional masks like yours is my specialty. Come on kid, what’s your problem?”

He sighed in defeat, and unconsciously paused his hands for a moment. “It wasn’t much. There’s just this new kid on the team, and he was making fun of me. You know, because of my dads.” He stood and stared lifelessly at the bag for a second.

He didn’t see the careful look Yuri regarded him with. “People can be really shitty sometimes, huh?” he asked.

Nikolai’s anger woke him up, and he lashed out viciously at the bag. “Yeah. Really shitty.”

Yuri watched him punch in a flurry for a minute before he spoke again. “You know, you don’t have to pay attention to shitty people like that. People just always feel the need to pick on those who are different from them. They think if they do that, nobody will notice that they’re different, too. I know it’s hard, but try not to take it personally, huh, soplyak? You’ll never be able to get by if you don’t.”

Nikolai’s arms dropped down to his sides as he stared at Yuri in shock. He had never heard such carefully presented advice from the man before. Yuri clicked his tongue at him harshly and looked away, crossing his arms. “Well, that’s the way I see it, anyway. You done now, kid? You look like you’re all punched out.”

To his surprise, Nikolai realized that this was true. His tension was mostly gone, and he felt a lot better. He nodded, peeling off the gloves. “Yeah, I think I’m done. I feel a lot better. We can get going.” He returned the gloves to the rack where Yuri had found them, and the two of them walked to the door, passing the receptionist as quickly as they could. 

When they were inside the car buckling up, Nikolai muttered, “And thanks, Yuri.”

Yuri simply grunted, and turned the car on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation note:
> 
> pidor: a derogatory Russian term used to call someone gay. Comes from the word pederast. My research says that it's usually used to someone that you don't actually think is gay, but that you just want to insult. Seemed fitting for the conversation here.
> 
> General note:
> 
> Also, I'm at the point where I feel the need to say that I do not hold any hateful feelings towards LGBTQ+ people. I'm just trying to create what I imagine to be an accurate world for people with LGBTQ+ families in 25ish years in the future Russia. People being assholes to Nikolai and his loved ones is going to be necessary for his character development. I swear I'm not hating on LGBTQ+ people. Just to be clear.


	6. Chapter 6

The black car pulled up smoothly to Nikolai’s apartment, gliding into a parking space. Nikolai managed to keep himself form directing a surprised look at his driver. He hadn’t thought that Yuri would want to come in. He said nothing, however, simply climbing the stairs with the other blond. When he cracked the door to the apartment open, Makkachin came bounding over for a greeting as usual. Even Yuri reached out and gave him a slight pat on the head. 

As the door shut, Yuuri’s voice came floating out from the kitchen, “Nika, is that you?”

Yuri answered before he could, though. “Yeah, and I’m here too, Katsudon.”

This time, Yuuri’s whole head came from the kitchen as he poked it around the corner. “Ah, Yuri! Welcome! Just you today?”

Yuri grunted. “I brought your brat home. Drove past him on his way here.”

Yuuri smiled gently. “That was awfully kind of you. I’m sure it was nice to have a ride after our jog this morning and hockey practice.”

Nikolai smiled. If Otousan only knew. “Yeah, it was really nice of Yuri.”

Yuri had turned an interesting shade of red by now. “Whatever. It wasn’t a big deal.”

Yuuri replied, “If you say so, but we do appreciate it. Would you like to stay for dinner by any chance, Yuri?”

He shook his head in reply. “I’ve gotta get back home to Beka and Aliya. Thanks anyway, though. When Victor gets his old ass out here, tell him I said hi to him, too.” Yuri raised his hand casually as he opened the door. “See ya.” The door closed softly yet authoritatively behind him.

Yuuri turned his attention to his son instead. “Nika, you thanked Yuri, right?”

Nikolai sighed. “No, Otousan, I kicked him in the shins. Yes, of course I thanked him!”

“You don’t need to be snarky about it.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Don’t take too long. Dinner’s almost ready. Hey, when you’re done with your shower, can you get your papa and bring him with you?”

Nikolai, already walking down the hallway and peeling off his shirt, called back, “Sure, Tousan.”

After his emotionally and physically taxing day, the shower and meal did wonders for Nikolai. Luckily for him, his papa had apparently decided to ignore the scene he had made that morning, and neither of them mentioned it as the family chatted idly around the table.

As he sat with his parents watching TV after clean up, he sighed in the contentment of the moment. But as he pulled out his phone to check his social media, the feeling vanished. It was 19:55. He had completely forgotten to keep an eye on the time. He bolted off of the couch, startling his parents. 

Victor gasped out, “Nika, you startled us! Where are you going?”

He dashed over to the closet to grab his black bag. “I almost forgot, I’m supposed to go meet Aliya in 5 minutes. I’ve got to hurry or I’ll be late.” In his rush, he completely forgot that the acknowledgement of the black bag was supposed to be kept a secret. He shouldered it hurriedly, and blurted out, “So if it’s ok, I’ll be going now, not going far, I’ll be back in a little bit, ok?”

His parents exchanged a look, and his papa looked up at him and nodded. “Go ahead, Nika. Have fun. Just don’t be out too late, ok?”

Nikolai replied, “Yes, Papa. I’ll be back in a while. See you, thank you!” This last bit was practically shouted through the closing door. 

A frantic ten minutes later, Nikolai was bursting into the rink, looking around frantically for Aliya. She was seated on a bench, lacing up her skates. Nikolai breathed a sigh of relief, and attempted to calm his breathing a bit. She didn’t need to know how unsettled he was today, especially about the prospect of this being a potential date. After he had reasonably smoothed himself over, he ambled over to the bench Aliya was sitting on, and arranged himself next to her. “Hey, Aliya,” he said in what he hoped was a casual voice.

She smiled at him, and he felt his heart lighten. “Hi, Kolya. You’re a bit late, aren’t you?”

He hmphed. “Nah, I meant get here now.”

Aliya giggled. “Ok, whatever you say. Just get your skates laced up, ok?”

He pulled his skates out of his bag to comply, and a small gasp came from his friend. He looked at her quizzically.

She stuttered, “It’s just, well, I didn’t think that after last night, you’d want to figure skate. I thought you’d bring your hockey skates, and we’d just lap around the rink or something and talk.”

Nikolai stiffened a bit. “I don’t usually bring my hockey skates here,” he replied evenly. He sighed, and let the tension trickle out of his shoulders. “To tell you the truth, when I come here, it’s so I can figure skate. It just…helps me think. Helps me get the stress out. It’s more complicated than the skating for hockey, and I kinda like that. So…yeah, I’ll figure skate with you. Just for tonight. As long as you don’t make fun of me.” He cringed as soon as that last sentence left his mouth. Could he sound any more like a kindergartener? Great way to get a girl to like him.

Luckily for him, she didn’t seem to notice. She just nodded and replied, “Sounds like a deal, Kolya.” She stood up and walked over to the gate. As she opened it, she turned around and said, “Better hurry up. I’m gonna hold you to that promise.” And then she was off.

For a moment, Nikolai forgot all about his laces as he watched his friend glide around the rink. Even just skating, she was so full of elegance that it was soothing to watch. He managed to snap himself out of his ogling long enough to lace his own skates up and join her on one of her laps past him. 

They skated for a few laps in silence, keeping a steady, comfortable pace between them. After a few laps, Nikolai sighed. “Aliya, I thought we were going to figure skate?”

She looked up at him cautiously. “Is that ok now?”

He offered an ironic smile. “Well, that’s why we’re here, right? So let’s just go. I’ll follow you again.”

Aliya searched his eyes for another second, then nodded and grabbed his hand.

For the next half hour, she led him on a waltz over the ice. They spun, twirled, glided, and danced. About halfway through, Aliya seemed to get bolder, and threw in a double axel. Without hesitation, Nikolai followed her lead, completing the jump as gracefully as she had. After that, she peppered in a few other jumps along with the spins, steps, and periods of simply gliding along together.

Finally, Aliya grabbed hold of his hand again and led him into the center of the ice, striking a pose, and guiding his body into place beside hers. They stood there for a few seconds, breathing hard, until Aliya relaxed her hold on him and stood up normally, panting and grinning. Nikolai couldn’t help but smile back into her bright face. 

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” she asked breathlessly.

Nikolai, still grinning, nodded.

“It was great for me to have some practice with a partner, too. I really need to stay in shape until I can find someone to skate with me.”

The grin flickered and died on Nikolai’s lips. He tried to keep the anger out of his eyes for Aliya’s sake. It wouldn’t do to yell at her two nights in a row. 

But that had hurt. 

So what was he supposed to be, then? Just some cheap replacement until she found the guy she actually wanted to be with? Had she suggested that they meet tonight just so she could have someone to put her through a practice routine? Was that all that he was to her? 

At least his questions about this being a possible date were answered now.

Aliya had looked away from him, so luckily she didn’t notice his change of expression. She turned towards the gate and tugged on the hand that was still linked to hers. “Come on, Kolya. That’s enough for one night. We should both head back home.”

Even the skin where their hands were touching felt cold to Nikolai as he followed behind her. He had thought they’d connected out there on the ice, coming together and splitting apart, fleeting moments of skin touching skin, heat on heat. Apparently he was the only one who had thought that, though. She’d just been using him as a temporary stand-in.

He had a hard time concentrating as he began to undo his laces, using the last of his mental power to keep his anger and emotions from spilling out on his friend. He vaguely noted that Aliya was chattering about something, but had no idea what it was. 

As he was putting his skates into his bag, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he looked around and into Aliya’s worried sapphire eyes. “Kolya, is something wrong? Did I do something to make you upset?”

Crap. Of course she would notice. He’d never been able to hide his emotions from her, not since they had been kids. 

Still, he gave a forced smile and replied, “Nope, I’m fine. Well, Aliya, thanks for coming to meet me, and not being upset about last night. I’ll see you.” And, without waiting for her answer, he turned around.

Aliya called after him, though. “Hey, Kolya. For the record, I never planned to make fun of you for figure skating at all. I just love watching the way you skate.”

He paused, the door to the arena partially open. Without turning around, he said softly, “Thanks.” Then he walked out of the rink without looking back.

And tormented himself every step of the way home.


	7. Chapter 7

When Nikolai finally got home that night, he felt like he had been beaten up by the entire Russian army. Between practice the last two days, his morning jog with Otousan, his sparring session with Yuri, and figure skating two nights in a row, his body was at its absolute limit. He barely managed to make it to his bed before he collapsed into it and fell asleep.

Thankfully, he had a repeating alarm set to wake him up in time for hockey practice. Still, he didn’t even hear the first time it went off, and slept until it timed out and repeated its wake-up call. Groggily, he got up and changed, deciding that it wasn’t worth it to shower again until after practice, despite the sweat that had stayed on him overnight. He shuffled into the bathroom as fast as he could convince his body to move, hastily brushed his teeth, and splashed some cold water on his face. That helped wake him up a bit, and he hurried to gather his hockey bag and gear together. He was so quick that his papa didn’t make it out to the kitchen doorway to greet him until Nikolai was already shoving his shoes on. 

“Hey there, Nika,” Victor greeted his son. “Running a bit late for practice today, huh?”

“Da, Papa. I woke up late.”

“Well, I’m headed out to the federation today to do some work. I was planning on leaving in a couple minutes, want me to give you a ride?”

Nikolai looked at him dubiously. “I don’t know, Papa. Are you actually leaving in a couple minutes, or do you still need to get ready?”

Victor swept his hand up and down, indicating his outfit. “No, look, I’m wearing a suit and everything. I’ll just go grab my coffee cup right now, and then we’ll go, ok?”

Nikolai nodded and sat down in a chair closest to the door. “Ok, just hurry up.”

A silvery laugh threaded its way into the living room. “All right, all right, I’m coming.” Victor followed his voice out of the kitchen a moment later as he reappeared holding a mug of coffee. “See, it was all ready to go. So come on, let’s go get in the car.”

A few minutes later, they were seated in Victor’s pink convertible, on their way to the hockey rink. A silence stretched between the two of them. Ever since Nikolai had started competing seriously in hockey, he’d felt like he had less and less to talk about with his papa. The times like this, when they were alone, he had a hard time even coming up with a topic. He supposed that wasn’t unusual, since they had virtually nothing in common. Victor loved figure skating, had dedicated his whole life to it, and Nikolai despised the sport, choosing hockey instead. Victor was in a happy gay marriage, and was very open with that fact, while Nikolai was embarrassed by their relationship and did his best to hide it from the world. Victor was always happy, always seeing the best in everything, and Nikolai had been steadily growing more and more bitter towards the world as a whole. Nikolai felt like there wasn’t anything that his papa could truly understand about him, and that made small talk very difficult for him.

Luckily, Victor broke the silence first. “So, Nika, you feeling ready for practice?”

Nikolai bristled a little. “Why wouldn’t I be? I can handle hockey practice, you know.”

“I know, you’re a very capable person. I’m just asking because you look worn-out. Did the coaches work you pretty hard yesterday?”

Not this nagging again. “It was just Coach Kravetz. The others are out for a few days,” he responded, purposely avoiding the subject of his energy level.

“Hmm. Oh, didn’t you mention that you had some rookies come in yesterday?”

Nikolai nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Victor prodded, “How did they do? Any of them look like they’ll be any good?”

An image of Evgeny’s sneer appeared in Nikolai’s head, and he snapped, “I don’t know, Papa. I’m not a coach, I just go out there and do what I’m told. I’m not there to assess how everyone else is doing. I’m just trying to do the best I can.”

Victor turned his head slightly and regarded his son out of the corner of his eye. Whatever he saw there must have subdued him, since he faced back forward and simply said, “I see. Sorry, Nika. I was just curious. I know I don’t know much about hockey, other than what I’ve gathered from watching your games, but I still want to know about things that are important to you.”

Nikolai muttered, “Yeah, I know you don’t know anything about hockey.”

His papa flinched a little, but chose to drop the conversation at that point. They drove the remaining few minutes to the rink in a silence that had now become uncomfortable. 

As Victor pulled over to let Nikolai out, he said quietly to his son, “I love you, Nika. Have a good day today. Let me know when you’re done with practice, I might be able to pick you up, too.”

Nikolai instantly felt shame for how he had treated his papa. Refusing to meet his eyes, he clambered out of the car, and shut then door before replying, “Thanks, Papa.” He turned around to enter the arena, carefully not looking anywhere near the car as it revved its engine and drove away.

As Nikolai walked to the door, he heard a derisive voice call out his name behind him. “Hey, Katsuki-Nikiforov!”

He turned around to locate the source of the voice, and saw Evgeny walking towards him with that unbearable smirk on his face.

Shit. What did the little brat want now, of all times? Between his exhaustion and mental state, he was beyond dealing with this asshole right now. He gritted his teeth together and chose to say nothing, simply waiting for Evgeny to finish whatever the hell he was going to say.

He didn’t have to wait long. “What the hell is up with that car? Does your dad really want to announce that he’s gay that badly? I mean, shit, everyone already knows that he’s a goluboy without him driving that all over St. Petersburg. Your dads have never exactly been subtle about that, have they?” A couple of other rookies walking with Evgeny snickered nastily.

Fury welled up inside of Nikolai, but he just barely managed to keep himself from flying at the smug teen and whaling on him. Instead, he turned around and continued walking into the building. 

Evgeny called from behind him, “Why are you walking away? You wanna show me your ass like your dads do for each other at night? Sorry, but I don’t fuck guys.”

He felt the snap inside of his chest before he consciously realized what he was going to do. Dropping his equipment, he whirled around, and darted at the other boy. Evgeny barely had time to register surprise before Nikolai’s fist was smashing into his face. He went flying backwards, one of his friends darting out to catch him before he fully hit the ground. Nikolai’s fist was raised again, ready to deliver a second punch, when a hard hand caught him by the bicep. He whirled around, a snarl on his face that died out when he saw Coach Kravetz standing there.

“Oh, Coach…I didn’t know you were there.”

Coach Kravetz thundered, “I know you didn’t. Neither of you saw me, or realized that I witnessed the entire thing. That’s your only saving grace in this, Katsuki-Nikiforov. Now both of you, get your asses out of here! I don’t want to see either of you on my rink today! Come back tomorrow when you’ve learned how to work with your teammates!” He released Nikolai’s arm and gave him a little shove in the direction of the road, directing a glare at Evgeny at the same time. At least the other boy had the sense not to protest, holding a hand to his face. Blood was trickling out sluggishly between his fingers, but Nikolai couldn’t tell exactly where it was coming from. And he honestly didn’t care. He went back to grab his stuff and strode quickly towards the sidewalk, not looking at any of the assembled boys.

By the time Nikolai arrived home, he had walked off the heat of his anger, but the deeper resentment from Evgeny’s words still smoldered under his skin like a volcano waiting to erupt. He vaguely realized he’d have to do something about that. 

So he did the only thing he could think to do. He opened his door, dumped his hockey stuff on the floor, went to the closet and grabbed his black bag, and left, slamming the door a little bit behind him. He allowed his feet to carry him mindlessly to the ice skating rink, doing his best to think about nothing at all but the cool, unbiased ice. 

As soon as he cracked open the door, however, he realized that he had made a mistake. He had completely forgotten that it was the middle of the day, and that of course the area would be in full use. 

Unfortunately, the receptionist sitting at the desk noticed him, and smiled in welcome. “Nikolai, good morning! I haven’t seen you here for a while! How are you?”

Crap. “I’m doing fine, Emiliya,” he responded as neutrally as possible.

Luckily for him, she simply continued talking, “If you’re looking for your father, he’s with his class right now. They should be done pretty soon, though, if you want to go wait.”

Nikolai cursed internally. There was no helping it now. If he left, Emiliya would tell his otousan that he’d been there, but not come in to say hi, and there would be all sorts of questions to deal with when he got home. So he forced a smile on his face and replied, “Ok, thank you. I’ll head on in then.” Reluctantly, he shifted his shoulder strap and headed in to the rink.

Emiliya proved to be correct. When he entered, there were several children packing up their bags, laughing and talking to the parents who were hovering over them. Nikolai swept the area with his gaze, but didn’t find his otousan among them. Then he noticed that there were still people on the ice. His otousan was standing in front of a small boy with long, dark hair, talking seriously to him. The little head nodded earnestly, and Yuuri reached out to ruffle his hair, smiling fondly. Oddly, Nikolai found that the motion gave him a small stab of jealousy. The little boy skated off the ice quickly, and Yuuri looked up, his eyes almost immediately connecting with Nikolai’s. His face showed first surprise, then delight. 

Yeah, there was definitely no running away now.

Yuuri skimmed over the ice, seeming to be more a part of it than on top of it as he approached. Nikolai doubted that his otousan even had any idea how he really looked when he was on the ice. He’d seen both of his parents figure skate, and had seen videos of them back when they were in competition, and they both shone like the international champions that they were. But Nikolai had always preferred watching his otousan. There was something about his natural grace that drew his eyes. He had mentioned this to his papa once when he was very young, watching Yuuri do a charity exhibition skate. Victor had simply chuckled and replied, “Yes, isn’t Otousan the most beautiful person in the world?” And, watching his otousan in that moment, Nikolai hadn’t had any other words to add to that statement. It was true.

None of that had been lost with time, and the Yuuri skating over to his son was just as beautiful on the ice as he had been in his heyday. Even if he was oblivious to it.

Yuuri reached the gate, leaned on it, and smiled warmly at Nikolai. “What are you doing here, Nika? It’s unusual for you to stop by.” A frown flickered over his features. “Actually, aren’t you supposed to be at practice right now? Is everything ok?” His eyes took in Nikolai’s form, and rested briefly on the black bag before coming back to his face.

Nikolai looked down at his shoes and mumbled, “Yeah, that’s where I’m supposed to be.”

A moment of silence. Then Yuuri asked gently, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Nikolai shook his head at his feet.

“Ok. Well, I have some free time now, so nobody will be on the ice for about an hour until my last class, and then after that the pros will start coming in. So I was thinking I might just skate around a little by myself. Any interest in getting a pair of skates and joining me?”

Still wordless, Nikolai hesitated, then gave a small nod to the ground.

“All right. I’ll be waiting out there, then.” A warm hand reached out and ruffled his short hair. That finally got Nikolai to look up, and his otousan winked at him, then headed back out to trace lazy, meandering shapes on the ice.

Nikolai went over to a bench, sitting down just as the last family left the rink, leaving a sudden deafening silence in their wake. He laced up his skates almost ponderously, taking his time rising to his feet and making his way out onto the ice.

As soon as his blades touched the frozen surface, Nikolai let out a sigh. This was better. Just being on the ice was soothing to his soul. He pushed off, gliding slowly as he allowed his body to be manipulated by the ice more than his own will. Yuuri slowed down as he was about to pass Nikolai, and matched his pace to Nikolai’s mindless slide across the surface.

Several minutes later, Nikolai finally came back to himself a little bit, and looked over at his otousan sheepishly. Yuuri was patiently keeping speed with his son, and looked for all the world as if he always skated that slowly for pleasure all the time. Despite himself, Nikolai smiled, and blurted out, “Thanks, Otousan.”

Yuuri smiled gently. “What for, Nika?”

“For just being with me like this. I needed it.”

He could hear the smile in his otousan’s voice as he said, “I could tell.” The smile left as he asked gently, “Want to talk about it now? Did you get hurt at practice or something?”

Nikolai sighed. “I never even made it inside the building.” He resolutely kept his gaze forward as he continued, “There’s this new player, and he’s been a real jerk to me the past couple of days. Yesterday after practice, he said something to me about the two of you. I ignored it and left, but then this morning Papa dropped me off for practice.” A small hum of understanding came from his otousan, and if he hadn’t been so upset, Nikolai would have laughed. His papa’s pink convertible was semi-famous in St. Petersburg, attracting a lot of attention everywhere they went. It had been the source of more than a few discussions between his parents, as his otousan loathed public attention nearly as much as his papa loved it. 

Nikolai continued, “Yeah, you can imagine how that went. He made fun of you guys again, and, well…I may have ended up hitting him.”

A sigh. “Oh, Nika.”

“…in the face.”

“Ohhh, Nika.”

“I know. I would have hit him again, too, but Coach Kravetz was there. He saw everything, so we both got sent home for the day.”

Their skates swished serenely over the ice in the silence of the next few moments, belying the rage in Nikolai’s heart as he recalled Evgeny’s words.

Yuuri broke the silence by commenting thoughtfully, “Well, Nika, I can’t say that I approve of you hitting that other boy. You know how I feel about using violence that way.” 

Yes, Nikolai did. Whenever he’d gotten in a scuffle over his parents as a child, his papa had always been the one to do the actual punishing, although he’d always give his son a proud smile when his otousan wasn’t looking. Otousan, on the other hand, had never taken much part in parenting these incidents, but Nikolai had never once missed the sad, disappointed look in his otousan’s eyes when he had come home bruised and bloody once again. 

“But, I have always been proud of your ability to stand up for those you love, without hesitation.”

This startled Nikolai into finally looking at his otousan. Yuuri was smiling softly back. “You’re much braver than I am, Nika. I’ve always admired that. You and Papa are just the same that way, always ready to take on the world, kicking and screaming, for the people you love. Aki, too, for that matter.”

Nikolai was shocked. He’d never really thought about it that way before. He and Papa, alike? He mulled that over as they continued their laps around the ice. He glanced over at Yuuri, who wore a placid, bland look. He decided to take a chance and ask about the other matter on his mind.

“Otousan?”

“Yes?”

He took a deep breath. “So last night, you know how I went out to meet Aliya?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we came here.”

“Oh?”

Nikolai glanced over, but his otousan’s face was still steadily passive. He continued, “She wanted to figure skate. So I did.”

He paused, hoping his otousan would say something. Yuuri seemed to pick up on this, and asked mildly, “How was that?”

Nikolai thought about that. “It was…actually a lot of fun,” he admitted. “It was like when we were kids.” He frowned. “But then, when we were leaving, she said that it was nice to have someone to practice with while she’s looking for a new partner, and thanked me for practicing with her. And, I don’t know, it just kind of felt like she had been using me, and here I’d been thinking we were just out together having fun. I don’t know.”

Yuuri hummed sympathetically. “I can imagine that probably hurt.”

“Well, yeah!”

“Nika, I understand why you’d feel that way, but I don’t think Aliya meant to treat you like that at all. She just isn’t the type of girl who would take advantage of her friends.”

Nikolai laughed bitterly. “I thought so too, Otousan, but that’s what she said to me. Maybe she doesn’t think of me as a friend anymore, maybe she just thinks of me as someone to use.”

Yuuri shook his head, “Nika, I’m telling you, you have to talk to people about issues you have with them. I never used to talk to your papa about anything that bothered me, and it got us into a lot of trouble. It’s really only because of his patience˗and, frankly, his stubbornness˗that we ever made it. It’s especially important when the person is someone special to you.”

Nikolai sputtered, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Yuuri chuckled. “I just know that you and Aliya have always been close. You don’t want to lose her, do you?”

The words hit Nikolai hard in the chest. No. No, he didn’t want to lose her. 

The next few laps were passed in silence as Nikolai mulled the matter over. As they were passing the gate, he quietly said, “Otousan? Can you do me a favor?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation note:
> 
> goluboy: derogatory word to reference gay people. Seems to be roughly equivalent to "faggot"
> 
> Aaaand THE CAR has made an appearance! Because we all know that car from the official art was definitely Victor's. No doubt.
> 
> Also, I felt like a total ass writing Evegny in this, but again, it's necessary for dat character development.
> 
> At any rate, in case you haven't pieced it all together, here is a listing of what our favorite dad pairs are doing after retiring from skating:
> 
> Otabek: coaching, specifically Aliya and her partner.  
> Yurio: judging, men's singles.  
> Yuuri: teaching small kiddos figure skating, and passing on promising ones to professional coaches.  
> Victor: works at the FSFR (Figure Skating Federation of Russia), specifically St. Petersburg division. He sometimes has to travel for this, but not too often, as he avoids being away from his family as much as possible. He does some general office work, helps with regulations, etc., as well as helps manage the official ice rinks of the FSFR in St. Petersburg.  
> BONUS: Makkachin: IS BEING PERPETUALLY ALIVE.


	8. Chapter 8

Later that night, Nikolai stood once again in the middle of the ice rink, this time waiting by himself. He practiced the motion that his otousan had shown him earlier that day, nervously keeping himself busy as he waited. 

He was mid-action when he heard the door to the rink clatter shut, and he spun around to see Aliya standing there, holding a duffel bag. When their eyes met, she smiled, and Nikolai’s heart skipped a beat. He smiled back, his nerves surging in an uncontrollable arc. He managed to push them down enough to call to her, “Hey, you made it!”

She laughed. “Of course I did! You invited me here.” She sat down on a bench and began to change her shoes.

He skated over to the fence to wait for her. He didn’t realize he had been watching her until she looked up and giggled at him. “Kolya, they won’t go on any faster if you stand there and monitor me.”

Nikolai blushed, and turned away. “Ah, sorry. I’ll just go wait over there, then.”

Her laugh surrounded him. “Hold on, I was kidding. I’m done.” She stood and came over to him, opening the gate. “Let’s get going, shall we?”

Nikolai took a deep, steadying breath, and reached out to grab Aliya’s hand. She looked up at him, startled, with a tinge of a rose on her cheeks. The color was so pretty on her skin, that Nikolai lost himself in studying it for a second. He managed to shake himself out of it, though, and gave her an unsteady smile. “Follow me today,” he said, and took off, pulling her gently along with him. 

Aliya chuckled softly at his side. “Of course, Kolya,” she replied simply. The statement made a shiver run down his spine. The openness between them felt palpable to him. He reveled in it, and decided that now was the moment to execute his plan. 

He reversed their direction around the curve of the rink, gathering speed. When they were pulling out of the curve, he directed her, “Aliyen’ka, give me a single Lutz.”

She looked up at him, nodded, and executed the jump. In that moment, he felt her raw trust like a tangible object. As she jumped, he placed a hand under her upper arm, and, using the height of her takeoff, placed his other hand beneath her thigh, lifting her over his head.

Seemingly out of reflex, Aliya arched her body in the position for a Lutz lift, staring down at him in shock. He smiled back, counted out three seconds in his head, and gently set her down. Again, she executed the landing perfectly, raising one leg behind her delicately and extending her body out from his hand. Then she ground to a halt, almost causing the two of them to run into each other. She stood there for a few moments, staring up at him, her mouth hanging open slightly. Nikolai shifted in place nervously, sliding one skate back and forth on the ice in what would have been a shuffle with regular shoes. 

The tension grew too much to bear. He blurted out, “Come on, Aliya, say something!”

Her mouth worked fruitlessly for a couple syllables, then she stuttered, “That…that was…awesome!”

Joy tingled cautiously at the tips of his fingers. “Yeah? I didn’t mess it up too bad?”

She clapped her hands together in delight, bouncing in place a little bit on the ice. “Are you kidding? Kolya, that was wonderful! It was almost perfect! Where in the world did you learn how to do a lift?”

Nikolai raked a hand through his blond hair sheepishly. “I asked Otousan to help teach me some lifts earlier today. He said he’d only teach me one at a time, though, so that’s the only one I know.” He looked into her face earnestly. “But I’d be willing to learn more. I want to be able to help you. You know, while you look for a partner.”

He’d thought about it yesterday, and decided that, while it hurt to be used, it was worth it to be with Aliya. Every time he had watched her in competition being lifted and touched by Mischa, he had burned with jealousy. This way, if he learned some lifts and could be useful to her, he could be the one touching her. Even if it was only temporary, until she found someone who would actually suit her, then so be it. Although his pride was injured, when it really came down to it, there wasn’t any injury, emotional or otherwise, that he wouldn’t go through for Aliya. 

And so, when he’d been alone with his otousan earlier, they had practiced the Lutz lift, rehearsing the motion over and over, trying to make it perfect for Aliya. He had practiced with a focused desperation. He had been given a chance to be close to her again after two long years, and he’d be damned if he let the chance get away.

Judging by the look on Aliya’s face, his work and determination had paid off. She positively glowed as she reached up and touched his cheek gently. 

Was this girl trying to kill him?

“Kolya, I don’t know what to say. You did this for me, even though you hate skating. Are you sure you’re ok being my partner? At least for a little while,” she added hastily.

That nipped at his hurt emotions a bit, but he ignored it. He had already decided to sacrifice his feelings, and he wouldn’t look back now. “Yeah,” he responded softly, looking down at her. He was fairly sure her eyes were the prettiest things in the world.

She stepped back from him and grinned, breaking the magic of the moment. “Ok, then, let’s get started!”

He blinked dumbly at the sudden change in mood. “What?” he asked groggily.

Aliya grabbed his hand. “Well, we can’t practice with just one lift, can we? We have to get started on teaching you some other ones.” She smiled happily up at him. He’d been wrong. Her smile was the prettiest thing in the world. “Come on, Kolya,” she laughed, tugging him back out onto the frozen surface.

And, like the lovesick idiot he was, he followed obediently.

A couple hours later, Aliya announced that they had done enough for one night. They both plopped heavily onto a bench together, breathing hard. By now, Nikolai felt his exhaustion in his very bones, but then Aliya gave him a look of pure adoration and whispered, “Thank you.”

His heart fluttered rapidly. He allowed himself a moment of open honesty, and gazed back into her face with a tender look of his own. “No problem, Aliyen’ka. Would you like to practice tomorrow night too, then?”

She blinked at him. No, he’d been wrong again. Her eyelashes were the prettiest things in the world. A slow smile kindled on her face. “Sure, Kolya.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next week, Nikolai’s days fell into a comfortable pattern. He went to hocky practice during the day, and at night, he met Aliya quietly at the rink and practiced lift after lift. Despite his constant state of muddled exhaustion, he felt like he was floating around through the air. He had barely seen Aliya for the past two years, and had been simply pining for her from a distance. Now, he was seeing her every night, alone, and the difference felt like he had been drowning, but had finally managed to break through the surface to gasp gulp after gulp of sweet air. He even told himself that he stopped caring about being used by his friend as a stand-in. He simply basked in the reality of being with her. 

The only dark spot in his happiness was Evgeny. They’d both returned to practice the day after their fight, and the other boy had been giving Nikolai dirty looks everywhere they went. Coach Kravetz, however, had been keeping a close eye on their little squad of forwards, so nothing had really come of his behavior. By the end of the week, Nikolai had dismissed the whole situation, choosing to focus on his time with Aliya instead of worrying about whether or not Evgeny still had a stick up his ass. 

In the end, that was what proved to be his undoing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter. Drama starting next chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

Nikolai floated into the building for the last day of hockey practice that week. He’d had a particularly productive night with Aliya, finally perfecting a one-handed axel lift after much practice. He hardly even noticed Evgeny’s dirty look until the other boy knocked into his shoulder in the locker room. Nikolai, however, chose to ignore this escalation. He was simply too happy to worry about Evgeny’s bad attitude towards his family. He didn’t see the dark shadow that passed over the other boy’s face as he ignored the jab and simply walked past him out towards the rink.

Coach Kravetz looked up as Nikolai entered and nodded at him. “Katsuki-Nikiforov, there you are! I’m counting on you today to run some shooting drills with the forwards. Think you can do that?”

Nikolai, deeply honored by his coach’s brusque, unspoken confidence in him, yelled back, “Yes, Coach!”

He gathered the rest of the forwards together on one side of the rink and got ready to set up their first drill, but realized that someone was missing. He took quick stock of the players around him, and sighed when he realized who was missing. Evgeny. He cast his gaze around the rink, and quickly located the boy in question, sitting on a bench, watching him closely with a nasty expression on his face. Nikolai sighed internally. Why did this guy always have to be starting shit? Resigned, he skated over to the gate and called, “Evgeny, get out here! Coach Kravetz wants us to run some shooting drills, and we’re waiting for you!”

Evgeny sneered. “Yeah, I heard. I just don’t get why I have to listen to some fucking pidor. I came to this team to learn from the coaches, not from you.”

This brat had a way of making Nikolai’s blood simmer. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, Evgeny, but until next week, Coach Kravetz is by himself, and in case you haven’t noticed, we have over 30 guys here that need to be trained before we start having games in a few months, including complete newbies like you who can’t tell the puck from their own asses. So yeah, you’re going to have to work with me for a little bit, and you’ll just have to figure out some way to deal with that. Now get your ass out here with everyone else who actually wants to be on this team.”

The two boys glared at each other for a few tense seconds, until Evgeny guffawed and stood up. “Fine. I guess since today’s the last day I’ll have to show you how to play hockey, I can deal with it for now.” He slammed the gate open and went to join the rest of the forwards. Nikolai watched him go, half wearily and half angrily. What the hell was his problem? Trying to shake the incident off, he went over to join his group and get them set up for their drill.

The rest of the team offered no resistance to Nikolai’s leadership, and fell into place quickly to start shooting. Nikolai stood off to one side of the shooting line in order to watch the other players for a few rounds, planning to join them after he had assessed each person. He was wrapped up in his observations, and failed to notice the gleam in Evgeny’s eyes as the other boy drew closer and closer to having his turn in line. 

He was watching the previous player as he went on to the second drill station when Evgeny stepped up to the line and pulled back his stick with a wicked grin. At the sound of the puck dropping behind him, Nikolai turned around in surprise, about to ask the errant player to wait his turn. Instead, he was met by a hockey stick connecting solidly with his left shoulder. 

Nikolai fell backwards onto the ice, gasping for breath, head reeling from the pain in his shoulder. He glared up at the boy standing over him. “What the hell was that, Evgeny? You know better than to high-stick like that! Learn some damn control!”

Evgeny’s face twisted into a delighted sneer. “What the fuck did you just say to me, jackass? You saying that I don’t know how to control my stick?” He leaned forward and grabbed Nikolai’s jersey, hauling him heavily up onto his feet. Nikolai barely had time to register the sensation of motion before a fist was connecting heavily with his smarting shoulder. He barked in pain, and reached up with his other hand to grab Evgeny’s arm that was still holding him suspended on the ice. He only had time to glare at the other boy before the fist was connecting with his shoulder yet again. This time, Nikolai cried out, feeling ashamed of the noise as soon as it left his mouth. What an unmanly reaction. His shame fueled his anger, and he lashed out with his right fist, connecting solidly with Evgeny’s cheek. 

By now, the other players around them were raising a commotion, calling for Coach Kravetz as they rushed over to break up the fight between the two boys. The others managed to pry them apart, and their coach appeared moments later, sliding to a stop in between them. He yelled at them, “What the hell is going on with you two? Can’t I leave you alone for one damn day without you getting into a fist fight? What happened here?”

One of the other players volunteered an answer. “Coach, Evgeny hit Nikolai with his stick, then started punching him. Didn’t hear why though, just saw it happen.”

Coach Kravetz glared at Evgeny. “That true, Dadonov? What have you got to say for yourself?”

Evgeny glared at the coach and spat some blood out on the ice in front of him. “I don’t have anything to say. That damn asshole was asking for it.”

Coach Kravetz eyed him for a second, then shook his head. “Dadonov, I’ve tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you’ve been nothing but trouble since you’ve started. You don’t even try to get along with the other players, and seem to have some sort of weird grudge against Katsuki-Nikiforov. You have absolutely no sense of teamwork. Beyond that, you don’t have much talent to speak of. I had hoped that pairing you with more experienced players might show you what you’re lacking, but I can’t help you if you refuse to accept it. Dadonov, get your ass out of here. You’re off the team.”

Evgeny stared at the coach for a second, then laughed bitterly. “I don’t get it. You all stick up for that damn pidor. Well, whatever. I guess it’s not my problem anymore. You can all fuck each other or whatever makes you happy. I’m out of here.” He yanked himself out of the restraining arms of the other boys, and stalked off the ice as best as he could in skates.

Coach Kravetz sighed and turned to Nikolai. “Sorry about that, Katsuki-Nikiforov. You ok?”

Nikolai, shocked by the whole display, hadn’t really thought too much about his own state. He was just about to reassure his coach that he was fine, but when he opened his mouth to do so, a strangled noise came out instead. He was suddenly aware of a severe pain emanating from his left shoulder. He looked at it with mild surprise, and turned to his coach. “I think maybe I’d better get my shoulder checked out, Coach,” he stated.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours and several x-rays later, Nikolai and Victor sat in the bright pink convertible on their way back to their apartment. The doctor had diagnosed Nikolai with a grade I sprain in his shoulder, and he had been given strict orders to stay away from hockey for at least the next week. After that, he was to go back to the doctor to see if he could be allowed to play again. Until then, however, he had been sent home with a sling and a bottle of anti-inflammatory pills. 

When his papa had been called to the ice rink, Nikolai had immediately felt the chill of his anger the second he had entered the room where the physical therapist was waiting with him. With his podium smile, Victor had coolly demanded to have the coach called into the room. Only Coach Kravetz’s obvious anger at the situation had saved him from the full wrath of Nikolai’s papa. However, that hadn’t been enough to allow him to escape unscathed. Nikolai had sat, stunned, as Victor detailed exactly what legal action he could and would take against the team, the league, and Coach Kravetz himself if a proper apology wasn’t issued in a timely manner from both the coach and Evgeny. When he was done with his icy tirade, Victor had whisked Nikolai away swiftly to his car, not even bothering to look back at the destruction left in his wake.

Once they were out of the building, Victor turned to Nikolai, and the difference was like winter and spring. His cold anger evaporated, and his eyes melted into puppy-like worry. He fawned over Nikolai all the way to the doctor’s, asking him repeatedly if he was ok, and if Nikolai needed anything. Once at the doctor’s office, however, he had returned to his businesslike persona, swiftly ordering tests and treatment. Sitting in the car with him now, Nikolai’s head still spun at the way Victor had handled the situation. Sure, Nikolai had seen his papa in action before when his family had been shamed in public, but usually his otousan was there to gently lead the children away from the inevitable scene that always ensued. This was the first time Nikolai had been left to witness the entire thing up-close, and despite his embarrassment, he was very impressed and touched by the way his papa had unflinchingly gone to bat to defend his son. He sneaked a look over at Victor, and took note of the hard line in his jaw. Maybe he had misjudged his papa. He sure didn’t seem feminine at all now.

Victor noticed him looking, and turned towards him, smiling gently. “How are you feeling now, Nika? Any better with those pills?”

Nikolai, embarrassed to be caught looking at his papa, flipped his head to look out his side of the convertible. “Yeah, Papa. I’m doing ok. Honestly, it’s not all that terrible. I feel kinda bad making a fuss over something like this.”

His papa practically squawked in indignation. “Don’t say that, Nika! Your health is the most important thing here! That other boy had no right to treat you like that! Besides, you aren’t going to be able to play hockey for at least a week. He should have to answer to you for that, too. He robbed you of something that you love, and that is unacceptable.”

That startled Nikolai into looking back at his papa. Victor, however, was looking forward again by now, although that grim set had returned to his jaw. Nikolai was hit by a sudden surge of love. He had never known that his papa cared about his hockey at all. He had always seemed to be upset whenever Nikolai played, but now here he was, getting angry over him having to miss the sport. 

Nikolai smiled. He couldn’t help it. “Papa, I thought you didn’t like my hockey,” he said.

Victor glanced over at Nikolai, confusion in his eyes. “Why would you think that?” he asked.

“Well…it’s just, whenever you were at my games, you always had this look on your face. You know, like you were mad, or disappointed, or something.”

“Oh, Nika!” his papa protested. “I never felt like that! I’ve always been very proud of you, and what you’ve accomplished. I know that you’ve worked very hard to get where you are. And when you made it into the MHL, it was so amazing! Your otousan and I have never been anything but proud of you.” He sighed heavily, and a complicated expression settled onto his face. “Honestly, I didn’t realize that you were so perceptive of my emotions. I’ve just never been able to shake the feeling that you were looking for something more. You always loved figure skating, and you showed such immense talent for it, even at a young age. Then, when you quit so suddenly, I always felt like…oh, I don’t know, like you were using hockey as a replacement. It always made me feel a little sad when I watched you play hockey. Like you had given up something that you loved.” He shot Nikolai a careful look out of the side of his eyes. “But, Nika, I know that you love hockey now, too, and it makes me angry that someone has taken that away from you.”

Nikolai sat quietly for a while, mulling over his papa’s words. Was he right? Nikolai had certainly chosen hockey because he felt like he couldn’t figure skate anymore. His papa wasn’t wrong about that. He’d given up something that he loved, something that had made him happy, because he’d made a choice to protect himself and his family. And, sure, sometimes when he played hockey, he couldn’t help but miss figure skating. It was days like that, when playing a game wasn’t enough, that he found himself out on the rink at night, flying over the ice with a double Lutz. 

But until now, he had never really thought about his happiness. Over time, he had genuinely come to like hockey. He liked that it was inherently masculine, and the camaraderie he shared with his teammates when they won or lost a game was something he enjoyed very much. But, now that he was really thinking about it, he wasn’t sure if it was the same overwhelming feeling of joy he experienced when he executed a perfect spin combination.

He stayed silent the rest of the way home. His papa seemed to sense his musing and didn’t interrupt. His quiet reflection was broken the second they arrived home, however. Makkachin’s frantic greeting alerted his otousan to their arrival, and he came flying from the kitchen, worry etched all over his face. Nikolai found himself being patted all over by concerned hands as his otousan peered carefully into his face. “Nika, are you ok? Did you get hurt anywhere else? Did the doctors check you out for other injuries? How’s your shoulder doing? Does it still hurt? Do you need anything?”

His papa laughed fondly. “Yuuri, luybov moya, he’s doing just fine. I made sure that the doctor looked him over thoroughly.”

Nikolai smiled. “Da, Otousan, I’m ok now. It wasn’t really all that bad. I’ll be ok in a couple weeks, so I only have to miss hockey practice for a week or two. It doesn’t even hurt all that much anymore.”

His otousan gave him a dubious look, but allowed his hands to fall to his sides. “You say that, but your arm’s in a sling, Nika.”

Nikolai opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by a worried voice in the hallway behind him. “Nika, are you ok? I came over when I heard that my baby brother got hurt. How bad is it?” He turned around, resigned, to see Aki standing in the still-open doorway. 

Victor chuckled and said, “While this display of family affection is all very adorable, perhaps we should move it inside the apartment?”

Yuuri blushed and stammered, “O-oh, yes, of course, Vitya. Aki, Nika, come on in, let’s close the door. I’ll make us some food. What would everyone like?”

His family trickled into the apartment, chatting about what to have for dinner. Nikolai closed the door behind them, and turned around to watch the three of them talking together. He smiled softly, and privately thought to himself that it was worth all the sprained shoulders in the world to protect these people that he loved.

Aki turned around and said impatiently, “Hey, Nika, are you going to join us? Otousan and I haven’t fussed over you nearly enough. Now come on, get over here!”

Nikolai smiled at her. “Yeah, Nee-chan, I’m coming.”


	10. Chapter 10

After dinner and the promised fussing over Nikolai, his family sat in front of the TV, watching some lame spy movie that his papa had chosen. Nikolai had been through a hectic day, and was starting to give in to his inclination to fall asleep when his phone rang. He jolted awake and scrabbled around for it, while Aki giggled. He finally managed to locate the phone and answered it, glaring at his sister. “Yeah, hello?”

“Kolya? Are you ok?”

The frantic voice on the other end of the phone startled him. His hazy mind had failed to notice the name on the caller ID, so he hadn’t expected Aliya to be calling him, especially with such a panicked note in her voice.

“Yeah, Aliya, I’m fine. Why?”

She yelled, “Don’t play dumb, Nikolai!” He withdrew away from the phone physically at the use of his full name, but Aliya continued shouting loud enough for him to hear clearly anyway. “I saw the picture your papa posted online! What happened to your arm?”

Nikolai darted a glance at his papa, who, along with probably everyone in the apartment complex, had heard the accusation clearly. He simply shrugged and smiled, his eyes unapologetic about his love of family selfies. 

Obviously he wasn’t getting any help there. He turned his attention back to his irate friend, and said hesitantly, “I, uh, didn’t know that Papa posted anything. It’s really not a big deal, Aliyen’ka, which is why I didn’t tell you.”

“Oh, don’t you use cute little names with me, Nikolai!” Aki snickered at him, and he tried to glare at her, but the tirade on the other end of the phone made it impossible. “I can’t believe you! Why wouldn’t you tell me that you got hurt? Obviously badly enough to go see a doctor! What even happened, Kolya? Did you get into another stupid fight again?”

By now, his papa was giggling too, but at least he was trying to hide his reaction. Nikolai looked around at his family helplessly, but even his otousan was wearing a bemused smile. Clearly, he was on his own here. He tried his best to respond to Aliya. “I might have gotten into a fight, but, Aliya, I really didn’t do anything wrong! He started the whole thing, and I only hit him once!”

A dead silence settled over the line that was somehow more terrifying than the yelling he’d been subjected to. After an eternity of torture, Aliya’s voice came to him, slow and measured. “Kolya, I know that you don’t have plans tonight, since we were planning on practicing. Instead, I want you over here at my house in the next 20 minutes so you can explain yourself. Do you understand?”

Nikolai nodded emphatically before remembering she couldn’t see him. “Ah, yeah, Aliya. I’ll leave now. Ok?”

“Good,” came the regal reply. “I’ll be waiting.” The phone clicked and went silent.

Nikolai stared at it in horror for a second, trying to comprehend what had just happened. He was trying to remember if he had ever heard his petite little friend so angry before. She had never acted like that when he got into fights as a kid. But he supposed she had usually been so scared at those times that she’d simply cried. And she usually did end up pouting at him afterwards. But this was different. This was a new level of female wrath that he simply didn’t know what to do with. Helplessly, he looked at his family. 

As if on cue, Aki and his papa burst out into hysterical laughter the second he made eye contact, and his otousan’s mouth turned up into a barely-controlled smile. Even Makkachin seemed to be laughing at him as he panted up at the family from his place on the rug. 

Nikolai sputtered, “I really don’t see what’s so funny here!”

Aki got control of her wheezing laugh long enough to cough out, “Nika, it’s just so cute! You got in trouble from your girlfriend!”

The word made his heart skip a little. But he protested, “She’s not my girlfriend!”

His papa chimed in, “You’re right, she sounded more like an old fishwife!”

Nikolai gaped. “Papa!”

Victor wiped a tear from his eye as he chuckled, “Well, hey, I would know.”

Yuuri’s smile vanished as he glared at his husband. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean, anata?” he asked, ice in his voice.

Victor immediately tried to backpedal, but it was too late. Nikolai looked on in smug satisfaction as his papa stammered, “W-well, Yuuri dear, I simply meant that, well, w-when you’re rightfully concerned about my health, you can be a little, that is, well…” he cast his eyes helplessly on his snickering children. “Help me out a little here, would you?” he begged.

Nikolai stood up and stretched luxuriously. “Sorry, Papa, but you all heard, I have to get going to Aliya’s. I’ll be back later. Good luck.” He winked at his papa and went to put on his shoes. 

As he was walking out the door, Victor called after him, “Wait, Nika! My dearest son! You would abandon your father in his hour of need? Nika! Nikaaaa!”

Nikolai shut the door firmly behind him, satisfaction spread across his face.

His smile didn’t last long, however, as he made his way to Aliya’s apartment. He had plenty of time to think about how upset she had been on the phone, so by the time he knocked on the ornate door, he was practically trembling with anticipation. Perhaps luckily for him, however, it wasn’t Aliya who answered the door, but her papa.

Yuri snorted as he stepped aside to let Nikolai in. “Well, if it isn’t you, soplyak. I almost feel sorry for you, you know,” he commented dryly as he shut the door. 

Nikolai paused, one shoe half-off. “Yeah?” he responded carefully.

“Hell, yeah. Aliya is scary when she’s mad.” Yuri shuddered. “She’s just like Beka that way. I feel for ya, soplyak.” He reached out and clapped Nikolai on his good shoulder, and then furrowed his brow. “What the hell happened to you, anyway?”

A stern voice rang out. “That’s what I’d like to know.”

Cautiously, Nikolai craned his head around Yuri to find Aliya standing at the end of the hallway, her arms crossed over her chest. 

His heart jumped at the sight of her. She was dressed in what were clearly her pajamas. And while they weren’t revealing in the slightest, there was still something about the sweetness of the button-up shirt and drawstring pants that made his chest constrict. 

Yuri, however, seemed to have different feelings about her outfit. “Aliya, why are you coming out here dressed like that? And after you made Nikolai come here, too?”

Aliya rolled her eyes. “Papa, relax. You’re acting like I’m wearing lingerie. It’s just my pajamas. Obviously I’m not going out tonight, since Kolya’s hurt, so why wouldn’t I put on something comfortable to wear?”

Yuri gritted his teeth. “You’re missing the point here.”

She huffed at him. “And what is that? That I’m showing too much skin in front of a boy?” She shook her arm at him. “Long sleeves, Papa. I’m fine. Especially with Kolya. Have you forgotten, we used to have slumber parties all the time? He’s seen me in pajamas plenty of times. And, more importantly, that isn’t the issue right now.” She returned her regal glare to Nikolai, and this time, instead of a warm attraction, he felt a cold shiver of fear. Yuri stepped back, seemingly instinctively, to let his daughter have a clear shot at her target.

“Nikolai, would you care to explain why you have an arm in a sling?”

Hearing his full name used for the third time that night felt like a slap across the face. He gulped, then replied, “Well, you see, Aliya, there’s this new kid on the team.” As he was talking, Otabek entered the room behind Aliya, nodding silently to Nikolai before taking a seat in an armchair. Nikolai gulped and continued. “And, well, he’s been a bit of an ass. The first day he came, he started calling me names, and had a lot to say about my parents.” He could practically see Aliya’s internal sigh as she saw where this was going, but he continued, “And, well, at the beginning of the week, he was making fun of Papa, and we got into a bit of a fight. Well, ok, I guess it was more me punching him in his face.” A distinctive snicker came from behind him, but he chose to ignore Yuri and plowed ahead. “So, I guess he’d still been mad at me, because today, he high-sticked my shoulder out of nowhere, and then started hitting it. And, well, now I have a sprain, and I can’t play hockey for at least a week. And I just got back from the doctor’s office a couple hours ago, so I was going to let you know what happened before we’d planned to meet, and…yeah…” he trailed off, hoping that she would accept his disjointed explanation.

Unfortunately for him, the irate girl in front of him didn’t seem to be in a forgiving mood. Her deep blue eyes were like hardened steel as they glared down at him, and he suddenly felt like she was standing somewhere much higher than him. “Is that all you have to say for yourself?” she asked coldly.

Nikolai paused. She seemed to be wanting something else. “I’m…sorry?” he ventured.

She regarded him sternly. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

A very small and very foolish part of him reared up and took control. “Well, I guess I’m asking you, Aliya, because I really don’t see what else I could have done in the situation. He was intentionally provoking me by insulting my family. What should I have done?”

Yuri sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Oooh, soplyak, bad move. Run away, run!”

Suddenly, the very small, idiotic part of Nikolai wavered, and he briefly wondered if he had made a mistake after all.

He didn’t have to wonder long.

Aliya stalked towards him slowly, and Nikolai instinctively stepped back a little. “Nikolai. You cannot be serious. Could you really not think of any better way to deal with some petty insults than resorting to hitting someone? Did you not stop to think that maybe that was exactly what he wanted? Geez, Kolya, I swear, you are just the world’s biggest idiot sometimes! It’s like you haven’t matured at all since you were seven! On top of all that, you got yourself hurt by your own stupid actions! And don’t even try to blame it on the other guy. He may have hit you, but you allowed yourself to be provoked, and you started this whole mess. None of this would have happened to you if you hadn’t hit him in the first place. Don’t you ever get tired of hitting people?”

“Um…”

She ignored his feeble attempt at a response and continued berating him. “You haven’t hit anyone for so long, I was starting to have hope for you. But now you go and show that you’re still just a kid with something to prove. Honestly, Kolya! What do you think you’re going to do now? You can’t play hockey with your shoulder like that, can you?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Then what are you planning to do with yourself until it heals?”

Nikolai looked up at her slowly, an idea forming in his head. “Well…how about I just train with you?”

That stopped Aliya in her tracks. She blinked, and her menacing aura evaporated. “What?” she asked blankly.

Nikolai, warming up to his own idea, responded enthusiastically, “Yeah, it’s a great plan, don’t you think? Since I’m not allowed to go to hockey practice, I’ll have all sorts of free time during the day, so I can spend time with you instead. Wouldn’t it be good for you to have some extra practice with a partner?”

She interrupted, “Hold on a minute, Kolya. Aren’t you forgetting the reason why you can’t play hockey?”

He shook his head. “They just said that because I’m a forward. What good is a forward who can’t hold a stick? But just because my arm’s out of action doesn’t mean that I can’t skate. My feet work just fine. We could just focus on some basics, and jumps and spins and stuff. Come on, it’s the perfect plan, and you know it.”

Aliya sputtered, “I certainly do not know it! What if you get hurt worse while we’re practicing? How do you think I’d feel then?”

Nikolai stepped closer to her, and said gently, “Aw, come on, Aliya. I know you need someone to run programs with you. Why won’t you just let me help you, especially now that I have some free time? Please?”

Aliya stared up at him incredulously for a second before throwing her hands up in the air and turning to Otabek. “Әкем, help me out here.”

Otabek looked Nikolai up and down ponderously. “I don’t know, Aliya. He seems to be on to something. Why don’t you let him join us for practice? It’s not like it will hurt you having a partner for a week or two.”

Yuri cut in with a sharp voice, “What do you mean, it won’t hurt? How the hell can you throw this amateur into practice with our daughter and expect him to keep up? It will be a disaster.”

Nikolai gave Yuri a sharp look. “You might be right, since I’m not a competitive figure skater.” He directed his gaze towards Otabek and continued, “But surely I’m better than nothing, right?” Turning to Aliya, he finished his argument with a quiet plea to his friend. “Besides, I need to make it up to you for being stupid, right?” He offered her a soft smile.

Otabek regarded the two of them silently for a second, his mask making his emotions unreadable to Nikolai. Finally, he nodded and rose up from his chair. “Very well, we will try it. There’s no harm in allowing the boy to try, Yura,” he intoned, cutting off his husband as Yuri began to squawk his protest. He gave Nikolai one last piercing look, then turned around. “I’ll see you both at the rink tomorrow,” he said over his shoulder, retreating down the hallway.

Yuri hissed air harshly through his teeth. He directed a disgusted look at Nikolai. However, all he said before following his husband was, “You’d better not mess this up for my daughter, soplyak.” 

When they had both left, Nikolai turned to his friend, a triumphant smile on his face. It faltered, however, when met with her tearful expression. “Aliyen’ka, what’s wrong?” he asked, horrified to see fat drops threatening to fall from her eyes. Without thinking, he reached up and swiped the tears away with his thumbs. 

Aliya’s breath hitched softly. She stared up at him, searching his face. “Kolya, why would you do this for me? Especially when you’re hurt?” 

The expression on her face was ripping a hole into his heart. He had to make her smile again. 

He smiled fondly down at her, and tapped his finger on the tip of her button nose. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe her nose was the prettiest thing in the world. “Aliya, I have to make this up to you, right? I messed up and made you worry. And a man has to take responsibility for making a girl upset, don’t you think? Besides, like you said, what else am I going to do until I can go back to hockey practice?” He grinned at her, hoping she would catch his mood.

Luckily, it seemed to work. Her eyes gleamed up at him for a heartbreaking second before she jumped up and threw her arms around his waist. Startled, Nikolai managed to stabilize himself before they both fell backwards. He craned his head, trying to look at her face where it was buried in his chest. The sight made his heart beat harder, but he consciously pushed down his feelings. Hers were more important right now. Hell, at any time.

“Aliya? You in there?”

She laughed, muffled against the fabric of his shirt. “Yeah, Kolya. Thank you.” She lifted her head up to his and beamed. Then she let go of him and stepped back, tucking her arms behind her back and clasping her hands together. The pose brought out all of her girlish charm, and Nikolai had a hard time concentrating on her next words. “So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at practice, partner?”

He smiled dizzily back at her. “Yeah. Tomorrow. See you, Aliya.” He somehow managed to open the door and exit the apartment without tripping over his own feet. As he was closing the door behind him, he allowed himself one last look at his beautiful little friend. The smile she gave him in that moment propelled him all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation note:
> 
> In Japanese, "anata" literally means you, but is increasingly being used by wives to refer to their husbands fondly, sort of equivalent to "honey." So I used it here since it seemed to serve a good dual purpose of calling Victor "honey" menacingly, but also implying that maybe Yuuri means "hey, you."


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Nikolai woke up ridiculously early. He wasn’t sure if he was excited about spending the day with Aliya, or simply more rested than usual because he hadn’t skated late last night. Either way, he was wide awake shortly after the sun. Unfortunately for him, his brain hadn’t considered the fact that it was early morning, and he didn’t have to be at practice with Aliya until that afternoon. For a while, he simply stayed in bed, staring up at the ceiling and wiling himself to go back to sleep. He eventually gave up on that and decided that he should go make some breakfast.

Usually, his otousan was the one who cooked for them. He had taught some of the art to his children, though, adamant about passing on some of their Japanese culture. And whenever they visited their grandparents, it certainly seemed to pay off. Obasan in particular was always thrilled to see Nikolai or Aki cook a Japanese dish. So, although it was not Nikolai’s best skill, he knew his way around the kitchen well enough. Today, for the first time in quite a while, he decided to make use of that talent.

Although he was confident in his cooking skills, Nikolai struggled more than he had anticipated without the use of his left arm. He nearly caved and took it out of the sling, since the doctor had said that it wasn’t strictly necessary for a grade I sprain. Then he remembered that his parents could wander into the kitchen at any time, and decided that it was in his remaining health’s best interests to keep it on.

Just when he was finishing up, his papa wandered into the kitchen, yawning widely. He smiled sleepily. “Ohayo, Nika! Mmm, that smells nice! What are you making?”

Nikolai smiled back. “Nothing too fancy, Papa. Just some eggs, toast, and rice. I put out some yogurt with fruit, too, if you want any.” He gestured towards the table, where he had already set places for himself and his parents. 

Victor looked suitably impressed. “Oooh, very nice, Nika! I’ll just make some coffee and then I’ll have some.”

Nikolai gestured towards the coffee maker. “Already made.”

The impressed look deepened as Victor walked over to pour himself a cup of coffee. “Wow, Nika, you’ve really thought of everything today, huh?”

Nikolai hummed as he finished putting the eggs on a plate. “Well, I woke up early today, so I didn’t have anything better to do.” He carried the plate over to the table and sat down in his place.

Victor followed his son, taking his own seat. “Any particular reason you woke up early?” he asked lightly, taking a piece of toast and reaching for the jam. 

“I’m not really sure.”

“Hmm,” his papa mused as he spooned eggs onto his plate. “Maybe you’re just worried about your hockey?”

Nikolai was surprised to hear the suggestion coming from his papa and even more surprised to find that it wasn’t true at all. He really wasn’t concerned about missing hockey for a week. “Um, not especially, Papa,” he replied absently, confused by this new revelation.

His papa sat back and began eating, chewing contemplatively as he eyed his son. “So, any big plans for today?” he asked lightly.

Nikolai jumped a little bit in his seat. Did his papa know? No, how could he? Unless Yuri had talked to him about it last night after Nikolai left their apartment? But why wouldn’t his papa just say something directly to Nikolai then? He sneaked a glance at Victor, but he was simply eating his breakfast, an innocent look on his face.

Well, Nikolai supposed there was no use in lying to him. He’d find out soon enough, if these practices went on for a week or two. He might as well get the whole ordeal over with now. He cleared his throat nervously and started, “Well, actually, Papa, I’m headed over to the skating rink today.”

Victor’s eyes widened a bit, but all he said was, “Oh?”

Nikolai swallowed a mouthful of dry toast, and went on, “Yeah. So, you know, since I can’t play hockey for a week or two, I thought…well, since Aliya is still looking for a partner, and I know how to skate a bit, we’re going to practice together until I heal up.” He darted a quick glance at his papa before barreling on, “But it’s not a big deal, I’m just helping out a friend for a little bit, you know? She just needs someone to train with, and I have nothing better to do, so we thought it could work for now.” He finally gathered the courage to look directly at his papa.

Victor was looking back at him, his ice-blue eyes wide, a small smile pricking the corners of his mouth. When he noticed his son’s expression, he wiped the smile off his face, but the sparkle in his eyes remained as he replied, “Of course, Nika. I understand. That sounds like a great plan.”

Yuuri came padding into the kitchen just then, and asked, “What’s a good plan, Vitya?”

Victor turned to his husband, his eyes holding the same delight they had every morning when he saw Yuuri. “Ah, zvezda moya! Good morning!” He rose up in his chair slightly as Yuuri approached the table, brushing a tender kiss to his husband’s lips. He settled back down as Yuuri seated himself at the table as well. “Nika was just telling me about his plans for today.”

“Oh, you mean about practicing with Aliya?” Yuuri asked lightly, reaching for his rice bowl.

Nikolai stared at his otousan. “How did you know that?” he asked.

Yuuri looked back at him, eyes blank. “Yuri told us,” he answered simply.

Nikolai groaned. Of course. While Yuri liked to pretend otherwise, his parents were his closest friends, and he was known for broadcasting information to them. Honestly, Nikolai was lucky that he hadn’t posted this info on any social media sites. 

His papa cut in, “Don’t worry though, Nika. We aren’t going to go spreading it around. You probably don’t want your hockey friends to know you’re doing this for a week, right?”

Nikolai blinked at him in shock. He hadn’t thought his papa cared about his reputation with his teammates. “No, I guess not,” he answered slowly. “Thanks, Papa.”

Victor simply smiled sunnily in reply, and went back to eating his breakfast. Nikolai turned to his otousan for his reaction. “Well, Otousan, what do you think?”

Yuuri looked at him thoughtfully. “I don’t suppose it really matters what I think, does it? You should do what you think is best. And if you feel like you have to do this for your friend, then that sounds like a good use of your free time this week.”

The table lapsed into a brief silence as Nikolai chewed over their reactions along with his breakfast. Eventually, his parents began an innocuous discussion about some new skating regulations, which Nikolai ignored. He finished his food and began clearing away dishes silently. His parents, still talking fluidly, rose to help him out. 

When the table had been cleared, his otousan stretched and said, “Well, I’d better get to the rink and get ready for the kids. Nika, I’ll see you later, I suppose?” He smiled warmly at his son.

Nikolai started a bit. He hadn’t thought about that aspect of this new schedule. “Yeah, I suppose you will.”

Yuuri gave his husband a kiss goodbye, waved to his son, and left for the rink. When the door had closed behind him, Victor turned to Nikolai. “Well, I’d better get going for the day, too. We’ve had a ton of meetings lately. Honestly, I’m just ready for the season to start so we can get to our real work.” He rolled his eyes conspiratorially. “Anyway, are you going to be ok by yourself until practice? Anything I can get for you to do?”

Nikolai rushed to say, “No, Papa, I’m sure I can find something to do. I don’t need you to help me find chores to do.”

His papa chuckled. “That wasn’t what I was thinking, but that’s not a bad idea. If you get really bored, the bathroom could always use a good cleaning.” He winked at his son and reached out to ruffle his hair. “Well, I’m off too, then. Have a good day, and have some fun, ok?”

Nikolai allowed himself a genuine smile. “Yeah, I think that I will.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite his protests that he didn’t need help amusing himself, Nikolai found this to be far from the truth as the morning wore on. He split his time between fiddling around on his phone and staring uselessly into space, imagining what practice with Aliya was going to be like. He was ecstatic at the chance to be close to her and hold her for an entire week, without needing an excuse to touch her. Still, the excitement of these thoughts weren’t enough to save him from his boredom. By the time he needed to get ready to leave, he was seriously contemplating taking up his papa’s suggestion to clean the bathroom. Instead, he decided that he would simply head to the rink a little early. 

When he actually arrived at the rink, however, he realized that he was perhaps a bit too early. His otousan was still running his class, and was surrounded by a giggling bundle of very small children who slid around comically on the ice. Nikolai hesitated at first, but decided that it wouldn’t hurt anything if he simply skated laps for warm up like he usually did. 

As soon as he stepped out onto the ice, however, he realized that he had made a grave miscalculation. He hadn’t been accounting for the children. His otousan, of course, had noticed him as soon as he entered the arena, greeting him with a small, private smile. The children hadn’t noticed his presence until the slamming of the gate announced his arrival, and the sudden sound caught their attention. He froze in place as six sets of eyes turned upon him simultaneously. 

His otousan chuckled. “It’s ok, everyone,” he said to his class, “That’s just my son, Nikolai. He’s here to skate for a bit.”

One little boy with a shock of blond hair chirped, “Is he a ‘fessional skater, Yuuri Toshiyavich?”

Yuuri replied with a smile, “Why, I suppose you could say that. He’s here to practice with a professional skater this week.”

The children regarded him with something bordering awe. Nikolai shifted uncomfortably on the ice. “Otousan, don’t tell them that. I’m not really a professional skater, I’m just here to help.”

One of the taller children, a bright-eyed girl, asked, “So does that mean that you’re here to help us for our class?”

Nikolai looked down at her in surprise. “Oh, no, that’s not what I, um…” he looked at his otousan, sending a silent plea for help.

Before Yuuri could say anything, though, the other children chimed in. 

“Yeah, he should help us!” 

“Come on, it will be fun!” 

“It’s ok if he skates with us, isn’t it, Yuuri Toshiyavich?”

“Pleeeease?”

The children all looked up at him expectantly. Nikolai turned to his otousan helplessly. Yuuri simply chuckled and said, “Well, I don’t see any harm in it. Nika, we were just going to practice our backwards skating. Would you care to help?”

The blond boy chimed in, “Yeah, Nika Yuryevich! Can you help us?”

Nikolai sighed. How was he supposed to say no to these tiny faces? Wearily, he corrected, “Actually, my name is Nikolai Victorevich.”

A small, dark-haired girl spoke up. “But I thought Yuuri Toshiyavich was your papa?”

He tensed up, ready for the uncomfortable conversation that usually followed this explanation of his name. “He is. But I have another father, and his name is Victor. So I take my name from him instead.”

The children seemed to consider this for a second. “But what about your mama?” the blond boy piped. 

“I don’t have one,” Nikolai replied, trying his best not to sound defensive to this bunch of preschoolers.

“But he has two papas instead, so that’s ok, isn’t it?” the tall girl asked.

The other children mumbled their agreement.

“Does your other papa skate, too?” asked a second boy.

“Well, actually, yes. He’s a very famous skater, and he’s won gold medals all over the world. He even won in the Olympics.”

The children looked up at him, wide-eyed in amazement. 

“Really?!”

“That’s so cool!”

“No fair, both of his papas are the best skaters!”

“Well, that’s why he’s a professional skater, too, right?”

“Yeah, I bet he’s really good!”

“Yeah, come on, Nikolai Victorevich, come skate with us! Show us how you skate!”

Their conversation devolved into a chorus of voices pleading him to skate with them, and a multitude of hands tugging on him. Nikolai looked around for his otousan in bewilderment, but all he got was a shrug and an amused smile. “Well, it looks like it’s decided, then!” Yuuri announced. “So we’ll do it like this: why don’t the boys go with Nikolai, and the girls can come with me?” A few of the children started to protest, but Yuuri held up his hand. “We can switch off after a while so everyone can get a chance with Nikolai. Does that sound fair?” The girls mumbled their agreement, and the boys flocked over to Nikolai excitedly.

The blond boy tugged on his hand excitedly. “So can you show us how to skate backwards, Nikolai Victorevich?”

By the time parents began to trickle down to the gate, Nikolai had completely forgotten his earlier trepidation. All of the kids had swarmed over him, fighting for his attention like it was a prize. And, most surprising and best of all, not a single one of them had questioned him having two fathers, or even mentioned it past their initial confusion. They simply accepted him as he was, even looking up to him because of his talented fathers. It was such a refreshing change that Nikolai found himself getting lost in the work, directing the children subtly as they stumbled and tripped over their skates. He was so involved in his observations of them that when his otousan skated over and placed a hand on his shoulder, he jumped a little in surprise. Yuuri smiled and pointed at the parents, then called over the ice, “Well, that’s all for today, children. Your parents are all here to take you home.”

There was a collective moan of disappointment from the little group.

“Aww, already?”

“But it was my turn with Nikolai Victorevich!”

“That’s not fair, I wanted a turn next!”

“Hey, Nikolai Victorevich, are you coming back tomorrow?”

“Yeah, can you come back and teach us again tomorrow?”

Suddenly, Nikolai found himself the target of six little hopeful faces, staring up at him like he was the moon. He stammered, “Uh, I’m not really sure, this isn’t my class, so I can’t really decide that…”

Yuuri skated up beside him and bent down to smile at the children. “Well, it is my class, and I say that it’s just fine. But you have to convince Nikolai first. Can you all give him a big hug and tell him thank you so that he comes back tomorrow?”

A wall of small humans threw themselves at Nikolai, and he barely had time to stabilize himself before they hit. A chorus of small voices assaulted him, showering him with thanks and pleas to return. He glared at his otousan over the tops of their heads, but Yuuri simply smiled back serenely.

Nikolai exhaled deeply and looked down at the mound of small bodies surrounding him. “All right, I guess I can come back tomorrow,” he sighed.

The children exploded in a flurry of cheers, and Yuuri laughed as he called over the ruckus, “Ok, children, you heard him, Nikolai will be back tomorrow. Now it’s time to go home for the day, though. Thank you all for your hard work today.” He bowed slightly to the class, and, apparently used to the gesture, they all bowed back, wobbling comically as they tried to keep their balance on the ice. Then they turned and skated off towards their parents, chattering at them excitedly about their new teacher.

Nikolai turned to his otousan. Irked, he complained, “Otousan, why did you let them swarm all over me like that? Won’t I just be in your way tomorrow?”

Yuuri smiled back. “Of course not, Nika. Why would you be in the way? You were a great help today. And you saw how much the children loved you. You did very well as a teacher. You seem to have a natural gift for it.”

Nikolai blushed. “Stop it, Otousan. I wasn’t that good with them.”

Yuuri chuckled. “Oh, I don’t know about that. But if you don’t believe me, why don’t you try asking Aliya what she thought?”

Nikolai froze. What? He turned slowly, dismayed, towards the side of the rink.

And, sure enough, there she was, watching him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patronyms are HARD, ok? But I think I got it figured out. If you know Russian language conventions better than I do, and I did something wrong, please feel free to correct me. I'm really going for accuracy in everything here.
> 
> Side note, I love when my characters get away from me, tbh. Like, I wasn't planning for Nikolai to be a teaching type at all, but he seems to have a natural proclivity towards it. I'll have to figure out what to do with that now.


	12. Chapter 12

A slow dread spread over him, like butter sinking into hot toast. How long had she been standing there? How much had she seen? And why was she even at the rink so early?

Yuuri gave his son a gentle push from behind. “Go on, why don’t you ask her? There’s no point in pretending she’s not there. You’re here for her, after all.”

Nikolai craned around to look at his otousan in blank horror, but all he got back was a crinkly-eyed smile. He gulped and turned back around, then made his way slowly over to where his friend stood.

After about half a lifetime, he finally made it over to her. “Um, hey, Aliya. You’re here early, huh?”

She smiled at him. “Not as early as you, though. Did you come here early to help out your otousan?”

He cringed. So she had definitely seen him. “Aliya, I can explain. I was just going to skate some laps, but the kids kinda jumped me as soon as I got onto the ice, and then they wanted me to help them out, so I just kinda…wound up doing that.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I know I probably looked really stupid out there.”

Aliya shook her head. “No, Kolya! I thought it was precious. You could really tell that you were clicked into them.” She smiled warmly at him. “It was really sweet.”

Her eyes melted into him, and he returned her smile with a silly grin. “Yeah?” he asked.

She laughed. “Yeah, Kolya. Now are you ready for us to practice? Or do you have some miniature fans waiting for another lesson?” she teased.

He looked around for Otabek. “Well, I’m ready, but shouldn’t we wait for your әкем?”

Aliya opened the gate and stepped out onto the ice next to him. “He’ll be here in a minute. He just dropped me off so he could go find a spot to park.” She nodded at Yuuri as he skated up to them. “Hello, Yuuri. It looked like a good class today.”

He smiled warmly at her. “Yes, wasn’t it? It really makes a difference to have such a capable assistant to help me teach.” He patted Nikolai’s shoulder, and continued, “Well, I’m off for the day. You two have a good practice.” 

Aliya replied, “Thanks, Yuuri. I’m sure we’ll do great today.”

A voice called out to them, “I’ll be the judge of that.”

The little group turned towards the voice. Otabek was walking towards them, a grim look on his face. Yuuri smiled and replied, “I’m sure you’ll do well with them, Otabek. I’ll leave it to you.” Bowing slightly, he retreated, heading towards the locker room.

Otabek came to a stop in front of the pair on the ice, looking them over sternly. “Well, Nika, let’s see what you have,” he finally said, boring his onyx eyes into Nikolai. 

He shivered a little involuntarily, but responded, “Yes, sir! What would you like us to do?”

Aliya scolded, “Oh, Әкем, cut him some slack. Nikolai will do just fine, there’s no need for you to intimidate him like that.”

Otabek turned his serious gaze on his daughter. “There absolutely is a need, Aliya. This boy wants to help you, and the help you need right now is some serious training in order to be ready for a new partner.” The words stung at Nikolai a little, but he tried to hide the feeling as Otabek continued, “He offered to do what is necessary, and I will treat him accordingly. Now both of you get out there, and start with some steps.”

Aliya rolled her eyes. “Ok, Әкем. Come on, Kolya, let’s go show him what we’ve worked on.” She grabbed his hand and struck out on the ice.

The next few hours were both grueling and elating. Otabek put them through an intense series of exercises, step sequences, and even a few spins. While this was difficult with his arm in a sling, Nikolai did his best, and managed to pull through the practice session, interspersed with Otabek’s barked instructions and corrections. Through it all, though, two feelings stuck with Nikolai: the elation of touching the person he cared for most in the world, and that indomitable sensation of being in flight over the ice. Finally, when the other pro skaters had made their way off the ice, Otabek looked at the two of them and announced, “That’ll do for today. Come on off.”

Heaving, Nikolai coasted along beside his friend towards the gate, trying to stay on his feet. He didn’t want to admit it, but the practice had been more demanding than he’d expected. He’d thought that his hockey experience would have given him the stamina he needed, but he was finding out that figure skating for long periods of time used different sets of muscles. 

Aliya touched his arm, and his body jerked a little bit at the unexpected touch. He’d had so much contact with her over the last few hours that his hands felt nearly saturated with Aliya’s essence, and yet this simple touch still threw him over the edge. She looked up at him, and the sun in her smile melted his heart a little. “So, Kolya, how was that?”

He hummed. “Definitely different than our late-night practices.”

She laughed. “Yeah, Әкем’s demanding. He seemed to be coming down on you pretty hard, but I think you did very well, especially for not being a pro skater yourself.” Nikolai winced at the words, but she didn’t notice, because they had reached the edge of the rink, and by now she had directed her attention at her father. “Don’t you think so, Әкем?”

She stepped off of the ice and put on her blade guards as Otabek glanced up and down Nikolai, slowly, sternly. Finally, he gave a single, curt nod. “He was fine. There’s definitely room for improvement, but he’ll do for now.”

Strangely, the brusque words overwhelmed Nikolai as if they’d been glowing praise. He nodded back, and Aliya smiled her beam of sun up at him.

Otabek checked his watch, then said, “I’ll be waiting outside, Aliya. Nika, we’ll see you tomorrow at the same time, then?”

“Yes, sir.”

A last nod, and Otabek disappeared out the doors of the arena. 

Nikolai plopped down onto a nearby bench with a sigh. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding in so much tension. Apparently Otabek’s opinion mattered to him more than he’d thought. A small part of himself commented mildly that it was because he wanted his love’s parents to like him so they could all be a happy family some day, but the larger part of himself pushed that thought down, horrified. 

Aliya sat next to him, and heaved her own sigh. “Whoo, that was a pretty intense session! He’s not usually that strict. I think he was really trying to test you out.” She grinned. “You did really well, though. Thanks, Kolya!”

He felt a blush slide into his cheeks as he looked at her radiant face. “Uh, yeah, no problem,” he managed to mutter.

She tapped her chin. “Hmm, you know what I just realized?”

Nikolai shook his head dumbly, attention drawn to the adorable point of her chin. 

Oblivious to this, she continued, “Since we practiced just now, I guess we won’t be meeting back here tonight, right?”

This startled Nikolai more than it should have. Of course, she was right, but in the excitement of getting to see her during the day, he simply hadn’t thought about it. He was certainly too tired for another session of skating, and besides, they’d gotten in more constructive practice with Otabek today than they would on their own. “Oh. I guess you’re right,” he mumbled flatly.

“So, since we’re both free, what should we do instead?”

He stared at her blankly. “Huh?”

Luckily for him, she giggled. “Geez, Kolya, you’re such a weirdo. Pay attention, I was asking what we should do tonight.”

Unluckily for him, Nikolai opened his mouth and said exactly what he was thinking. “You…really want to spend time with me alone?”

A peach blush pricked at her face, and she looked away quickly. “Oh…um, yeah, I mean, I just thought, since we’re being partners for now, it would be nice if we could spend some time together. And, I know you have free time, so I thought maybe you could…but you don’t have to come, if you don’t want!”

Nikolai’s heart sank a bit. Oh. It was about skating still. Always, he supposed. He pinched himself mentally. Did it really matter, though? Either way, being with Aliya was being with Aliya. No way he’d let this chance get away, regardless of what the time together meant to her. He waved his hands in front of his chest awkwardly and protested, “No, Aliya, I’d love to do something with you. I don’t have any plans, what were you thinking? I’m up for pretty much anything.”

A slow, calculating grin stretched across her face, and a shiver ran up Nikolai’s spine. “Anything?”


	13. Chapter 13

As they walked along the street together later that night, Nikolai silently cursed himself for being weak for this sandy-haired girl. They had met up at a park at their agreed upon time, but other than that, she hadn’t let a word slip about where they were going or what they were doing. He glanced sideways at her, and decided to try getting the information out of her again.

“So, Aliya, do you think I’m dressed ok for where we’re going? We’re still not too far from my house, we could go back for a change of clothes.”

She smirked at him. “Nice try, Kolya. I’m still not telling you where we’re going. You’d just run away.” A not entirely unpleasant shiver coasted through him as she added, “And you look fine, by the way.” She turned her head away and muttered something else under her breath. 

“What was that?”

Aliya looked up at him, startled. “Oh, um.” She blushed. Maybe her blush was the prettiest thing in the world? “I just said…I’d like some ice, I’m hot.”

Nikolai blinked. “Oh…ok. Well, you can get a drink where we’re going, right?”

She seemed to gather herself up, and wagged her finger at him. “I can, but that’s all I’m telling you. Not that knowing that will help you much.” 

“Aww, come on, Aliya, why won’t you just tell me?”

She put the finger to her mouth now. “Because it’s a secret. Besides, we’re almost there.”

Nikolai began looking around them, trying to guess their destination. They had entered a section of the city that Nikolai hadn’t really visited before, since it was known more for its nightlife than anything else. She led him down a strip of stores and clubs. Just beyond the street they walked along, black waves lapped gently at the shore of the island they were on. The lights from the buildings on the next island glowed and shimmered on the water of the channel. For a moment, Nikolai lost himself in staring at the enchanting sight. 

He caught himself, however, and shook his head, looking around for his friend. He had to make sure to stay close to her here. She looked way too beautiful for her own good. She’d chosen a thigh-length red dress that accentuated all of her budding curves, but not tightly enough to be revealing. It scooped down at the neck, held up by small sleeves and flaring at the waist into a full skirt. The color brought out hidden tones in her skin and hair, and in the street lights, she seemed to positively glow. Nikolai felt lacking in his dark jeans and plain black shirt, even though objectively, the two of them weren’t dressed at any different level of casualness. 

Nikolai was too busy admiring his friend to notice that she had stopped. Dazed, he almost ran into her before he noticed she was indicating a door. “Here we are, Kolya!”

He tore his gaze away from her to look at the name on the building. He frowned, not recognizing it, but Aliya was already grabbing his hand and dragging him into the building. 

Before he could protest that he wasn’t entirely sure they should be going to a bar, she was propelling him through the room. He was amazed at her brisk pace. His eyes were still adjusting to the dim lighting, but she was confidently weaving her way through the maze of tables, heading towards the bar and a large, stern-looking bartender. When they got within earshot, Aliya squealed, “Grishaaaa!”

To Nikolai’s astonishment, a smile split the bartender’s enormous face in two, and he replied back, “Aliya! Good to see you. What are you doing here today?”

Aliya giggled. “I just brought my friend here to play. Oh, this is Nikolai.” Nikolai found himself doing one of otousan’s bows as Aliya continued, “Obviously we’re not planning on drinking or anything.”

Grisha grinned and gestured towards another bartender standing behind the counter a few feet away. “If you’re here for the contest, you’d better hurry up and tell Stas. He’s taking names and getting ready to get started.”

“Right! Thanks, Grisha!”

Nikolai barely had time to process the conversation before he was being pulled along the length of the bar, coming to stop in front of the other bartender, who was apparently named Stas. He looked up, took in Aliya, and then Nikolai, his gaze lingering on their linked hands. He grinned. “Hey, Aliya, you going to introduce me to your friend?” he asked, a laugh in his voice.

She smiled brightly. Damn, even at night her smile was like a sunbeam. “Sure! This is my childhood friend, Nikolai.” He gave up on resisting his urge, and bowed again. Aliya turned back to the smirking bartender. “We’re here to sign up for the contest.”

Stas smiled knowingly. “Aaah, is that it?” He reached under the counter and pulled out a list with names and titles on it. “What will it be, then? A duet? Solos? Both?”

Cold suspicion began to creep over Nikolai. “Aliya…” he said warningly.

She directed a wicked smile at him. “Yeees, Kolya? Is there something wrong? I thought you said that you were fine with doing whatever I wanted tonight?”

Dammit. She had him, and she knew it. He slumped his shoulders forward and sighed. “Yeah, I did. Ok, go ahead and sign me up for whatever embarrassing contest you have concocted. I’ll just go sit over there and wait.” He pointed vaguely and began to trudge towards the end of the counter.

Aliya waved cheerfully at him. “Sounds good, Kolyatchka! I’ll be there in a second!” She turned her attention back to the bartender, oblivious to the havoc that she had just wrecked upon Nikolai with that nickname. 

He managed to make it to the bar stool he’d had his sights on before slumping into it, despite the thumping of his heart. Willing it to slow down, he watched his friend as she pored over the sheet with Stas. Somehow, despite her tiny frame and fresh, young face, she looked completely at home in this setting. She seemed to arrive at some sort of conclusion with Stas, and came over to Nikolai, wearing that suspicious smile.

Nikolai decided to ignore it and ask the question that had been niggling at the back of his mind since they’d entered the bar. “You sure seem to know your way around here, don’t you?”

Aliya laughed. “Yeah, this is one of the bars my әкем DJs at. I’ve been coming here since I was old enough to not fall off the bar stools.”

“Ahh, that’s right, I forgot he DJs sometimes. Well, that explains why the bartenders treat you like a niece.” 

She chuckled. “You think so?”

Two glasses of fizzing liquid plunked down in front of them, and the pair looked up in surprise to see Grisha’s wide face stretched in a grin. “Well, the kid’s not wrong, Aliya.” 

She blushed prettily, and the large man laughed. “At any rate, looks like the competition’s about to start. You two ready?” He pointed at the back of the bar, where a stage was set up.

Nikolai grumbled, “I still don’t even know what I’m doing.”

Aliya kicked him as Stas made his way onto the stage. “Shush, Kolya, it’s about to get started!”

Stas grabbed a mic from one of three stands set up on the stage. “Good evening, everyone, and welcome to our weekly karaoke contest!”

Nikolai groaned loudly. A karaoke contest? He should have known his crush would be determined to embarrass him in public. She’d always had an impish streak in her.

Stas continued, “As you all may know, the prize for first place in either the solo or duet portion is ₽3000! So everyone, do your best to win! Now, without further ado, let’s get the first singer up here!”

As the nervous singer climbed the stairs to the stage, Nikolai turned to his friend, resigned. “Well, I suppose I deserve this, since I told you that I didn’t care what we did tonight. But can you at least tell me what song I’m singing?”

Aliya took a sip of her drink, and hummed in pleasure. “Songs,” she corrected mildly.

He stared at her. “Songs? As in plural? As in, you want me to humiliate myself multiple times in front of a live audience?”

She giggled. “Oh, Kolya, don’t be so dramatic! Besides me, it’s not like you even know any of these people, anyway. Who cares if you end up looking stupid?”

She was entirely missing the point, he thought. Her presence was most of his problem with this. “Aliya, you know, I’m not exactly good at this kind of thing,” he grumbled into his glass. 

“I know. Are you forgetting, I grew up with you? Don’t you remember, we’d always sing along with the songs on Disney movies? In English, too! I’m pretty sure we thought that the louder we sang, the better it sounded.” She let out a tinkling laugh. “Our poor fathers.”

Nikolai couldn’t help but echo her laugh with one of his own. “What do you mean, our? My parents were always the ones who had the stash of Disney movies. I don’t know if we ever tortured your parents with our…enthusiastic singing.”

“Ahh, that’s right!” Aliya laughed again, and looked over at him. “We always had so much fun with that, though, didn’t we?”

He smiled back tenderly at her. “Yeah, we did.”

For a moment the rest of the bar ceased to exist. The wailing of the contestant on stage, the lights, the smell of alcohol, the grain of the wood against his arm all vanished. Instead, the world was filled with Aliya. He felt her like a palpable object, without having to reach out to her. She looked him in the eyes, and he could tell that she was lost with him, too. She opened her mouth to say something, and he leaned forward so that he wouldn’t miss a syllable.

But the world chose that moment to come crashing back down around them. Stas was calling into the mic, “Last call, is Nikolai Katsuki-Nikiforov there?” Nikolai jerked his head up, staring at the stage, then back at Aliya. The spell was broken now, however, and she looked at him with her usual bright smile. 

She stood up and called, “Yeah, Stas, he’s right here! He’s coming up now!” She grabbed Nikolai’s arm and propelled him out of his seat, pushing him up towards the stage amid scattered laughs and clapping from the audience. 

Nikolai stumbled his way up to the stage, and somehow managed to make it up into the spotlight and in front of a mic without making a complete idiot out of himself. That part was coming up, though. He glanced at the monitor, scanning it for the name of his song. He found it, but had only a second to dart an incredulous glance at his friend before the plaintive sound of a flute wafted through the bar. Aliya covered her mouth, and he saw her shoulders trembling with repressed laughter. He sighed. Well, shit. If she wanted to make a joke out of him, he might as well give her a good show.

He turned his attention back to the screen, opened his mouth, and began to sing in an exaggerated raspy voice: “Eeeeevery night in my dream, I see you, I feeeeel you, that is how I know you go on.” He looked at Aliya, who was shaking harder now. He lowered his eyelids halfway, and continued to sing, looking out at the audience through hooded eyes. “Faaaaar across the distance, and spaces, betweeeeen us, you have come to show you go oooooon.” He stepped closer to the mic and grabbed it with one hand as he entered the first chorus, “Neeeear, faaaaaar, whereeeever you aaaare, I believe that, the heart does, go ooooooon.” He glanced at Aliya, who was now bent in half and shaking violently. “Ooooonce mooooore, you oooooopened the door, and you’re here in my heart and, my heart will go oooooon and oooooooooon.” The flutes came back in, and he took the opportunity to glance soulfully around the room. Aliya was holding her stomach. Pushing down a smile, Nikolai launched into the second verse.

He sang the second verse and chorus without the rasp in his voice, but replaced it with his best Celine Dion impression, which was not very good. Nevertheless, he crooned his way through the words. When the key change came, he dramatically yanked the mic out of the stand and stepped one foot forward, belting out the chorus into the mic with as much vibrato as he could, “Yoooou’re heeeere, there’s nooooothing I feeeear, and I knooooow that my heart will go oooooooooon.” There were scattered cheers from the audience, particularly the women, as Nikolai continued, “Weeeeee’ll staaaaay, foreeeeeeever this way, you are saaaaaafe in my heart and, my heart will go oooooon and oooooooooon.” He straightened himself up and placed the mic gently back in the stand, lowering his good arm to his side as he gently hummed the closing of the song. 

The second the song ended, the bar erupted in cheers. He looked over at Aliya. She was on the floor.

He grinned and walked off the stage. His work here was done.

Stas came back on stage while everyone was still cheering, and Nikolai wove his way back through the bar. When he reached Aliya, she was still laughing hysterically, and looked like she had no plans of getting off the floor soon. So instead, he laughed, “I thought you said you were old enough not to fall off the bar stool.” He reached down and picked her up in his arms, deposing her safely back onto her seat.

As he withdrew from her, chuckling, he noted with surprise that she had suddenly stopped laughing, and was instead staring at him as if he had just done a quadruple Lutz in the middle of the bar.

He frowned slightly at her. “Everything ok, Aliyen’ka?” he asked, puzzled and a bit concerned.

She shook herself visibly, and smiled shakily at him. “Yeah, of course, I’m fine, Kolya.”

“Oh, good. Because I might have to kill you.” He grinned. “Titanic, Aliya? Really?”

Suddenly, her humor seemed to return to her, and she folded over with helpless giggles. “Yeah, didn’t you like it? I know how much your papa loves that movie.”

He snorted. “Well, you should know that. He made us watch it with him enough times.”

Aliya raised her head. “Yeah, but he always cried at the end no matter how many times we saw it.”

Stas seemed to have finally gotten the bar back under control, and was now calling for Aliya. “Aliya, come up here and sing your entry, it’s your turn!”

“Ah, yes! Get on up there, Aliya, and let’s hear your song!” Nikolai noted that she had a tear on her cheek from her laughter, and reached out to wipe it away hastily so it wouldn’t be seen in the stage lights. As he touched her face, Aliya flinched, and scurried off her stool before Nikolai could process the look in her eyes. 

The polite applause continued until she took her place on the stage and stood waiting for the music to begin. She found Nikolai in the audience, and gave him a look that was completely devoid of the unsure emotion he had seen moments before. This look was all confidence. The stereo blared to life, a splashing of piano keys the only warning he had before she launched into action. She popped her hip out to the side and began dancing in place, rocking back and forth before she pointed into the audience and launched herself into the song. “You can daaaace, you can jiiiive, having the time of your liiiife.” He burst out laughing, and he saw Aliya’s eyes flicker back in amusement as she continued singing. She made full use of the stage, dragging the mic along with her as she danced in time to the song. Pretty soon, Nikolai had stopped laughing and was simply caught up in watching her movements. All too soon, the song came to an end with one last drawn-out note. The audience cheered wildly as she bowed, cheeks slightly flushed, and exited the lights. 

Nikolai found his smile again once his radiant friend had reached him. “Nice choice for you, Aliya.”

She laughed. “Well, I figured ‘Dancing Queen’ was about the same level of embarrassment as Celine Dion, so I went with it.”

He leaned forward a bit, and propped his chin on one hand. “The only problem, little Aliyen’ka, is that you’re not 17 yet.” 

She grinned. “I know, but you are.”

He gasped in mock outrage, and fluttered a hand dramatically to his chest. “Are you suggesting that I am the dancing queen?”

Aliya burst out laughing. “I don’t know, do you want to have a dance off and find out?”

Nikolai laughed back. “I suppose we’ll have to. This must be settled.” He glanced around the bar, and turned back to Aliya. “We’ll need to do it a different time, though. There’s not really any room here for an epic dance throw down.” 

She giggled. “All right, Kolya, sounds like a date.”

His breath stopped for a second, and he simply stared at her. 

Luckily for him, he heard Stas calling his voice again. “Nikolai and Aliya, get back up here! Did you two forget that you signed up for a duet, too? Come show us what you’ve got together!”

Nikolai narrowed his eyes at Aliya. “What’s this now? We’re doing a duet, too?”

She grinned and grabbed his hand. “You heard the man, Kolya. Let’s get going, our audience needs us!”

She practically dragged him up to the stage. He allowed himself to be pulled along, enjoying the tension created by their clasped hands. When they both stood back in the spotlights, however, his brain started working again. He stepped back from the mic a little and leaned down to speak into Aliya’s ear. “So what song are we singing for this?”

Her body shook a tiny bit, but she looked up at him with a glint in her eye. “So you know how you mentioned us watching Disney movies?”

His stomach sank. “Oh no…”

“Yup. Aladdin. Let’s do this.” 

She walked up to her mic and pulled it off the stand, then stepped back to stand beside Nikolai again. The music started up, and she nodded towards his mic with a grin. “You’re up first,” she stage-whispered. 

He sighed in resignation, and took his own mic into his hand. He put on a flat, exasperated face and looked directly at Aliya as he began to sing. “I can show you the wooorld, shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart deciiiide?” A smattering of whoops came from the audience, and he smiled briefly out at them, allowing his face to relax before continuing. “I can open your eeeeyes, take you wonder by wonder, over sideways and under, on a magic carpet ride.” The music swelled, and on impulse, he switched his mic to his left hand, reached out, and linked their free hands together, much to the audience’s delight. “A whole new woooooorld, a new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming.” He winked at Aliya, and she began to sing with him.

“A whole new woooooorld, a dazzling place I never knew. But when I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear, that now I’m in a whole new world with youuuuuu.”

Nikolai’s voice rose as he entwined it with Aliya’s. “Now I’m in a whole new world with youuuuuuu.”

The audience cheered as Aliya came back in. She took a half step closer to Nikolai, and suddenly his focus dimmed, and tunneled onto her face. “Unbelievable siiiiiights, indescribable feeeeeeling.” The cheesy words felt like they were striking into his heart as she sang on, “Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling.” Nikolai’s heart privately agreed with the sentiment. “Through an endless diamond sky. A whole new woooooooorld.”

Halfway through her held note, Nikolai remembered he was supposed to be singing now. He decided to fight fire with fire. He dropped her hand and reached out to draw his fingers lightly across her eyes. “Don’t you dare close your eyes,” he sang, and the girls in the audience shrieked. 

Her eyes wavered, but she gripped her mic tighter and sang back, “A hundred thousand things to see.”

He brushed his fingertips lightly down her throat. “Hold your breath, it gets better.”

Her voice faltered, and the girls went crazy. Aliya rallied herself and went on, “I’m like a shooooting star, I’ve come so far, I can’t go back to where I used to be.” She looked deep into Nikolai’s eyes, and his heart described a crazy path through his torso.

“A whole neeew woooooorld,” he managed.

“Every turn a surprise,” she countered. 

“With new horizons to pursue.”

“Every moment red-letter.”

Finally, their voices intertwined, and Nikolai did his best to follow the harmony part, and was vaguely aware that he was not doing it well. The audience didn’t seem to care, but rather ate up the scene in front of them. “I’ll chase them anywhere, there’s time to spare.” He grabbed her hand again, this time drawing it up to his chest in a sudden spurt of bravery. Her eyes widened a little, but they continued to sing, “Let me share this whole new wooooorld with youuuuu.”

Nikolai shuffled closer, and now their linked hands were pressed between his chest and her throat. “A whole neeeew wooooorld,” he sang huskily.

“A whole neeeew wooooorld,” she echoed.

“That’s where we’ll beeeeeee.”

“That’s where we’ll beeeeeee.”

“A thrilling chase.”

“A wondrous place.”

For a final dramatic flair, Nikolai dropped down to one knee in front of his love, looking up into her sunshine face and holding her hand as if it were a precious gem as their voices came together one last time, “For youuuuu aaaaaand meeeeeeeeee.” Still staring up into her sapphire eyes, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly as the music died away.

The audience exploded.

The sound brought Nikolai back to himself. He froze, petrified. What the hell was he doing?

Aliya, on the other hand, seemed to be jarred out of the spell by the cheering. She tore her deep blue eyes from Nikolai’s light blue ones, and waved out at the audience with a bright smile. However, Nikolai noticed a slight quiver at the corner of her lips. She looked down at him, and tugged on his hand. “Stand up, Kolya, and take a bow.”

Suddenly, he realized that he was still kneeling in front of her on the stage like the lovesick idiot he was. Embarrassed, he scrabbled to his feet and dropped her hand like it was on fire. They both bowed and waved to the crowd as Stas came up to stand next to them. He leaned in close to the mic to be sure he could be heard over the cheers. “Well, that was certainly a very entertaining duet! Thank you, Nikolai and Aliya! Stick around to see if you win the contest later!” 

They both smiled and nodded at him, and exited the stage as he began to call for the next contestant. Aliya linked her arm through Nikolai’s and threaded through the sea of tables until they burst outside into the clear night air. 

She clung helplessly onto him, laughing. He looked down at her head where it rested on his forearm, and gave in to his own amusement, sharing her laughter.

Finally, she quieted down, and looked up at him. “Oh, Kolya, that was so much fun! You were so ridiculous!”

His breath constricted at the memory of how boldly he’d acted, but he managed to smile back at her. “Well, it was what you deserved for signing me up for this without telling me!”

She giggled. “Yeah, but you had fun, didn’t you?”

He considered this. “I guess I did have fun. You sure know how to pick songs too, don’t you?”

Almost imperceptibly, Aliya’s eyes widened, and her lips parted just the slightest bit. Nikolai couldn’t help but stare at them, plump and pink, possibly the prettiest things in the world. He dipped his head down slightly in his haze.

For a moment, time swirled violently around them, then ceased to move at all. Nikolai’s head fell lower.

Then Aliya shook herself, and laughed, a forced, clanging bell. “I really do pick great songs, don’t I? You were such an idiot.” She let go of his arm and took a small step backwards, creating a small breath of air between them.

Nikolai shook himself, trying to bring reality back. He pushed out a laugh also, and replied in what he hoped was a light voice, “Did I really?”

She nodded, and a little of their comfortable rapport crept back. “It was really fun to watch, though.” She paused, and looked down as she spoke in a soft voice, “Hey, Kolya. Thanks for doing this for me. I know this is way outside the realm of what you’re comfortable with. I even chose a girly song for you.”

He blinked. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him until now. He had simply done what Aliya wanted, had simply wanted her to be happy.

Nikolai shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, Aliyen’ka. I had fun, really.” She looked up at him tentatively, and he grinned. “Thanks for forcing me to do girly things,” he said, and winked at her.

She stared at him for a second, then laughed broadly. The sound soothed him, bringing back comfortable territory between them. He put an arm around her shoulders, guiding her gently down the street. “Come on, Aliya. It’s getting late, let me take you home.”

She nodded up at him, but he didn’t miss the stutter as she did. “Ok, Kolya. Let’s go.”


	14. Chapter 14

After taking Aliya home, Nikolai made his way back to his apartment, replaying all the little details that he had stored up from the day. From the holds during practice, to the brushes of skin as they walked together, to the press of his lips against the back of her hand. Nikolai floated in through the door, but it was so late that Makkachin merely looked up from his dog bed and wagged his tail before going back to sleep. 

Victor, however, was wide awake, typing away industriously on his laptop. He glanced up as Nikolai pushed the door softly shut. “You’re back kind of late, Nika,” he remarked mildly.

Nikolai gave a dreamy look to his papa, and nodded. “Da, Papa, sorry about that. I wasn’t really sure where we were going, so I had no idea when I’d be back.”

His papa chuckled. “I know, you told me that before you left. So, where did the lovely little Aliya end up taking you?”

“We did some karaoke.”

Victor looked slightly taken aback. “Oh? How was that?”

Nikolai sighed happily. “It was great, Papa! We had so much fun. She picked the worst songs for us to sing, but it was a blast anyway. You would have loved it, for my solo she picked ‘My Heart Will Go On.’”

“Ah, Celine Dion? I’m surprised she got you to sing that,” Victor laughed.

Normally, Nikolai would have bristled at this perceived teasing of his feminine side. Today, however, he was simply too happy to pick a fight. Instead, he muttered without thinking, “I’d do anything for her.” Then he froze, as the realization of what he’d said hit him. He shifted his eyes slowly to his papa to gauge his reaction.

His papa was wearing that stupid, heart-shaped smile. Nikolai braced himself.

“Nikaaa! That is so sweet! I knew you had a thing for Aliya, but I didn’t think you’d ever talk to me about it!” He scurried over to grab his son by the forearm, and yanked him down to sit on the couch. Victor plunked back into his chair, leaning forward excitedly onto his knees. “So, Nika, is there anything you want to ask me? Any advice your old man can give you?”

Horrified, Nikolai waved his hands wildly and sputtered, “No, Papa, NO! I don’t want any advice, really, I think I’m doing just fine, thanks anyway!”

Victor leaned closer with a knowing smile now in place of the heart-shaped one. “Please, Nika, who do you think you’re talking to? Do you have any idea how long I loved Otousan before he softened up to me? I can spot pining a mile away. And you, my son, have been pining for years. Are you really going to let this chance get away?”

Nikolai studied his papa carefully. “But, Papa, wasn’t Otousan the one who loved you and wanted you first?”

Victor snorted. “That’s not real love, Nika. That’s idol worship. Yes, he looked up to me, and loved me as a figure, but not as a person. When I actually showed up in front of him, he was so confused he didn’t know how to react. I had to treat him very carefully in order to win his real love.” He got a far-off look in his eyes. “I’d be happy to tell you the whole story, if you’ve forgotten it.”

Swiftly, Nikolai shook his head. “That’s ok, Papa, I’m pretty sure I remember it from the 5 million other times I’ve heard it.”

His papa looked a little deflated. “Oh. Ok, that’s fine, I guess. But I’m just mentioning it because I want you to know I have plenty of experience and advice to offer you in this situation.”

Despite himself, Nikolai was intrigued. He sighed in resignation. “All right, Papa. So what’s this earth-shattering advice that I just have to know?”

Victor laughed. “I wish I had earth-shattering advice. Every situation is different. I can tell you what I did with Otousan, and what I might do in your situation, but only you can decide if it’s right for you. If love was that easy, nobody would ever have unrequited love, would they?”

Nikolai was shocked to hear his idealistic papa say something about love that actually made logical sense. Maybe this whole advice thing wouldn’t be so bad after all. “Ok, so what would you suggest I do in my situation?”

“Well, that depends. What do you want to happen? What’s your game plan in all of this? I know that you’re helping Aliya with her skating because you want her to be happy. So what do you see happening after your shoulder heals, and you go back to hockey?”

Nikolai blinked. He hadn’t really thought about that at all. When Aliya had gone to train in Moscow, he had taken to simply living each day one step at a time, using figure skating as a secret crutch to get him through his suddenly fragmented life. It hadn’t helped that she had disappeared as he was still trying to figure out where he fit on the ice. And now that she had suddenly reappeared, and wanted to pick up being friends as if she had never left, he was reeling. He’d gotten so used to taking his days one at a time, focusing on surviving, and not really thinking about long-term goals. The only thing he had focused on as an objective was getting to a place where he could protect his family from homophobia. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure if he had achieved that or not. He’d been grinding away for so long without a reprieve that he had forgotten what it meant to want things in a lasting way. 

So. That brought him back around to his papa’s question. What exactly did he want?

Victor noticed his son struggling, and gently prodded, “Just start with one question at a time. Let’s go short-term. After your shoulder heals, and you go back to your team, and Aliya gets a new partner, how do you see the two of you interacting after that?”

He turned this thought over in his head, examining it from different angles. He had been purposely avoiding this question for the last couple days. He didn’t want to think about giving Aliya up to another guy yet again. Especially when they weren’t separated by any distance to speak of, and they were sure to see each other a lot. He’d had a hard enough time watching her skate with Mischa when he’d watched their live performances. How would he do when, every time he visited his Otousan at the rink, he’d be forced to watch her with someone else?

On the other hand, wasn’t he being a little ridiculous? It’s not as if she’d date a guy simply because she was his skating partner. She certainly hadn’t had any romantic feelings toward Mischa, at least that he had known of. And he was pretty certain that she would have told him about something like that. Even during the 2 years she’d trained in Moscow, they’d found plenty of time to talk, and had never kept secrets from each other. She always asked for his opinions on her problems, or simply unloaded her emotions on his sympathetic ear. As for Nikolai, sometimes he felt like she was the only person he could really talk to. Even things that Nikolai never explicitly said, she had a way of knowing. Like the real reason he had quit figure skating. Which worked out well for him, because he sometimes had a hard time getting the words out of his mouth. It was always nice for him when he found that Aliya knew something he hadn’t been able to tell her. To Nikolai, she was like an extension of himself, and it was only natural that she should know everything that was important to him. It made the whole situation easier that she understood enough to know the things he couldn’t say. He liked to think that she felt the same way, and that if she’d been in a relationship with Mischa, she would have told him. 

Then an abrupt thought struck him. She had never actually told him about any guys she liked.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Was she hiding her romantic interests from him? Did she not think she could trust him? Had he done something to make her feel like that? A sinking feeling permeated his chest. Maybe she hadn’t trusted him the same way he trusted her, after all. Maybe she really had been in a relationship with Mischa, and had just never said anything. It was only natural. When you spend that much time with someone, and you build that incredible amount of trust, that’s halfway to a relationship. 

Either way, it was clear that Aliya was withholding information about her romantic interests from him. There was no way that someone as beautiful and desirable as Aliya hadn’t had any romantic experience. What had he done to make her think that she couldn’t confide those things to him? Maybe they had never been as close as he’d thought. Maybe it had just been him, like some idiot, spouting all his feelings to her whenever he had the chance. He dropped his head into his knees, defeated.

A small voice spoke up from deep within. Did any of that really matter, though?

He lifted his head slightly, at least willing to hear the insane voice out. 

He loved her. That had never been in question. For as long as he had been conscious of what love was, maybe even before that, he had loved his little friend fiercely. Sure, that love had changed over time, had grown from a sibling love, to a protective love, to a childhood crush, to real, all-encompassing love. But he had never questioned his love for her. No matter what form it took, it had always consumed his being. 

And, the voice reasoned, if he loved her, wouldn’t he want what’s best for her? And maybe what was best for her was to put aside his own feelings that were looking more and more hopeless by the second. He should focus on what Aliya needed long-term, and how he could support that and make her dreams happen for her. 

Despite himself, Nikolai grudgingly agreed that the small voice of love was right. He should put what Aliya needed first.

Having finally arrived at the beginning of an answer, Nikolai lifted his head up to respond to his papa.

He must have taken longer to ponder his thoughts than he’d realized. His papa was curled up on his chair, sipping out of his favorite coffee mug (the one with a picture of Otousan mid-jump emblazoned on it), watching his son nonchalantly. When their eyes met, Victor nodded at the table in front of Nikolai. “I got you some coffee.” Nikolai reached out and picked it up, taking a small sip. “So, did you come up with something? You were lost in thought for quite some time.” Victor smiled fondly.

Nikolai nodded thoughtfully. “For right now, I think what I want is just to give Aliya the things she wants. I want to help her get to where she wants to be. Even if that means that I don’t get to be with her, then that’s ok. It’s more important to me that she’s happy.”

“Hmm.” Victor cradled his mug in his hands, almost as if he was giving it a furtive hug. “I understand those feelings very well. In that case, I don’t really think there’s much I can tell you. You’ve made a choice about what’s important to you, and that’s that. You’ve always been tenacious once you decide you want to do something. It’s going to be hard for you to watch her go, but if that’s what you’ve chosen, then I have no doubt you’ll support the hell out of her.” He smiled and took a sip of his coffee.

Nikolai blinked. “You think I’m tenacious?”

“Yes, of course. You’ve always worked hard towards your goals, and never let anything get in your way. You have some of that quiet determination your otousan has.”

My goals? Nikolai silently wondered. What goals? I’ve only ever really had one or two, haven’t I? He regarded his papa silently. Maybe he saw things that Nikolai himself didn’t. And apparently what he saw was an unwavering dedication. Nikolai blushed a little. It felt good to be praised by his papa, even though he was never shy with his love. His deep, meaningful observation meant more, somehow. And it was just what Nikolai had needed.

He rose up off the couch. “You’re right, it’s going to be hard to go back to hockey again, but I think it’s what’s going to be best for her. There wouldn’t be any point in me kicking and screaming and delaying the inevitable just because of what I want, would there?” He paused, and smiled softly. “Thanks, Papa. That helped a lot.”

Victor looked visibly surprised. “I’m not sure I said all that much that was helpful, but I’m glad it worked for you.” He smiled that annoying heart again. “And if you need any other advice, or just a sympathetic ear, you know where to come. I know exactly what it’s like to be in love with someone who has no clue how you feel.” He winked.

Despite himself, Nikolai laughed. “Ok, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

He bent down to pick up his mug, but his papa waved his hand in his direction. “Never mind that, Nika, I’ll clean it up. You head on off to bed, you have another big day tomorrow.”

A sudden surge of affection overcame Nikolai, and he darted forward, wrapping his papa in an awkward hug. The angles were all wrong, but Nikolai tried to convey through his touch what he had never been able to say in words to his papa. He withdrew, not looking at Victor as he scurried out of the room. “Oyasumi, Papa,” he called behind him.

As he shuffled into the hallway, he heard his papa’s voice call gently in return, “Oyasumi, Nika. Ya lyublyu tebya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes:
> 
> Oyasumi: good night in Japanese. I headcanon that the family would use these cute little Japanese greetings and such, like tadaima and all that. I think Victor would find them adorable.
> 
> Ya lyublyu tebya: I love you in Russian.


	15. Chapter 15

The hockey alarm that he had forgotten to adjust woke him up early the next morning. He yawned as he shut it off, and heard his parents stirring. As he shuffled, yawning, into the kitchen, his otousan looked him briefly up and down. “Nika, aren’t you going to get dressed? We have to leave in about 20 minutes.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, crap! I’m sorry, Otousan, I totally forgot I was going with you to the rink today! Yeah, let me get dressed, I’ll be ready.” He turned around to go throw some clothes on, but Yuuri laughed gently.

“Why don’t you eat something first? I made you breakfast. You should have time to eat before we go.”

Nikolai turned back around and noticed that there was, indeed, food waiting at his place that he hadn’t noticed. He gave his otousan a grateful smile, then plunked down and began shoveling it into his mouth as quickly as he could. Victor laughed. “Slow down, Nika, it’s not going anywhere.”

Nikolai ignored him. Partially because he was being ridiculous, and partially because Nikolai didn’t want to acknowledge the feelings he had bared in front of his papa last night. He finished his breakfast quickly and bounded off to his room to change, managing to do so and make it back to the living room by the time his parents were putting the last of the dishes into the sink. Yuuri came over to gather his things. “You ready, Nika?” he asked. 

“Hai, let’s get going.”

“Ok.” As he was putting on his shoes, Yuuri said, “Just so you’re aware, though, I do have a private lesson and then another group lesson today before the group that we worked with yesterday. You’re welcome to help with them, or skate by yourself, or do whatever you’d like during that time. It’s up to you.”

Nikolai turned these options over. “Well, I might help out with the other group lesson, if that’s ok?”

Yuuri’s eyes smiled at him. “That sounds perfect.”

They walked to the rink in comfortable silence, the kind that Nikolai only had with his otousan. Even with other members of his family, the natural lapses in conversation didn’t feel the same. Being with his otousan made Nikolai feel like he was surrounded by a soft, downy pillow, and any silences simply enhanced that feeling. He let the calm soothe his soul like a blanket until they reached the ice arena that was stirring to life in the newness of the day.

They entered the rink together, nodding in tandem to Emiliya, who was much more cheerful than any receptionist had a right to be in the morning, before heading out to the ice. 

Even though they were early for the first lesson, there was already a student waiting for Yuuri. He jumped up when they entered, and Nikolai recognized the little dark-haired boy that he’d been briefly jealous of a few days earlier. He immediately felt shame for his earlier emotional reaction. The boy was no more than 6 or 7 years old, with intense dark eyes to match his long dark hair. He bounded over to Yuuri, but stopped short when he noticed Nikolai. Yuuri noticed his hesitation, and put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Dmitri, this is my son, Nikolai. He’s here to practice today, so he’ll be around during our lesson. Is that ok with you?”

The little boy looked very much like he wanted to hide behind Yuuri, but Nikolai’s presence was preventing that. Instead, he cautiously looked the teen up and down, then slowly nodded his acquiescence. 

Nikolai bent down on one knee in front of the boy, trying to alleviate some of the disparity between their heights. Being tall never really bothered him until he wanted to talk to kids. He smiled as warmly as he could at the boy, and said, “Dmitri, is it?” 

A hesitant nod. 

“Well, like my otousan said, my name is Nikolai. It’s nice to meet you.” He stuck out his hand, and after examining it carefully, Dmitri reached his own hand out to shake it. A little surge of relief went over Nikolai. He said, “I’ll be here ice skating just like you today. Do you like ice skating?” 

Dmitri’s face lit up, but he still only offered a nod by way of communication. 

Encouraged, Nikolai continued, “I like skating, too. I really like the spins and jumps. It makes me feel like I’m flying.” 

Shyly, the boy shuffled one foot and replied, “I like that, too.”

Nikolai resisted the urge to pump his fist in the air in victory. He’d gotten Dmitri to talk to him! Outwardly, though, he simply said, “Yeah, it’s the best! Well, have fun flying today.” He held up his hand in an invitation to a high-five.

Finally, Dmitri smiled at him. He slapped his hand into Nikolai’s, and Nikolai pulled his arm back sharply and made an exaggerated face of pain. “Aaah, geez, leave my hand in one piece next time, ok?”

Dmitri giggled and nodded again, this time a looser, more comfortable nod. 

Yuuri broke in with a chuckle. “Ok, Dmitri, let’s go do some warm-ups now.”

As the two of them headed out onto the ice, Nikolai sat down and began to slowly lace up his skates, taking his time so he could watch his otousan and Dmitri. His heart twanged a little as he took in Dmitri’s obvious love for figure skating. He exuded enthusiasm from every small pore, and it was obvious he was trying earnestly to do what Yuuri was asking of him. One corner of Nikolai’s mouth quirked up in a mixture of nostalgia and bitter regret. It reminded him of himself when he was younger. He was no stranger to that love of skating. A brief emotion flared up inside him, and for a moment he wished fervently that he could be out there on the ice with his otousan, seven years old again and simply enjoying his love of the sport. He caught himself in his daydream and shook his head to dispel it. He had work to do if he was going to help Aliya out today. He levered himself off the bench and entered the ice rink.

The next hour flew by as he concentrated on his spins and footwork. As best he could, he even practiced the form of the lifts he had learned, but his left arm was a bit of a hindrance, bound up in his sling. He managed to shrug off the annoyance of it, though. He knew that Aliya and his parents would get upset at him if he took it off now. Nikolai himself didn’t really notice much of a difference with or without the sling, but it was a small thing that would make his loved ones happy, so he put up with it.

He was so caught up in his practice that the sound of the door shutting startled him enough that he almost lost his balance in a sit spin. He straightened up and looked around, noting a small crowd of children and parents starting to gather at the benches. Then he remembered that his Otousan had mentioned another group lesson. This must be it. He looked over the kids. They were all older than the preschool group that he had helped with yesterday. He’d guess they were all between 6 and 9 years old. He mentally readied himself. In his childhood, this age group had been when kids had started noticing his family’s unconventional structure, and started trying to bully him because of it. Now that he was older, he’d never really had much of a problem with children judging him, but he always tensed up unconsciously around large groups of kids anyway. He loved individual kids, but then again, he’d never been teased by a single child.

His otousan was already skating over to the side of the rink, oblivious to his son’s inner turmoil. Dmitri was following him, but didn’t leave the ice. He simply waited as the other kids trickled onto the rink one by one. Nikolai remembered that he had first encountered the little boy at the end of this group session. He crinkled his brow. Obviously his otousan saw some talent in the boy, to be giving him a private lesson on top of a group lesson. This wasn’t the first time Yuuri had fostered a young skater’s latent talent. Usually, however, he simply passed the promising skater on to the professional coaches who used the rink later in the day. It wasn’t like him to give private lessons regularly. Nikolai’s interest was piqued. He made a mental note to ask his otousan about this later. 

Now, however, Yuuri was beckoning his son over to the assembled group. Nikolai made his way across the ice slowly, dreading the inevitable scorn of the children. He lifted his head up with a pride that he didn’t feel. He was a semi-professional ice skater, and much older than these kids. He wouldn’t allow himself to be ridiculed. He would protect his family.

He stopped in front of the group with a decisive shush of his blades. He looked defiantly at the children as his otousan introduced him. “Everyone, this is my son, Nikolai Victorevich. He’ll be here today helping us out, so you can all ask him for help with anything you don’t understand. He plays hockey, but he’s very good at figure skating also, so please don’t hesitate to ask him.”

The children all greeted him in chorus. Nikolai looked around at their faces and relaxed a little. Years of being picked on had taught him to read expressions fairly well, and he didn’t see anything other than bland acceptance and perhaps mild curiosity on the faces of the students. He felt a little admiration for his otousan. In one fell swoop, he had introduced Nikolai and his purpose, set him up as a trustworthy teacher, and dispelled any family questions before they could be asked. He’d even managed to fit in Nikolai’s hockey playing, which was surely to make his son feel more comfortable. He gave his otousan a brief look of admiration. As he turned his head, however, his eye was caught by the expression of a young boy standing next to his otousan. There was an unmistakable gleam of anticipation in his eye that Nikolai had seen many times before. He would have to try to stay clear of this boy. It wouldn’t do for him to get into an argument with a child.

His otousan, however, seemed to have different ideas. “All right, everyone, we’re going to pick up where we left off yesterday with our toe loops. Dasha, Katia, and Marina, you’re with me. So that means Dmitri, Pyotr, and Fyodor, you’re with Nikolai.” He gestured to his own kids to follow him and skated off to the other end of the rink, leaving some space for the groups to spread out. 

Nikolai eyed his little train of kids. Pyotr seemed like a nice enough boy, and of course Dmitri would only present a challenge with his shyness. Fyodor, however, was going to be a different story. Yuuri apparently hadn’t noticed the expression on the boy’s face when he’d introduced Nikolai, and had put the two of them together right off the bat. Fyodor looked like he’d been given an early Christmas present, and Nikolai decided that he had to quickly divert their attention in order to avoid a confrontation.

He forced a smile onto his face and said, “Let’s get started with the jump, then. Can you all show me what you’ve learned so far, one at a time?”

Pyotr raised his hand and jiggled up and down excitedly. “Ooh, ooh, can I go first, Nikolai Victorevich?’

Despite his tension, Nikolai laughed a little at the boy’s enthusiasm. “Sure, go ahead.”

He watched closely as Pyotr gained speed, got into position, and executed his jump, not quite getting his feet under himself in time to prevent his bottom from hitting the ice. He made mental notes of how to reposition the boy’s legs, and called to him, “Good job. Come on back.” He turned to the other two and asked, “Who’s up next?”

Fyodor skated away, not even giving a backward glance to the others. Nikolai quirked up a corner of his mouth at Dmitri. “Guess he was just really excited to go.” 

Dmitri looked up at him for a moment with some surprise, and nodded in agreement.

Nikolai turned his attention back to Fyodor, noting his form as he bent his knee, dug in his toe pick, and lifted off the ice. 

Once Fyodor had landed shakily, Nikolai nodded to Dmitri. “You’re up now, kiddo. Show them what you’ve got.”

Cautiously, Dmitri peeked at Nikolai, and skated off to ready himself for his jump. Pyotr and Fyodor rejoined Nikolai as he stood watching Dmitri execute his toe loop, noting the steps. Bend knee, toe pick, extend arms, jump, rotate, land, extend. Once he straightened up, Nikolai shot him a thumbs-up across the ice, and turned to the other two boys. “Ok, you both did very well. You have the steps of the jump down correctly, you just need a little adjustment to your forms to straighten out your lines and prevent falls. The most important thing here is your safety, and an important part of that is knowing how to jump properly.” Dmitri skated up as Nikolai continued. “I noticed we could use a little help with leg positioning during the jump. I’m going to show you how I do it, and I want you to watch my legs. Focus on what I do with them during takeoff and landing especially. The takeoff sets up your success for the whole jump, and when you pull out to land, that’s when you have the most potential to fall and get hurt. So I want you guys to watch me closely.”

He turned around to start his jump, but a snort stopped him. He looked back and was met by Fyodor’s derisive face. “Why should we listen to what you say? Yuuri Toshiyavich said that you’re just a hockey player, so why should we pay any attention to you? I came here to learn from an Olympic champion, not some hockey loser.”

A familiar feeling of anger prickled at Nikolai’s limbs, but he plastered a neutral look on his face and replied with a calm voice, “I understand why you would think that, Fyodor, but I actually have a lot of figure skating experience. I studied figure skating before I started playing hockey. I might not be an Olympic champion like my father, but I can certainly teach you how to properly execute a single toe loop.”

A sneer spread across Fyodor’s face, and a spark entered his eye that Nikolai recognized all too well. “That’s another thing. Yuuri Toshiyavich said you’re his son, right? Why is your name Victorevich, then?”

Keep it together, Nika. He’s just a kid. Nikolai forced a smile onto his cold lips and replied, “Well, he is my father, but I have another father. His name is Victor, so I take my name from him instead.”

The gleam of a cat that had cornered a mouse intensified in Fyodor’s eyes. “So you have two dads? Are they gomoseks?”

Although he bristled at the word, Nikolai kept his face passive and answered, “Well, they are married to each other, yes. And they love each other very much. So I don’t have a mother, but two fathers instead.”

Fyodor wrinkled his nose and squealed in delight, “Eeeew, that’s gross! My dad says that guys being married is wrong, and that gomoseks are ruining the country. He says they’re weak and they’re not real men, because they act like women. Isn’t that gross?” He addressed his last comment to the other two boys.

Pyotr looked bewildered, but before Nikolai could think of anything to say, Dmitri began shouting. “What does your stupid dad know? Who cares if Nikolai Victorevich has two dads or not? I think he’s really cool, and so is Yuuri Toshiyavich. So you stop making fun of them right now! I don’t care about any of that stuff, I just wish you’d shut up so we could all learn instead of listening to your dad’s stupid ideas!”

Fyodor stared incredulously at Dmitri, and sputtered, “What did you say to me? My dad’s not stupid! He’s much smarter than some stupid gomosek-lover! You take that back about my dad!”

“Only if you take back what you said!”

Nikolai slid in between the two glaring boys, holding out his hands. “That’s enough, now! You both stop this!”

“Nika? Is something wrong?”

He froze. This was the worst possible timing. Why was his otousan coming over here now? His mind raced, and crystallized on one thought: he had to protect his otousan from this boy’s venom.

Unfortunately for him, Dmitri didn’t share this goal. Before Nikolai could react, he blurted out, “Yuuri Toshiyavich, Fyodor was being mean! He was making fun of you and Nikolai Victorevich, because he has two dads, and he said that he didn’t want to listen to him!”

Yuuri came to a stop in front of the children. Nikolai stared in horror. He had failed. He had allowed his otousan to be hurt by this boy. His stomach quivered in disappointment and anger at himself.

Yuuri, however, simply said, “Pyotr, would you go practice your waltz jump, please?” As he silently complied, Yuuri directed a cool look at the other boy. “Fyodor, is this true?”

To his credit, Fyodor at least had the grace to look embarrassed by his actions for a second. “Yeah.” Then his face hardened, and he shot an accusing finger at Dmitri. “But he said my dad was stupid!”

“Yeah, because your dad thinks that Yuuri Toshiyavich is gross!”

Nikolai cringed. Why was his otousan the one who had to be hearing this?

Yuuri sighed deeply. “Boys, I’m disappointed in both of you.” Nikolai looked at him, startled, as Yuuri continued, “You both know the rules about fighting and name-calling. Especially you, Fyodor. I’m very disappointed by your words. They are hurtful and not necessary. There was no need for you to ignore Nikolai when he was trying to teach you, and to blame it on my husband is not ok. I’m going to have to talk with your parents when they pick you up today.”

A smug look crossed Fyodor’s face. “You can’t, because they’re not picking me up today. My brother is.”

Yuuri gave the boy a sharp look that Nikolai himself had been on the receiving end of more than once as a child. “That is quite enough of your attitude. I’m going to have to ask you to sit out on the bench for a while and think about what you’ve done. Talking back to and insulting your instructors is not allowed here. I will be calling your parents to discuss your behavior.” He indicated the benches with a wave of his hand. “Let Nikolai know when you are ready to come back and join the rest of the class.”

Fyodor scowled darkly, but apparently finally realized that he had gone too far. He skated off quietly to serve his sentence, glowering at the world the whole while.

Having dealt with one troublemaker, Yuuri turned his attention to the other boy. “Dmitri, what do you have to say for yourself?”

Dmitri, who seemed to have finally found his voice, protested, “But Yuuri Toshiyavich, you didn’t hear what he was saying! He was being really mean!”

The corner of Yuuri’s mouth twitched. “You sound a lot like another little boy that had this same problem with bullies.” His amused gaze flickered over to his son, then sobered as it returned to the boy standing in front of him. “I’m going to tell you the same thing his father always said to him: Just because someone is being unkind doesn’t mean you get to be unkind back. It was very brave of you to stand up to someone who was being a bully, but you became a bully also when you insulted his father. There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself or someone else, as long as you don’t hurt anyone while you’re doing so. Do you understand?”

Although he still looked unconvinced, Dmitri nodded. 

“Good. Now, when Fyodor comes back, you’ll need to apologize to him.”

“What! Why should I do that? He was the one being mean!”

“Yes, but you also said unkind things, didn’t you?” Yuuri enquired mildly.

Dmitri looked down. “Yeah, I guess so.” He paused and looked up at his teacher’s expectant face. “Ok, fine! I’ll apologize to him, but only because you said so!”

Yuuri smiled gently. “That’s fine. Thank you, Dmitri.” He reached out and rested his hand on the boy’s head for a second. Then he turned to his son and transferred the hand to Nikolai’s hair, ruffling it briefly. “Sorry that you got mixed up in this, Nikolai. I didn’t mean for you to have to deal with a fight.”

Nikolai studied his otousan’s face carefully. Normally an encounter like this would make him cry, but he seemed to be fine. “It’s ok, Otousan. You pretty much handled it, so it’s fine.” He gave a last searching look to his otousan before saying, “We should probably get back to practice now.”

Yuuri laughed. “If you say so, Coach Katsuki-Nikiforov.” He gave a salute, then left to rejoin his own small group.

Sighing, Nikolai turned back to his own small charge. “Well, Dmitri, shall we get back to skating?”

The boy still looked a little miffed, but grumbled his assent. 

Satisfied, Nikolai called Pyotr back to them. “Well, shall we continue where we left off? I’ll do the jump, and I want both of you to watch my leg position, ok?”

They chimed their agreement, Dmitri seeming to have broken his silence at last. Relieved to put the whole thing behind him, Nikolai focused intently on his small pupils for the rest of the session. He glanced over frequently at the benches to check on Fyodor, but he remained stubbornly seated at the sidelines for the rest of the class rather than apologize. Nikolai shrugged it off and focused on teaching the boys who wanted to learn. A few times when he looked over at Fyodor, however, he caught the boy intently watching Nikolai’s legs.

Finally, his otousan called for all the children to gather together in the middle of the rink. As he gave them a final talk for the day, Nikolai decided that enough was enough. He was grown now, and he would be damned if he let a quarrel with a child keep going. He skated resolutely over to the spot where Fyodor was sitting, exited the ice, and sat quietly on the bench next to him, leaving plenty of space between them.

Fyodor scowled at him. “What do you want?”

Undeterred, Nikolai answered, “I just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry that we got off on the wrong foot today.”

The boy eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing.

Doggedly, Nikolai said, “Don’t you think it’s a little harsh to judge people when you don’t even know them? It was a bit unfair to my parents, don’t you think? I mean, what if I decided I hate your father because he doesn’t like homosexuals? Wouldn’t that make you upset?”

Fyodor, to his credit, seemed to actually think about this for a moment before glaring at Nikolai. “I guess so. But that’s different. What your dads do is gross.”

“Why?”

This seemed to trip up Fyodor. He stared at Nikolai for a second before recovering. “My dad says it’s not natural, and that the population in Russia is going down because men and women aren’t getting married enough, and that it’s all the fault of people like Yuuri Toshiyavich. He says if they had more self-control, they would get married and have kids for the good of the country.”

“Hmm. That seems like a lot of things your dad says. What about you? What do you think?”

The boy froze and stared at him blankly.

He apparently needed a more focused question. Nikolai tried again. “What I mean is, you know my father. You seem to enjoy skating, and he’s very good at skating. I know that you want to learn. There’s no reason for you to not want to learn from my father just because he’s married to another man. That has nothing to do with skating. Do you think it’s fair to hate him because of that?”

A voice from behind them sneered, “You would think that way, you damn pidor.”

That voice…could it be?

Slowly, Nikolai turned around, hoping to delay the inevitable sight he knew was waiting for him.

Evgeny Dadonov.

He drew himself up as tall as he could while sitting. “What are you doing here, Dadonov?” he asked coldly. 

“Picking up my little brother from his stupid ice skating practice. Why the hell are you here, pidor?”

Perfect. There were more homophobes in the Dadonov family that he was being forced to deal with now. He glanced at Fyodor. The boy seemed lost in thought. Well, at least there was hope for one of the brothers. Suddenly, Nikolai felt deflated. Wearily, he said to Evgeny, “I’m helping my otousan teach the figure skating class.”

“That figures,” Evgeny scoffed. “Seems like just the kind of thing a stupid uëbok like you would be doing.”

The derision in his voice made the anger come back in full force. Nikolai stiffened, but tried to control his response. It wouldn’t do to get into a fist fight here, where his otousan was working. And probably watching. Instead he growled, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Evgeny snorted. “Exactly what it sounds like. I should have expected that the pathetic son of a goluboy would be doing something girly like figure skating. You’re probably a goluboy just like them. Figures, being raised by them, that you’d turn out weak like a woman.”

“I am not weak!” Nikolai exploded.

“Yeah? Then why are you wearing a sling on that little wound I gave you?” Evgeny snorted. “Pretty sad. Come on, Fyodor. Let’s go home. No reason for you to be hanging around this pidor. Don’t want him to rub off on you.” He sneered at Nikolai as Fyodor stood up and silently joined him, both of them walking away without another look back.

It was probably a good thing that they didn’t. Nikolai was very close to punching another dent into Evgeny’s face, otousan or no. As the door slammed behind the Dadonov brothers, Nikolai looked down at his sling in disgust. He’d fucking show that asshole who was weak. Violently, he ripped the sling off and over his head, flinging it off to the side. He winced a little as his shoulder stretched out from being caught up in the same position over the last couple days, but immediately tried his best to wipe the expression off his face. He wasn’t weak. He’d prove that he was a strong man who wouldn’t take shit from anyone. There was no way he was going to show weakness over this damn shoulder.

“Nika?” his otousan called from the rink as he skated closer. “What’s wrong? Why did you take off your sling?”

A surge of defensive anger went through him, and he spat back, “I don’t need it. The doctor even said it wasn’t necessary. I’m strong enough to be fine without it. I don’t need your pity.”

A flash of hurt passed over his otousan’s features, and Nikolai briefly felt a twinge of regret. It wasn’t nearly enough to stop him now, though. He snapped, “Otousan, I need you to teach me more lifts.”

Yuuri eyed him with something close to trepidation. “Nika, I really don’t think that’s a good idea right now. The doctor said you shouldn’t be using your shoulder until he checks it out later this week”

“Yeah, well, he also said that I didn’t need the sling if I didn’t want to wear it! But you and Papa were just too scared to let me be without it! It’s fine, my shoulder doesn’t even hurt anymore. So come on, just teach me some lifts! You can even lift me, if that makes you feel better about the damn sling!” He stared defiantly at his otousan, breathing hard.

Yuuri regarded him silently for a second, then finally relented. “All right, Nika. Come on, let’s get going.”

As he stepped onto the ice, somehow, the victory felt bitter in Nikolai’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes:
> 
> hai: Japanese, general agreement, sort of like yes, or yes sir, or even just yep, depending on the context
> 
> uëbok: Russian term for someone who's weak and useless. This took me a ridiculous amount of research time to find a Russian term I wanted. It didn't seem right to just throw "pussy" or "wimp" into the story at that point.


	16. Chapter 16

For the next hour, Nikolai pushed himself hard, probably harder than his shoulder could handle. He refused to allow himself to acknowledge such thoughts, however, and kept at it, mimicking the motions his otousan showed him, although Yuuri wouldn’t let him to do any actual lifting. Even throughout the preschool class, Nikolai ran through the motions in his head over and over, focusing on something that would make him useful, rather than dwelling on his weakness as a man.

By the time the preschool class left, he had worked himself into a nervous mess. He didn’t realize the depth of his emotional state, however, until Aliya entered the rink and greeted him with a scolding.

“Kolya! Why aren’t you wearing your sling?”

Without thinking about the words coming out of his mouth, Nikolai barked, “I took it off, Aliya! I don’t even really have to have it on. I know I don’t have a mother, but I don’t need you to be one for me! Sometimes I wish you would just leave me the hell alone!”

She recoiled visibly, and for a moment, said nothing. Then, in a subdued voice, she said, “Oh. Ok, I’m sorry, Kolya. I’ll leave you alone about it.” She sat down and silently began to put on her skates.

Instantly, Nikolai felt guilty about his words. He stood there helplessly, torn between his anger and the need to apologize for hurting his friend. In the end, the overwhelming turmoil in his heart won out, and he skated away without saying anything, leaving her to get ready and join him at her own pace.

The rest of the practice session was tense after that. More often than not, Nikolai found himself being yelled at by Otabek to correct his footing or his body positioning, or simply to pay attention to what he was doing. Somehow, he managed to limp through it, and removed his skates as quickly as possible when Otabek called for an end to the day. He barely even gave his petite friend a farewell before shoving his things into his bag and retreating out of the arena. 

Once outside, he leaned briefly against a nearby tree and exhaled deeply. His mind refused to calm down, buzzing with his conflicting emotions. One thing he knew was that he had to relieve this tension somehow. A memory came to him, and before he could second-guess himself, he whipped out his phone and selected a contact. He began walking as the phone rang once, twice, and then was picked up on the third ring with a click that somehow managed to sound angry.

“Yeah, what do you want, soplyak?”

“Hey, Yuri, do you have a little bit of time?”

A noncommittal grunt. “I guess so. Why?”

“Well, I wanted you to take me to that gym again.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea with your shoulder like that? Aliya would kill me if she found out I got you hurt worse.”

The anger rose up in a roar. “Geez, you, too? I don’t need all of you to treat me like some weak little child. I can take care of myself and know my own limits, you know!” His hand clenched into a fist. “You know what, just forget it! I’ll figure it out on my own.” He pulled the phone away from his ear, ready to hang up, when he heard Yuri’s voice and grudgingly put it back to hear the man out.

“Hey, hold on a second there, soplyak. If you’re really that set on it, I’ll get you in. I just want you to know that I take no responsibility for your health. This is all on you.”

Nikolai relaxed a bit, and said, “I can deal with that.”

“Ok, great. Where are you now? Need a ride there?”

“Well, yeah, that’d be nice. I have no idea how to get there.”

Yuri humphed. “Ok. I’ll come pick you up, then. Where are you?”

“About a block away from the skating rink.”

“Ok. Just wait where you are, I’ll be there in about 5 minutes.” Before Nikolai could say anything else, he hung up.

Nikolai searched out a bench and sat uneasily to wait for Aliya’s papa. Thankfully, he wasn’t left to stew with his emotions for very long. Soon, Yuri was pulling up in his black car and honking impatiently. Nikolai got in and buckled up, settling in as Yuri pulled away from the curb. He glanced over at the blond, and murmured, “Thanks.”

Yuri grunted. “Sure, soplyak. Mind me asking what got you so upset?”

Nikolai stared resolutely out the window, carefully indifferent even to Yuri’s insane driving. “Same reason as last time, I guess.”

“Ah. The shitty kid?”

Nikolai nodded, but didn’t turn his head.

“Try not to let him get to you so much, huh?”

“Easy for you to say.”

The second the words had left his mouth, Nikolai cringed. 

A harsh laugh burst from Yuri. “It’s easy for me to say that, huh? First of all, have you met me? I’m not exactly the type of person who naturally avoids confrontation. Secondly, do you really think that Beka and I haven’t faced any discrimination for being married? You think you have it so bad, but you’re not the only person who has to deal with jackasses who are out to save all of Russia from the horrible gays.”

Nikolai managed to feel embarrassed enough to say, “Yeah, I wasn’t really thinking. Sorry about that.” He sneaked a look at Yuri to gauge how upset he was.

The blond man snorted at him. “Just try to think about what you’re saying, huh? You’re not the only person who’s got problems. The whole community has to deal with this shit, and we could use some understanding among ourselves.”

Honestly, Nikolai had never really thought about this issue from other people’s points of view. Obviously, he had been teased extensively as a child, as had Aliya, and he had seen that same derision directed at his parents. But he had really only thought of the problem in terms of what he could do to fight back to protect his loved ones. He hadn’t really stopped to consider what other people were thinking about when they were put down, or how they themselves could deal with the situation. He’d always been so focused on himself and his responses, that he hadn’t spared much thought for others dealing with the same discrimination. He turned the matter over in his mind as they drove to the gym, not even noticing their location until Yuri turned the car off and reached over to flick his head.

“Hey, wake up. We’re here. Weren’t you the one who wanted to come here?”

Nikolai started. “Oh, yeah, sorry.” He hastily unbuckled and scrambled out of the car, following Yuri into the building. 

Luckily, the receptionist wasn’t the Yuri’s Angel today, so they got in with little fuss. Yuri led Nikolai into the exercise room. Nikolai strode over to the gloves and grabbed a pair, shoving them roughly on his hands. Yuri watched silently as he marched over to a punching bag, until he brought his right fist up.

“You should put up both of your hands.”

Nikolai looked at him, a bit dumbfounded. “What?” Hadn’t Yuri been the one to say that he shouldn’t hurt his shoulder any further?

“Even if you’re not going to hit with your left hand, you should put it up for balance.”

“Oh.” That made sense. Nikolai complied, raising his left fist up also. He shot his right hand out, connecting solidly with the bag. He hummed briefly in satisfaction. It felt good to be able to hit something. For a while, there wasn’t a sound from either of the men as Nikolai simply focused on venting out his rage and frustration at the world. It wasn’t as satisfying to be punching with only one side, but it was definitely better than nothing. 

Eventually, Nikolai dropped his hands and allowed himself to take a deep breath. As he did so, Yuri spoke.

“All done, soplyak?”

Nikolai took stock of himself. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Here, toss me your gloves, then.” Nikolai pulled them off and threw them over. As he was putting them away Yuri said, “If this is going to be a regular thing, then maybe next time we can spar together in the ring.”

Although he was surprised at the offer, Nikolai managed to rally himself enough to follow after Yuri as he exited the room and reply with a gruff, “Sure, that would be good.”

“Ok. Come on then, let’s get you home. You’ve gotta get some rest to be ready for Aliya and Beka tomorrow.”

A shot of guilt twanged through him. Nikolai avoided meeting Yuri’s eyes as he replied lamely, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Yuri looked over at him sharply. “Did something happen at practice today? Is that why you’re upset, too?”

By now they had exited the building, so Nikolai took advantage of his longer legs and increased his walking pace in an attempt to avoid the question. “Not really, no.” He reached the car first, and opened the passenger door quicker than he meant to, hastily settling into the seat.

However, Yuri wasn’t far behind him. He sat down in the driver’s seat and slammed the door. He huffed, “Trying to outrun me? Really?”

Embarrassed, Nikolai replied sheepishly, “I hadn’t really thought it through.”

“Obviously.” Yuri turned on the car and put it in reverse. He got the car back onto the road before continuing the conversation. “So that’s pretty much a yes that something happened today, right?”

“I said no. It wasn’t anything that happened at practice, it was just that guy that got me mad. But…I kinda did take it out on Aliya.” He propped his elbow on the door and leaned his head into his palm. “I don’t really know how to make it better. I was such a jerk, and it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t even say anything to me about it, which just makes it worse.”

Yuri sighed. “I’ll have to kick your ass over this later, but for now, why don’t you just tell her you’re sorry?”

“I don’t know, I feel like that wouldn’t be enough at this point.”

“Then do something to show her that you’re sorry. But either way, you should definitely say something to her, sooner rather than later.”

Nikolai watched the buildings outside zip by, considering these words. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Yuri snorted. “Yeah, I manage that every once in a while.” They were pulling up to Nikolai’s building now, and Yuri pulled into a space and parked. They both got out of the car, and as Nikolai shut his door, he looked up cautiously at Yuri.

“Hey…thanks.”

“Sure. Now, about that ass kicking…”

Nikolai stared at him for a split second, and then bolted for the apartment. He called over his shoulder, “Well, thanks for everything, Yuri, I’ll just be going now, see you!”

“Hey, asshole, get back here! I’m not done with you yet!”

Nikolai made it to the building door and dashed inside, not looking back. He knew from experience that Yuri wouldn’t actually hit a kid. The problem was that he wasn’t sure if he qualified as a kid in Yuri’s eyes anymore, and he wasn’t going to stick around to find out.

Now if only dealing with Aliya tomorrow would be as straightforward as this.


	17. Chapter 17

That evening, Nikolai didn’t send any of his normal texts to Aliya, preferring to wait and talk to her face to face. He liked to deal with conflict in-person whenever possible. Instead, he spent the time turning over in his head how he was going to apologize for his behavior. And, beyond that, how he was going to explain it. He pondered the issue throughout dinner, and his sister, who had come over with Mavra, noticed his silence.

“Hey, Nika, what’s up with you today? Did you finally get your first kiss or something?” she asked teasingly.

He glared back at her, partially irritated because of her words, and partially because his thoughts had been interrupted. “Shut up, Aki.”

She clutched at her chest dramatically. “Ooh, I’ve been hit! What a great comeback! How will I ever recover from such a fatal blow?” She leaned to one side and grabbed dramatically at Mavra’s arm. “Mavra, Papa, Otousan, where are you? Everything’s going black, I…I can’t see…” She flopped her head onto Mavra’s shoulder and went still.

Nikolai flipped his spoon across the table at her. “Screw you,” he snapped. She had a talent for poking him in all the right spots to make him mad.

“That’s enough, you two. Goodness, I thought that you would grow out of this as you got older, but obviously I was wrong.” Yuuri sighed. “I hope that at least you stop this behavior before you have your own children. What kind of example would that set?”

“A hilarious one,” Aki replied promptly. 

Their papa snickered audibly. Yuuri glared at him. “I swear, Vitya, you’re the worst of all sometimes.”

Victor put on a hurt puppy look. “Lapochka, I haven’t even done anything!”

His husband snorted. “Yet. I know you would if I wasn’t looking. You and Aki together are always a frightening force.”

“That is true,” Aki said. “April Fool’s is always the best, da, Papa?”

“Not for those of us on the receiving end,” grumbled Nikolai, remembering more than one occasion where he had found small animals where they shouldn’t be.

“Hey, it’s not our fault you and Otousan are too serious to join in on pranks,” Aki retorted.

“No, there was that one year when Nika was at training camp,” Victor broke in. “I think your otousan snapped.” He shuddered at the memory and mumbled something about scrubbing for hours.

Yuuri eyed him with a faint air of satisfaction before turning to Nikolai. “That aside, Nika, you do look like you have something on your mind. Is there something wrong?”

Nikolai looked around at his assembled family, contemplating his options. He could always lie and say nothing was wrong, but more than one of them would probably spot his lie a mile away. He sighed. “Well…I was kinda mean to Aliya at practice today. I yelled at her because I was upset, and she didn’t even say anything back. She just got all quiet. I think I hurt her feelings, and I don’t really know how to make it up to her.”

Aki leaned across the table towards him, her eyes gleaming. “Ooh, I know what you can do!”

Nikolai eyed her suspiciously. She was a bit too excited about this. “What?” he asked cautiously.

“You should totally take her out on a date!”

He spluttered, “A-a date! Are you serious?”

She leaned back and nodded. “Very serious. A girl likes to have a fuss made over her, and it’s a good way to make her feel like you think she’s special. Take her somewhere that you can pay attention to her, show her that you care.”

“Yeah, but…a date?”

Mavra broke in, his serious gaze leveling with Nikolai’s. “Your sister’s not wrong, Nika. Women like feeling special, and if you take her somewhere she’d like to go, that could go a long way towards helping you forgive her. You have to make sure to tell her in advance that you’re doing it to apologize, though. Always be clear about your intentions.”

Aki smirked at her brother. “See, Nika? Mavra is the master of dates.”

Their papa broke in with an indignant noise. “Excuse me! My own daughter, so readily handing over my title! I take your otousan out on very nice dates, thank you very much!”

Yuuri scoffed. “Yeah, but sometimes they’re a little bit too much. Nika, I would listen to what your papa says, but not take all of it too seriously.” Victor rounded on him with a cry of dismay. Yuuri hastened to say, “Vitya, you’ve done much better in the last several years, but even you have to admit, you’ve gone a bit too far sometimes! I mean, what about that time you rented out an entire restaurant just so we could eat there alone? Do you know how uncomfortable that made me?”

Aki snorted, and quickly hid her face in Mavra’s shoulder as their papa sputtered in dismay, “Yuuri, luybov moya, I thought that you liked it when I did that! You said that it was lovely and private!”

“And it was! It was just…too private. Whenever someone came over to serve us, I felt so awkward! They didn’t have anyone else to wait on, so they jumped on us every time a glass got more than half empty. It was extremely hard to relax like that.”

Victor stared at his husband with obvious chagrin. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Yuuri took a sip of his drink. “Doesn’t this count?” he asked innocently.

“No, it does not!” Victor cried, aghast. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

Yuuri sighed and rubbed a few small circles into his temples. “No, anata, I don’t.”

“I have to take you on a date to make up for that one! I must retake my title as Ultimate Date Master!” He posed dramatically, somehow managing to look semi-serious despite being seated at the dinner table.

Yuuri looked suitably horrified.

“Well, at any rate, Nika, you should just think about a place that you know she likes, and take her there. Make sure to pay plenty of attention to her while you’re there. You should be fine.” Aki stabbed a forkful of food, seemingly pleased with herself. Beside her, Mavra nodded his agreement.

Hastily, Yuuri chimed into the new conversation, “Yes, that is good advice, Nika.”

“Hey, don’t think this is over, zvezda moya. We’re going on a date tomorrow night, so you’d better be ready for redemption!” Victor winked at his husband, who simply looked frightened. 

As his family laughed and chatted about the upcoming date, Nikolai retreated back into his thoughts. Where could he take Aliya that would be special for her?

He didn’t come up with an answer until much later that night, however, long after Aki and Mavra had left and his parents had retreated to bed. By the time he had thought of a place to take Aliya, it was much too late to text and ask if she wanted to go. Instead, he decided that he would just text her when he was on the way to the rink in the morning. Satisfied with his plan, he finally allowed himself to sleep.

The next morning, however, he woke to a text from the object of his affections. She had sent a simple, short message: Are you still mad at me? 

His heart ached. She thought he was mad at her. She had done absolutely nothing wrong, and he had caused her to worry over his reaction for the entire day. He hadn’t even talked to her at all after he had yelled at her, other than directions during practice yesterday. And now she was worried that he was mad? She was the one with every right to be mad. He stared at his phone for several minutes, trying to figure out how to respond. Finally, he settled on a middle of the road response: No, I wasn’t mad at you at all. Can we talk about this at the rink later? And I’d like to take you somewhere after practice today, if you’re free. Before he could second guess himself any more, he hit send and purposely tossed the phone aside so he could get up and get dressed.

He avoided looking at it all through breakfast, only picking it up again as he was about to leave the house with his otousan. His throat flipped when he saw that she had texted back. He unlocked his phone hurriedly and read: Oh ok. Sure, we can go somewhere tonight. Where are we going? 

Nikolai breathed a sigh of relief. She seemed ready to forgive him. He decided to test out the waters, and replied: I’m not telling you. It’s your turn to be surprised. Wear comfortable shoes, and bring a jacket. There. That would hopefully keep her guessing long enough to forget that he had been nasty to her, at least until she got to the rink and they could talk. Satisfied, he shut his phone off and followed his otousan out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nikolai has a much better support network than he realizes. This damn kid.
> 
> I referenced another one of my YOI fics in this, "April Fool's," if you're interested in knowing why Victor is bitter about having to scrub. 
> 
> Translation notes: 
> 
> lapochka: Russian, sweetness, my sweet, etc.  
> zvezda moya: Russian, my star  
> anata: Japanese, literally means "you," but is used by wives to refer to their husbands, akin to "honey"


	18. Chapter 18

On the way to the rink, Nikolai eyed his otousan discreetly. He hadn’t ever really apologized for snapping at him yesterday, but it was likely that his otousan wouldn’t mention it until Nikolai was ready to talk about it. He wasn’t the type of person to be confrontational about his feelings being hurt, making it difficult sometimes to tell when he was upset. It had been a source of confusion for Nikolai when he was a child, and still was at times if he was totally honest.

He cleared his throat, and Yuuri looked over at him. Nikolai suddenly felt awkward, but forced himself to get the words out anyway. “Otousan, about yesterday…at the rink, that is…I’m sorry that I got mad at you about the sling. You were just concerned about me, and I snapped at you. It didn’t have anything to do with you. So…I’m sorry I yelled.”

He looked up to find his otousan regarding him softly. “It’s ok, Nika. I understand. If you want to talk about it more, just know I’m always ready to listen.”

Nikolai’s heart tugged. “Thanks, Tousan,” he responded. It meant a lot to him that he knew his otousan would always lend him an ear, but he really didn’t feel like he could tell him about Evgeny’s poisonous words.

They spent the rest of the way to the rink in that comfortable, blanket-like silence that Nikolai so enjoyed. When they arrived, Nikolai gave the waiting Dmitri a quick greeting and high five before heading off to the side of the rink. Despite his angry words yesterday, the lack of a sling was making more of a difference than he liked to admit. He dug deep into his memory and pulled out a few physical therapy shoulder exercises he had seen some of the other hockey players put through, and ran through them during Dmitri’s private lesson. He was fairly sure that his otousan noticed what he was doing, but he steadfastly avoided looking at his son for the duration of his exercises. When other kids started showing up for the group lesson, Nikolai quickly laced up his skates and joined the others out on the ice, trying to mentally prepare himself for Fyodor. 

What he hadn’t prepared himself for, however, was a completely subdued Fyodor that shuffled meekly onto the ice. After greeting the children, Yuuri caught Nikolai’s eye, and he nodded slightly. He was willing to have another go at working with Fyodor today, with the mood the boy appeared to be in. Thankfully, the docile behavior continued throughout the lesson, and Fyodor listened dutifully to the directions Nikolai gave. And, apart from a general glowering in the other boy’s direction, Dmitri behaved himself, too. When parents began arriving at the end of the hour, Nikolai released a silent sigh of relief. Somehow, they had miraculously survived without any more confrontations. Maybe he could actually do this, after all.

At least, that was what he was thinking until Evgeny walked in.

Shit. What was he doing back here? Nikolai stood silently next to Fyodor, who happened to be the last child to be picked up, and watched Evgeny draw closer. A sneer prickled at his lip as he walked up. “So you finally decided to man up and stop sniveling over a tiny little boo-boo, huh?”

Nikolai stared at him coldly. He couldn’t let himself be baited today. He had to keep his emotions in check so he could properly apologize to Aliya later. He decided that the less he said in response the better. “Guess so,” he said in what he hoped was a mild voice.

“Hm. Doesn’t do much to change the fact that you’re a pathetic goluboy, though.”

Nikolai’s veins fizzled, but he simply replied, “Think what you want, Dadonov. Right now, I’m just here to help kids learn to skate.”

“Making more gomoseks, huh?”

He took a deep breath. “What about ice skating is gay, exactly? You skate too, don’t you?”

Evgeny scoffed. “Skating in hockey is a lot different. It’s a real sport, for real men.”

“Oh? Then what does that make you, since you got kicked off the hockey team?” Nikolai turned his body and said, “Now if that’s all for today, I have some practice to be doing. See you tomorrow, Fyodor.” He skated back onto the rink, reveling in the interesting shade of red that Evgeny’s face was turning.

Yuuri watched his son approaching with a skeptical look on his face. “Nika, who is that boy? What did you say to him?” he asked.

Nikolai put on his best innocent face. “It’s nothing, Otousan. Now, can we get to practice?”

Yuuri gave him another doubtful look, but complied. The next hours were spent peacefully for Nikolai, practicing his jumps and lifts before the preschool class came in and showered him with their own special brand of love. It turned out to be exactly what he needed at the moment. He was enjoying himself with them so much that he didn’t notice Aliya come in and settle in to watch the class, smiling softly to herself.

Finally, as his otousan was dismissing the class for the day, he looked up and saw her sitting there, looking at him with a gentle expression on her face. He froze. Luckily for him, the kids chose that moment to crowd around him and demand hugs. His attention snapped back to them, and he laughingly complied, awkwardly trying to hug the entire mob at the same time. Eventually, he managed to herd them off the ice and send them off to their parents. Only then did he return his attention back to his pretty friend. She was smiling at him, with a softness that made him cautiously hope for the best. He slid across the ice until he was in front of her where she sat on the bench. She waited, her eyes locked on him, until he was standing awkwardly in front of her, his mouth dry and his nerves shot.

Aliya swung her feet gently, and said, “You look so natural with them.”

Relieved to have a topic of conversation, Nikolai responded readily, “Yeah? I do?”

She giggled. “Definitely. It’s so cute seeing you interact with them.” She looked at his eyes, and he immediately saw that her lighthearted tone didn’t match with the emotions there.

He sighed heavily and raked a hand through his hair. “Look, Aliya…I have to apologize for yesterday. I said something terrible to you, and you didn’t even do anything to me. You just showed concern for me, and I practically bit your head off. So…I’m really sorry, and I’d like to make it up to you after practice today, if you’ll let me.” He glanced up cautiously to see her reaction. 

To his shock, she had tears studded in her eyes. He hurriedly swung a leg over the barrier of the rink, clambering over it as fast as he could while demanding, “Aliyen’ka, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” He dropped heavily to his knees in front of her, carefully reaching both hands up to cup her cheeks.

Her face crumpled. “Oh, Kolya, I was just so worried that you were angry at me.” Fat tears threatened to overflow as she burst out, “I thought you didn’t want to practice with me anymore, and that…that maybe…you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymooooore.” The last word stretched out into a wail, and Aliya threw her arms around Nikolai’s neck, burying her face into his right shoulder. He felt a slight pang that, even when she was upset, she had remembered to avoid his injury. The pang quickly turned into panic as he felt wetness on his neck.

He froze. “Aliya, are you crying? Aliyen’ka? Why are you crying? You couldn’t have seriously thought that I didn’t want to be your friend, could you?”

A wail rose from his shoulder that could have been “yes.”

“Why would you ever think I wouldn’t want to be your friend?!”

A heavy sniffle. “W-well, I thought you thought I was too bossy, and that I was sticking my nose in where it didn’t belong by trying to take care of you. I thought you…you resented…”

“Oh, lapochka, I’m so sorry. Aliyen’ka, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing you could ever do would make me want to stop being your friend, especially something like taking care of me. You’re one of the most important people in the world to me, and I’m so sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t.” He was certain his heart was cracking in two from the force of the pain he had caused her. He had to look at her. He had to make her see. He gently but firmly pried her off of him by her shoulders, and locked his eyes deep into hers. “Aliya. Please never think that way again. You will always be my best friend, no matter what happens. And I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt that.”

At his words, she began dripping tears even faster. Horrified, he unthinkingly grabbed her face in both of his hands, steadying it, as he leaned forward and frantically kissed her tears away before wrapping both arms around the back of her head, pulling her into him. He murmured into her hair, “I’m so, so sorry. You mean so much to me, please believe me.”

She relaxed into his hold, and her stream of tears seemed to slow. “Really?” came her tenuous, muffled voice.

He squeezed her tighter. “Yes,” he whispered fervently.

Aliya gingerly wrapped her arms around his torso, and he felt her melt into him further.

It felt wonderful.

For a few long moments, they sat like that together, tightly embracing, and Nikolai focused on giving as much reassurance through his body as he could. Eventually, Aliya pulled away slightly, keeping her arms loosely bound around him, and Nikolai slid his hands down to her upper back. Aliya’s sapphire eyes bored into his, still shimmering from her tears. In the intensity of the moment, Nikolai’s eyes took in her entire face, from the deep blue of her eyes, to the redness of her cheeks, down to the fullness of her lips, and back up. Instinctively, he leaned forward, inclining his mouth towards her. He still tasted the saltiness of her tears on his tongue, and in the back of his mind, he vaguely wondered what that plump mouth would taste like.

His name echoing across the ice snapped him out of his delusion. He drew back with a shock, and saw the same emotion reflected in Aliya’s face. Suddenly, he realized the position they were in, and dropped his arms from her as if she was on fire, standing hurriedly. He turned his back to her, partially to distance himself from what he had been doing, and partially to locate the source of the voice calling his name. He saw his otousan standing near the door, waving at him. Otabek was standing next to him, and the two appeared to have just finished a conversation. Yuuri called out, “Nika, I’m going home now. Don’t forget, Papa and I are going out tonight, so you’re on your own for dinner.”

Nikolai waved back. “Hai, Otousan!” His muddled brain recalled that they had talked about that in the morning, and wondered why his otousan was making a point of telling him again. Then a small sniffle came from behind him, and he understood. His otousan had simply been trying to give them some warning that their private moment was about to be interrupted. Nikolai felt a surge of gratitude. Who knows what Otabek would have walked up to if Yuuri hadn’t called out? He waved again, hoping to convey his appreciativeness in the motion. Some of it seemed to get across, since Yuuri winked in response before exiting the arena.

Otabek began to walk over to them, and Nikolai’s concern for Aliya won out over his own exquisitely acute horror at how much emotion he had displayed. He turned around, reaching into his pocket as he did and pulling out a packet of kleenex. He handed one to his friend. “Aliyen’ka, your әкем’s coming over. Are you feeling ok now? We could go out on the ice so he doesn’t see your face.”

She looked up at him, her eyes red from her tears. “I’m ok, Kolya. I feel better now. Sorry to dump all that on you. But yeah, let’s get out there, we still have practice to do.” She visibly steadied herself before standing and heading out to the rink. Worried, Nikolai shadowed her closely, not fully convinced that she was ok yet. 

He followed her onto the ice, close behind her. “Aliya, are you sure you’re ok?”

She didn’t look back at him. “Yeah, Kolya. I…I’m sorry I cried on you.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. That’s what I’m here for.”

She turned around to look at him. “What?”

The memory of how he had held her, and kissed her face, and called her sweet names smacked him, and he realized that now was his chance to downplay that. He pushed down the panic threatening to overtake him at the memory of his bared affection, and tried to make his voice as carefree as possible. “Yeah, I mean, you’re my best friend. Friends are always there for each other, right? It’s not a big deal.” He grinned broadly at her, hoping that his mouth wasn’t shaking with his emotions.

This seemed to reassure her a bit. She relaxed, and tentatively reached out for his hand. “Thanks, Kolya,” she whispered, squeezing their linked hands a little. Then her face finally rearranged itself into its normal, easy expression, and she said, “Well, let’s get started, shall we? I’m sure Әкем is ready to get practice started.”

A quick glance over at the sidelines revealed that Aliya was right. Nikolai raised his hand and called out, “What do you want us to start with, coach?”

“The first step sequence,” Otabek called back.

In tandem, the two of them turned and began their routine. Nikolai glanced over cautiously at his pretty partner. “So, Aliya…can I take you out tonight to apologize?”

He felt her flinch through their joined hands, but she looked up at him steadily. All she said was, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! Sorry this took SO LONG to get anther chapter out. I ran 3 panels at Anime Midwest a couple weekends ago, so all my free time in June went to prepping those. But I'm back now! Hoping to start updating again more regularly. Thanks for hanging in there!


	19. Chapter 19

Their practice went much more smoothly than it had the day before, despite a different type of tension threading its way through the session. Otabek seemed inclined to give them a bit more leniency today, only making them stay about 15 minutes after the other pro skaters had left for the day. When they were finally allowed to stop, they both plopped down wearily onto a bench, breathing heavily. For Nikolai, the emotional strain had exhausted him nearly as much as the physical activity. As he put his skates away, however, he made an effort to rally himself, too focused on steadying himself to hear more than a vague outline of the conversation Aliya was having with her әкем. Finally, Otabek nodded and exited the arena, leaving the two of them alone. 

Aliya’s voice brought Nikolai back to earth. “Kolya, are you ready to go? Әкем said I can go out, so I’m all yours for the night.” She smiled up at him, but then her own words seemed to hit her, and her eyes widened. 

Nikolai couldn’t help chuckling at her. “Yeah, let’s get going. We have to go back to my house really quick first. Is that ok?”

“Sure, whatever you say. I’ll go along with whatever you want today.”

Nikolai’s stomach flipped, but he protested, “Hey, that attitude won’t do. This is supposed to be about you today, since I’m apologizing to you.” He offered her what he hoped was a nonchalant grin.

She smiled back, but her usual sunshine wasn’t in it. “Ok, Kolya. Let’s get going, then.”

Somehow, on the ten minute walk back to his apartment, Nikolai managed not to make a complete fool out of himself in their conversation. Aliya’s crying earlier still had him worried about her emotions, so he was very careful to be considerate of the things he was saying to her, and monitored her mood closely for signs of sadness or upset. And although she seemed a bit guarded, she at least was still smiling by the time they arrived at his house.

Together, they scaled the steps to the apartment. Nikolai was careful to open the door first, making an attempt to shield his friend from the whirlwind that was a happy Makkachin. He tossed his bag into the apartment over the dog’s head as Aliya giggled happily at the kisses she was getting. Nikolai scolded, “Makka, sorry, but you have to let her go. She’s with me tonight.” Giving the dog one last pat on the head, he shut the door quickly, and turned in time to see a slight flush on Aliya’s face. Terrified that he had upset her again, Nikolai hurriedly said, “Well, should we get going? You brought a jacket, right?”

Aliya looked up at him and her face relaxed as she laughed. “I did, but I put it into the outside pocket of your bag.”

Nikolai groaned. “Ok, I’m going in,” he said, positioning himself at the opening of the apartment door. He looked both ways rapidly and raised his hands in a mock finger gun, pretending to be an agent. He looked at his giggling friend. “If I don’t make it back out in five minutes, save yourself and report to headquarters.” He opened the door a sliver, tucking into a roll across the floor. 

And it actually worked. Makkachin spent a confused few seconds trying to figure out what his person was doing. By the time Nikolai had pulled the jacket out of his bag, however, Makkachin had recovered and was bouncing across the floor, excited to join in this unusual new rolling game.

Nikolai yelled, “Aliya! Catch!” He threw her jacket, extending his arm out as dramatically as he could. She managed to reach out her hand and snag it just before it fell on the floor out in the hallway, still laughing. By now Makkachin was fully upon him, and Nikolai collapsed dramatically to the floor, wailing, “I don’t think I can go on! I’ve been captured! Quick, get out of here while you still can!”

Makkachin approved of this game very much, enthusiastically nuzzling his person around the head.

The door creaked open a little more, and Nikolai raised his head at the sound. Aliya had opened it just enough to reach inside and grab the jar of emergency treats that was kept by the door. Immediately, Makkachin bounded off of Nikolai. He knew exactly what that jar meant.

“Here, boy, you want a treat? Yeah? Want a treat? Go get it!” Aliya chucked a treat into the apartment, and the poodle went bounding off after it. She set the jar down and beckoned to Nikolai. “Hurry, while he’s distracted! Let’s get out of here together! I won’t leave a man behind!”

Nikolai laughed heartily, and dragged himself off the floor. He flung himself out of the door, hooking an arm around Aliya and pulling her with him as he slammed the door. As they stood in the hallway, he wiped an arm across his forehead in an extravagant motion. “Whew! That was a close one back there! Thanks for saving me, Agent Altin-Plisetsky! I wouldn’t have made it out alive without your quick thinking!”

She laughed back at him. “Of course, Special Agent Katsuki-Nikiforov. Just doing my duty, sir.” She gave him a mock salute, and they both dissolved into laughter, making their way down the staircase.

They managed to hail a cab fairly quickly, and Aliya’s mood seemed to have lightened. They spent the car ride with light, enjoyable banter, mostly consisting of Aliya trying to get Nikolai to tell her where they were going, since he had given the street address to the driver instead of the place name. She still seemed a bit on edge, however. Nikolai steeled his resolve to make her happy tonight, through any means necessary.

When the car stopped, Nikolai got out and went around to open Aliya’s door for her, making sure that he was standing where he could see her reaction. He was immediately rewarded as her face lit up upon seeing where they were. She hopped out of the car and squealed, “Ooh, Kolya, the aquarium! I haven’t been here since I was a kid! I can’t believe you remembered how much I love this place!”

Nikolai laughed in sheer relief and happiness as he shut the door behind her. “Of course I remembered. You said that the manta rays looked like they were ice skating.”

She smiled sheepishly. “That’s something I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t remember.”

“No way I’d forget that!” Nikolai shook his head. “It was so cute. So we definitely have to see the manta rays.” He reached in the front window and paid the driver, missing the pretty blush across his friend’s face.

He straightened up and grabbed her hand. “Come on, we have to get going. The seal show starts in 10 minutes, so we’d better get in there if we want to catch it.”

“Is that why I was supposed to bring a coat, in case we get splashed?”

Nikolai chuckled. “Yeah, you guessed it. Now come on, let’s go. Hold on to me, we don’t want to get separated.” He began to walk to the entrance, praying that she didn’t notice the red on his face from holding her hand so boldly in public.

They quickly made their way to the seal show, and managed to slip into the back of the room just as it was starting. They took their seats, and Nikolai suddenly became aware that their hands were still linked together. He flushed, and let go of Aliya’s dainty hand. He missed its warmth almost immediately, but tried to focus his attention on the show instead. As soon as the seals started doing tricks, however, he found himself watching his pretty crush more than the animals. She gave forth a series of delighted laughs and gasps, and the rapturous expressions on her face were more entertaining than any seal. When one jumped out of the water, she grabbed onto his sleeve, pointing excitedly and demanding, “Did you see that, Kolya?” 

Absorbed in the lines of her face, he responded absently, “Yeah, it was gorgeous.” Maybe her chin was the prettiest thing in the world?

She looked over at him, breaking him out of his reverie. “Gorgeous?” she asked, perplexed. “That’s an odd way to put it.”

Quickly, Nikolai tried to make sense out of his musings. “Uh, yeah, don’t you think that sea animals are just gorgeous and beautiful? So graceful.”

Aliya giggled. “I guess maybe a dolphin or a fish, but I can’t really see calling a seal beautiful. Maybe cute.” Her eyes laughed up at him invitingly. 

Hmm, maybe her eyes were the prettiest, after all. “Yeah, cute,” he agreed dazedly.

She turned her attention back to the show, and Nikolai relaxed a bit, trying once again to do the same. It didn’t last long, however, as he noticed that when Aliya had grabbed onto his arm, she hadn’t actually let go. Instead, she had slid her hand down so that it was now resting almost tentatively on his forearm. The delicate frailty of her touch made him catch his breath, as if he had come face-to-face with a wild animal during a run and didn’t want to scare it away with any sudden movements. For the rest of the show he sat as still as possible, hardly daring to breathe, wanting for the gentle yet natural touch to continue forever.

A scant few minutes later, however, the show ended, and Aliya got to her feet, ending the contact between them. Trying to keep his disappointment off his face, Nikolai stood also, pulling out the map they’d been given upon entering. “Ok, where should we go next, Aliya?”

She leaned over his arm to look at the map, the tips of her hair brushing the back of his hand. The top of her head was invitingly close to his face, and before he could think about it, he leaned down and inhaled slightly. 

Aliya drew her head back sharply, angling it to look up at him with a confused expression. “Did you just…smell my hair?” she asked uncertainly.

Terrified, Nikolai rushed to respond, “No, of course not! You must have just felt me breathing on you. You know, since your short little head is right by my face right now.”

The taunt worked. She screwed her face up in mock anger. “Shut up, Kolya! Just because I’m not a toweringly tall freak like you doesn’t make me short!”

His laugh was laced with relief. “Yeah? So everyone is less than 150 centimeters tall?”

She glared up at him. “I’ll have you know, I’ve grown in the last couple years! I’m 153 centimeters now!”

Nikolai threw his hands up in mock surrender. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so tall now. How does it feel, finally being able to see over the heads of children?”

He laughed as she whacked his arm gently. “Shut up, Kolya! You’re so mean!”

Despite the joking nature of their exchange, the words stung a bit, and he started to worry that he was going to upset her again. He tried to brush it off and replied lightheartedly, “Well, sorry for saying the truth. Anyway, korotyshka, pick the next place we’re visiting. You know, since you’re closer to the map down there and can see it better.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and pointed to a room on the map. “I really want to go see the sharks,” she said, some of her enthusiasm leaking through her voice despite her attempts to keep seeming upset with Nikolai.

“Ah, good choice. The rays should be near them, too, since they’re related. We can watch the ice skaters.” Nikolai winked at her conspiratorially.

Aliya rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face gave her away. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” she asked.

“Nope,” he replied cheerfully. “Now come on, let’s get going. Better hold on to me, don’t want to get lost.” He held out his hand, and she took it carefully.

They made their way to the shark room, meandering here and there along the way, stopping to look at giant spider crabs, impossibly slinky eels, and native Russian fish. One tank held fish that were as large as Aliya’s head, which Nikolai was quick to point out, taking her playful shove with a hearty laugh.

Finally, the hallway they were in came to a point and became a tunnel of tanks. They walked into it slowly, Aliya’s face pointed up and her lips pulled into a small “o.” There were tanks on the walls that extended up to cover the ceiling, forming an archway of water all around them. They followed the tunnel as it gently curved around, Aliya gasping in delight as they turned the corner. She grabbed Nikolai’s sleeve and pointed upwards with her other hand, exclaiming, “Kolya, look! There’s someone in there!”

He looked where she was indicating. “Yeah, look at that. Looks like he’s cleaning the tank.”

Aliya looked at the diver wistfully. “I wish I could have that job,” she said forlornly.

Nikolai raised an eyebrow in amusement. “You mean you don’t want to skate anymore? What did we do all that practice today for, then?”

She pushed him lightly with the hand that had been holding his sleeve. “Geez, Kolya, you know what I mean! I wouldn’t give up skating for this. I just think it would be fun to work at an aquarium and see the fish all day, that’s all.”

He gave her a half-smile in return. “Of course I know that. Skating is the most important thing in the world to you. I was just teasing.” He started walking down the hallway again, but was halted suddenly by a hand caught on the crook of his elbow. He turned around in surprise to see Aliya looking at him with fire and fear in her eyes. The expression startled him so much that he turned his body fully back towards her unconsciously, reaching a hand out to her just as she started to speak.

“That’s not true at all, Kolya! Skating isn’t the most important thing to me!”

She spat the words out at him almost defiantly. He withdrew a little, taken aback by the sudden intensity in her entire being. He cautiously ventured, “I’m sorry, Aliyen’ka. I didn’t really mean it, and I certainly didn’t mean to upset you. It was just a joke.” 

She glared up at him. “It sure didn’t seem like a joke,” she snapped. 

Clearly, he had upset her again somehow, and needed to handle her gently. He ducked his head down closer to her and spoke as tenderly as he could. “Aliya. I know that you care about a lot of things other than skating. I was just making a joke. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m very sorry that I upset you.”

The proximity of his face and his serious words seemed to snap Aliya back to herself. She took a half step away from him, turning her head to the side. When she looked back at him, she was wearing something closer to her usual happy, relaxed expression. “Geez, Kolya, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me just now. I overreacted big time. I know you were just joking. Let’s just keep moving, ok?” She tilted her head a little and gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

He scrutinized her a moment, not quite sure he wanted to allow her to cover her feelings. But he decided that this was not the time or place to dredge up what was clearly a touchy subject for her, so he nodded in agreement. Silently, they continued walking down the tunnel for another few paces until they reached the end of the curve and saw that the way ahead of them was blocked, and a large sign had been put up. Nikolai walked forward another few paces and read aloud: “Room closed for private event tonight. We’re sorry for any inconvenience.” He sighed and turned back to his friend. “Well, I guess we’re not going any farther this way. Give me a second.” He pulled the map out, and located the section he wanted. Trying to get back some of the lighthearted fun of the evening, he posed and dramatically stuck his hand out in the air, pointing back the way they had come, and announced loudly, “Right! This way! Follow me, Aliya!”

Luckily, she giggled, and some of the tension loosened out of her face. “Lead the way, fearless explorer!”

Nikolai managed to navigate them fairly quickly to the area he had selected, sweeping his arm in an expansive arc. “Here we are, my faithful companion! After many long days of travel, we have reached our destination!”

Giggling, Aliya poked her head around him. “Where are we, anyway, Kolya?”

He grinned. “Your favorite marine animals: the rays!”

She groaned. “Kolyaaaa! Aren’t you ever going to let me live that down? I was a kid when I said that!”

“Nope, never.” He walked up to the railing on the shallow pool, peering over the edge. “Besides, you were right. They do look like they’re figure skating. They’re fluid and beautiful. It reminds me of my otousan.”

Aliya walked up beside him just in time to see one of them glide past. “Hmm, I guess you’re right,” she agreed.

They stood there happily for several minutes, cooing happily over each ray that slid past them through the water. 

Eventually, Aliya backed away from the pool, and tugged on Nikolai’s arm. “Ok, I’m ready to move on, Kolya. Thanks for staying here with me for so long.”

“Nah, it’s not a problem. I like seeing them too. So, where should we go next?”

She thought for a second. “Hmm. Well, the last time I was here, I remember seeing these huge, glowing tanks in the middle of a room.”

Nikolai unfurled his map and scanned it. “Ah, I found them! Come on, let’s go.”

“Yes, brave leader!” she laughed.

Excited to have a request from his friend, Nikolai led them swiftly through the aquarium until they reached a room with several cylindrical tanks, all backlit in a way that made the fish inside of them practically glow.

As they walked in, Aliya squealed in delight. “Oooh, you found it, Kolya! Thank you!” She walked reverently towards the center of the room, gazing around herself in rapturous delight.

The slight light from the tanks bathed Aliya’s face in soft purplish-blue as she walked, giving her an otherworldly aura. Nikolai couldn’t help but stare at her in wonder. She looked like a rusalka, ethereal and beautiful. He half-expected her to create an arc of water around herself or drag him into one of the tanks with her. And, so help him, he would go with her gladly.

She meandered around through the tanks for a while, looking back and forth at them in delight, while Nikolai stared at her as though frozen. Finally, she looked around for him, and caught him in the middle of his staring. “Kolya, you ok?” she asked uncertainly.

He shook his head slightly, needing the physical stimulus to bring his brain back on track. “Uh…yeah, sorry about that. I guess I kinda…just stopped functioning for a minute there. I must be more tired than I realize.”

Instantly, he regretted this excuse. She came over to him, face worried. “Oh, Kolya, of course you are. You’ve been practicing with me nonstop, and this is the second time this week I’ve made you come out with me after practice. You’re probably exhausted. I’m so sorry, we can head back home if you need to.”

He held up a hand hastily. “No, no, you’re not forcing me to do anything. I wanted to go out with you both times.” Her eyes widened a little, and he realized what he’d said. Hastily, he tried to backpedal. “Uh, I mean, that is, I wanted to come out with you to these places, not that I wanted to, you know, go out with you.” He realized he was babbling, and decided to abandon that line of conversation. “And besides that, I’m not really all that tired. I’m used to hockey practice, after all. Walking around here is nothing.” He grinned at her, hoping he looked convincing. 

She looked him over. “You sure, Kolya?”

He nodded briskly. “Yep, I’m just fine. Anyway, there’s a shark show in a few minutes back by the tunnel, are you interested in seeing it?”

Her eyes lit up happily. “Yes! Let’s go see the sharks!” Her face quieted a bit, and she looked up at him. “But after that, let’s head home, ok?”

Nikolai sighed internally. She was still worried about him being tired. But at least he had gotten her to agree to the shark show. “Sure, I guess it’s a deal,” he said.

They reached the show with a couple minutes to spare, and spent some time trying to select the best spot to see the tank while still staying behind the velvet ropes. Nikolai found a good spot where there was a gap between the people in front of them, and steered Aliya towards it so that she was standing next to him. Once she got there however, she craned her head up and bounced back and forth on her toes, just slightly too far over to benefit from the gap Nikolai had found for her. He chuckled at the cuteness of the display, then reached out to grasp her shoulder. “Here, Aliya,” he said, pulling her gently so that she was standing in front of him. “Is that better?” he asked, fighting to keep the amusement out of his voice. 

She tipped her head backwards to look up at him, and he saw a pretty pink tint on her cheeks. In that exact moment, the person behind them bumped harshly into Nikolai, pushing him forward so that their bodies were flush against each other. The blush on Aliya’s cheeks darkened to wine red, and she ducked her head back down quickly. Nikolai was pretty sure his face was the same color as he said, “Sorry about that, someone bumped into me. You ok?”

A silent nod came from his pretty crush, making the back of her head slide up and down against his chest. A heat fluttered through his torso, and he quickly focused all his willpower into keeping the warmth from spreading too far south. They were pressed together closely enough that there’s no way she’d miss it if he got too excited. Luckily, the announcer chose that moment to open the show with an enthusiastic greeting, and he was given something to concentrate on other than the new-yet-familiar feeling of Aliya pressed into his body. As the diver entered the tank and swam into view, he reached his arms around Aliya to join the crowd in applauding. Instantly, he realized his mistake. She was now firmly encircled in his arms, pressed tightly into him. He stopped clapping, and tried to figure out what to do with his suddenly awkward arms. He settled on resting his hands on Aliya’s shoulders, in an attempt to keep her at a further distance from him, while still protecting her from the jostling crowd.

The shark show passed by without him hearing a word of it. He vaguely noticed the sharks swimming around the diver, and heard the announcer pointing out various features of the fish, but his attention was focused on keeping his body in check, while still trying to enjoy the sensation of Aliya being so close. 

He was saved by the announcer asking them to move into the tunnel so they could continue the show. The people around them began to shift, and Aliya backed up into him even further to avoid the throng. Instinctively, he reached his arms back around her, holding her small frame to himself as others passed them by. When the room had mostly cleared, he hastily but somewhat reluctantly released his hold on her waist, and she stepped quickly off to the side so they were standing next to each other. She mumbled, “We’d better get going if we want a spot.”

Nikolai drew in a breath before answering, “Yeah, let’s get going. I know you loved that tunnel, we definitely don’t want to miss this part of the show.” He hesitated, then grabbed onto her hand, scolding himself for being afraid of this contact after they had been pressed flush to each other for the past 20 minutes. Besides, he told himself, it was just to prevent her from getting lost. “Come on, let’s go.” He struck out in front of her, following the last few stragglers out into the tunnel, managing to squeeze spots for the two of them near the opening, thankfully standing side by side this time.

The last few minutes of the show went by quickly, and thankfully quickly the announcer was thanking them all for coming. Since they were at the back of the tunnel, they made a quick escape out into the main part of the aquarium, managing not to get caught in the throng of people exiting the show. Once they had reached a relatively open area, Nikolai dropped Aliya’s hand quickly, unable to take any more of the titillating contact without it becoming noticeably problematic for him. Without looking at her, he asked in what he hoped was a casual voice, “Did you like the show, Aliya?”

“Yes, it was really fun.” Was it just him, or was there a slight tremor in her voice?

Nikolai looked sideways at her. She seemed ok. And anyway, he wasn’t going to last much longer here. He needed to get home before he made a complete embarrassment out of himself and the entire evening. “Well, I guess it’s time to get going then, yeah? I’ll get a cab, let’s head out to the street.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and she nodded slightly.

They wove their way in and out of the thinning crowd, making their way to the door. When they exited into the cool night air, Nikolai took in a deep lungful, grateful for the effects of the drop in temperature on his body. He exhaled appreciatively, then turned to his petite friend. “So, did you have fun?” he asked in what he hoped was a light voice.

There was a slight pause before she tiled her head up towards him with a sunny smile. “Yeah, it was the best! Thanks so much for bringing me here Kolya. I really loved coming back here again. Even if you did tease me about the rays.” 

He laughed, relieved that they were back to their lighthearted tone from earlier. “It’s my job as your childhood friend to never let you live down things you said as a little kid.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, her face regaining some of its normalcy as well. “Oh, is that so? Well then, should we talk about how you wore a bear onesie to sleep in until you were 10 years old?”

He gasped in mock horror. “Hey, now, that’s slander!”

“It is not! You wore it all the time when we had sleepovers! You even bought a new one when the first one got too small!”

“Yeah, but you’re still wrong! I wore that way past 10 years old, I just didn’t wear it in front of you anymore!”

She stared at him, mouth slightly open and pricked up at the corners. “Are…are you serious? Wait…hold on, Kolya, you don’t still wear that thing, do you?” she squawked.

He smirked at her. “Believe what you want to.” A car pulled up to the curb, and Nikolai said, “Oh, look, our cab is here. Guess you’ll never find out now.” He reached forward and opened the door for her, gesturing her inside. She climbed in willingly, laughing at him. 

Nikolai paused a second outside the car before getting in, taking a deep breath and smiling to himself. It seemed like, somehow, he had managed to pull off a decent date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation (and mythology oops) notes:
> 
> korotyshka: general term for someone who's short  
> rusalka: basically the Russian equivalent of a water sprite, but an angry one. They were thought to be young women who had died in horrible ways, often involving pregnant/unwed mothers who died, particularly by drowning. These women supposedly gained power over water after they died. They were feared in many areas, periodically coming out of the water to lure young men to their deaths. Sometimes they were considered benign, helping with the crops, but more often they were seen as vengeful. All of them, however, were supposed to be very beautiful.


	20. Chapter 20

Nikolai arrived home before his parents, greeting a bouncing Makkachin in the dim apartment. Despite his protestations to Aliya, he found that he was pretty exhausted from the day, emotionally more than physically. He simply went through the motions of taking a shower and heating up some leftovers before falling into bed.

He slept soundly through until morning, not even stirring when his parents came in for the night. When he did wake up and shamble into the kitchen, he was very glad for that fact. They were smiling giddily at each other in a way that left little doubt about their activities the previous night. 

His otousan saw him, and quickly tried to arrange his face in a more normal expression, but failed miserably. “Ohayo, Nika. Did you sleep well?” he asked around his dopey grin.

Nikolai grunted in response and went to the cabinet to get himself a bowl.

From behind him, his papa asked with an eager voice, “How did your date go?”

Sighing, he shut the cabinet and turned around to give the silver-haired man an exasperated look. 

More cautiously, his otousan prodded, “Did you have a nice time? Anything…unusual happen?”

“Like a kiss?” his papa asked enthusiastically. 

“Papa!” Nikolai exclaimed.

“What, it was just a question!”

Caught off guard, Nikolai sputtered, “Papa, it wasn’t really a date, you know? So no, we didn’t kiss.” Giving up on coherent conversation with his papa, he turned to his other parent. “And no, Otousan, nothing really happened. What did you think would have happened?”

Yuuri rushed to say, “Oh, nothing in particular, Nika, I was just…”

His husband interrupted him. “He wants to know if you saw us.”

Nikolai blinked. “Saw you where?”

“At the aquarium, of course.”

Yuuri buried his face in his hand with a groan as Nikolai said, “Wait, you guys were at the aquarium, too?”

Victor flashed his heart-shaped smile and chirped, “Yep!”

Nikolai gaped at him for a second, transferred his gaze to his otousan, and back to his papa again. “What the hell, Papa?” he burst out. “Were you following me or something? What is your deal? Why would you do something like that, were you trying to ruin my date?”

Looking slightly crushed, his papa protested, “No, Nika, we would never do that. I didn’t know that you were planning to take Aliya to the aquarium, and I had already booked one of the rooms for a date with your otousan.”

Not fully convinced, Nikolai rounded on his otousan. “Is that true?” he demanded.

Yuuri nodded, but Victor cut in. “You should have seen your otousan, he was so worried the whole time that we were going to run into you two and ruin your evening. We even saw you when you came into the seal show, and he made me be quiet and ignore you.”

A silent wave of thanks for his level-headed otousan washed over him. “So you really weren’t following us?” he queried again.

Solemnly, his papa nodded. “I promise that it was just a coincidence. And it sounds like you didn’t notice us, so it’s not a big deal, right? We mostly just stayed in our own room and had a nice picnic.”

Realization struck Nikolai. “Ohh, so you were the reason the room at the end of the tunnel was closed?” he said, unsure if he was indignant or relieved.

Smiling proudly, Victor trilled, “Yep! That was us!”

A smile pushed its way through Nikolai’s sullen expression. That was just so like his papa. He turned his attention to his otousan and asked, “And was this date any better than the proposal date?”

Looking visibly relieved that his son was talking to him pleasantly, Yuuri replied readily, “It was definitely much better than the last full-restaurant rental date, yes.” His eyes looked like they wanted to laugh, but were unsure if the mood was right.

Internally, Nikolai decided that, since nothing had come of it, it was probably fine that his parents had been at the same date location he’d chosen. It’s not like they had even run into each other at all. He flicked his eyes back over to his papa and begrudgingly allowed, “Well, since Otousan had a nice time, I suppose it’s fine.” Trying to close the topic, he plunked his bowl down on the table and went to fetch the cereal.

His papa made a sound as if he were going to speak again, but his otousan quickly interrupted, “So, you did have fun, then?”

Shaking cereal into his bowl, Nikolai nodded absently as he remembered Aliya, shining like a beautiful rusalka. “Yeah, it was really nice.”

Victor chuckled as he stood up from the table, reminding Nikolai that he wasn’t alone in the kitchen. Blushing, he focused intently on his food as his papa announced, “Well, I’m off to the federation for a while. I’ll see you two later.” Leaning down, he kissed his husband much more softly and sweetly than Nikolai was comfortable watching. He coughed, and his papa straightened up swiftly, leaving his otousan blushing. Victor winked at his son, and left the apartment. 

Left alone with his otousan, Nikolai focused on quickly finishing his breakfast and getting to the rink. Yuuri seemed to sense his mood and dropped any further questions he may have had about the aquarium, instead sticking to more mundane topics.

Though he didn’t talk about it any further, the events of the previous evening kept replaying in Nikolai’s head as he went about his morning, even as he helped out with his otousan’s first class of the day. He replayed several scenes, like the soft falling of the light on Aliya’s face as she was absorbed in the fish, or the press of her head against his chest as they watched the sharks, or her smile as she gleefully regarded the manta rays. 

He was in the middle of reminiscing about the rapt look on her face at the seal show as the first class wrapped up and the children gave their bows to the instructors. He emerged from his memories enough to watch Fyodor, even though the boy had made no more fuss about his family situation since the day he had asked him questions about his father’s views. Instead, he had seemed almost contemplative, sullenly following directions with minimal conversation. Still, Nikolai wasn’t really sure if the boy was going to make further trouble, so he’d been sure to keep a careful eye on him, especially around Dmitri. But today, just like the previous days, he simply gathered up his gear and sat patiently on a bench to wait for his brother. 

As Nikolai saw off the other children, he noticed that he, too, appeared to have a visitor. A radiant face poked around the door, found him, and smiled brightly. Aliya came over to where he was waving goodbye to Dmitri. She reached his side and directed her beam of sunshine up at him. “Hello, Kolya,” she greeted cheerfully.

He turned his body towards her, offering his full attention now. “Hi, Aliya. You’re here awfully early.”

She blushed a little, and dipped her head down a bit. “Oh, well, yeah. I just wanted to see if…um, maybe you wanted to practice a bit on our own? You have some free time around now, right?”

His heart skipped a beat at how cute she was, with her flushed cheeks and embarrassed expression. Plus, she wanted to spend extra time with him…right? “Yeah, I have about an hour right now, until the preschool class. But I don’t really have to help Otousan with that, we could always just do something together during that time. Maybe get some lunch?”

Aliya’s eyes flicked back up to him. “Are you sure? I don’t want to pull you away from your otousan. And didn’t you bring a lunch?”

He laughed. “What are you, my stalker? Yeah, I brought a lunch, but I can take it back home with me. Come on, let’s just go out to get food after some practicing, ok?”

Hesitantly, she nodded.

Nikolai clapped his hands together. “Great! I just have to get one more kid on his way, and then we can go practice, ok?”

Pointing over his shoulder, Aliya asked, “Do you mean that kid?”

Turning around, Nikolai followed her finger and found…Evgeny. The other boy was sneering at him from a short distance as Fyodor shouldered his bag and began to walk away. Evgeny gave Aliya a leer, taking her in from the tips of her dainty toes to the top of her tawny head, before turning around and following his brother without another glance back.

Nikolai fumed silently at his retreating form. What the fuck did he think he was doing, looking at Aliya like that? She wasn’t some object that could just be ogled. He debated running after him, but decided that he’d had enough confrontations with Dadonovs for one week. Besides, he didn’t want to expose Aliya to that. Or himself to her scolding if she witnessed him fighting.

He remembered that he had been asked a question, and faced his pretty crush again. “Ah, yeah, that’s him. Looks like he’s been picked up. Should we head out to the ice?” he asked, trying to mask his murderous thoughts with a smile. 

Aliya didn’t buy it. She stepped closer to him, reaching one hand up to touch his cheek. “Are you ok? You suddenly look upset.”

Dammit. Why did she know him so well? He tried to look nonchalant as he answered, “Nah, it’s nothing. Come on, let’s get out there. What should we start with?” Trying to deter any further questions, he caught up her distractingly wayward hand in his, and tugged her down onto the bench they were near, reaching into his skate bag with his other hand to pull out his figure skates. 

She set her own bag down and began the process of lacing up her skates also, and Nikolai silently thanked her easygoing nature. “So, was there something in particular you wanted to practice now? Something we need some extra work on?”

Aliya’s face went blank, and she became very interested in the tension of her laces. “Um, I don’t know, Kolya.”

“Hey, you can tell me if you think I need to improve something. I know I can’t really do any lifts or anything else useful right now, but I still want to help you as much as possible.”

Her attention snapped onto his face, and he was startled to see anger. “Why would you think you’re not helpful?” she demanded.

Taken aback a bit, he said, “Well, it’s just like I said, that I can’t really do any lifts right now until I get cleared by the doctor in a couple days, so I just feel bad. I kinda feel like…I’m holding you back.” He looked away from her as he muttered the last sentence sullenly.

A small hand pushed him lightly on the arm, and he turned his head back around, startled. 

“Kolya, you stop that right now! You’ve been nothing but helpful for my practice, and I’m very grateful to you! I want to be in top shape for the season, and I wouldn’t be able to do that if it wasn’t for you helping me right now. I’m not here because I think you’re doing something wrong, I just want to get in as much practice as possible so I can be ready for a new partner and my senior debut.” 

That’s right. He had been having such a great time with his beautiful friend, he’d practically forgotten that this situation was only temporary, and that he’d have to hand her over to some other guy at the end of it. A bitterness stole into his heart that was somehow worse than the feeling that he was potentially failing her as a partner. “Ah, yeah. Well, let’s get on out there then, got to have you in top shape for your new partner.” He rose abruptly from his seat and strode out to the ice.

The thrilling tension that had been between them last night was now morphed into a strained tension on the ice, and they didn’t really make much headway in their impromptu practice session. Finally, as the preschool class began to trickle in, Aliya slid to a halt and asked almost wearily, “Should we go get some lunch now?”

Nikolai stopped next to her, and nodded. “Where would you like to go?”

She skated over to the gate and exited the arena. “I don’t really care, why don’t you pick something?”

He followed her and began taking his skates off. He regarded Aliya out of the corner of his eye, trying to remember what she liked to eat. He decided to play it safe. “Should we just go to Teremok?”

Aliya raised an eyebrow at him as she stuffed her skates into her bag. “You really know how to show a girl a good time, huh?” she asked airily. 

Flushing as Aliya giggled at him, he protested, “That’s not it! I know that it sounds really lame, but I was just thinking that we could eat it quickly, and the food’s not too heavy so we’ll be fine to skate afterwards. I was thinking of you!”

It was Aliya’s turn to blush, and she quickly became very interested in making sure the zipper on her bag was closing properly. “I wasn’t really upset, Kolya. Teremok sounds fine, let’s go there.”

They decided that it wasn’t worth trying to hail down a car, and instead walked down the street to the nearest Teremok. Nikolai wasn’t sure how much space to put in between them, but his petite friend seemed to have no such qualms, and fell into step less than an arm’s length away from him. They walked in silence until Aliya asked tentatively, “So, your doctor appointment’s coming up, right?”

Nikolai nodded, relieved to have some sort of conversation topic. “Yeah, in a few days. I’ll be going in the morning, so they’ll be able to tell me if I can go back to practice in the afternoon.”

Not looking at him, Aliya nodded. “I hope the appointment goes well for you. I bet you miss hockey.”

With a start, Nikolai realized she was right. He had meant that he could go back to practice with her in the afternoon, and was already reviewing the lifts he had learned in his head. But there would be no reason for him to do that if the doctor cleared him for physical activity. He would be back with the team instead of skating with his beautiful love. The thought didn’t give him any happiness, but instead a feeling of loss and apprehension. He was shocked by his emotions, and wanted to examine them further, but realized that Aliya was still expecting a response. 

“Oh…uh, yeah, I guess it will be nice to see the guys again,” he offered lamely. He didn’t even convince himself with his tone.

Aliya didn’t miss the flatness of his voice. She drew closer to him, bridging the gap between them by placing her hand gently on his elbow. “Are you worried about your appointment?” she asked softly.

He smiled down at her, enjoying the heat of her hand. She was always taking care of him, something that he privately loved. “I guess you could say that,” he replied, deciding that this explanation was the easiest one, and also not entirely untrue.

Her face radiated concern up at him. “There’s no reason to be nervous. You seem to be able to move your arm pretty freely, I’m sure the doctor will tell you that your shoulder is all healed and ready to go.”

He stiffened. She was right. He hadn’t been experiencing any pain from his shoulder lately, and had been able to move it fairly freely, although he had been trying to use it as little as possible to speed recovery. Now he cursed his carefulness. Because of it, his time with Aliya would probably be drawing to a close very soon.

She had noticed the tension in his arm, and gently squeezed him with her hand. “Kolya, are you ok?”

Nikolai forcefully pointed his attention back to his companion. He would just have to enjoy the time that he had left to be with her, and make the most of it. Starting now, when they had time for a lunch date. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied, and noted with relief that they had arrived at their destination. “Look, we’re here,” he said, grateful for the chance to dispel any further insightful questions.

He opened the door for Aliya, ushering her inside and up to the counter. They ordered their food and settled in to eat, and Nikolai managed to keep the conversation on light topics and away from his imminent doctor appointment. He thought he was doing a good job of seeming unconcerned, but as they were cleaning up to head back to the rink, he caught her looking at him with something akin to motherly worry. The look annoyed and warmed him in equal portions. He was thrilled to see her concern for him, but also aggravated at the feeling that she was seeing him as her child that needed to be cared for. He purposefully caught her eye as they stood up to leave, and said, “Aliya, I’m really fine. I’ll be ok at the doctor’s. I don’t really need you to worry about me, I can take care of myself.”

Instantly, a look of horror spread over her face. “Oh! I…I’m sorry, Kolya, I didn’t realize I was looking worried. I’m sorry. Of course I know you can take care of yourself. I was just…I’m sorry. Look, let’s get going back to practice, all right? We should hurry up.” She bustled away from the table quickly, breezing past him and out the door, leaving him to follow after her. 

He burst out of the restaurant just behind her, and had to actually use the full length of his long legs to catch up to her quickly retreating back. He managed to fall into step beside her, and protested, “Hey there, Aliya, slow down a little. You practically ran away from me, everything ok?”

She glanced up at him, then back down at the pavement. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She paused for a second, then continued talking without moving her eyes from the ground. “I just…I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was smothering you or anything. I don’t want to be too pushy and motherly towards you.”

Nikolai laughed. “Was that all? Aliya, we’re childhood friends. I’m kinda used to your mothering by now.”

Slowing down a bit, she asked tentatively, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat a bit, and looked away from her. “Look, I know I freaked out at you when you wanted me to wear my sling, but honestly, I don’t mind you trying to take care of me. And I’m really sorry that I gave you the impression that I don’t like it.” Looking back at her and forcing a lopsided smile on his face, he said, “Besides, like I said, we grew up together. You’ve always been like this, it would be weirder if you didn’t try to bandage all my owies.” 

She finally lifted her eyes up from the sidewalk. “Really?”

He felt a pang of guilt. She’d been worried about being herself in front of him all week, simply because he had lost his self-control for a moment over a stupid sling. Determined to soothe her fears, he repeated, “Yeah, it’s really ok. We’re best friends, you can always tell me off or scold me and it will be fine. Besides, if you don’t do it, who will?”

Tentatively, she smiled. “I’m pretty sure your Otousan has that market cornered.” 

Nikolai laughed. “You’re not wrong about that,” he responded. “But I still need someone else to keep me in check.”

She blushed a little, and Nikolai thought that maybe her blush actually was the prettiest thing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Sorry I haven't updated this in so long. I took a couple side trips writing other Victuuri stuff. The last one fits in this story, but I put it as a separate story because I didn't want to up the rating on this fic.
> 
> Note: Teremok is basically the McDonald's of Russian fast food.


	21. Chapter 21

The rest of the day went by uneventfully enough. They made good progress in practice despite Nikolai’s inner torment over having to give up his place by his friend’s side soon. At least Aliya seemed to have had her tension allayed. She was her usual bright self during practice, and showed no signs of her earlier concern. 

Nikolai was a different story, however. By the time he got home that day, he had worked himself into a tangled mess over his feelings about his upcoming doctor appointment. He had been so busy planning things to do with Aliya, and just focusing on her in general, that he hadn’t really thought any further about the ending of their time together, and now that reality was all coming crashing back down around him. He brooded quietly throughout dinner, not speaking much to his parents. As they all settled into their evening activities, Nikolai gathered up his black bag and quietly exited the apartment, heading for the only sanctuary that he knew. 

His next couple days fell into this same pattern: lessons in the mornings, lunch with Aliya, then skating practice with her, dinner, and return to the rink for his own private stress-relief skating sessions. Each day, he offered less and less interaction to those around him, a fact that he didn’t even notice.

Finally, on the day of the appointment, he woke up earlier than usual. He had been unable to sleep well the night before, due to his apprehension. He got himself dressed efficiently and was out the door before his parents could wake and offer to go with him for moral support. 

Since he had left the apartment so early, he had plenty of time before the appointment, and decided that he should walk. He took a meandering path, through the park near his house, over the bridge that led into more urban areas, forcing himself to think of nothing at all as he walked. By the time he stood in front of the doctor’s office, it was only about 20 minutes before his appointment time, and he decided he would check in and wait inside. 

Not many people were in the waiting room, and it wasn’t long before Nikolai’s name was called and he was ushered back into the bowels of the building. The doctor prodded at him, and instructed him to move his arm and shoulder around in various ways, poking at it and asking questions the whole time.

Finally, he sat back on his stool and pronounced, “Well, it seems to me that you’re fully healed.”

Dumbly, Nikolai asked, “What?”

“Yes, your sprain has healed. You should be all clear to go back to your normal activities. I understand you play hockey?”

Wordlessly, he nodded, a feeling of numbness beginning to pervade his bones.

“Do you need me to write a note for your coach saying you’re cleared for physical activity?”

Reflexively, he nodded again.

“All right. Wait here, I’ll be back with your papers in just a moment, and then you’re all set to go. I’ll want to see you again in a week or two to make sure everything is continuing to heal, but other than that, I think you’ll be just fine.” The doctor stood and exited the room, leaving Nikolai speechless in his wake.

A few minutes later, he had received his papers and stood outside the office building, staring down at the slip in his hand. The paper that he was to deliver to his coaches. The paper that would end the happiness he had built around himself for the past week. He wished fervently that the paper didn’t exist.

Suddenly, an idea came to him. There was no reason for anyone else to know that the paper did exist. Nobody else had come to the appointment with him. Other than the doctor, he was the only one who knew what he had been cleared to do.

He began walking back towards the apartment, warming up to this idea. He could simply go home, hide the papers in his room, or even file them in the medical file. Nobody ever looked in their filing cabinet, and then it wouldn’t be like he was deceiving anyone. The records were there, if anyone bothered to look. He began to get exhilarated by his idea, and his pace sped up to match his enthusiasm as he worked out the details.

By the time he got home, he was thrilling with the excitement of carrying out his plan. He quickly stuffed the papers into the filing cabinet, and took out his phone to call Coach Kravetz, fending off an excited Makkachin the whole time. 

The phone rang twice before it clicked to life, and the coach’s rough voice sounded from the other end. “Hello?”

“Hi, Coach Kravetz, it’s Katsuki-Nikiforov.”

“Hey, kid, how are you doing? How’s the shoulder?”

Nikolai tried to put regret into his voice as he answered, “Well, that’s actually why I’m calling you. I just got back from the doctor, and they said that I’m still not ready to play with it yet. I’m going back in another week for them to take a look at it, and they said maybe by then it will be healed enough for me to come back to practice. I’m really sorry, Coach.”

“Don’t apologize, you just take all the time you need to heal. We’ll manage around here for a little bit without you, so you just focus on fixing that shoulder, ok?”

He felt a little twinge of guilt at this kindness, but still persisted with his charade. “Will do, Coach. I’ll call you next week with the results.”

“All right. Take care of yourself, now.”

They both hung up, and Nikolai pumped his fist into the air in silent triumph. Coach Kravetz had totally bought it. Half of the battle was over. Now he just had to convince his parents, and Otabek. This would be the more delicate part of the operation.

He gathered up his figure skating bag and headed out to the rink. On the way, he rehearsed his story over and over in his head, acutely aware that he would only have one chance to get this right with his otousan and make it convincing. He was the one Nikolai was the most concerned about. Those dark eyes saw through everything. When he had been a small child, his papa had told him that his otousan had eyes in the back of his head, and he had believed it for years. Even now, he wasn’t entirely convinced that it wasn’t true.

His feet led him all too quickly to the rink, and happened to do so right in the middle of Yuuri’s break in classes. Nikolai took a deep breath, waved to the overly-cheerful Emiliya, and pushed open the door to the arena. 

He located his otousan, seated on one of the benches, looking anxiously at his phone. Yuuri noticed him immediately, and jumped up. “Nika, I was just wondering if you were done with your appointment yet,” he called.

Nikolai strode towards him, smiling in what he hoped was a reassuring, yet slightly bitter way. “Yeah, I figured it would be faster to come here.”

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming here or if you were just going to go to hockey practice,” Yuuri replied carefully.

Arranging his face into a slightly mournful expression, Nikolai said, “Well, that’s just it, Otousan. The doctor said that my shoulder still needs to heal more before I go back. Said the way the ligament tore still needs to heal more before I can use my stick again.”

His otousan’s face immediately reflected tender empathy as he said soothingly, “Oh, Nika, I’m sorry. That must be very frustrating for you. I know that you love hockey. You must feel upset not being able to go back to it yet.”

A stab of guilt hit him, but it was too late to go back now. He had already lied to his coach, he was committed. “Yeah, it kinda sucks. But the doctor said that I can do other activities again, it’s just the specific forward motion that I’m not supposed to do with any force right now.” He steadied himself, and continued, “When he said that, I asked him specifically about the figure skating. He said that anything I want to do with that would still be fine. Even lifts.” Nervously, he looked at his otousan for a reaction.

A flicker of surprise went across Yuuri’s face. “Oh? Is that what he said?” he asked mildly.

Unsure what to make of that reaction, Nikolai pressed, “So, since I still have another week before I get my next checkup, is it ok if I continue practicing with Aliya until then?”

His otousan regarded him seriously. “And I take it you plan on incorporating lifts and throws into your routine during this week?”

Hurriedly, Nikolai said, “Not throws, but lifts should be fine.”

His otousan sighed heavily. “Well, I’ll have to talk to Otabek about this, since he knows more about coaching professionally than I do, but I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t do that. Since the doctor cleared you to do so.” His eyes bored intensely into Nikolai for a second before relaxing to their normal, gentle state.

Nikolai was so happy that he hardly noticed the momentary scrutiny. He grinned widely, and exclaimed, “All right! I’ll go call Aliya now and let her know, then!” He spun around to find a quiet corner for a phone call. He heard his otousan placing his own call to his papa as he walked away.

The phone barely had time to ring before Aliya answered breathlessly. “Hello, Kolya?”

The sound of her voice brought an irrepressible grin to his face. He had just secured another week with this mellifluous voice. “Hi, Aliya! I have news from the doctor appointment. He said that I can’t go back to hockey practice yet, since my shoulder can’t move forward right now. But he said that I can do any other type of activity again. So I talked to my otousan, and he’s going to talk to your әкем, but I should be all set to keep practicing with you.”

For a moment, there wasn’t any response, and Nikolai wasn’t sure if she had even heard him. Then Aliya exploded with questions. “Kolya, are you sure you’re feeling ok? I mean, if you can’t go back to hockey, maybe you shouldn’t be practicing with me. Did you not wear your sling enough? Is that why you’re still hurt? Are you sure you’re going to be ok? When’s your next doctor appointment?”

Laughing, he cut her off. “Aliyen’ka, hold on there!” He chose to answer her last question. “My next doctor appointment is in a week, and they’ll let me know then how I’m continuing to heal. I don’t hurt anymore, I’m really fine. They’re just concerned with the amount of power a forward is required to use for his shoulder, so I’m restricted from that. He even cleared me to do lifts, though! I asked specifically.”

Aliya gasped. “Kolya, are you insane? You can’t be lifting me! The doctor said you’re still hurt!”

“No, I’m not. I’m healing, just not enough for hockey. And the doctor said I can do lifts. Besides that, you’re tiny. What do you weigh, like 45 kilos?”

“That’s not the point! That’s still a lot of weight for someone with an injured shoulder!”

Nikolai sighed. Why did she have to be so overprotective? At the same time, however, he grinned fondly. It felt nice to be cared for by the object of his affections. However, he protested, “Aliya, you’re worrying too much. My otousan didn’t even fuss over me this much.”

A dead silence hit him over the phone. Tentatively, he asked, “Aliya? Are you still there?”

“Oh. Yeah, Kolya, I’m still here. Look, you’re right, I’m probably worrying too much. If your otousan and my әкем think it’s ok, then I really shouldn’t be nagging you.”

“Hey, I didn’t say you were nagging―”

She cut him off. “Since we’re going to have practice like usual today, I’ll pack up my stuff and head over now. I made some lunches today since I wasn’t sure if you’d be going back to hockey or not, so I’ll bring those. I’ll see you in a little bit.” Abruptly, she hung up.

Nikolai stared at his phone. What had that been all about? Was she disappointed that she was still going to be stuck with him? Had she been looking forward to having some free time to look for a new partner? 

Still holding his phone, he wandered back over to the rink, and noticed that his otousan was finishing up his own call. As he walked up, Yuuri hung up the phone, and said to him, “Well, Otabek wants to watch you in action a little bit, but none of us see any reason why you can’t start doing lifts in practice.”

Smiling hollowly, Nikolai said, “That’s great. Thanks, Otousan.” The happiness he had felt mere minutes ago was replaced with a perplexed unease.

His otousan picked up on this, and gently asked, “Nika, what’s wrong?”

He sighed heavily, and plunked himself down on the bench next to his otousan. “Well, I just called Aliya to tell her that I could keep practicing with her, and she just…didn’t really seem happy about it. I even told her I could do lifts, and she just got upset at me. I don’t know, Otousan. It feels like we’ve made a lot of progress with our relationship lately…I mean, with being friends! But every time we start getting closer, there’s this…wall there. She’s hiding some of her feelings from me, and I don’t know why. I’m worried that it’s because she doesn’t really want to deal with me. Maybe she just wants me out of the way so she can find a new partner? What if I’m getting in her way by being here?” He realized he was babbling, and shut his mouth decidedly.

His otousan was regarding him carefully. “Some of those things you’ve been concerned about before. To a certain point, you’re never going to know everything that another person is thinking, but there’s absolutely no chance if you don’t ask her what’s on her mind. You should ask her about why she reacted that way when you said you could keep practicing with her. You’ll never find out if you don’t talk to her.”

Nikolai chuckled. “That’s pretty much your life advice, huh, Otousan?”

Yuuri smiled at his son. “Well, I’ve made some mistakes that could have been easily solved with communication. So yes, I find that it’s generally good life advice to talk to people you care about.”

Nikolai sighed heavily. “All right, Otousan. I’ll talk to her when she gets here.”


	22. Chapter 22

Aliya arrived a little while later, just as the preschool class was ending. When she came in, the kids were crowded around Nikolai, asking him a thousand questions about his shoulder and if he was going to still be around to teach them. Laughing, he reassured them, “Yes, I’ll still be here for the next week at least. So you guys all enjoy your weekend, and be ready for practice again on Monday! Now go on, go get your parents.” He waved them off the ice, fielding several hugs before he was finally free to approach Aliya. 

She stood and watched him come towards her with an inscrutable expression that mimicked the one her әкем often wore. That worried him more than her face being visibly upset or angry. He wasn’t used to being unable to read her emotions, and he found that he didn’t like the sensation at all. He exited the ice and sat down on the bench next to her, looking carefully down into her face. “Hey, Aliya, what’s up?” he asked.

She gave him a guarded smile in return. “I’m just here for us to have lunch together,” she responded blandly. 

Crap. She wasn’t going to give him anything, was she? He bent down to unlace his skates, and tried again. “You seemed kinda upset over the phone. Is everything ok?”

Her voice grew clipped as she answered, “Yes, Kolya. Everything’s fine with you, so why shouldn’t I be ok?”

Nikolai kicked off his skates and faced her, exasperated. “Aliya, what in the world is going on with you? You’ve been tiptoeing around me for a while, and I really feel like you’ve been hiding something from me. When we started practicing together, I was really hoping that we would get closer, but it just feels like you keep pushing me farther and farther away. And I really don’t like it! Now will you tell me why you’re upset, please?” He leaned forward and tilting his head so he could look more squarely into her downcast face. 

When his head came into her view, Aliya quickly turned to the side to avoid his gaze. “Kolya, why are you being so pushy? It’s really nothing, I’m fine.”

Frustrated now, Nikolai got off the bench and leaned his body further forward, swinging around so that he was directly in front of Aliya. He reached out and grabbed her face with his hands, trapping her so that she had to look at him. As her eyes locked on his, he said very clearly, “Bullshit.”

She blinked at him. “What did you say?”

“I said ‘bullshit,’ Aliya. I can see you’re bothered by something, and it is not fine. Look, I don’t know why you don’t want to talk to me about your personal life, and I don’t really want to pry into that if you’re not comfortable telling me. But I know you well enough to know when something is wrong, and for the past week, something has clearly been bothering you. And it seems to have something to do with me, so I really would appreciate if you would trust me enough to talk to me.” He took a deep breath. “Even if you think it’s something that’s going to hurt me, I’d much rather you just said it instead of trying to hide things from me.” He braced himself, scared of the response his onslaught would have.

But Aliya merely shifted her eyes to one side and mumbled, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Her face heated up under his hands, and he saw the traces of a blush around his fingers. His own face echoed her coloring as he became aware of how intimately he was touching her, but he refused to back down now. He’d come this far and embarrassed himself, he wasn’t going to quit without getting answers. 

Doggedly, he said, “Please, Aliyen’ka? I promise to listen to whatever you have to say. And if it’s something I can fix, I’ll do my best.”

Still refusing to meet his eyes, she muttered, “It’s not you who’s the problem.”

Perplexed, Nikolai allowed his hands to fall away from her face. “What?” 

Free from his confining gaze now, Aliya turned her head away from him again. “I said, it’s nothing you’ve done. I’m the one who’s got the problem. And I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

He was about to protest further, when he realized that other skaters were starting to enter the arena. Sighing heavily, he heaved himself off the floor and plopped back down next to her on the bench. He spotted two lunch boxes next to her bag, and snagged one before saying, “Well, it’s almost time for practice, so we can continue this conversation later. I don’t want other people to see you upset. But just so you know, this isn’t over. I want you to tell me what’s bothering you, no matter how silly you think it is, or anything like that. It’s important to me that you’re happy.” He opened the lunchbox resolutely and set it down on Aliya’s lap, then procured the other one for himself, settling in to eat as quickly as possible before Otabek arrived.

She stared down at her lunch, unmoving.

Nikolai decided that she needed to snap out of this mood, at least long enough to get though practice. He stabbed his fork into one of chicken cutlets from her lunch, and held it out to her.

That shocked her into finally looking at him. She stared at the fork, back at Nikolai, and then tilted her head away. “I can eat by myself, you know.”

“Yeah, but you’re not. So I thought I’d help out. Your әкем will be here any minute.” He waggled the fork up and down a little. 

She ignored it.

Time to pull out the big guns. Waving the fork around in a snaking pattern, Nikolai said in a singsong voice, “Here comes the airplane! Neeeeerrroooom!”

Aliya looked back at him, her face still stubbornly sullen, but with the beginnings of exasperated amusement. “Kolya, are you serious? Do you realize how old we are?”

He ignored her. “Pew pew pew! Target acquired, the airplane’s going in for the kill!”

A small, wavering smile touched the corners of Aliya’s mouth. 

Encouraged, Nikolai sped up the weaving of the fork. “Oh no, the airplane’s been hit! It’s losing control of its engines! It’s going to crash! Oh nooo!” He waggled his hand slightly, moving it forward until it was right in front of her mouth. 

Aliya rolled her eyes upward, but opened her mouth enough to allow the food to enter. 

Pushing it inside, Nikolai did his best crashing noise. “Kachhhroowhh! Oh no, airplane down! Airplane down! Send in back up!” He stabbed another cutlet, and held it expectantly in the air.

Around her mouthful of food, Aliya protested, “That’s enough, Kolya! I get it! I’ll eat by myself, ok? Just give me my fork back.” She made a grab for his hand.

He pulled back, and shook his finger at her. “Nope, this is mine. You have your own. But you should eat this airplane first, so I can have my fork back.” He held out the food for her.

Looking embarrassed, she leaned forward and bit the chicken off the fork roughly, settling back to eat it without looking Nikolai in the eye.

Smiling a little to himself, he opened his own lunchbox and stabbed one of his own cutlets. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aliya watch him as he brought it to his mouth and ate. He turned and looked at her, raising one eyebrow. “I thought you were going to eat for yourself?” he asked with playful mildness. 

She blushed, and nodded once harshly, jabbing violently at her own lunch. She began eating in earnest, and Nikolai allowed himself to fully enjoy his own food, satisfied that she was getting nourishment and seemed at least a little less sad. As he ate, he started actually noticing the flavor now that he was no longer preoccupied with getting his friend to eat. “It’s really good,” he commented absently.

“O-oh, is it?” 

Peering sidelong at her, he answered, “Yeah, you’re a great cook.”

She merely continued eating, but her face flushed slightly, and she looked pleased.

They ate quickly, but Otabek still arrived before they had finished, looking slightly disapproving to see them eating right before practice. He made them do more warm ups than usual, which Nikolai assumed was to give them time to settle their stomachs. When that was done, he glided over to them on the ice and said, “I hear that you’re cleared to do lifts, Nika.”

Nikolai nodded. “Yes, that’s right. Should we get started, then?”

Otabek regarded him seriously. “I suppose so,” he said finally. “Let’s start you off with a curve lift, and go from there.”

He felt a little pang at being forced to go back and show a fairly simple lift he’d already gotten down, but he caught himself and nodded. He knew he was walking a thin line on the web of his lies, and the last thing he wanted was for it all to come crashing down.

They practiced the curve lift until Otabek was satisfied, and were then allowed to move on to overhead lifts, starting with the Lutz that he had first learned from his otousan. The lifts kept both of them busy and focused until Otabek finally called for the end of the session and allowed them to exit the ice.

As they sat side by side on the bench unlacing their skates, Nikolai quietly said to his petite crush, “Can we go somewhere to talk now?”

The tension that the ice had helped alleviate came back into the lines of her body, but she nodded silently to him. Stuffing her skates into her bag, she stood up and looked at her әкем. “Can I go to Kolya’s house for a while?” she asked him.

Otabek glanced between the two of them, and nodded once. “That’s fine, Aliya. Should I tell Papa that you’re having dinner there?”

“I’m not really sure yet, Әкем. I can let you know later.”

Regarding her with an expressionless face, Otabek nodded once again. “That’s fine. Don’t make it too late.” He raised a hand to both of them, and turned around to leave.

Shouldering his black bag, Nikolai came up behind Aliya and gently placed a hand on the middle of her back. “You ready to go?” he asked.

Aliya jumped a bit at the contact, and shifted off to the side so that his hand slid off of her. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

Feeling a bit disappointed at being denied further contact with her, Nikolai nonetheless gathered himself up and said, “Ok. Follow me.”

They walked silently along the street, with enough space between them for another person to pass through. Understanding that she was feeling apprehensive, Nikolai didn’t try to close the gap, simply allowing her to gather her feelings until they reached the park near his house. He led her off the main area down a little side path until they came upon a bench placed in a small grove of trees. He sat down and patted the spot next to him in a silent invitation. 

Slowly, almost reluctantly, she sank down, as far away from him as possible. He felt a small pang again at the distance, but stayed quiet and allowed her to gather herself. 

A few minutes passed in silence until Nikolai couldn’t bear it any longer. He spoke, his voice feeling too loud and cheerful in the still air. “So, Aliya, can you tell me what’s bothering you now?”

She shrugged one shoulder, but said nothing.

He tried again. “I know you’ve been upset about something lately. I really just want to be here for you, and try to help you. I’m not going to judge you or anything, I promise. And you know I won’t tell anyone else.” He scooted a tiny bit closer to her, and leaned forward in an attempt to look at her face.

She examined her hands very carefully, but actually responded this time. “I’m not so sure about that.”

He was taken aback. “Aliya, I’ll always be your friend. And I promise I’ll keep this to myself, so you can talk to me.”

“I’m not worried about you telling anyone else.”

“Ok, so then do you think I’ll be mad at you?”

She nodded.

A pang went through his chest. “Aliya, I’d never be mad at you. Come on, just tell me, ok?”

Still not looking at him, she muttered, “How can you promise that? Everyone gets mad at other people.”

He had to admit to himself that she had a point. “Ok, fine, I guess there is a chance that I’ll get mad. But I can promise you one thing. Even if I do get mad, I’ll still be your friend, and I’ll still care about you. I mean, come on, we’re practically family. How long have we known each other? Our entire lives? And has there ever been anything I haven’t forgiven you for?”

“I…guess not.”

“There, see? You can tell me anything. Please?” He leaned over a bit more.

She darted her eyes at him, then quickly looked away. “All right, Kolya. Just…don’t look at me while I’m talking, ok?”

Although he didn’t want to let her beautiful face out of his sight, he nodded and settled back into the bench. “I can do that.” He looked steadfastly at a tree in front of them and waited for her to begin.

And, with a shuddering breath, she did. “Well…I guess, I’m just…worried that you’re going to get sick of me.”

Nikolai started forward to protest, but she raised her hand and he sullenly settled back down and stared at the tree.

“It’s just…I’ve been fussing over you so much lately. With your injury and all, I was just so worried that I did it without thinking. Like when you first got hurt, I was upset at you and scolded you without thinking…and then when you took your sling off, I scolded you again and you got really mad at me. I just…I’ve been told that I come off too strong, and I need to back off a little. It’s been so hard to keep my mouth shut since you’ve been hurt, because I see you in pain, and I want to do something about it, but I also don’t want you to get mad again.” She dropped her head to rest on her palms. “I’m so scared I’m going to drive you away like I did to Mischa by being too clingy. I just…can’t lose you, too.”

Nikolai couldn’t take it anymore. Feeling like his heart was going to burst open, he exploded out of his seat, and whipped around to face her. “Aliya, of course you’re not going to lose me!”

She stared up at him in shock, and he saw that tears had begun trickling down the sides of her face.

He dropped to his knees in front of her, leveling their heads so he could look straight into her beautiful eyes, shimmering a deep sapphire color with her emotions. “Don’t cry, lapochka. What’s this about Mischa now?”

Hesitantly, she said, “You know that I said he’s entering the men’s division this season, and that’s why we’re not partners anymore?”

Unable to stop himself, Nikolai wiped away one of her tears as he said, “Yeah.” 

Aliya continued, “Well…that’s not really the whole story. He…he said that he couldn’t take any more of my…meddling. He said that he was sick of me trying to control him all the time…and that he’d rather be…by himself…than…” Tears started flowing down her face now, and her breath came haltingly. “…than skate with me…and he said that skating was all I cared about…and that it made me t-too pushy…” She let out a sob, and Nikolai’s body moved by itself. He wrapped her in a crushing hug, holding her close to his chest as she cried into him. 

“Aliyen’ka, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know any of that had happened. You must be really hurt by him saying all of that to you.” Rage burned in his chest, and he was filled with the urge to hurt the person who had said such things to his Aliya. He managed to temper it down into a joke that wasn’t actually a joke. “I can go find him and punch him for you if you’d like.”

The wheat-colored head that was pressed into his chest shook back and forth, and a muffled voice protested, “No, I’m not mad at him anymore, Kolya. I’m really not. I mean, I w-was upset about it at first, but…I never really cared about Mischa all that much. He was just my partner. W-we were barely even friends…” her voice trailed off into hiccupping breaths, but she managed to continue, “I was r-really worried about you w-when you got hurt and I did it all again without meaning to. I-I started fussing over you, and you even g-got mad about it, but I still just…kept d-doing it, and I’ve been so scared this whole time that y-you’re…th-that you’re…going to leave me toooo…” The words turned into a wordless wail as the girl in his arms released her pent-up fears.

A horrifying mixture of emotions filled Nikolai up one after another, fear and rage and sorrow and concern, too quickly for him to sort through all of them coherently. He went with the most dominant one; the need to protect Aliya. He squeezed her tightly, and felt her body hitch as she readjusted the space her lungs had to draw in breath. Still, he didn’t loosen his grip, and pressed his lips to the top of her head as he said fiercely, “There is nothing in this world that you could do to make me leave you. I will always, always be here for you. I don’t care if you strap me into a bed and force feed me soup all day, I still wouldn’t resent you for that. I’ve actually been enjoying you taking care of me.”

Her voice wavered as she asked, “R-really? B-but you got mad at me when I tried to m-make you wear your sling…”

Nikolai’s heart cracked, and he moved his head, pressing their cheeks together so he could talk directly into her ear. “Listen, lapochka, that had nothing to do with you. I was upset about something else, and I took it out on you. You did absolutely nothing wrong, and you haven’t been doing anything wrong when you’ve been worrying about me. I’m so, so sorry that I made you think I was upset about it. But I promise, I’m not mad at you at all.” He slid his hands around to cup her head, holding it gently so he could kiss away her tears. 

This finally allowed some space between their bodies, and he was able to see her face again. Her eyes looked up at him, innocent and watery. “Really?” she asked again.

He was fine with that. He would give her all the reassurance she needed. “Of course I’m sure, Aliyen’ka. I promise, it doesn’t bother me when you scold me for things. And if it did, I would tell you, and we’d work through it. I won’t leave you like Mischa did over something stupid like that. I really…” He pressed kisses to her cheeks, catching the last of her tears, “…really…care about you…” His mouth became preoccupied with trailing kisses over her forehead and cheeks, and in one breathless moment, he found his lips hovering over hers, mere breaths away. Her wide eyes stopped him, and he realized what he was doing. He pushed back from her like she was on fire, jumping up and severing all contact they had in an instant. Then, realizing that she was still upset, he sat down gingerly on the bench next to her and reached out one had awkwardly, placing it on her forearm and smoothing it jerkily up and down. In a desperate effort to distract from what his lips had been doing moments before, he offered lamely, “So, you know…you don’t have anything to worry about, ok?”

Sniffling, she swiped at her cheeks with her sleeves, and said, “I…guess so.” She leaned sideways and rested her head on his right shoulder, then reeled herself back up to a sitting position. The momentary contact seemed to give her strength, and she looked up at him and said, “Thanks, Kolya. I…I do feel better now. I’m still kinda worried, but…well, I guess that I believe you. We’ve made it through a lot of stuff together, and I shouldn’t be so scared of losing you. I’ll try to trust you more from now on. Besides, that’s what partners should do, right?” She tried out a shaky smile on him.

Her reactions were proving very bad for his heart right now. He managed to smile back with what he hoped was a normal smile. “Of course, Aliyen’ka.” His face darkened, and he muttered, “Except for that asshole Mischa.” 

Aliya protested, “Hey, that’s not fair, Kolya. Mischa is his own person, and he just…wanted to go out and do his own thing. That doesn’t make him a jerk.”

Nikolai growled, “No, but him making you feel bad about yourself does. I know it’s going to be hard to let it go, but you shouldn’t keep letting what he said bother you. If he can’t appreciate something about you that makes you wonderful, then he didn’t deserve to be your partner anyway. It’s his loss if he wants to go out and fail on his own instead of being with you.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Kolya! That’s a little harsh!”

He couldn’t help but laugh with happiness to hear her scold him. “See, right there! That’s what he’s missing out on!”

Aliya’s hand fluttered to her mouth. “Oh no! I’m sorry, Kolya, here I am doing it again!”

He gently pulled her hand down. “Don’t apologize, I already told you I like it. Who’s going to mother me if you don’t do it? All I have is two dads.” He winked at her.

She swatted him gently on the arm, an action that gave him a lot of relief instead of the shame it was supposed to elicit. “That’s a horrible joke, Kolya! Besides, both of us know that you get plenty of mothering between the two of them anyway.”

Nikolai laughed heartily. “Well, you’re not wrong,” he conceded as she laughed along with him. 

A friendly, comfortable atmosphere settled between them. Nikolai glanced over to gauge his friend’s mood, then said lightly, “I’m glad you told me, Aliya. I was worried about you.”

Her face reddened, and she said, “I’m sorry about that. I feel so embarrassed. I even cried on you twice this week. I’ve just been a wreck lately.”

He reached a hand out and tapped her nose reproachfully. “No, you haven’t. You’ve just been human. And I’m glad that I understand why you were so worried about me being your friend. Anyone would have some trust issues after being abandoned by a partner like that.”

She sighed at him, and flopped back onto the bench limply. “I guess so,” she said noncommittally. 

The sight of her relaxing out of her natural poise surprised him more than it should have. He was so used to how she carried herself with a natural grace that the slouched position was a sharp contrast. After a moment, though, he recovered and smiled fondly at her. “Do you feel better now, Aliyen’ka?”

She considered this. “Yeah, I guess I really do. I was holding all that anxiety in for so long, it feels better to have it out in the open. I guess now I won’t be worried about driving you away for the next week.” She gave him a sunshine smile, but it didn’t quite reach his heart. He hadn’t missed the implication and reminder in her words: he wouldn’t be her partner after next week. 

Nikolai stood abruptly. He turned slightly and held his hand out. “Should we go back to my house for dinner?” he asked, trying to distract himself from his thoughts.


	23. Chapter 23

They walked much closer together on the way back to Nikolai’s apartment. He tried his best to shove down the unpleasant, vague anger that came up every time he was reminded that his status as Aliya’s partner was only temporary, and searched for a topic of conversation. One came to him, and he smiled a little bit as he said casually, “See, Aliya, I told you I would forgive you for anything. I’ve always been good at forgiving you.”

She let out a delighted laugh. “We seem to remember different childhoods, Kolya. The way I remember it, I was the one doing most of the forgiving. Like remember that time that you dumped paint all over my hair?”

He grinned back, but still protested, “Hey, that was a long time ago! I thought you just said you’d forgiven me!”

She tilted her head to a slanted angle and regarded him sidelong. “Just because I forgave you doesn’t mean I won’t ever be upset about it,” she responded, but her smile belied her words. 

Nikolai decided to pursue that smile, returning it with a lopsided one of his own. “Aw, come on, Aliyen’ka, you know you like purple.”

Indignantly, she said, “Well, sure, I like it, but not in my hair! I kept finding bits of paint for a week!”

“Would you believe me if I said it was an accident?”

“What? But you said you did it on purpose because my face made you mad.”

“Well…that’s not exactly what happened. We were painting together, and when I turned around, your face was right in front of mine, and I thought you were going to kiss me, and…well, it startled me. So I dumped the paint on you.” Nikolai sheepishly scratched the side of his head.

She stared at him in disbelief. “What? Are you serious?” She began giggling. “Did you really think I was going to kiss you? How old was I, like 7?”

“Ok, look, I never said it made sense! But that was what my 9-year-old brain thought was happening, and I got freaked out!”

She was laughing harder now. “And was the idea of kissing me really so awful to you that you had to turn me into Violet Beauregarde?”

That drew a bark of laughter out of him, but he quickly protested, “No! It wasn’t awful at all, I was just startled!”

Aliya’s face grew red, and her laughter died down. She tried to cover for it, however, by asking quickly, “Oh, so little Mr. Casanova over here wanted to kiss me?”

Oh shit. How had the conversation turned into this? He had to think of some way to deflect the question. “Um…I don’t really remember,” he hedged, steadfastly facing forwards. Thankfully, he saw his apartment building, and said in a rush, “Oh, look, here we are! Come on, let’s go get some dinner.” He began to walk faster, forgetting how much longer his legs were than his friend’s. 

She trotted to keep pace with him, reaching out to grab his arm. “Hey, Kolya, slow down! I can’t walk as fast as you can!”

Startled by the touch when he was already hyper-aware of her presence, he whirled around, yanking his arm back and jumping away from her. She looked up at his face, and started giggling again. Clasping her hands behind her back and leaning forward, she asked impishly, “What was that about, Kolya? Did you think I was going to try to kiss you?”

“Wh-what? No, I…you just startled me, that’s all.” Turning around to hide his flaming face, he said, “Come on, let’s just get going. I’m hungry.” He didn’t look at Aliya again as they approached the apartment, and missed the matching blush on her face. 

As Nikolai poked his head around the door of the apartment, he called out, “Otousan, I’ve brought Aliya for dinner!” He quickly canvassed the room in search of Makkachin, and determining that he wasn’t ready to pounce, opened the door fully and gestured his pretty friend inside. 

Yuuri appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, wrapped in an apron and holding a spatula. He looked a little surprised, but said warmly, “Hi there, Aliya! Welcome, come on in and make yourself comfortable! Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” He turned to his son and said, “Nika, can you come set the table, please? Papa should be home soon, too.” 

Before he could move, Aliya spoke up. “I can do that, Yuuri. I know where the dishes are.”

Nikolai cut in quickly, “No way, you’re a guest! I’ll get them.” 

Yuuri chuckled at the two of them, and said, “Why don’t you both do it? Then you don’t need to take more than one trip for glasses and such.”

Nikolai sighed in defeat. “Fine. Aliya, you get the glasses.” He followed his otousan back into the kitchen with Aliya behind him. He opened the cabinet and took down four plates, putting them on the counter so he could close the door. Aliya opened the cabinet next to him and stood on her tiptoes, straining to reach the glasses on the shelf. Amused, he watched her struggle, letting out a chuckle.

She rounded on him, face beet-red in embarrassment. “You could help me instead of standing there laughing!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re too short for life,” he responded with a wide grin.

She dropped back down to her heels so she could stamp a foot at him. “Well, then, help me get taller!” Still glaring at him, she reached a hand back up towards the glasses. 

A devilish impulse struck Nikolai. “Sure, I can help make you taller.” He reached out and twisted her around by her shoulders so she was facing the cabinet, and shuffled behind her, taking a wide stance and bending his knees into a crouch. Placing his hands firmly on her waist, he lifted her up and placed her feet onto his thighs, keeping a hold on her middle to ensure she didn’t fall. 

She stared down at him. “Kolya!” she protested.

He grinned back. “What? It’s just like in practice, and now you’re taller. Come on, get the glasses already.”

Turning even redder, if that was possible, Aliya begrudgingly reached out and easily grabbed four glasses. Clutching them to her chest, she looked down and said, “Ok, I have them. Put me down now!”

Nikolai clicked his tongue at her. “Not yet, you didn’t close the cabinet.” He admired the blush that had spread up to the tips of her ears. Maybe her ears were the prettiest things in the world.

Helplessly, she turned to Yuuri, who was flipping meat in a pan and looking completely disinterested. “Yuuri!” she wailed plaintively. 

He looked up from the pan with a mildly questioning expression. “Yes?” he asked.

“Can’t you help me with your son? He won’t put me down!”

Yuuri flicked his eyes up to the cabinet. “He’s right, though. You haven’t closed the door yet. Can’t have someone getting hurt by hitting their head on the open door.”

Indignantly, she protested, “Oh, and having me in a lift in the middle of the kitchen isn’t dangerous?”

Yuuri carefully observed them for a moment, then replied, “I don’t see how you’d get hurt, your form is solid. Very stable.” He turned back around, but not before Nikolai caught a hint of a smile perking up the corner of his mouth.

Aliya gaped at him, then down at Nikolai. He smiled patiently. “You heard the man, Aliya. Close the door, then you can come down.”

Recognizing her defeat, she shut the door with a huff, then demanded crossly, “There, I shut it. Now put me down!”

Obligingly, Nikolai lifted her down smoothly and straightened up. Back at their original heights, he grinned down at her and asked, “Do you feel better being short again?”

“Yes, much better!” she huffed, and brushed past him into the dining room. Chuckling to himself, Nikolai opened the utensil drawer, asking his otousan, “Chopsticks or forks tonight?”

“Forks,” Yuuri replied. “And Nika, don’t tease her too much, all right? It’s fine to have fun, just don’t push her too far.”

Nikolai thought this was awfully unfair coming from the man who had been egging him on mere seconds before, but he also recognized the truth in his statement. “I know, Otousan. I know the limits of where I can tease her. Besides, you forget, you and I are always the ones on the butt end of teasing around here. I know not to push too far.” He gathered the utensils up and placed them on top of the plates, pushing the drawer closed with his hip. 

Satisfied, Yuuri nodded. “All right, Nika. Go set the table now, it’s almost ready.”

Walking out to the dining room, Nikolai chuckled to himself. It was just like his otousan to engage in teasing someone, and then feel worried about their feelings the next second. As he approached the table, he saw that Aliya had pulled out some napkins and was arranging them around the table. When he got close enough to put the plates down, he noticed that it looked like she was attempting to fold them into shapes, although she was really only succeeding in making indistinguishable balls of cloth. He smiled to himself, and tapped her arm. She jumped, then glared up at him. “You scared me!” she scolded.

“Ah, sorry. I didn’t realize you were so engrossed in making…napkin blobs.”

The glare deepened, but he cut her off before she had the chance to admonish him again. “Here, you take the plates and utensils. What are you trying to make here?” he asked, reaching for one of the wilted wads of cloth next to her.

Sullenly, she picked up the stack of plates and began setting them out as she replied, “Well, I was trying to fold them into flowers, but I can’t remember how to get past the first step.”

“Ah, ok. Flowers. I can do that.”

Pausing in her distribution of the silverware, Aliya gave him a questioning look. “You can?” she asked skeptically.

“Well, sure! After all, I’m basically half Japanese. If I couldn’t manage something like napkin folding, I’m pretty sure my ancestors would be ashamed of me.” He began to fold one of the sadly crumpled napkins.

Still holding a handful of forks, Aliya stood and watched as he deftly shaped the napkin into the beginnings of a flower. She inched closer as he worked, until she was peeking around his arm as he pulled the petals out for a 3-D fold, completing the design. He grinned down at her. “Well, what do you think? I know it’s not very fancy, but this was the first flower I could remember how to do.” He didn’t mention that he had also picked the simplest version he knew.

She reached out and touched one of the petals gently. “It’s wonderful, Kolya.” 

He scooped it up and handed it to her. “Here, can you put this one on a plate? I can show you how to do the other ones, if you want.”

Reverently, Aliya placed the napkin down, and looked at him hopefully. “You can?”

“Sure. Here, start with the napkin flat like this. Smooth out the wrinkles.” She copied him, and patiently he walked her through the steps of folding the napkin until she had a rather crushed-looking version of the flower that he had made. 

She stared down at the uneven petals and positively glowed with satisfaction. “I did it!” she exclaimed, radiating joy up at him.

His heart skipped a beat. Or maybe two. He managed to pull himself together and answer, “Yeah, you sure did! Are you ready to try the last one on your own?”

The look of joy turned into uncertainty. “I don’t know. I only did it once.”

“Aw, you’ll be fine. I’ll stand right here and make sure you don’t mess up. Now come on, flatten out that last napkin and let’s try again.”

Slowly, she worked her way through the steps under Nikolai’s prompts, folding in the corners one by one, flipping it over, folding them in again, culminating in the petals. When she finished, she took a step back, examining it. Then she broke out in a huge smile, jumping up and down a little as she exclaimed, “Look, Kolya, I did it! I made a flower all by myself!” She grabbed his hands as she bounced in place, inviting him to join her happiness.

Laughing, Nikolai affirmed, “Yeah, you did it! Nice job, Aliya!”

As they were celebrating, the door clicked open, and Victor’s voice sounded throughout the apartment. “Tadaima!”

Yuuri’s happy voice came from the kitchen immediately. “Okaeri, Vitya!”

Nikolai echoed a moment later, “Okaeri, Papa!” 

The sound of Victor’s steps headed to the kitchen seemed to remind Aliya that they were in the middle of Nikolai’s dining room, jumping around like idiots. She dropped his hands quickly and looked away, blushing as she grabbed the utensils and resumed placing them on the table. Nikolai distributed the napkins on the plates, putting the last one on his own plate. Seeing this, Aliya protested, “Kolya, give yourself a different one. That one’s horrible. You should take one that you folded.”

Hovering a hand defensively over his plate, Nikolai shook his head. “No way. I like this one. You did this all by yourself, so that makes it special. I want it.”

She stared at him, eyes wide, and looked like she was about to say something when Victor entered the room, bearing a steaming plate. “Nika, hello! And you brought Aliya, what a nice surprise.” 

Shaking her head a little, Aliya turned to Victor and offered a smile. “Hello. Thanks for having me!”

Setting the plate down on the table, Victor came over to her and kissed the top of her head. “We’re always delighted to have you, dorogoya.” Making his way over to his son, he settled for a kiss on the cheek, rather than trying to reach up and kiss his head. “And Nika, I hear you went to the doctor today. I want to hear all about it, but first Otousan told me to find out what everyone wants to drink.”

“Ah, I’ll help you, Papa. Aliya, what would you like?” 

“I’ll just have water for now,” she responded, taking her seat at the table. 

“All right.” Nikolai grabbed her glass and his own, heading into the kitchen. He passed his otousan, holding serving bowls in either hand. Behind him, his papa stole a quick kiss from his otousan as they passed each other, and Nikolai rolled his eyes at the sight. He went over to the fridge, and filled both glasses with ice and water from the filter in the door. His papa, meanwhile, poured drinks for himself and his otousan, working efficiently. He left the kitchen while Nikolai was still filling his second glass. Quickly, he finished his task, stopping on his way out of the kitchen to grab a paper napkin from the decorated holder on the counter.

He placed the two glasses on the dining room table and sat down at his place next to Aliya, putting his napkin on the table next to him. Aliya eyed it, and asked, “Why’d you bring a napkin, Kolya? We already folded some.”

Lifting his flower carefully off his plate, Nikolai replied, “Exactly. I don’t want to ruin this one you made, so I got a paper one to use.”

She blushed prettily. Victor cut in, apparently unable to hold his questions any longer. “So, Nika, tell me about the doctor today. Your otousan told me some things, but I want to hear what happened from you.”

Nikolai mentally steadied himself for another round of lying to his loved ones. “Well, he said that the sprain is looking a lot better, but it’s still not healed completely. And with the way that it’s still torn, I can’t make the forward motion needed for hockey.” He mimicked a slap shot gently in the air. “But he said that I’m cleared to do other things with it, and I’m supposed to go back next week so he can check it again.” He stabbed a piece of meat and dropped it on his plate. “So until then, it looks like I’ll still be practicing with Aliya.” He looked up to see the effectiveness of his falsehood.

Luckily for him, Victor seemed to be buying it. His face was sympathetic as he said, “Oh, Nika, I’m so sorry. I know that you’re probably really upset about not being able to go back to hockey yet. It must feel awful.”

Nikolai blinked. He hadn’t really considered that side of things. Come to think of it, why wasn’t he missing hockey? He hadn’t even taken that into consideration when deciding to lie about his doctor visit in order to have another week with Aliya. Did he like being with her that much? Or…he noticed that his papa was looking at him with sympathy, and seemed to be waiting for him to say something. Hastily, he said, “Ah, yeah, I guess it does kinda suck, doesn’t it? But I’ll be ok. I’m happy to help Aliya right now, and I’ll be back with the team soon enough anyway.” The last few words felt dead in his throat, and he had to force them out, hoping they sounded optimistically cheerful. In reality, the thought of going back to hockey only filled him with dread. He tucked the sensation into the back of his mind to examine later. Right now, his papa still wanted to fawn over him.

“Should we be doing something for it still? Maybe a heating pad? Are you sure it’s ok to move it around so much?” The concern was evident on Victor’s face, and Nikolai felt a small stab at his conscience.

“No, Papa, the doctor said it just needs a little more time to finish healing fully.” He looked down at his meal, trying to absorb himself in slicing the meat into pieces. 

His otousan cut in gently. “Vitya, he already told you what he knows. There’s no need to berate him.”

Victor fluttered a hand to his chest. “I wasn’t berating him! I’m merely concerned for his wellbeing! All I was saying was that our only son should take care of himself, and that I think a heat pack after dinner would be a good idea.”

“Yes, but Nika is old enough to take care of himself a bit, now,” Yuuri replied.

“You’re never old enough to not need your parents,” Victor retorted huffily.

Nikolai looked meaningfully at Aliya next to him. He leaned over slightly and muttered, “Do you see what I mean? There’s no way I’d ever think you’re overbearing.”

She snorted a little, and looked down at her plate hurriedly in an attempt to hide her amusement.

Sitting back up straight, Nikolai said to his parents, “Papa, Otousan, it’s ok. There’s really not any need to fuss over me so much. It doesn’t even really hurt, only when I do specific motions.”

“Then if it still hurts, we should do something about it!” Victor exclaimed triumphantly.

Nikolai sighed deeply. “All right, Papa, fine. If you really want, you can put a heat pack on my shoulder after dinner. There, are we all happy now?”

Yuuri simply gave his husband a long look, then changed the subject. “Vitya, how was your day?”

Victor brightened, and launched into a long account of the preparations the FSFR was making for the upcoming season, and the subject of Nikolai’s shoulder was forgotten for the moment. At least until the dishes had been cleared up for the night, and they were all settling in on the couch to decide on a movie. Victor disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a hot pack in hand, just as they were turning on The Lion King. When Nikolai saw it, he merely sighed and held his hand out in resignation. Victor ignored him and placed the hot pack himself, carefully arranging it on his son’s shoulder. When he appeared satisfied with its placement, he nodded in approval and took his seat on the end of the couch next to his husband. 

They all watched the movie together happily for a while, laughing and chatting nostalgically about memories of watching it years ago. Eventually, though, Yuuri’s voice quieted, and his head nodded lower and lower until it was resting on Victor’s shoulder. When a slight snore came from him, Victor smiled and gathered his husband into his arms, standing smoothly and carrying him into their bedroom. A minute later, he came out again and asked Aliya, “Do you need me to take you home? It’s getting a bit late.”

Uncertain, Aliya looked at Nikolai. He responded, “I can get her home, Papa. You go ahead to bed, we’ll head out here in a little bit.”

Victor regarded them for a brief moment before nodding his assent. “Just don’t take too long, and make sure Yurio knows when you’re headed back.” He kissed his son on top of the head and said, “Good night, you two.” 

As his papa shuffled back down the hallway, Nikolai asked his friend, “Do you want to finish the movie, or should I take you home now?”

She glanced at the screen, and replied, “The movie’s almost over, let’s just finish it up.”

Nikolai nodded, and settled back into the couch. Without his parents there as a buffer, he was suddenly very aware that he was alone with her, at night, sitting very, very close. Close enough that their thighs were almost brushing against each other. He cleared his throat and tried to think of something other than Aliya’s legs. 

Thankfully, the movie had been on the last scene, and soon the last reprise of “Circle of Life” was sounding from the screen. Nikolai practically jumped off the couch, walking quickly to the door to shove his shoes on. Aliya followed him, and they quietly readied themselves and left the apartment. As the door clicked shut behind them, Nikolai broke the spell of silence that his sleeping parents had cast on them, commenting, “You gonna text your papa now and let him know we’re headed over?”

“Ah, yeah, guess I should do that,” Aliya said, pulling out her phone and busying herself with a message.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Aliya spoke first without looking at him. “Kolya, I’m really glad you listened to me today. I was letting myself get really worked up over the whole thing. Thank you.”

Automatically, he responded, “It really wasn’t a big deal, Aliya. I didn’t do anything other than tell you the truth.”

She shook her head adamantly. “No, it was a big deal to me.” Suddenly, she perked up. “Oh, I have an idea! Why don’t you let me thank you this weekend? I have the perfect thing we can do!”

Warily, he regarded her as he answered, “Yeah? And what’s that?”

Eagerly, Aliya said, “My әкем is DJing at a club on Sunday, why don’t you come with me? We can have that dance off!”

It took him a moment to catch up to her train of thought, but when he did, he started laughing. “You mean to see who’s the dancing queen? I thought I told you it was me, since I’m the one who’s actually 17.”

She grabbed his hand excitedly. “No way! You should come on Sunday, and then I can prove it!”

Although his pulse raced faster, Nikolai still managed to answer lightly, “And how is that a thank you to me if I beat you and prove that I’m right?” He made an exaggerated show of thinking for a moment, then amended, “Nah, I guess that actually is pretty good thanks. Sure, I’m in!”

She dropped the hand she was holding and swatted at his arm instead. “You are not going to win!”

He nudged her with his elbow. “I guess we’ll see on Sunday, won’t we? Will you text me the details later?”

“Sure, loser.” She smiled up at him, a beam of sunshine even in the night.

They talked together lightly after that, back to their usual comfortable banter, until they reached Aliya’s apartment building. Standing at the door, Nikolai wavered. Somehow, this felt like he was dropping off a date, especially after he had been so…overly affectionate with her earlier in the day. Almost instinctively, he dipped his head down and leaned forward, drawing his face closer to Aliya’s. The sight of her eyes, open as wide as plates, stopped him. What the hell was he doing? Frantically, he tried to come up with some way to cover for his actions, and settled on giving her a brief peck on the cheek. “Well, good night, Aliya,” he said awkwardly, straightening up stiffly. Turning around swiftly, he began walking back towards his own home.

Behind him, almost inaudibly, a soft, sweet voice replied, “Good night, Kolya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation note:
> 
> dorogaya: feminine version of "dear"
> 
> FSFR: Figure Skating Federation of Russia
> 
>  
> 
> sn: This chapter. THIS FUCKING CHAPTER. I cannot tell you how many hours/days I stared at the damn computer screen, trying to write this FUCKING CHAPTER. But here it is, done, and the next chapter is going to be pretty easy and fun to write. Thanks for waiting!


	24. Chapter 24

The next day was Saturday, a day of laziness and rest. Nikolai allowed himself to sleep in late, long past when he would have normally woken up for practice. By the time he trudged out of his room, both of his parents were already dressed and working on their computers in the living room. 

With much more cheerfulness than he was ready for, his papa looked up and greeted him. “Good morning, Nika! Did you sleep well?” Yuuri looked up as well, but merely smiled his morning greeting when he saw his son’s bleary face.

Nikolai grunted in response to the two of them, and shuffled into the kitchen to pour himself a bowl of cereal, and find some caffeine. Lots of caffeine. All the emotions and physical activity of the week had hit him like a ton of bricks, and he simply needed to recharge.

After eating, he felt a bit more human, and decided that he should probably go for a run at the very least. He cleaned up his dishes, changed into running clothes, and headed out of the apartment. Unfortunately for him, the caffeine had fully awakened his brain as well as his body, and as he jogged, his mind started to turn over all the things he had done in the past day. It replayed the kisses he had showered on Aliya’s face, the sappy nicknames, the awkward parting last night. The cool wind blowing on his face did little to calm the burning in his cheeks as he berated himself for being so obvious with his affection. For their entire lives, they had managed to maintain a close friendship, and he had thought that his feelings of love for her were well under control. But now it seemed like only their previous distance had kept him from making a complete and utter fool of himself, and ruining their friendship. It seemed pretty obvious to him that she didn’t have much interest in him romantically. She wouldn’t even talk to him about her crushes, and had emphasized several times how important of a friend he was to her. And, honestly, that was ok with him. He genuinely enjoyed their friendship, and would much rather keep her as a friend than not have her in his life. As long as he could manage to control his emotions and not scare her away, that is. If she ever put together the fact that he loved her, he was certain that she would want nothing to do with him. Just look at how things had ended with Mischa. He was beginning to suspect that they had been dating, and she simply hadn’t told Nikolai. And now she wasn’t even talking to Mischa.

Thoughts of Aliya’s former partner led Nikolai back to his revelation about hockey. He examined those feelings again now, trying to sort through what he felt about going back to the team next week. All that he came up with was regret, tinged with dread and that feeling of loss. But why? He had chosen hockey himself, pursued it relentlessly, lived it passionately, all for the sake of his family. Was his resolve that weak, that he was allowing his emotions to be swayed by his pretty crush? Or was there something else to these feelings?

These thoughts swirled through his head as he ran, and by the time he arrived back home, he found that he hadn’t made any progress on working through any of them. For Nikolai, that meant there was only one thing to do. Without greeting his parents, he simply gathered up his black bag from the closet and said shortly, “I’ll be back in a while,” before ducking back out of the house and heading for the ice rink.

Since it was still fairly early in the day on a Saturday, there were a few of the regular skaters there, making use of the rink, so he didn’t have to use his key. Still, it was empty enough that he was able to spend a couple of quiet hours lost in his own world, simply twirling and flying over the ice without thought. Eventually, he evened out his emotions and exited the rink, chest heaving, brain finally feeling like he had it under control. But even after he left the arena and went home, he still didn’t make any headway in sorting through his emotions. The rest of the day was spent with relative laziness, scrolling idly through his phone until he got a text from the subject of his confusion.

You ready for tomorrow?

Despite the anxiety he had put himself through during the day, this simple text was enough to lift his mood. Unaware of the softened look on his face, he texted back, I would be if you would tell me where to go.

I already sent you a map earlier today. Didn’t you get it?

Scrolling up, he saw that he had, indeed, missed a text from her, complete with a map routing him to the club. He chuckled affectionately. It was just like her to make sure he wouldn’t get lost. He typed out a reply. Yeah, looks like I missed it when I was skating. I’ll be there, what time?

Her answer came back quickly. He’s starting at 2200, but it will be slow for at least an hour after that, so you don’t have to get there right away. And where did you go skating?

At the rink.

 

Why didn’t you invite me with you, then? When you said skating, I thought maybe you’d been practicing hockey without your parents knowing and that’s why you didn’t ask me.

The thought had never occurred to him. Figure skating had always been his safe place, but now with all his doubts about his priorities, the fact that practicing hockey had never even crossed his mind bothered him. He paused, unsure of what to type back. Obviously, he also couldn’t tell her that the reason he had gone skating had a lot to do with her. Finally, he settled with I didn’t know if you were busy, and I didn’t want to bother you. Next time, ok?

Nikolai’s phone pinged almost cheerfully as her text came back. Ok, as long as you promise. See you tomorrow!

And just like that, he was left to muddle through his own thoughts. For the remainder of the night and most of the next day, he tried in vain to make sense of the tangled mess that had become his brain, and made little headway. As a result, by the time he was entering the club at their appointed time, he felt an odd mixture of trepidation and heady anticipation for the evening ahead. 

When Aliya saw him, however, her smile lit up her face and banished his complicated feelings into the dark recesses of the room. He walked over to where she was standing next to the DJ booth and returned her welcoming smile. “Hey, Aliya,” he called over the music.

“Hey, Kolya. Looks like you found me just fine.”

“I can always find you.”

She stared at him, a blush crawling its way up her face. Before he could try to discern the reason, Otabek leaned over and greeted him with that serious face he always wore. “Hello, Nika. Did you get through security ok?”

“Yes, I just did what you said, and they let me right in.”

Otabek made a slight movement, and Nikolai guessed he had grunted, although it was hard to tell over the music. “You’re here pretty early, too. Didn’t Aliya tell you it won’t pick up for a while?”

Was he upset? Cautiously Nikolai called back to him, “Yeah, she did, but I figured it would be fine to get here earlier. I wanted to see her, anyway. Besides, we’ll probably have to leave before everyone starts getting too drunk, right?”

Otabek’s eyes darted over to Aliya for a moment, and her expression must have amused him, because he gave a small half-smile as he responded. “Yes, that’s right. That’s the main reason that I stick to opening slots instead of headlining.”

At his side, Aliya piped up, “Yeah, ever since that one time you let me come with you when you headlined. Papa was so nervous.” She giggled, but most of the sound was carried away by the pulsing music. 

A voice from behind him asked, “Who was nervous?”

Turning around, Nikolai saw Yuri holding two glasses and wearing a slightly displeased look. “Hey, soplyak,” he greeted flatly. “You made it.”

“Hi, Yuri. Yeah, I did.”

“Kinda early, aren’t you?”

Aliya laughed. “We were just talking about that, Papa. But this is probably better, anyway. Kolya and I can dance a bit and head home before it starts getting crazy.”

Otabek chipped in, “I think that sounds like a good plan.” He reached out for the drink in his husband’s left hand, and took a sip. 

“That looks good, Әкем. Kolya, should we go get something to drink?” Aliya asked.

Relieved to be out from under Yuri’s critical eyes, Nikolai nodded. “Sure, let’s go. Lead the way.”

She stared up at him for a second, then offered her hand hesitantly out towards him. Smiling, he put his hand in hers, and allowed himself to be tugged over towards the bar. As they left the DJ booth, Nikolai remembered that her parents had been standing there and had probably seen the whole thing. He felt the back of his neck flush a little, but decided not to look back to gauge their reactions. He didn’t want to make Aliya self-conscious about holding his hand. Any contact he could have with her was welcome, and he didn’t want to ruin it, especially when she had been the one to initiate.

She pulled him up to the bar and plopped herself down on a high-legged chair, tugging him down onto the one next to her. Since there weren’t many customers yet, the bartender made his way over to them fairly quickly, and took their orders. They watched in amusement as he poured, shook, and mixed two drinks into tall glasses for them. After they had been served and thanked the bartender, Aliya suggested, “Do you want to sit here and drink them? I’d rather not spend the whole evening with my parents.”

“That’s fine with me. I can do without your papa judging me constantly for the next couple hours.” Nikolai took a sip of his drink, enjoying the carbonation. 

Aliya scrunched up her eyebrows, resulting in an adorable look of confusion. Her eyebrows might be the cutest things in the world. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Papa likes you.”

Despite himself, Nikolai snorted into his drink. “Aliyen’ka, he has never liked me. Not since I started playing hockey.”

Her brow furrowed even more, and Nikolai couldn’t stop himself. He reached a finger out and poked her, right at the apex of her nose. The surprise on her face erased the adorable wrinkling, leaving Nikolai feeling a little sad. Then she seemed to remember they were in the middle of a conversation, and protested, “Kolya, I don’t think Papa ever disliked you. That’s just how he is with people sometimes. Besides, he’s definitely been having fun with you lately when you guys go to the gym. I think he likes having someone to box with.”

This was news to Nikolai. All he could think to say was, “Yeah?”

The corner of her mouth quirked up as she reaffirmed, “Yeah, he always comes back with a relaxed expression, like he had fun.”

Embarrassed, Nikolai took another swig of his drink instead of answering. Was Yuri really warming up to him? As he put his glass down, he said, “Well, he’s certainly doing a good job of playing the protective father.”

Blankly, Aliya asked, “What do you mean?”

“Your papa never misses a chance to glare at me when we’re together now. You know, just in case I forget that you’re his little girl and try to do something to you.”

“Oh, you’re being silly. I’m sure he doesn’t think that, Kolya. We’ve known you forever, and he trusts you. Besides, you’d never do anything to me.”

Lacing his hands around his glass and staring intently into it, Nikolai muttered, “Don’t be so sure about that.”

“What? Kolya, I can’t hear you when you don’t speak up, it’s too loud in here.”

Mortified at his slip, Nikolai stood up quickly. “Nothing, Aliya. Anyway, aren’t we here for a rematch? Something about the Dancing Queen? We should probably get it over with before too many people get on the dance floor, yeah?”

He had triggered her competitive spirit. She drew herself up out of her seat, trying to make herself appear intimidating as she faced him down…well, faced down his chest, anyway. She grinned up at him and said, “You’re on, Kolya. Let’s get this started.” Leaning around him, she waved at Otabek and called, “Әкем! Play it now!” Nikolai wasn’t sure if he heard, but he seemed to understand her meaning at any rate. He flashed her a thumbs-up and shuffled a few things around at the booth.

Seconds later, a new song began playing. It started out with a brightly popping, upbeat tune that Nikolai recognized all too well. He looked back over at Aliya and burst out laughing. “Aliya, how in the world did you manage to get a remix of ‘Dancing Queen’ for us?”

Looking very pleased with herself, she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the dance floor. “Әкем had one he’d made, so I just asked him to dig it out for us. Now come on, let’s do this!”

As they reached the dance floor, the few stragglers who were dancing cleared out of Aliya’s way when they saw her coming and made room for them. Aliya had that kind of presence when she wanted to, even if she didn’t realize it. And right now she was on a mission. She swung Nikolai around by his arm so that they were standing facing each other. She grinned widely at him and yelled over the music, “Are you ready?”

He decided further talk was useless. As a response, he planted his feet in a wider stance and tilted his head so he was looking at her with his best sultry look. Angling his body dramatically, he reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards him gently but firmly. Lifting their linked hands over his head, he guided her in a slow circle around himself, letting go once she was back in front of him. He began to dance, moving his feet and arms in time with the music.

And overall, he thought he was doing pretty well. A couple girls even cat called him as Aliya stood, her hip bobbing in place, watching him with a smile playing around her lips as she allowed him the first turn.

At least until the chorus hit.

Then she became movement. Her hips gyrated, and she was off, a throbbing pulse of energy that matched the music perfectly. Nikolai did his best to keep up, but she was much too lithe for him, popping perfectly in time with the beat. Eventually, he just laughed and decided to throw in every ridiculous dance move he had in the book. The girls seemed to like this, almost as much as a rowdy group of clearly drunk men liked Aliya’s moves. Sooner than he would have liked, Nikolai recognized the end of the song approaching, and decided to go for one last cheesy move. He caught Aliya’s eye and grinned, then reached out for her in the classic rope movement, pretending to draw her into him. She grinned back and played along, finding her way into his waiting arms just as the music chirped to a halt. 

The small assorted crowd went wild, cheering for them as they stood in the middle of the dance floor, breathing heavily and laughing at each other. Aliya broke their eye contact to wave at the people cheering, and Nikolai begrudgingly did the same, still keeping his arm around her middle. 

A new song started playing, and Aliya pulled herself up using his shoulder so she could talk into his ear. “Let’s get off the dance floor for now and go get a drink.” He nodded and guided her gently towards the bar with the hand that was still on her waist. As they sat down, Nikolai glanced up and noticed Yuri was glaring at him darkly. 

Hurriedly, he removed his hand and placed it on the bar. Aliya was already ordering new drinks as behind them, people began to trickle onto the dance floor in their wake. With her chest still moving heavily, Aliya smirked at him and asked, “So, how do we decide a winner for this?”

Nikolai raised his hands up in defeat. “Oh, you definitely won. I could barely keep up with you. Where did you even learn to dance like that?”

She giggled. “I’ve been coming to Әкем’s gigs ever since I could walk. I guess I just sort of picked it up.”

“Oh, so you’re saying you haven’t had any professional hip hop dance lessons or anything like that?” He leaned in closer to her and tipped his head at an angle, pretending to examine her closely.

Laughing, she pushed him lightly on his shoulders and insisted, “No, I didn’t! Don’t you think you would have known about something like that?”

Leaning back, he said, “Yes, but I also thought I would have known about my best friend being a secret club dance star, and yet here we are.”

Aliya cast her eyes downwards shyly, replying softly, “I’m not that good, Kolya.”

He snorted. “Yeah, you are. You were amazing. It was beautiful.”

Her eyes looked at him, wide, innocent sapphires sparkling in the lights of the club. Thankfully, the bartender plopped their drinks down in front of them, and Nikolai gratefully gulped from his glass. 

When he was done, he put his drink down and assessed his petite friend. Her breathing had evened out now, and she looked a little awkward, staring resolutely at her glass. He asked, “Would you like to go back and dance again? I mean, since you are the Dancing Queen and all.”

Her smile came back, eyes lighting up. “Sure, let me just drink a little bit more first.” She took a few more sips as he stood up and leaned backwards against the counter, waiting patiently for her. His eyes roamed the room, and he noted that the large group of rather drunk guys had mostly moved onto the dance floor. They had clearly been at a preparty, and seemed pretty wasted. He made a mental note to steer his beautiful love away from them. Other than the drunk guys, there were a few other people dancing here and there; small groups of girls, a few couples. Nothing much, but definitely more than there had been before their dance-off. Nikolai chuckled to himself. Aliya had a way of commanding a room sometimes. Not that he would ever tell her that. She would be mortified at the idea. 

He felt a hand on his elbow, and looked down. “Ok, let’s go now,” Aliya said, and used his arm as support to haul herself up. When she was standing, he closed his other hand over the one she had rested on his elbow, trapping them in an escort position. He grinned and bowed slightly, saying, “Shall we, my lady?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed, but followed his lead readily. “Why, thank you good sir. Let us dance with the rabble.” Giggling together, they walked back over to the dance floor.

They spent a few songs dancing together, simply enjoying the music and each other. A few people came over to yell a comment about how they had been awesome earlier, and they smiled and thanked each one. But mostly, Nikolai just allowed himself to be lost in the music and Aliya’s eyes, mesmerized by her gently swaying hips.

Eventually, Aliya pulled him down to talk to him. “I’m going to find a bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

He placed his lips next to her ear to respond, enjoying the way they wisped over her earlobe. “Why don’t I go get us some more drinks? We can take a break.”

She nodded in assent, and they split ways. Nikolai found two empty seats at the steadily filling bar and ordered a refill of their earlier drinks, sitting down to wait for his friend. 

After about five minutes, he started wondering how long girls actually took in the bathroom. Was she fiddling around in the mirror? He glanced around the dimly lit club as best as he could, finally locating a sign that indicated bathrooms behind the DJ booth. He stood up out of his seat, trying to see if Aliya was near them, and located her fairly quickly. She was making her way towards him quickly, a hint of panic in her stride. 

He pushed himself off the counter and made his way to her, cutting across the dance floor to get there faster. She had her head down as she was walking, and didn’t see him when he caught up to her. He reached a hand out to hook her arm so she would notice him, and she jolted, jerking her head upright as she yanked her body away from him. Then she noticed who it was, and her face crumpled. She clutched her arms up to her chest and darted forward, knocking herself firmly into his chest and burying her face there. Instantly, his arms circled around her small body, and he dipped his head down low to ask her, “Aliya, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

She shivered slightly, and turned her head enough to free her mouth so she could say, “Kolya, please take me home. I want to leave.”

Something was wrong. Very wrong. But he wasn’t going to deny her what she needed right now just to find out. He could ask her questions later. Nodding, he turned around and located her parents across the room. Yuri was pointing at them, tugging on Otabek’s sleeve so he would notice. Nikolai held up a finger to them as he pulled out his phone and texted Yuri. Aliya wants to go home. I’ll take her there. Will let you know if she needs anything.

Pushing the send button impatiently, he shifted his love into the crook of his arm so they could walk, and ushered her outside the club. 

As they got outside, Nikolai took a deep breath. Without realizing it, the club’s atmosphere had made him feel a bit like he was confined. Being outside was a welcome change. Steering them farther away from the doors, Nikolai bent down again and asked, “Should we get a ride or do you want to walk?”

She mumbled, “Walk.”

Nodding, Nikolai spoke out loud as he glanced around to get his bearings, mostly talking to ground his worried emotions. “Yeah, I guess you’re not that far from here, are you? Would be kind of silly to get a cab. Here, it’s this way. Let’s go.” Tenderly, he guided her down the street with his hand. As they began to walk, he asked, “So what happened back there that made you want to leave all of a sudden? Are you ok?”

Her body shrank into him even more, if that was possible. She reached out and anchored one of her arms around his waist, then took a stuttering breath. “I just…Kolya, it was awful! When I went to the bathroom, there were a bunch of guys there when I came out…and they kept trying to get me to go with them…they said they had liked my dancing, and that they knew I…wanted it. And…and they kept trying to touch me, and one of them backed me up against a wall…and I couldn’t get away, and it was so scary!” She shuddered again, and it took everything within Nikolai to be silent and let her keep talking. “And they all surrounded me, and I had to threaten to scream for security to get them to leave me alone. I was so scared, and I couldn’t get to you, or my parents. It was awful, Kolya!” She flung her other arm around him and let out a shuddering breath that bordered on a sob. 

Unable to keep his horror in any longer, Nikolai burst out, “Aliyen’ka, they didn’t do anything to you, did they? Did they touch you?”

She shook her head against his side and said, “No, but they kept trying to. I mean…nothing actually happened, it just…was so scary.”

“Of course it was scary! I’m so sorry, Aliya, I didn’t even notice what was happening until you had dealt with it. I would have come to get you if I had known. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.” He squeezed her even tighter into his side.

“Kolya, it wasn’t your fault. Like you said, I dealt with it. It’s just…it was scary. It felt like…they could have easily done what they wanted with me, and there wasn’t anything I could do to prevent it. I felt so helpless, and weak…”

Nikolai’s free hand came up to hold her head. “Hey, don’t say that. You are anything but weak and helpless. You told off a bunch of drunk guys by yourself. Don’t ever call yourself weak.” 

With relief, he saw that they were within sight of Aliya’s apartment. He soothed, “Here, we’re almost home. See, there’s home. Let’s get you inside and settled in, ok?” Keeping up a string of calming words, he got her inside and settled on the couch. Kicking off his own shoes, he asked, “Do you want some tea?”

Wordlessly, she nodded. Nikolai scurried into the kitchen to make some black tea. He located the small kettle and two large tea cups without any problems, and set about preparing it. 

A few minutes later, he carried two steaming hot cups into the living room, setting one on the table in front of Aliya and holding the other in his own hands. Absently, she reached out and took the proffered cup, clutching it in both of her hands like a lifeline. His heart aching, he sat down next to her, wrapping an arm over her shoulders, their thighs pressed together. She leaned into him, and let out a shuddering sigh. “I’m being kinda silly, aren’t I?” she asked.

His grip tightened, and he said fiercely, “No, you’re not! It was definitely something to be upset about. I’m just sorry that I didn’t notice it.”

“Kolya, stop that. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just…kinda shaken up, is all. I’ll be all right in a bit, just…please let me sit here like this for a while, ok?” Her face turned crimson as she spoke, and she looked down into her cup instead of at him.

He was certain she was going to feel the erratic beating of his heart through where her back leaned on his chest. He tried to ignore it, however, and simply said softly, “Of course, Aliyen’ka.”

They sat in silence for a long while, sipping their tea occasionally, simply drawing strength from each other. Finally, the door clicked open, and Yuri came in, a panicked look on his face.

“Aliyen’ka, I got your text. Are you ok?” He looked wildly around the apartment, eyes lighting on the two of them on the couch. Aliya stood up swiftly, and Nikolai allowed his arm to fall back to his side, hoping that Yuri wasn’t going to make a fuss over how they had been sitting. 

He seemed completely unconcerned with Nikolai, however. He stalked over to where his daughter was, and grabbed her shoulders. The motion looked rough, but from where he was sitting, Nikolai could clearly see the gentle grip that Yuri held his daughter in. “Did they do anything to you? Whose ass do I have to kick?”

She laughed, a short, forced-sounding bark. “Papa, it’s not a big deal. I got them to leave me alone.”

Yuri snarled back, “And I’ll get them to leave every woman alone for the rest of their lives, and men too while I’m at it. Tell me which assholes they were, and I’ll call your әкем so he can kick their asses.”

“Papa! There’s no need to go that far! Besides, they didn’t actually even touch me. I slapped them away when they tried. There’s no need to be so upset.”

Nikolai spoke up. “Your papa might be right, Aliya.”

She flopped her head backwards toward him and groaned. “Not you too, Kolya. I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that you’d want to beat someone up for me, though.”

Nikolai shook his head. “No, not beating them up. I’m just saying, if they harassed you, they might do it to someone else, too. You should probably tell your Әкем what they looked like, so security can deal with them.”

She blinked at him. “That’s…actually a good point,” she said.

“Hey, you don’t have to sound so shocked that I had a good idea.”

Hastily, she said, “I’m not! I’m just surprised to hear you offer a reasonable point that doesn’t center around punching someone that upset you.”

He smiled lopsidedly at her. “I guess people can grow, when they have childhood friends looking after them all the time.” He stood up, putting his cup down on the table. “Well, Yuri, I’ll get out of your way and let you guys handle this from here. Please let me know if there’s something else I can do.” 

Yuri looked him over once, quickly, and nodded curtly. “Sure. And, soplyak…thanks, for taking her home, and looking after her.”

Nikolai was sure his eyes were going to bug out of his head. He managed to form a coherent response despite his shock. “O-of course. It’s the least I can do for her.” Nodding his head at Yuri, he walked over to Aliya and rested his hand gently on top of her head. “Let me know if you need anything, ok?”

She smiled shakily up at him. “Yeah. Thanks, Kolyatchka.”

The nickname sent tremors through his heart. Not trusting his voice, Nikolai nodded again, and let himself out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me like a month! Holidays got crazy, then I went to Anime Zap and did some panels, and that was crazy prep too...but I'm back! Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and buckle up for some more angst next chapter! Getting close-ish to the end? The end is in sight, at any rate!
> 
> Also, I'd like to apologize for the confusion in my text...some day, I'm going to figure out how to preserve the original italics I type in my documents. I get so lazy and just copy paste, but the italics don't transfer for some reason...I'm open to help on this.
> 
> For those curious, I used this as a reference for the 'Dancing Queen' remix: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEaHehVU93Y
> 
> Also, the rats are back with a sequel to their previous work! Here it is, in all its glory:
> 
> Nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees/ x 1 L,[ 1WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwAWA5RE -;l[-i888888i[==== [=?+?++?+l,,llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll’o]>/]\/||\\\\\;pllllllllbb7O6)(/


	25. Chapter 25

The walk home was a long, torturous one, with Nikolai berating himself the entire way. He was useless, stupid! How could he have let this happen? He had let Aliya down when she needed him the most. And the worst part was that he hadn’t even noticed she had needed help. He had no right to stay by her side when he couldn’t even protect her from some drunken idiots. What kind of pathetic excuse for a man can’t protect the girl he loves? Especially when she was always looking after him in every way imaginable, and he let this happen to her? She had tried to put a rational spin on it and say the whole thing wasn’t a big deal, but clearly she was emotionally shaken. And there hadn’t been a damn thing he could do about it, since he had missed the chance to act in the moment.

Thankfully, when he arrived home his parents had already gone to bed, and he was able to avoid them entirely, instead spending most of the night torturing himself. When daylight trickled through his window and his alarm sounded, he slapped it off impatiently and resumed staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes, he convinced himself that he should get up and face the day, even if it was on zero sleep.

After getting dressed, he briefly considered breakfast, but quickly ruled against it. He bypassed the kitchen altogether and went for his black bag in the closet. The sound of the closet opening attracted his otousan’s attention, and Yuuri’s voice called from the kitchen, “Nika, is that you?”

Not wanting any conversation, Nikolai shouldered the bag and called back, “Hai, Otousan. I’m not hungry, so I’m just going to head to the rink early.” Not waiting for a response, he walked to the door and shoved his feet into the closest pair of shoes that fit.

As he was ducking out, he heard his otousan’s voice call behind him, “See you in a little bit, Nika.” A brief pang of guilt struck him, but not enough to force a response out of him before closing the door.

He was relieved to see the lights were still off when he arrived. He let himself in, thankful not to have to deal with the receptionist’s overbearing amounts of peppiness today. He entered the arena and turned the lights on, allowing the sound of the electric buzz to fizz in his bones. Impatiently, he laced up his skates, and stepped onto the pristine ice. He started speeding around the edge, gaining momentum. Without hesitation, he stepped onto his left foot, lifted his right leg, and launched himself.

As his feet left the ice, he knew that his attempt at a double Axel was going to fail. His center of balance was all off, and he felt like the world was tipping around him. He barely completed one rotation before he crashed to the ice, a desperate tangle of limbs and blades as he tried to figure out which way was up.

Eventually, he stopped sliding, and his body flopped limply onto the ice. He stared up at the steel beams of the ceiling, and let out a hollow laugh. He had given up hockey because he wanted to be with Aliya a bit longer, and see where it had gotten him. He wasn’t a man that could protect her anymore. He wasn’t a man who could protect anyone important to him. Hell, he wasn’t even a man who could land a double Axel. He laughed like the empty shell he had become. 

As the remnants of his laughter echoed around the empty arena, hollow and booming, he sat up and sifted his fingers through his hair. He needed to pull himself together. All he had to do was get through this week, and then he would go back to hockey. He could see now that his path was clear. He had given into his feelings for too long, when he should have been focused on protecting the people that were dear to him. And his negligence had resulted in the most important person of all getting hurt. But no more. He would rededicate himself to hockey, as soon as the week was over. That was the only way he could protect everyone.

A voice calling to him over the ice interrupted his thoughts, and he snapped his head up to see Dmitri standing next to his otousan, waving at him. Quickly, he stood up and pasted what he hoped was a convincing smile on his face. “Hi, Dmitri!” he called.

“Hi, Nikolai Victorevich. Are you ok? Why were you sitting on the ice?”

The smile became a bit more strained. “Oh, I had just fallen, and was picking myself back up. Are you ready for practice today?”

Dmitri’s face brightened. “Yeah!”

Nikolai’s smile relaxed a little as he saw the genuine enjoyment on the boy’s face. “Well, have fun, and don’t mind me. I’ll stay out of your way as usual.” 

“Ok!” Dmitri answered brightly. Nikolai’s eyes met his otousan’s briefly over the boy’s head, but he hurriedly broke the gaze and turned away. Thankfully, Yuuri seemed willing to give him his space, and they shared the ice uneventfully until Nikolai felt a buzzing in his pocket. 

He stepped off to the side by the gate. He had forgotten that he even had his phone in his pocket still. Unlocking it, he saw that the notification was a text from Aliya. His pulse leapt into his mouth as he anxiously read what she had to say: Hey, Kolya. Thanks for last night. I don’t know what I would have done without you there.

Nikolai’s lip curled up a bit in disgust at himself over the memory. She didn’t know what she would have done without him? What had he actually done? Walked her home? What good was that? His reply formed itself from his dark emotions. I didn’t really do anything.

Yes, you did! I was really freaked out. You helped a lot. I’d like to bring you lunch today to thank you, if that’s ok.

His immediate reaction of self-loathing was tempered by the hidden plea of the last line. He sighed, defeated. Of course it’s ok. You can come by in about an hour and a half, the first class should be done by then.

Ok! See you in a bit!

He stared at his phone for a few seconds, not sure what he was feeling. He decided it was easiest to ignore his feelings, shoved his phone back in his pocket, and took off over the ice again. 

Pretty soon, kids began trickling in for the class, and his otousan greeted them all individually as they got their skates on. Nikolai chose to stay out on the far side of the rink until his otousan called him in to divide up the class into small groups. Mechanically, Nikolai greeted his group of students for the day and led them off to practice their newest skill, hardly even noticing what he was teaching them. He managed to get through it somehow, and sent them off to his otousan when he called for the whole group to gather together for a few last exercises. Rolling his head around his neck in an effort to return to the real world, he began skating towards the benches and immediately saw something that finished bringing him back to reality.

Aliya was sitting on a bench, her back to him, leaning away from a figure towering over her.

Evgeny.

Nikolai wasn’t sure how fast he got across the ice, but it felt like the slowest he had ever skated. It must have been faster than he thought, though, because he collided with the gate in a misjudgment of the distance between himself and his target. He didn’t bother opening it, instead choosing to swing his legs over the partition, the motion feeling oddly light without his hockey gear on. He ignored this feeling and stalked over to the bench, snarling, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Dadonov?” 

He relished the look of surprise as Evgeny looked up and saw Nikolai stalking towards him. The expression didn’t last long, however, rapidly morphing into something more sinister. “I’m just talking to this lovely lady here. What’s it to you, goluboy?”

By now, Nikolai had reached them, and shot his hands out roughly, propelling Evgeny violently away from Aliya. As he did, he stepped in front of the bench, positioning himself firmly between his love and Evgeny. The other boy stumbled back a few paces before catching himself. He snarled, “What the fuck is wrong with you? I was just talking to her.”

Nikolai’s veins crackled as he shot back, “She clearly didn’t like it! When someone’s leaning away from you, maybe you should leave them the fuck alone!”

Evgeny’s eyes grew wide with shock, then promptly narrowed into angry slits. “Whatever, pidor. It’s not really your business either way, is it?”

Subconsciously, Nikolai’s body readied itself for a fight. His knees bent as his stance dropped, and his head lowered down to glare at his opponent as he hissed, “I’m going to protect her.”

Evgeny smirked. “Yeah? You think you can do that? You’re weak as shit. You aren’t even a real man, you’re just some figure skating gomosek. There’s no way you can protect anyone.”

Blind rage filled Nikolai, and he launched himself forward. As he shifted, however, a weight suddenly attached itself around his waist, halting his motion. Startled, he looked down, and saw Aliya’s arms anchored around his middle. Craning his head back, he saw her face, blue eyes holding in tears as she choked out, “Kolya, leave him alone! You shouldn’t hit him!”

Her plea hit his heart like a dagger, and he used it to whet the edge off his fury. Turning back to Evgeny, he ground out, “You’d better take your brother and get out of here. I don’t want to see you near her again, or next time I won’t stop before I hit you, understand?”

There was a flicker behind the other boy’s eyes as he replied haughtily, “Whatever. She’s not even worth the trouble.” His eyes shifted away nervously to locate his brother, and he called, a bit shakily Nikolai noted with satisfaction, “Fyodor, hurry up. We’re leaving.” Not waiting for his little brother, Evgeny turned around with a last sneer. He couldn’t’ seem to resist a parting jab as he walked away. “Seems kinda pathetic that you have to have your girlfriend take care of your fights for you, though.”

Aliya’s hold tightened, but Nikolai just clenched his fists to vent the extra rage. He watched carefully as the Dadonovs left, only relaxing his body as the door swung shut behind them.

Aliya’s arms dropped at the same time, and he was suddenly free to move. He didn’t take advantage of this, however. With his back still to his friend, he asked softly, “Are you ok?”

Her answer came hurriedly, “Yes, Kolya, I’m fine! He didn’t really do anything, he was just being pushy. Thank you for coming, though. I was getting really uncomfortable, and didn’t really know what to do. I don’t know what I would have done without you―”

“Stop saying that!”

Aliya’s voice faded into nothing for a second, and then she ventured timidly, “K-Kolya?”

He cut her off, brutally, forcefully. “Stop, Aliya. I’m fine. I just…I think it’s time we ended this.”

Her voice was tremulous now when she spoke again, as if she’d had to gather up the quivering strings of her throat that had been shattered by his harsh outburst. “Wh-what? What do you mean? End what?”

“Our partnership. It’s just not working out.”

Voice gaining strength now, Aliya protested, “Why would you say that, Kolya? We’ve been working really well together! And you still have a week before you can go back to hockey, why don’t you just stay and finish this out with me like you―”

“I’m not injured, Aliya.”

The stunned silence coming from his back hung in the air like fog. “Wh…what did you say?” she finally asked softly.

Nikolai gritted his teeth. “I said, I’m not injured anymore. When I went to the doctor last week, I lied about not being healed. He said I was cleared to go back to hockey. But I lied about it. I thought we could make this work out. But now I see I was obviously wrong. Let’s just end this here, Aliya.” His fists tightened, and he had to force out his next words as if he was pushing a truck single-handedly. “I’m going back to hockey, starting today. Thank you for having me as your temporary partner. I’ll see you around.” And, without looking back, he strode out of the rink.


	26. Chapter 26

As he left the arena, Nikolai realized he still had his skates on, and had failed to grab his bag. Impatiently, he sat down on a nearby bench and ripped his skates off, deciding that it wasn’t even worth going back to get his shoes. Resolutely, he marched out of the building and walked back to his apartment.

Entering, he slammed the door in his wake, hoping to blow off a little of the pent-up steam in his blood. Unfortunately, all this action did was attract the attention of his papa, who came down the hall at the noise, eyes lighting up with delight and then changing to confusion at the sight of his son.

“Nika, you’re home early. What’s up?” Victor asked.

“Nothing’s up. I’m just not going to skate today.” He flung his figure skates angrily towards the closet. His papa followed the motion with raised eyebrows. “I’m going to get ready for hockey practice,” he announced, starting towards his room.

That got his papa’s attention. “Nika, you aren’t healed enough for that. If you don’t want to figure skate, that’s fine, but you can’t―”

“I’m not actually hurt!” 

His papa’s reaction was very similar to Aliya’s, a small part of him noted with distant amusement. “What?” he asked blankly.

“I’m not hurt anymore, Papa. The doctor said last week that I can go back to practice. So that’s what I’m doing.” Not waiting for an answer to this bombshell, Nikolai resumed his path, slamming the door to his room too, just in case it might make him feel a bit better this time.

It didn’t.

A few minutes later, he emerged from his room, dressed for hockey practice, bag slung over his shoulder. As he entered the living room, his papa stood from his chair and opened his mouth to speak.

The thought of having to explain himself to his papa made ice run through his veins. He snapped, “I’m leaving now, Papa. See you later.” Grabbing his shoes, he left the apartment as quickly as he could. 

The walk to the hockey arena seemed to have somehow gotten much longer in the couple of weeks since he had traveled it. He was left with plenty of time to think, but managed to fill the space with emptiness instead. No thoughts, no emotions, just the tapping of his shoes on the concrete. 

Finally, he reached the arena, and noted that although he was early, it looked like a few other guys were arriving too. He successfully avoided them as he slipped into the building and through the locker room, emerging with stick in hand and ready for a beating.

As soon as he stepped out of the locker room, he heard someone call, “Katsuki-Nikiforov!”

Looking around, he realized it was Coach Kravetz. The coach was standing a little ways off to the side, watching him. He was clearly expecting Nikolai to offer some sort of explanation.

Sighing, he made his way over to the coach. He’d have to get this conversation out of the way, and he supposed sooner was better than later. “Hey, Coach Kravetz,” he said as he came in earshot.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me, what’s going on with you? Why are you back here already? Thought you were out for another week.”

Nikolai braced himself for another lie. Just one more he could stack on top of the tower of lies he was creating and destroying around himself. “Yeah, I went back over the weekend, and the doctor said my shoulder was fine after all. So, yeah, here I am. Ready for practice.” He stood there uncomfortably, hoping no more questions would be forthcoming. 

He seemed to be in luck. Coach Kravetz inspected him for a moment, and then nodded. “All right. Then get your ass out there, we need to get those forwards whipped into shape for this season. Just don’t overdo it.”

Relieved, Nikolai said, “Yes, Coach!”

For the next few hours, Nikolai struggled with a body and a mind that didn’t want to get used to hockey again. His teammates all seemed thrilled to have him back, and were very positive about his skills, but he just couldn’t force his heart to get into it. By the time practice ended, all he felt was gratitude that it was over and he could go home. 

But after a quick shower and a change back into clean clothes, Nikolai found himself on the street wishing he had anywhere to go but home. Home was a place filled with questions he didn’t want to―and probably couldn’t―answer. Reluctantly, he set his feet on the path back to his apartment, and forced them to travel it.

The walk home actually took substantially longer than the walk to practice had, simply because of Nikolai’s lack of desire to return. Inevitably, however, he reached his apartment, and had nowhere to go but in. Besides, it was getting to be dinner time, and his stomach was finally starting to notice that he had skipped both breakfast and lunch.

Cautiously, he opened the door, not even greeted by Makkachin as he slipped in quietly, hoping against all logic to escape detection. 

And, somehow, it worked. Instead of being greeted by his parents’ faces, instead he heard their voices conversing together in the kitchen.

“I just don’t know what to do about it, Yuuri,” his papa was saying. “I thought we were making so much progress lately. He’s been talking to me again, lapochka. And now I find out he lied to us.” A slamming noise. “What am I supposed to think about this?”

“Vitya, calm down,” his otousan’s voice soothed. “We should ask him about it before we judge anything. We don’t really know what happened.”

“Yes, we do! Our son lied! About something pretty serious, too! Yuuri, he basically fabricated medical records! That’s a felony! I’d say it’s pretty serious!”

Nikolai could practically see his otousan pinch the bridge of his nose as he replied. “Vitya, that’s ridiculous. He did not fabricate any records, and he certainly didn’t commit a felony. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

“I don’t really know what to think! What else has he lied to us about?”

His otousan cut in smoothly, “There’s no way we’ll know unless we ask him. You’re the one who taught me that you need to talk directly to someone if you want to know what they’re thinking. Why don’t we try it? The method has never let me down before.”

His papa chuckled. “I guess you’re right, solnyshko. What would I ever do without you?” The light sound of a kiss came from the kitchen. Nikolai wrinkled up his nose, and decided it was time to try to make his escape to his room. Maybe he could get dinner later. He began sneaking slowly across the living room.

His luck ran out, however, when his foot collided with a book on the floor, sending it skidding over the hardwood. He froze, and all noise from the kitchen halted for a moment. Then his papa called out, “Nika? Is that you?”

Shit. He froze, unsure of what to do. His papa emerged from the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest. His otousan appeared behind him in the doorway, face inscrutable. 

“Nika. You’re home.”

The flat tone in his papa’s voice was dangerous, and Nikolai knew it. He repressed the urge to gulp like a cartoon character and replied, “Yeah. Just got back.”

Victor jerked his head towards the couch. “I think we all need to talk.”

A chill went up Nikolai’s spine. He nodded silently and took the indicated seat as his parents sat down in their arm chairs.

Yuuri was the first to speak. “So, Nika, I hear your shoulder is better?”

Victor snapped, “Don’t say it like that, Yuuri! It didn’t heal overnight! It was fine last week, Nika just lied about it!”

Nikolai felt a twinge of anger at being treated like a child without an opinion. “I’m sitting right here, you know, Papa. You could just talk to me.”

He instantly regretted his words as his papa rounded on him with icy cold eyes. “Yes, I’m well aware of your location, Nika. Now would you care to explain yourself? You’ve put us through a lot of worry about your health, and it is very frustrating to find out that we have been blatantly lied to. I hope you have a good reason for doing so.”

Petulantly, Nikolai grumbled, “Not really.”

“What was that? Speak up, Nika, we can’t hear you.”

He was really getting sick of this. Glowering at his papa, Nikolai enunciated each syllable. “I said, not really.”

“What do you mean, not really? Do you just like making everyone around you worried? Were you just looking for attention?”

Bristling, Nikolai spat back, “Of course not! You don’t understand anything about me, Papa, so don’t try to treat me like a child when you don’t even know what I’m thinking!”

Yuuri cut in, holding his hand out to stop his sputtering husband from saying anything else. “Nika, we’re trying to understand, really we are. But we can’t unless you tell us. Because to us, right now, it just seems like you lied to us to get attention, and that isn’t something that you would normally do. So we just want to know what is going on.” He turned a glare onto his husband, wordlessly prodding him to chime in.

Victor sighed. “Yes, I would really like to know what is going on,” he agreed in a worn voice.

Nikolai stared at his parents, considering his options. If he told them the truth, there was a very high probability that they would talk to Yuri and Otabek about it, who would more than likely tell Aliya, and then where would he be? Desperately, he cast around for some plausible reason that didn’t involve his romantic life.

“Um…well…I just…well…just wanted to make sure I was fully healed before I went back to hockey, is all. I know the doctor said I was fine, but I was still a little sore over the weekend, and well…today I felt better, so I went back to practice.” He looked over to where Makkachin had plopped down, not quite daring to make eye contact with either of his parents.

“Then why did you tell us that the doctor cleared you to do lifts?”

Guiltily, Nikolai’s head jerked up and met his otousan’s steady gaze. Yuuri continued, “Nika, I want to believe you, and I want to have a serious conversation with you, but it’s rather difficult when it seems like you’re not willing to share the whole truth.”

He gritted his teeth and looked down at his lap, but said nothing.

“Does it have something to do with that boy you were talking to at the ice rink today?”

Shooting out of his seat, Nikolai exploded. “I already told you what happened, so why can’t you leave me alone? I’m not a kid who needs to be protected by you two anymore, and I don’t need you overseeing every aspect of my life!” He wheeled on his heel, turning away from the living room.

His papa’s angry voice shot out, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going to my room!” Nikolai yelled back, stomping down the hallway. He reached his room safely and slammed the door as hard as he thought he could without drawing one of his parents down the hallway after him. He leaned his back against the door, and felt his tense body collapse. He could vaguely hear his parents’ voices as they undoubtedly discussed his behavior. He found that he didn’t really care. His nerves were fried, and all he really wanted to do was sleep. Shedding his clothes, he decided that eating and showering were jobs for tomorrow, and clambered into bed. Despite all the emotions swirling through him, the exhaustion from his lack of sleep and draining day took over as soon as his head touched the pillow.


	27. Chapter 27

He awoke the next morning when the sun was just starting to seep through his window with the acute awareness of a hollow in his stomach. He sat up and rubbed his eyes groggily, then remembered that he hadn’t actually eaten anything yesterday. He lay in bed for a few minutes, weighing his options, and decided that food was worth the risk of having to confront his parents again. 

Stealthily, he crept out of his room, hoping that his parents were still asleep. He darted to the kitchen and yanked the fridge open, hoping to grab the first thing that looked like food and beat a hasty retreat back to his room. Instead, he saw a covered plate sitting on the most prominent shelf, a note resting on top of it. He saw his name, and began reading it:

 

Nika,

For you to eat when you feel hungry.

Love, Otousan & Papa

 

His heart constricted a little bit, and he felt a shade of guilt over the worry he had put his parents through. Sheepishly, he reached into the fridge and pulled out the plate. The note fell as he did so, and as it rested on the floor he saw that there were microwave instructions on the back. Smiling despite himself, he followed the instructions, and a few minutes later he was bringing a hot plate of food back to his room.

He ate it voraciously, not having realized exactly how hungry he had been. Luckily for him, his otousan had anticipated this, and had put large portions on the plate for him. As he finished, he sat and stared at the empty plate, contemplating what to do about his parents. They clearly were just concerned for him, but there wasn’t anything he could tell them that would satisfy them. He desperately needed advice, but he didn’t know who to turn to. If he was honest, Aliya was really his best friend. He talked to her about everything that troubled him, even if it was in his own awkward way. He did have other friends, but they were mostly guys from the hockey team, and really the kind of friend that you hung out with on the weekends, rather than the kind you talked to about your problems. He’d never really seen the need to surround himself with deep friendships. He’d always had Aliya, and that had been more than enough. She had always given him all the emotional support he needed. And, if he was honest, so did his family, but there was no way he could talk to them, either. He groaned out loud and buried his head in his arms. 

As he did this, he heard stirrings from the room next to him. His parents were finally getting up. Cold panic set in. He desperately wanted to avoid any further conversation with his parents. He did the first thing he could think of, throwing on sweats and rooting around in his closet for his spare pair of sneakers. Once dressed, he furtively opened the door to his room, looked both ways for his parents, and dashed out of the apartment as quickly as he could.

Once safely outside the complex, he breathed a sigh of relief, and set his feet towards his usual running path through the park. The clear morning air did little to clear his head as he ran. He hadn’t brought anything to keep track of the time, so he tried his best to guess how long he’d been out of the house. Ideally, he wanted to stay away until both of his parents left for work. It seemed like his papa had been going to the office most days lately, so he was hopeful that today he would have the house to himself before hockey practice. 

When he estimated that enough time had passed, he headed back home, hoping with each thump of his feet on the pavement that his parents would be gone.

Thankfully, he seemed to have timed it well, since the only one who greeted him when he got home was the ever-enthusiastic Makkachin. He gave the dog a few absent pats, checked the kitchen to be safe, and then headed down the hallway, shedding his clothes as he went in preparation for a long-overdue shower. 

When he emerged from the bathroom later with a towel wrapped around his waist, he made the unpleasant discovery that he wasn’t as alone as he had hoped. A cheerful voice sang out, “Hey there, little brother. Mind covering up a bit more?”

He jumped much higher than he wanted, and whirled around to see his sister sitting in their papa’s chair, watching him smugly.

“Aki!” he exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Get dressed first, you perv, and then we can talk,” she shot back gleefully.

“Perv?” Nikolai sputtered. “I’m covered up! And besides, how the hell was I supposed to know you’d be here?”

She just grinned at him. He rolled his eyes, realizing further protestations were useless, and stomped down the hall to his bedroom.

He took his time getting dressed, having no desire to make things any easier for his annoying sister in any way. When he finally came back to the living room, he plopped down across from her and snarled, “So why are you here?”

Aki gave him her best innocent look. “Can’t a doting nee-san just come to see her loving little brother in the middle of a work day for absolutely no reason?”

He stared at her, stone-faced. She giggled, and admitted, “Papa asked me to come check on you.”

He blinked. “Papa did? Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. All I heard is something about you lying about your shoulder, and Yuri wanting to stab you with his knife shoes.”

A shiver of fear crawled through him, followed by a surge of validation. He had known that his parents would talk to Aliya’s. He had made the right decision not to talk to them last night. If he had, he’d surely be dealing with Aliya right now instead of his sister. He didn’t even want to think about what her reaction to his lie would be. He had already treated her badly enough, but he knew that if he had any chance of salvaging their relationship, she could never know his real emotions.

Aki brought him out of his stupor by saying lightly, “So, should we go get some lunch, Nika?”

He regarded her suspiciously. “You know, you don’t have to do this just because Papa asked you to.”

Unexpectedly, her face grew serious. “I know. But I want to. Don’t think that we all haven’t noticed how upset you’ve been lately. I’m worried, too. It’s my job to make sure my otouto is ok, and punch anybody who messes with him.” 

Despite himself, a small flicker of warmth tinged Nikolai’s chest, and he softened. Sighing in defeat, he said, “All right, let’s get going. But won’t people at the office get upset if you’re gone too long?”

Aki’s mischievous grin came back in full force. “Nobody’s going to say anything about the department manager taking a long lunch for just one day. Now come on, where should we go?” Standing up, she gathered up her jacket and shrugged it on.

Seeing it, Nikolai groaned, “You brought the bike today?”

Digging in her pocket for her keys, Aki replied, “Hell yeah I did. I ride it as much as I can in nice weather.”

“Even to work?”

She gave him a quizzical look. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

Repressing another groan, he resigned himself to riding with his insane sister on the back of her bike, and followed her down to the parking lot. She tossed him the extra helmet, and started up her engine, revving it with a delighted grin. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nikolai muttered to himself, “aren’t you cool.” He settled in behind her, grabbing her waist as tightly as prior experience had taught him was necessary. Aki revved the engine again, and took off. He couldn’t help but thinking, as they zipped between cars, that his sister and Yuri had a lot in common as drivers. The thought was chilling, and he gripped a bit tighter onto Aki.

Finally, blessedly, the bike stopped, and Nikolai stumbled off of it. He snapped, “Do you just like trying to kill me?”

Propping the bike on its kickstand, Aki calmly replied, “You don’t mind it so much when I let you drive.”

“That’s a lot different!” he protested. “When you’re the one driving, you know when all the turns and shit are coming, so it’s not nearly as scary!”

She laughed at him, and said, “All right, I’m sorry, Nika. Now are we going to go eat or are you going to stand there complaining all day?”

He glared at her, and sullenly followed her into the restaurant, not saying a word as they were seated at a small table. He didn’t say anything to his sister until after they had ordered their food. Aki put her drink down as the waiter was retreating, and with uncharacteristic softness asked, “So, you wanna talk about what’s going on?”

He eyed her suspiciously. “Not really,” he replied.

She sighed a little, and tried again. “Come on, it’s just me. Don’t you remember how much stuff I kept secret from Papa and Otousan over the years? You don’t have to worry about me telling anyone, unless you want me to. We have the secret sibling code.” She winked at him, and despite himself, he chuckled a little. 

“Yeah, but you seem to be awfully close to Yuri, too. How do I know you won’t talk to him?”

Her eyes widened a little. “Ah, so it is something about Aliya?”

Shit. He had said too much. He floundered around for something to say, but she interrupted him. “It’s ok, Nika. I won’t talk to Yuri or Otabek either, or Aliya unless you say it’s ok. We’re siblings, and that’s most important.” She gave him a smile that he found surprisingly reassuring.

Still feeling a bit wary, he asked, “What about Mavra, though?”

She snorted. “Of course I’ll talk to Mavra about it. But who do you think he’s going to tell? The man hardly says five words in a row unless prompted.”

Nikolai fought a smile that came creeping up the corners of his mouth. She was right. Mavra wasn’t exactly a gossip by nature. He sighed in defeat. “All right, what do you want to know?” he asked.

She settled back into her seat. “Whatever you’d like to talk to me about. I’m here for you.”

He stared at her. “I don’t even know where to begin,” he stated.

“Hm. I find that usually the beginning is a good place to start.”

“All right. I was adopted on a bright day in August…”

She flicked her straw wrapper at him. “Not there, smartass. Start at the beginning of whatever’s bothering you. Although I can take a guess.” 

He let out a long breath. “Ok. Well, I guess you know that I like Aliya.”

Aki snorted. “More like you’ve been madly in love with her since you were three.”

He glared at his sister. “All right, yes, thanks for that clarification.” He looked at the table, finding it easier to talk to than his sister. “Anyway, so when I got hurt in that fight, I thought it would be a great chance for us to be together, and get closer again. But then last week, when I went to the doctor, he actually told me that my shoulder was fine, and that I could go back to hockey. But…I didn’t want that. I wanted to be with Aliya more, and I wanted to help her for as long as I could. So…I lied. I said that I couldn’t go back to hockey. But then, this weekend, we went to a club where Otabek was performing, and there were a bunch of guys there. They…well, they harassed her, and I wasn’t there to help her. I didn’t even see them doing it. I was useless!” He slammed his fist on the table. “What good am I being by her side if I can’t even protect her from a few drunk guys?” he spat, furious with himself all over again.

His sister’s hand closed over top of his fist, pressing it gently. “So you decided to go back to hockey?”

“Well…yeah. I think…well, it’s obvious that I’m not strong enough to protect her. To protect any of you. So yeah…it was time for me to go back. I can’t be a real man if I keep figure skating.” He lifted his eyes apprehensively.

His sister was looking back at him, face full of unexpected kindness. “So you’re worried about Aliya?” she asked.

“Well, yeah, of course I am!”

“All right, why don’t you just talk to her about how you feel?”

“No way!”

She looked at him questioningly. “Why not?”

It was official. His sister was actually insane. “Because,” he explained with painstaking patience, “we have been friends for our entire lives, or at least hers. She’s my best friend, and I’m pretty sure I’m hers. If I told her how I feel, we’d both lose that. Would you want to be friends with someone who told you they’d loved you for your entire life? How could you even look at that person after that? I just can’t do that to her. I can’t take a friend away from her by being selfish, just so I can feel better.”

Aki rubbed her thumb up and down his closed hand once, then gave his fist a small squeeze. “But what if she feels the same way as you?”

Nikolai guffawed. “Yeah, ok.”

“I’m serious, Nika. I’ve seen how she looks at you.”

“Yeah, and like you said, I’ve known and loved her for her entire life. We’ve been friends forever, I’m pretty sure I’d know if she felt anything for me other than friendship.”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that. Maybe you’re too close to it to see.”

He yanked his hand out from under hers, clicking his tongue. “Whatever, Aki. If you’re not going to offer any real solutions, then I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”

As if on cue, the waiter reappeared holding their plates of food. They didn’t speak again until he had left. Nikolai dug into his food immediately, hoping to dispel further conversation by having his mouth full.

Aki seemed to have other plans, however. She took a small bite and said, “So what are you going to do about it, then?”

He decided the ability to speak wasn’t worth the effort of swallowing, and settled for furrowing his eyebrows together in a question.

She replied as if he had spoken. “About Papa and Otousan. You have to tell them something, you know. And they definitely might tell Yuri and Otabek, and that completely screws you over. Unless, you know, you just want to talk to Aliya first and tell her the truth. Then this whole thing would be settled pretty easily.”

He narrowed his eyes.

She waved her fork at him. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. You want to take the hard route. But I reserve the right to say I told you so when this is all over.”

He snorted. Like she would ever get a chance to cash in on that.

She continued, ignoring him as he shoved another forkful into his mouth. “So the question becomes, what can you tell them that they would believe, but that wouldn’t bring your feelings into the picture?” She took another bite, chewing contemplatively. “Maybe you can tell them you felt bad for Aliya not having a partner. So you wanted to help her out a bit longer until she found someone else.”

Nikolai stared across the table at her. “That’s not bad,” he admitted. Then he saw a flaw in the plan. “But how am I supposed to explain what I did yesterday? I have to have a reason for changing my mind.”

“Hmm. Maybe your coach called you and wanted you to come back early?”

He mulled over the idea as he ate. “Yeah, I guess that might work.” He regarded his sister carefully. “That was a good idea. Thanks, Aki.”

She smiled serenely at him. “Well, I’m not a department head for nothing, after all. And I’ll always come through for my little brother.” She raised her glass slightly at him in a mock toast, one corner of her mouth pulled up.

He rolled his eyes at her, but after that he was somehow able to finish his meal in peace. He even found himself enjoying it, despite his sister’s constant teasing.

After they had paid and left the restaurant, Aki asked casually, “Do you want a ride to practice?”

Eyeing the motorcycle, Nikolai responded, “I don’t know.”

She laughed, throwing him his helmet. “Aw, come on Nika, I haven’t killed you yet. Let’s go get your stuff, come on.” She sat down and patted the seat behind her.

Despite his better judgment, Nikolai gave in and allowed her to have her way. He did have to admit it was nice not to have to walk to the rink, and the trip was certainly much faster with her insane driving. Nevertheless, by the time she screeched to a halt in front of the building, his heart was pounding. He tried his best to look put together as he dismounted from the back of the bike. He turned to walk away, but stopped when his sister called his name.

“Yeah?”

She grabbed him around the shoulders and tugged him into a one-armed hug. Before he could stop her, she had planted a kiss on his cheek. Releasing him suddenly, she revved her engine and called loudly, “Love you, Nikaaa!” before pulling away in a squeal of tires. He stared after her for a moment, open-mouthed in horror, hoping nobody had witnessed that scene. 

But luck was not on his side. He turned around to head into the rink, and was greeted with the sight of a small figure that he realized, with some confusion, he recognized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation notes:
> 
> nee-san: Japanese for older sister  
> otouto: Japanese for little brother


	28. Chapter 28

“Fyodor?” he asked, walking towards the boy. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Fyodor glanced in the direction Aki had gone. “Is that your girlfriend?” he asked.

“What?” Nikolai asked in horror. “No, that’s my sister! She just likes embarrassing me.”

“Oh, ok. Because you like that ice skater girl, right?”

Nikolai felt his face flush. “What? Why would you think that?”

“Because. You watch her a lot. I’ve seen her come in a few times after practice, and you always look at her.”

Damn. Was he really so obvious with his affections that kids picked up on it? He decided to ignore that problem in favor of the more pressing one. “Anyway, Fyodor, why did you come all the way here? Do your parents know where you are? Or your brother?”

Fyodor scuffed at the ground with his foot. “I don’t know,” he mumbled at the pavement.

Nikolai sighed. “All right, Fyodor, let’s walk you back to the rink, then my otousan can call your parents.” He held out his hand expectantly, and the boy took it. 

As they began walking down the sidewalk, Nikolai asked, “So what exactly are you doing here, anyway? Your brother isn’t on the team anymore, right?”

Fyodor looked doggedly away from Nikolai as he answered, “No, he’s not.”

“So? Why are you here?”

Still not making eye contact, the boy said, “Because. Yuuri Toshiyavich said you weren’t coming back to class anymore.”

Nikolai tried to keep the surprise out of his voice as he responded. “You came here for me?”

Fyodor nodded. “I…well, I know that I was…mean to you. And I thought…maybe you weren’t coming back because of that. So, I wanted to tell you I’m…sorry.”

Nikolai wondered if he had slipped into some alternate dimension where the Dadonovs were reasonable people. “You’re sorry?” he echoed.

“Well, yeah. You know, I…I thought a lot about what you said. You know, about your dads, and what my dad says about gomoseks. And…it kinda made sense. Yuuri Toshiyavich is still Yuuri Toshiyavich, even if he is married to a guy. And he’s definitely cool, and I like how he teaches me. He’s really good. And…and you are too, so I don’t want you to quit because of me.”

Nikolai stared down at him, reeling from this speech. “You…you think I’m good?”

Although the boy’s face was still turned away, Nikolai could still see the tips of Fyodor’s ears turn red. “Well, yeah! You’re really strong, and cool, and I…I think it’s cool how you can protect people. I…I wanna be like that. I don’t want to be someone mean like my brother, who only yells at people and doesn’t have any friends! I want to be someone who people like, who’s strong like you.” Finally, he turned his face back to Nikolai, and the teen was horrified to see the beginnings of tears shining in Fyodor’s eyes. “So please, Nikolai Victorevich, please come back! I’m sorry I was mean, I’ll be nice now, I promise!”

Pulling them off to one side, Nikolai knelt down and wrapped the boy in a tight, swift hug. “Fyodor, I didn’t leave because of you. It wasn’t your fault at all, ok? You don’t need to apologize. I’m very glad you apologized for treating my parents like that, but that wasn’t why I left the class.” 

Fyodor cut in with a shaking voice, “Then it was my brother’s fault, wasn’t it? I saw you talking to him yesterday, and he was being mean to you!” He wadded his fists into Nikolai’s jacket. “I hate him! Why does he have to be such a jerk?”

Nikolai patted his back. “Hey, now, you don’t need to be mean to your brother. I’m sure he has his reasons for the way he acts.” He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten himself into a position where he was defending Evgeny. But, for the sake of this suddenly vulnerable little boy, he found himself thinking about his relationship with his sister and feeling a desire to protect that for Fyodor, too. He steeled himself for what he hoped was a convincing performance. “Your brother did say some things to me, but I made the decision to come back to hockey on my own. I just thought it was time.”

Pulling back from him, Fyodor asked in a sniffly voice, “So you’re not mad at me?”

As gently as he could manage, Nikolai responded, “No, I’m not. I’ve actually been having a lot of fun with you and the other students.”

“Then why did you leave? You should come back! You can still teach us, right? If you’re not mad at me, you should still be able to teach!”

Nikolai opened his mouth to answer, and closed it again. Technically, he was right. Hockey practice didn’t start until after the beginner lessons ended for the day. And Aliya didn’t even show up to the arena for a couple hours after they ended, by which time he would be safely in hockey practice. There was no reason he couldn’t do both. 

He’d just have to figure out how to explain it to his parents. Ah, well. He’d already be heaping lies on them, he might as well figure out how to make this work, too.

Smiling, he reached out and ruffled Fyodor’s hair. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I do have time to teach your class and still make it to hockey practice.”

He was rewarded by the boy’s face lighting up. “Really? You can?”

“Sure. Here, let’s get going back to the rink, and we can talk to my otousan about it when we get there, ok? After we call your parents, though.”

The beam turned into delighted nodding, and Fyodor reached out to grab Nikolai’s hand again. He tugged on it, walking away as he exclaimed, “Come on, Nikolai Victorevich, let’s get going! Let’s go!” Laughing, Nikolai stood and allowed himself to be pulled along in the little boy’s wake.

As they walked, Fyodor chatted happily at him, keeping up an impressively steady stream of words that really only required Nikolai to nod every once in a while. He looked down at the boy in amazement. The difference between this happy child and the sullen, angry one he had first met a couple weeks ago was astounding. Who knew that something as simple as a figure skating coach could make a kid so happy? That is, if he figured out what to tell his otousan about the whole situation. The more he thought about it, though, the more he realized that there wasn’t really any reason to fabricate any more lies about the situation. The actual story would fit in fine with the fib he and Aki had come up with over lunch. Besides, Fyodor was sure to tell the whole thing anyway, and that would be hard to deny.

Having settled on this course of action, Nikolai’s footsteps felt lighter. He discovered that he was delighted at the idea of teaching figure skating. He tried to brush this feeling off. He was probably just happy at being called cool and strong by a kid. It was pretty flattering and humbling at the same time, knowing that he was seen in that light. The kid had even gone so far as to say that he protected people, too. Thinking about it, he supposed Fyodor was right. He had definitely stood up for his parents, both to Fyodor himself and, more sternly, to Evgeny. But was that really strength? He contemplated the happily chatting boy next to him. He certainly seemed to think so. Maybe the definition Nikolai had of strength wasn’t as correct as he thought it was. One thing he had learned in the time he had been teaching with his otousan was that kids saw the world very clearly. They looked at it with much less prejudice than adults, and saw things for how they were much more easily. Could Fyodor really be right about Nikolai?

He was so lost in these thoughts that he almost didn’t notice when they reached the figure skating rink. Fyodor tugged at his hand, pointing up at the stadium. “Nikolai Victorevich, we’re here. Come on, let’s go find Yuuri Toshiyavich!”

Putting aside his confusing feelings, Nikolai laughed and replied, “All right, but don’t forget that you’re in trouble, too!”

Fyodor grinned up at him. “That’s ok. I’m just happy you’re coming back!”

As they entered, Nikolai wondered again if this was really the same child he had first met. His confidence in himself and his ideas had gone through the roof in the last two weeks, making him almost unrecognizable as a Dadonov.

As they entered, the receptionist noticed them right away. “Oh, thank goodness Fyodor, there you are!” she exclaimed. “We’ve all been going crazy with worry! Nobody knew where you were! Nikolai, your father is right through there, why don’t you two go find him? Oh, he’s going to be so relieved!”

Nikolai waved a hand to get her to stop babbling. “All right, we’ll go find him. Thanks, Emiliya.” He led Fyodor by the hand through the doors into the arena.

As soon as he entered, he realized that he had gravely miscalculated. He had completely forgotten that the pro figure skaters practiced at the same time that he had hockey. In his concern over Fyodor, he had completely forgotten. He forced himself to ignore the arena, instead looking around for his otousan.

He didn’t have to look far, finding Yuuri standing anxiously by a bench, typing frantically on his phone. He felt a wave of relief in his stomach despite himself, and called out as they walked, “Otousan! Over here!”

Yuuri’s head whipped around at his son’s voice. When he saw the boy standing next to Nikolai, his relief was palpable across the room. He rushed towards them, meeting them halfway. He knelt down and grabbed Fyodor by the shoulders, exclaiming, “Fyodor, where were you? Your brother and I were worried sick about you! Where did you go after class? We were talking and all of a sudden you were gone! Do you have any idea how worried we were?”

Sullenly, the boy muttered, “Evgeny can’t be too worried. He isn’t even here.”

Yuuri admonished him sternly. “Your brother isn’t here because he went out to look for you. You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that he isn’t worried about his only sibling.”

Fyodor had the grace to look contrite, and apologized, “I’m sorry, Yuuri Toshiyavich. I didn’t mean to make you both worry. I just…you said that Nikolai Victorevich wasn’t coming back, and I wanted to ask him why.” His face brightened, and he gushed, “But guess what, he said that he can come back and teach us!”

Yuuri looked up at his son, face impassive. “Did he?”

Oblivious to the tension in the air, Fyodor continued, “Yeah, I talked to him and he said that he still has time to come to lessons before hockey practice! Isn’t that great, Yuuri Toshiyavich?”

Standing up, Yuuri responded, “Yes, that is great news, Fyodor.” Nikolai had to stop himself from doing a double take, and inspected his otousan’s face carefully for hidden emotions. Yuuri, however, simply caught up Fyodor’s hand in his and said, “Come on, let’s go outside and wait for your brother. I’ll call him right now and let him know where you are.” He gave Nikolai a look laden with the promise of conversation later, and left. 

Nikolai felt tension release from his body as his otousan exited the arena doors. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen later, but he was grateful to have put off the conversation with him for a while, at least. With his otousan and his small charge out of the way, he was suddenly aware again of where he was, and couldn’t stop his eyes from searching around the rink for the thing they most wanted to see. 

He located her quickly, and his heart kick started in his chest. It quickly sank into his toes, however, when he saw that she was with someone. 

It was a boy about his own age, tall, towering over Aliya, of course. As he watched, the two of them circled around the rink, and he raised her up over his head in a platter lift. 

It was too much for Nikolai. He couldn’t stand around and watch someone else touch the girl he loved. His heart rose back up and settled blackly into the pit of his stomach. He turned around, taking a series of deep breaths.

He had to leave. What was he even still doing here? 

He forced himself to take a step, but was immediately stopped by the voice he most and least wanted to hear in the world in that moment.

“Kolya! Wait up!”

He froze, unsure what to do. He didn’t think he could face her right now. So he decided that he wouldn’t. Instead, he tilted his head slightly, watching her approach out of the corner of his eye.

She came skidding up to the side of the rink near where he stood, and said, “Kolya, what are you doing here?”

She wanted to know what he doing here? What the hell did she want from him? Despite himself, hot anger rose in his blood. Here he was, looking around for her like the lovesick idiot he was, and what did he get for it? The sight of another guy touching Aliya. He couldn’t take it any longer. He snapped, “I was just dropping of one of the kids from my otousan’s class. He wandered over to my hockey practice, so I brought him back.” 

“Oh.” Her voice was soft, deflated. “I thought maybe―”

He knew that, whatever she was planning to say next, he wasn’t strong enough to hear it. He cut her off. “I just came back to drop him off. I’ll be leaving now, I don’t want to get in the way of you and your new partner.” He couldn’t keep a hint of venom out of his voice at the last sentence. Disgusted with himself, and the situation in general, he snapped his head back around and began walking out of the arena, not even wanting to look back.


	29. Chapter 29

He burst out into the clear air, feeling inexplicably trapped. His hockey bag weighed heavily on his shoulder suddenly, and he decided that the first thing he had to do was get rid of it. He strode purposefully towards his house, trying his best not to think about anything. 

As he was being ambushed by Makkachin, however, he remembered that his parents were due to be home soon, and that he’d have to deal with them. He laughed hollowly at the idea, dropping his hockey bag to the floor in defeat. There was just no way. He couldn’t handle his parents right now. Hell, he felt like he couldn’t handle life right now. It had been bad enough having to watch Aliya skate with Mischa over a video feed, but having seen the live version just now had been way too much. And this not even a day after he had told her he couldn’t practice with her anymore. She sure hadn’t wasted any time replacing him. Not that he had been meant to be anything more than a temporary partner. The thought did nothing to heal his wounds, though. In fact, he realized that only one thing would help right now. He strode over to the closet, yanking the door open. 

Despite his prior abandonment of his figure skating bag, there it sat, right where it always was. He felt a pang at how he was treating his parents, but it was quickly overshadowed by his upset over Aliya’s new partner. He grabbed the bag roughly, settling the strap over his shoulder and exiting the apartment.

As he left, he realized that he didn’t really have anywhere to go. Figure skating practice wouldn’t be done for a while. And if he really wanted to be safe, he should probably give it at least two hours before he went back. He meandered down the steps, contemplating what to do with himself until then. He wasn’t in any mood to interact with people, and he definitely didn’t want to go back up to the apartment and wait for his parents. He turned towards the park, deciding that he could sit there a while until he came up with a solution, or maybe even until the rink cleared out. The thought of going back to his hockey practice never even crossed his mind.

Even walking as slowly as he could force himself to, it didn’t take him very long to reach the park. He sat himself down on the first bench he could find and pulled out his phone, scrolling mindlessly through his social media pages. 

He managed to pass a decent amount of time that way, and eventually looked at his clock and realized that he was probably ok to go to the rink. He hauled himself up, feeling a little stiff after sitting in once place for so long. Even though he was fairly certain that the rink would be deserted by now, he made sure to control his pace carefully, taking his time to increase the chances of being alone.

As he came within sight of the rink, he was relieved to see that the lights were out. He dug his key out of his pocket and let himself in, flicking the lights on as he went. He allowed himself to relax a little, anticipating the freedom of skating alone.

This feeling was short-lived, however, as he entered the arena and turned on the lights. Sitting on a bench near the door, hunched up in a little ball, was Aliya.

His bag fell to the floor as he jumped a bit despite himself at the shock of seeing someone in a space he had expected to be empty. His brain quickly switched from surprise to utter panic. He stared at her, hand still on the light switch, not sure what to do or say.

She lifted her head up to look at him, and he saw that her eyes were puffy. She stood up contemplatively and walked towards him, slowly but deliberately, determination etched into every line of her body. “Kolya. I was waiting for you,” she said simply.

“H-how did you know I’d be here?” he stammered, still trying to get his brain to process the fact that she was now standing less than two feet away from him.

“You’re pretty predictable. You always come here when you’re upset. And even though you’ve refused to talk to me for the last two days, I can still tell when you’re upset.” She looked at him levelly, and he was frightened to see the blankness behind her eyes.

He forced a reply, trying to sound natural. “Well, you found me. What did you want to say?”

She stared up at him, and there was a flicker of uncertain emotion across her face. She said shakily, “I want to know what’s going on with you, Kolya. You just…left all of a sudden, and never really gave me a good reason. I…I think I know why, but I just…I need to hear it from you, before I can move on.”

The phrase “move on” cracked a hole in his heart. He stared down at her, and was hit by a realization: he hadn’t succeeded in saving their friendship at all. He had ruined it. There was no going back from how he had treated her at all. She was ready to move on with another partner, with other friends, with someone that she could actually love. There was no more hope for him to stay in her life. He could feel their friendship slipping away, as if it were a physical lifeline he had been grasping onto instead of a figurative one.

He found that he couldn’t handle the revelation he’d had. His body turned restlessly in an unconscious attempt to release some of his excess despair. He shifted from side to side, burying his face in his hand and rooting his fingers in the roots of his hair. Desperately, he tried to look anywhere but at Aliya’s face. He simply couldn’t take any more pain. 

She apparently picked up on the fact that he wasn’t going to say anything, so she continued, “Please, Kolya. I just…I want to understand. I have to hear it from you directly.”

This plea pierced its way through the thick veil of anguish surrounding him. His mind focused on her statement with tunneling clarity. He laughed, and the sound came out frantic. “Fine. You want to know why we can’t be partners anymore? You want to know why we can’t even be friends anymore? Well, here’s your answer.” Roughly, he reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, tugging her flush against his body. He only had time to register her slightly parted lips and wide eyes before he descended his mouth upon hers.

He started out rough, raw with the despair of losing her. The reality of her lips on his set in a moment later, though, and he found himself changing the kiss, softening his hold on her, moving his lips with all the desperation and love that he had held back for years and years. Getting swept up in the feeling of kissing her, he angled his head, tipping her backwards a little as he sealed his mouth on hers more fully.

She let out a soft moan.

The noise brought him snapping back to himself. Frantically, he released her, using his grip on her shoulders to haul her bodily away from him and his impulses. What the hell was wrong with him? He had practically assaulted her, when he had spent the last few days upset about not protecting her from guys wanting to do just that.

Ashamed of himself, he dropped his hands, and stared at the floor. It occurred to him that he had to say something. Furious at himself, he spat out, “Do you see now? Aliya, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I thought I could keep it to myself, and keep our friendship, but obviously you already know. I understand that you wouldn’t want to be around me anymore after you figured out how I feel. It’s gotta be uncomfortable being around a guy who wants you all the time. And I even had the audacity to try to protect you from other guys who just wanted the same thing as me.” He clenched his hands into tight fists. “Not that I did that well, either.” He turned his head to the side, refusing to look anywhere near Aliya. “So there it is. You know now. So I’ll go back to hockey quietly, and you can continue on with your life, and forget that you ever had a jerk of a friend like me.” He waited a moment, wanting to give Aliya a chance to curse, to yell, to hit him, all things that he deserved. But there was nothing. He turned around and said, “Well, I guess that’s that. See you, Aliya.”

He took a step, but was stopped by a hand snagging on his sleeve. Dumbfounded, he stared at it, then turned back around again to face his beautiful love. “What’s wrong? Did you want something still?”

She mumbled, so soft that he almost couldn’t hear it, “Say it again, Kolya.”

He looked down at her. “Say what?”

“How you feel about me. Say it again.”

What, did she want to ridicule him? But even as he stood there, at the end of their relationship, he knew that he would willingly do anything for her. He sighed and said, “I love you.”

“Again.”

He ignored the rending of his heart and said again, clearer, “I love you, Aliya.”

She turned her face up towards him, and the expression she wore shot through his core. “Do you really?” she whispered.

Despite the bleakness of the situation, it felt good to finally be able to say the words out in the open after hiding them for so long. He repeated, “Yes, I do. I love you.”

Aliya tipped her head forward, leaning it against his chest. He froze at the contact as she said, “Then why didn’t you say anything before now?”

He sighed. “I knew it would ruin our friendship, and I wanted to be there for you as a friend for as long as possible. And I thought I could support you with a guy you like, but I can’t even watch someone else lift you without wanting to punch something. I can’t be by your side like this. I’m not doing you any good, and I’m obviously not strong enough to protect you.”

A small hand slapped flat against his chest, and he jumped a bit. “What was that for?” he demanded.

Aliya’s face left his chest and angled up towards him. “You keep saying things like that, that you’re useless, or you’re not strong. Well, let me tell you something, Kolya. You’re the strongest person I know. I never understood how you couldn’t see that about yourself. You have always been strong, and you’ve always, always protected me.”

He gritted his teeth together and growled, “Yeah, like how I protected you from those guys in the club?”

She shoved him a little, and he reeled back, not expecting this reaction. “Kolya, you’re so stupid!” she burst out. “You don’t need to be the guy who punches people for me all the time! I don’t always need that kind of strength! What I need is the strength you give me every day, just by being there for me! I need the strength you gave me when you walked me home and held me! That’s what any girl wants from the guy she…the guy she…” She trailed off, and looked away, her face blushing scarlet. 

“From what guy? The guy she’s friends with?”

Aliya took a visible breath, and faced him headlong. “From the guy she loves!”

Nikolai was pretty sure his heart had stopped existing. “What was that?” he asked stupidly. Maybe his brain was gone, too.

But Aliya was determined now. She squeezed her eyes shut and practically shouted, “I love you, Kolya!”

He stared at her blankly. Was this really happening? He was starting to think that he had actually fallen asleep at home and none of this was actually real.

Aliya quickly negated these thoughts with another tirade. “I’ve loved you forever, too! I just…I never thought that you would like me back, so I never said anything. And then when I came back to St. Petersburg, I was so happy to be with you again, and then we were partners, and oh, Kolya that was wonderful. I knew you had to go back to hockey, but I kept wishing that you could just stay with me. But then you got mad at me yesterday, and I was sure that you were going to leave me like Mischa, I was sure that I had finally driven you away, and oh Kolya, I was so scared.” Her face collapsed, and she looked like she was going to cry.

Nikolai reached out and scooped her up into his arms, his instinct to protect her proving much stronger than any other confused emotion he was feeling. He fixed onto the first point he could remember and said, “Aliyen’ka, I would never leave you because of something you did. I was just upset at myself for not protecting you. I wanted to become a better man, so I thought I would go back to hockey. I would never dump you like Mischa did over something so stupid.”

Sniffling, Aliya pulled back from his chest a bit, a confused look on her face. “Dumped? What do you mean, Mischa dumped me?”

He blinked at her. “I thought that’s what happened. That you guys stopped being partners because you broke up.”

She stared at him for a moment, then began giggling. “Where did you ever get a weird idea like that? Mischa and I were never dating. We were just partners.”

“Really? But I thought for sure you liked him. Since you never talked to me about any guys you liked.”

Softly, Aliya answered, “Didn’t you hear me say it earlier? How was I supposed to talk to you about who I liked? I’ve only ever liked you.” She stood on her tiptoes, and he felt her body trembling as she reached up and placed a kiss on his chin.

Electricity shot through his body. He tried to sort through his thoughts, and grab onto one. He was pretty sure there were still important things he had to know. “So you…you like me, too?”

She reached her arms up and tried to place them around his neck, but couldn’t quite reach. With a focused look on her face, she hopped up on her toes, attempting to give herself the height needed to reach the back of his neck. Nikolai chuckled a little at her attempts, and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up so that their faces were level. “There, printsessa. Is that better?”

She gave a little gasp, and blushed again. Then, she nodded resolutely, and flung her arms around Nikolai’s neck, locking them together up to her elbows. This brought their faces very close together, and reminded Nikolai of her words. “So you really like me?”

Puffing her cheeks at him, she said crossly, “I never said I like you. I said I love you!”

He laughed, exhilaration shooting through his body. He twirled them around, and Aliya squealed as her legs flung out behind her. After a few rotations, he stopped again, and stared at the beautiful girl in his arms. She said she loved him. She cared about him. Everything that had plagued him for weeks―no, years―suddenly evaporated, and he was left with the most important person in the world. And she was looking at him with love in her shining sapphire eyes. His gaze traveled downwards, and he remembered that kissing seemed to be on the table now. He stared at her plump lips, and muttered, “Maybe your lips are the prettiest things in the world.”

“Wh-what?”

Ignoring a trivial thing like speech, Nikolai leaned forward, and captured those lips. This time, he was slow, thorough, investigative. He wanted to remember every dip, every curve of Aliya’s perfect mouth. Finally, he released her, and she let out a gasp for air.

But he wasn’t ready to be done with her yet. He tipped his head towards hers, placing their foreheads together gently. “So was that your first kiss, earlier?” he asked in a hoarse tone.

“Of course it was,” she said. “Who else would I have ever wanted to kiss except you?”

That did it. Nikolai closed the gap between their mouths again, not so gentle this time. Harsh, demanding, seeking entrance for his tongue. She opened her mouth a little, hesitantly, but willingly. As his tongue passed her lips, she clutched onto his shoulders tighter, and her legs came up to wrap around his waist. He noted this all vaguely, as he was making a very thorough inspection of her mouth, and continued to do so until she was groaning into him. 

He forced himself to break it off, and they stared at each other, panting heavily. “I’m sorry,” he managed to gasp. “I’ve just waited so long…”

She shook her head, her own voice sporadic as she replied. “No, don’t be sorry. I want it too.”

Her words caused a stirring in him that reached into his depths. Hurriedly, he placed her down on the ground. She might be ok with him kissing her, but he was pretty sure she didn’t want to think about how else she was arousing him. With superhuman will, he shifted his grip so only his hands were resting on her hips. Without her added height from his hold, Aliya could only manage to reach his shoulders, and settled for sliding her hands down to rest on his chest.

He sucked in a sharp breath. That in itself was going to be problematic for him. But as long as they didn’t press up against each other again, he supposed it would be fine. 

Nikolai tried to force himself to think again. The small logical part of his brain that still existed was screaming at him that there were still things that had to be settled.

He took a deep breath and said, “So, Aliya, are we…are we dating then?”

She smiled softly up at him, a blush coloring her cheekbones. Maybe they were the prettiest things in the world, after all. “I would love it if we were.”

He grinned like an idiot, but she continued, a firm note creeping into her voice. “And, Kolya. I’ve been meaning to say something to you about this, but I was afraid it would ruin our relationship. And now…I just want to say it.” She took a steadying breath. “Would you be my pairs partner?”

Nikolai gaped at her. How often was she going to shock him in one day? “You want me to be your partner?”

She nodded firmly. “And not just because of our relationship. I think we’re really compatible together as skaters. When we’ve been practicing the last couple weeks, everything has been coming together so easily and smoothly. I’ve never had that with anyone else. We just mesh together really well. Even Әкем said so.”

Another bombshell. “Your әкем agreed to this?”

“Well, yeah. We had talked about it last week.”

Still reeling from all of this, Nikolai remembered a hitch in her plan. “But what about the guy you were…practicing with earlier today? Wasn’t he going to be your new partner?” He practically spat out the last sentence, trying and failing to contain his venom.

Aliya reached up at patted his cheek. “He was just someone we were trying out as a possible fit. It didn’t go very well with him, so we weren’t going to pursue it anyway.” She lowered her hand, and a secretive smile played at her lips. “What are you getting so upset about him for?”

His grip on her waist tightened a little. “I already said…I can’t stand seeing other guys touch you. It was hard enough for me to watch all the competitions online, but it was even worse in person.”

She laughed at him, a bright, tinkling laugh. “I never knew you were that jealous, Kolya.”

He shuffled a little closer to her, linking his hands behind her waist. “Well, it’s because it’s you. I care about you a lot, and it sucks seeing you with someone else.”

She leaned her head sideways on his chest. “See, that’s why you should just be my partner. Then nobody else would touch me, ever.”

His breath hitched. “Ever, huh?” he asked, trying to get the words out around the stranglehold in his throat. “That sounds pretty nice. But are you really sure you want me for a partner? I haven’t skated competitively in years. I’m a hockey player.”

Pulling back a bit, Aliya looked up into his face. “But you’ve been here practicing so much that you could catch up really quickly. And, honestly, you have been. Әкем and I think that you’ve made a lot of progress. He actually complimented you, Kolya! He never did that with Mavra.”

Feeling a bit impressed, Nikolai said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah! Come on, Kolya, think about how much fun it will be. Besides, I know you really love figure skating. You just got it in your head somehow that it wasn’t manly enough for you.”

He had to stop himself from doing a double take. “How the hell did you know that?”

She tapped his arm lightly. “Please, as if I wouldn’t notice something like that. Why are you always surprised when I notice your feelings?”

She had a point. He laughed, and replied, “I’m not really sure, either. I guess it’s just weird to know you were watching me that closely. And, you know, caring that much.” He felt his face heat a little, and quickly got back to the subject at hand. “Anyway, yeah, that was why I quit as a kid. I was always worried about being able to protect people. But, if I’m skating with you, I don’t think it will bother me so much.” He brushed her hair aside with one hand, and rested his palm on her cheek. It nearly dwarfed her tiny face. Ducking his head down, he whispered, “It really only matters if I can take care of my family and you.”

Aliya surprised him by standing up on her toes, touching their lips together in a brief kiss. Pulling away, she smiled and said, “I know. And you’re wonderful at it.”

Looking into her face, he found himself believing it.

Patting his face, she pulled back from him, extracting herself from his grip. He felt an instant sense of coldness, and reached out instinctively to stop her from going away. He caught one of her hands in his, and felt a bit better being connected. A blush kissed her cheeks as she said, “So, should we talk to our parents about this, then?”

His stomach sank a little. He had forgotten about that. “Ah. Yeah. My parents still want to know why I lied to them about my shoulder.”

Aliya asked in a tone that he recognized as forced lightness, “Why exactly did you lie about that?”

Dipping his head down in embarrassment, he scuffed the floor with one foot. “I wanted to spend more time with you. I found myself not wanting to go back to hockey, and I really wanted to skate with you more. So I lied. And then, when Evgeny was bothering you, I thought…well, I thought that I was failing to protect you again, so I should go back to hockey.” He looked up, dreading her reaction.

To his surprise, she was smiling. “So you lied because you wanted to be with me?”

Petulantly, he said, “Well yeah, but you don’t have to rub it in and be so delighted about it.”

“Of course I do! That’s my job as a girlfriend, right?”

The word chorused through him. Girlfriend. That’s right, that’s what she was now. His girlfriend. Grinning, he reached out and swept her up into a princess carry, swinging her around again. She squealed, and clung onto his neck, shrilling at him, “Kolya! Stop it! What’s gotten into you?”

He finally gave her a reprieve from the twirling, and delightedly replied, “I guess you’ll just have to get used to your crazy boyfriend’s weirdness.”

She laughed. “I’m already used to it.”

“Hmm, a challenge! Are you used to this, then?” He bent his head down and administered a sweet, soft, lingering kiss, trying to convey all his tender feelings through their connection.

As they came up for air, Aliya gasped out, “I’m not used to that yet, but I think I could get used to it pretty quickly.”

Ah. That stirring again. This was no good. Hurriedly, he put her down, mumbling, “You’re way too cute.”

She giggled at him. “I’m glad you think so. Now come on, we should get going. I bet your parents want to talk to you, and we should talk to my parents too.” She took out her phone, then stopped what she was doing and tapped it against her chin pensively. “Maybe we should just get them all together at once.”

A vague feeling of dread settled in Nikolai’s stomach, but the warmth permeating his body far outweighed it. Sighing, he said, “All right, printsessa, let’s get this over with.”

Dialing a number on her phone, Aliya responded absently, “Good. I’m glad you see it my way.”

He watched her lovingly as she made the call. He would happily see things her way for the rest of his life, if she wanted. He was just happy to be next to her again. And anything they could face together seemed not so scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation note:
> 
> printsessa-princess in Russian
> 
> Here it is, guys! Only 80k words that you had to wait to get a kiss/resolution! There are still 2 more chapters after this, I think. Obviously one of them being how Victor and Yuuri take all of this. Hopefully the confessions/kisses were worth the wait!


	30. Chapter 30

As they left the building, Nikolai grabbed hold of Aliya’s hand almost shyly. They had held hands often as kids, and even several times over the past few weeks, but it felt different now that he had permission to touch her as her boyfriend. As she smiled at him, he decided it was a wonderful kind of different. 

“So, how long have you liked me?” she asked, glancing up at him with red cheeks.

“Hmm. That’s a tough question. Aki says I’ve been madly in love with you since I was 3. That’s probably about right, since I can’t ever remember not loving you.” It felt strange to be saying such embarrassing things blatantly out loud.

“Oh,” she said quietly. “I…I think for me, it was the same. I mean, you were always my first love.”

Nikolai wasn’t sure his heart could take any more. He squeezed her hand silently as he brought it up to his lips, not trusting himself to say anything coherent.

They walked in glowing silence for a few minutes, basking in the warmth that seemed to flow between them. As they got within a few minutes of his apartment, the world started to come back to him a bit, and he remembered that his parents were going to want an explanation. Not to mention they’d have to convince Aliya’s parents that their skating partnership was a good idea. 

“Hey, Aliya…are you sure your әкем is going to be ok with me being your partner?”

She said, “Well, we were discussing how much you had improved, and I even brought up that maybe you would be a possibility for a partner. But then Papa cut in and said that there was no way you’d leave your murder sport, and that was pretty much the end of the conversation.”

Perplexed, he said, “Oh…ok? So what do you think that means?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. It seems like he’d probably be open to it, but we won’t really know until we talk to him.” She must have seen the worry on his face, because she rushed to add, “But I do know that he wants what’s best for me, and there’s no denying that we skate really well together. I think he’ll see that you’re the best choice of a partner for me in the end.”

“Yeah, but it’s the middle part of that discussion that I’m worried about,” Nikolai muttered.

Aliya bumped her shoulder against his lightly. “You’re worrying too much, kotya. It will be fine, you’ll see.”

He looked sidelong at her, trying to contain the amused smirk creeping over his face. “What did you just call me?”

Ducking her head down, Aliya replied, “Well, you called me printsessa, so I wanted to try out a nickname, too. But, I mean, if you don’t like it, it’s fine, I don’t have to call you that―”

With his free hand, Nikolai reached in front of their bodies and gently pulled Aliya’s head towards him, tucking her briefly against his side. “No, that’s not it. I love it. It was just a little surprising to hear a nickname from you. I liked it very much.” He gave her head a small squeeze, and released her, dropping his arm back down to his side. As he did, he noted with amusement that her face was crimson.

Before he could tease her about it, however, she looked up and pointed. “Oh, look, we’re here already.”

Following her hand, Nikolai noted that she was right. They were standing just in front of his apartment building. With a sigh, he pulled her over to the entrance and up the stairs. When they reached his door, he paused for a moment to take a deep breath and gather his nerve before entering. A small hand pressed into the crook of his elbow made him look down, and he was rewarded with the calm blue sea of his girlfriend’s eyes. “It will be fine, Kolya. Let’s go in,” she said with a soothing smile. 

That smile gave him all the courage he needed, and he opened the door with confidence, almost daring his parents to be upset.

He didn’t need to dare them, however. As soon as the door shut behind them and Makkachin began making a fuss about their arrival, Victor came into the living room with an expression that did not bode well for Nikolai. When he saw Aliya behind his son, the look only softened a little bit. He did take a moment to greet her, nodding and saying, “Aliya, thanks for bringing him home.” He then rounded on his son. “Nika, just what the hell do you think you’re doing? You can’t just run around wherever you want without telling anyone! We’ve allowed you a lot of freedom lately, and you repay it by flat out lying to us and then disappearing for a day? We were worried sick!”

His husband came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Vitya, why don’t we all go sit down and talk instead of yelling out here.” He gave Victor a pointed look until the silver-haired man nodded curtly. Turning around on his heel, he stalked into the dining room, leaving Yuuri to gesture at his son. “Come on, Nika. Let’s go sit down. You too, Aliya, since you seem to have gotten yourself caught up in this. I’ll get the two of you some drinks, go ahead and sit down.” He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving behind an air of apprehension. 

Aliya placed a soothing hand on the back of Nikolai’s shoulder, putting slight pressure on him so that he would move forward. He gave her a crooked half-smile. She was always looking out for him. Reluctantly, he stepped forward, feeling better knowing that Aliya was behind him.

Everyone was already gathered around the table as they entered. Even Aki was there with Mavra, to Nikolai’s absolute horror. As the two of them entered, she gave them a carefully scrutinizing look, but said nothing as they took the seats left for them at the table. Yuuri entered a second later holding two glasses, which he set down in front of the teens. Taking his own seat next to a darkly glowering Victor, he spoke. “So, Nika, I think it’s high time you told us all what’s going on. You’ve been telling quite a few lies lately, it seems, and as your family, we want to know what the truth is, so we can support you.”

Yuri chimed in, “And I want to know what the fuck all of this has to do with Aliya, and how she got dragged into it. Her skating career is starting to get mixed up in all of this.” Otabek said nothing, but gazed at Nikolai with dark eyes that bored into his soul.

Breaking the eye contact with difficulty, Nikolai looked over at Aliya. She gave an almost imperceptible nod, and he drew a short breath in, readying himself for the impact of his words. “Ok. You’re all right. I’ve lied to you. I was selfish and scared and wanted to do things my way, and instead of protecting all of you I ended up hurting you.” He dragged his hand through his hair, thinking of where to start. “Well, I guess first of all you want to know about my shoulder. Like I said, the doctor told me last week that I could go back to hockey, but I told all of you that I couldn’t. I…I wanted to stay with Aliya. I wanted to keep skating with her. So I lied about the doctor.” 

He chanced a look around the table, and immediately regretted his decision. As soon as his eyes locked with Yuri’s, the man spat, “So you were just going to screw over my daughter’s skating career so you could play with her for an extra week? And then you go and dump her a few days later anyway? What are you doing messing around with her like that?”

“No!” Nikolai protested. “It wasn’t like that! I wasn’t screwing around with her. I…I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing, I just wanted to skate with her a bit longer. And I realized something.” He drew in a deep breath, and looked squarely at his parents. “I don’t want to go back to hockey,” he stated with all the conviction he could muster.

They both stared at him, mouths open a bit. His papa recovered first, exclaiming, “What do you mean, you want to leave hockey? Why, after all this time? I thought you loved hockey!”

“I do like hockey, Papa. But I never really loved it. I liked the feeling of it, I liked feeling…I don’t know, strong, I guess? But I never loved the sport itself. Not like skating.”

Yuuri cut in. “So what are you saying, Nika? You know that we’ll always support what you want and what makes you happy, but we’re having a hard time understanding what that is right now.”

Nikolai glanced at Aliya, and saw the strength in her face that he needed. His resolution crystallized, and he realized for sure that what he was about to say was true. Not only that, but it was true for him, apart from his desire to protect his girlfriend. He squared his shoulders up and stated clearly, “I want to be Aliya’s pairs partner.”

There was a moment of deafening silence. Then the table erupted into noise. Everyone began talking at once, Aki clapped her hands together, Yuri looked as if he was about to burst a vein, and even Otabek’s expression broke into one of surprise.

Aliya waved her hands over her head and called over the din, “Everyone, calm down! We can’t hear everyone at the same time!”

Her plea helped, and the assembled people began to subdue, settling back into their chairs. When it was quiet again, Aliya sighed in relief and said, “So, yes, as Kolya said, we would like to be partners. Әкем, you and I had kinda talked about this, is there anything you want to say or ask?”

Nikolai was impressed. She had deliberately picked the person most likely to support them as the one to speak first. Appreciatively, he gazed over at her as Otabek began to speak.

“Yes, we had discussed his performance, but not really much about him becoming your partner.”

Yuri burst out, “Because it’s a ridiculous idea! He’s a hockey player, he hasn’t even skated in years!” 

A stern look from his husband subdued him, and the blond sank back down into his chair, muttering darkly to himself as Otabek continued. “I honestly don’t know what I think, Aliyen’ka. He definitely meshes well with you as a skater, but I’m a bit concerned about his lack of competitive experience. However,” he held up a hand as his daughter opened her mouth to protest, “I am willing to at least give this arrangement a chance. Nika shows remarkable potential, and it’s obvious that he has the raw talent and background needed.”

Aliya beamed at her әкем as Victor spoke up, apparently unable to contain himself any longer. “That’s all very well and good, but what about you, Nika? Are you sure this is what you want? Your otousan and I have seen you put a lot of time and effort into hockey, and I just want to make sure you’re going to be happy with this change.” His icy blue eyes pierced through his son, and Nikolai was startled to find real worry and compassion there. Nikolai had never thought his papa cared that much about what made him happy. He had spent so long resenting the man who stood for everything he thought he needed to protect his family from. As he looked at his papa now, though, all he saw was a man who tried his best to love and care for his family, and all of the other things fell away.

He coughed to conceal the raw emotion rising in his throat as he said, “Yeah, Papa. This is what I want. If I had been honest with myself years ago, I never would have stopped skating.”

Victor smiled at his son. “Well, if we’re completely honest, you never really did. I always made sure you had some figure skates ready, since you liked to go to the rink all the time.”

Nikolai stared at his papa, slack-jawed. “What? You mean that was you? I always thought it was Otousan who left the skates for me!”

Yuuri said gently, “No, that was all your papa. He always noticed when you needed a new pair, and made sure you could skate whenever you want. We knew it was something that you enjoyed doing, but that you didn’t want to talk about it.” His face broke into a smile, laugh lines crinkling delightfully as he did. “I’m so happy for you, Nika. All we want is for you to be happy.” His face became stern, and he added in a serious tone, “Even if you did go about it in a questionable way. Don’t think that you’ve gotten out of trouble for that.”

Not sure whether to laugh or cry with his mixed emotions, Nikolai merely nodded. 

His sister took advantage of this lull in the conversation to lean forward and ask mischievously, “So, Nika, what does all this mean for you and our little Aliya, hmm?” She grinned wickedly, ignoring Mavra’s elbow in her side.

The two of them looked at each other, and both broke out simultaneously into idiotic grins. Nikolai looked around at his assembled family and said, “Well, we’re dating.”

They all exploded again. Aki jumped up and squeezed Mavra tightly, while Yuuri reached out and grasped onto his husband’s hand in a death grip. Victor’s mouth turned up into one of his signature heart smiles, and Nikolai began to wonder if Yuri was going to even make it through this evening as his face turned several interesting colors in quick succession.

Laughing, Aliya made an attempt to calm the table again. Her eyes sparkled with pure joy as she tried to tame their unruly family. Watching her, Nikolai decided her loving heart that was shining through her face was the most beautiful thing in the world after all.

As she succeeded in getting everyone to settle down again, Aki leaned forward with a grin that the Cheshire cat would have been jealous of and crowed, “So do I get to say it now?”

He eyed her. “Say what?”

“I told you so!” she trumpeted, plopping back into her seat with her arms crossed triumphantly over her chest. “Didn’t I tell you she could feel the same way? I have eyes in my head, I could see how you both felt. But nooo, you thought I was crazy. Aki-neesan doesn’t know anything, there’s no way she could know that Aliya likes Nika.”

“All right, I get it! Stop already!” Nikolai growled.

“Hey, I’m just doing what you said I could. You told me I was welcome to do told you so, and here I am. I. TOLD. YOU. SO!” She broke down into a fit of giggles, collapsing into her chair.

Mavra covered her mouth with one hand, saying, “All right, that’s quite enough, Akiya. You’re embarrassing the poor boy.”

Nikolai shot him a grateful look as Victor took the opportunity to jump in. “Nika, I’m so happy for you!” he exclaimed, his eyes shining with happiness. “So does this mean we’re going to get grandchildren?”

Yuri jumped out of his seat and snarled, “Watch it, old man! Just how old do you think Aliya is, anyway? She’s years away from anything like marriage, or babies, or…any of that!”

“Old man? Just how old do you think you are now, Yurio? Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

“And what the FUCK is that supposed to mean, you bastard?” Yuri spat back.

Yuuri placed a hand on his husband’s arm, trying to pull him down and looking suitably horrified. “Vitya, he’s right. You’re being way too enthusiastic about this.”

Otabek made the same efforts with his own husband as Aki sighed from her place across the table. “Don’t worry, Aliya, Papa said the same thing to me when Mavra and I started dating. And no babies for us yet, either. Us girls in this family will just have to stick together.” She winked conspiratorially across the table at Aliya as the teen turned crimson. 

Victor wailed as he was tugged down into his seat, “But that’s exactly why I was asking! When are any of you going to have children? It’s true, I am getting old, and I must have grandchildren to carry on Yuuri’s and my legacy!”

“Papa!” Nikolai finally interjected, although he wasn’t entirely sure if he found the whole thing mortifying or hilarious.

“Vitya, that is quite enough. We have had this conversation more times that I care to remember. They will have children when they are ready, not just because you want to cuddle a baby again. If you’d like to do that, go down to the NICU at the hospital.” Yuuri spoke to his husband in clipped tones, clearly repeating a script he had said many times.

Victor pouted at him. “But Yuuri, luybov moya, that’s not the same!”

Aki chimed in, looking just a bit too delighted at her papa’s distress. “Well, tough shit, Papa. You’ll just have to deal with it. I’m not having any kids until I’m ready, and Aliya and Nika are still teenagers. Looks like you’ll have to wait a while.” An evil tint touched the corner of her mouth as she added, “If you get any grandchildren at all.”

A wail of dismay rose from Victor as he collapsed his head dramatically onto the table. His husband gave him brusque, irritated pats on the back as the others ignored him. 

Otabek spoke up, directing his level gaze at his daughter. “Aliya, is this what you want, then?”

She nodded, then quickly turned red and added hastily, “I mean the dating part and the partners part, not the babies part! I don’t even want to think about that for a long, long time!”

Her әкем regarded her for a moment, then nodded and turned to his husband. “I think we should try it out then, Yura. I believe our daughter knows what will be best for her, and I happen to agree that this is worth testing out.”

Yuri finally seemed to get control of his anger, although his eyes still crackled as he said, “I just want to be sure that the soplyak isn’t going to flake out on her and leave in the middle of a season because he’s decided he loves hockey again after all. He seems to be good at that.”

“Papa! You could talk to Kolya, you know. He’s sitting right here!”

Yuri seemed taken aback by his daughter’s outburst. Nikolai covered her hand gently with his, and turned resolutely to face Yuri. “I understand your concerns. But I want to assure you, I will do whatever Aliya needs. I know it would be detrimental to her to leave in the middle of a season, and I would never abandon her like that. I will do everything I can to be the best partner I can for her. And besides, this isn’t just for her anymore. This is for me, too.”

Victor chimed in, “No matter what, Nika is always determined. He’s not the kind of person to quit halfway through. If he says he’s going to do this, then he will.”

The words shocked him, coming from his papa. He tried not to let the surprise show on his face as Yuri shot back, “You mean like how he quit hockey just now?”

This time, it was Otabek who rebutted. “Yura, you can hardly compare that. The boy did hockey for years, and has found something else he wants to do instead. Let’s give him a chance, and we can always reevaluate at the end of this season. I understand your concerns, since this is Aliya’s first season in the adult division, but we have both watched the two of them grow up together. You cannot tell me that you think Nika will not try his hardest for Aliya.”

Yuri glared at his spouse for a long, drawn-out moment, then turned his burning gaze on Nikolai. “Very well, soplyak. But if you hurt my daughter in any way, then I will―” 

“Yes, yes, stab him with your knife shoes, very scary,” Victor broke in. “Anyway, I for one am starving. It seems like we’ve settled most of the important things, and I’m starving! Dorogoi, should we go get something to eat?”

Rising up decisively, Yuuri proclaimed, “Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Let’s go get some food, and any other questions we have can be answered then.” He clapped his hands together once with a finality that nobody dared question.

Everyone rose from the table, and began discussing where they should go to eat, and how they were going to get there. Nikolai remained seated for a moment, trying to collect himself together in the wake of the whirlwind that was his family. Aliya noticed, and leaned over him as he sat, asking, “Kolya, you ok?”

Looking up at her, he couldn’t help but smirk. Even seated like this, she only stood a scant few centimeters over his head. 

“What?” she asked in confusion. 

“Nothing, chibi. Come on, let’s go.” He leaned over and gave her a peck on the lips before standing. 

She swatted his arm. “Kolya, not in front of our parents!” she hissed.

“Oh, they’re in the other room, they didn’t see anything,” he responded. “Anyway, it looks like everything went just fine.” He smiled down at her, unable to keep the happiness off of his face. 

Her face softened. “Of course it did. We can do anything together, right?”

He couldn’t help himself. Her lips were practically begging to be kissed. He dipped his head down and complied, giving her a sweet, delicate kiss, cupping the back of her head with his palm as she melted into him.

He forced himself to break away from her, although every inch of his body protested. He did so not a moment too late, as Aki poked her head into the dining room and piped, “Hey, are you two love birds done making out yet?”

“We are not making out!” Nikolai yelled at her retreating back. Giggling, Aliya pushed gently on his back and they went to join the rest of the group in getting ready to leave.

As he finished putting his shoes on, Nikolai looked up from his seat and regarded the assembled people who were in the midst of arguing about restaurants. Each and every one of these people cared about him, and had demonstrated that caring tonight, even if it was in unusual ways. For so long, he had resented his family for simply being what it was, and because of how people treated him as a part of it. He had been angry at the world because of how it saw his parents, and that had bled over into anger for them. But now, as he looked at the people he loved, he only felt their love and acceptance, and a deep sense of belonging. This was his family, and if he really wanted to be a man, he would have to do his best to protect them in his own way. But now he felt like he understood a bit better what protection really meant. 

Aliya noticed him sitting motionless on the couch, and held out a hand to him. “Come on, Kolya, aren’t you coming with us?”

He smiled and placed his hand into her small one. “Of course I am.” 

This was, after all, where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, the last chapter! There will be an epilogue going up in a few minutes also.
> 
> Translation notes: 
> 
> kotya: Russian for kitten  
> chibi: Japanese for shorty or a sort person


	31. Epilogue

Nikolai shifted nervously, wishing that his costume wasn’t quite so…revealing. Although, objectively, there was nothing uncovered, it still felt very intimate. He supposed part of it was the fact that both of his parents had worn it during their skating careers. It also wasn’t helping that this event was highly televised. He was very aware of the cameras, much more than he had ever been on the occasions when his hockey games had been taped. He felt a touch on his arm, and looked down to see his beautiful partner, understanding in her sapphire eyes. “Just don’t look at the cameras and you’ll be fine,” she whispered.

“Yeah, but even then, we’ll be the only thing for all those people to watch,” he muttered back.

Behind them, Otabek spoke up. “Don’t think about that. Just do the same thing you always do in practice, and you’ll be fine.”

Nikolai turned back towards him, and their eyes met. Otabek’s steady gaze leveled Nikolai’s nerves a bit, and he nodded resolutely. 

Just in time, too. The announcer called out, “And next we have Aliya Altin-Plisetsky and Nikolai Katsuki-Nikiforov skating their short program to ‘Let Me Be Myself.’”

Nikolai instinctively reached out and grabbed Aliya’s hand to ground him. To his surprise, her hand was a little sweaty also. He glanced down at her, startled, and gave her a tiny squeeze to reassure her. The knowledge that she was nervous focused him. He had to be strong for her. He squared his shoulders and stepped out onto the rink, and a cheer rose up in the stadium. He raised up their linked hands and gave a small wave with his free hand. They glided to the middle of the rink, getting into position as the cheers died down. Nikolai positioned himself across from Aliya, and settled in to wait for the music to start. As he did, he took in her lithe form, complimented by the white, sequined outfit that echoed his own black one. The half skirt draped gracefully over the leg she had extended backwards, sleeves tapering down to fingerless gloves. The mesh on her torso sparkled as she turned slightly to prepare herself for takeoff.

The music started, a strumming of guitars, and they swayed out in opposite directions, coming back together as the words started. They got ready for a side-by-side double toe loop as the first chorus came crashing in. They pulled it off in almost perfect unison, and the crowd cheered. He smiled, feeling more confident, and felt himself relax a bit. They glided smoothly through the rest of the routine, pulling off all their components without a hitch, even managing the throw jump that Nikolai had agonized over in the past few months of practice. He tried to think about what they lyrics were saying, since Aliya had allowed him to choose this song. As he soared over the ice, he felt like he was finally allowing himself to be who he wanted to be, and tried his best to channel that feeling into his skating as they acted out a desperate play of lovers on the ice.

As the guitars died down at the end of the song, they came back together one final time, and Nikolai dipped Aliya down backwards until her head nearly kissed the ice. They held their pose until the music stopped completely, and the stadium roared into life around them. The lights came back up, and he pulled his pretty partner upright, studying her face for her reaction. She hopped up and flung her arms around the back of his neck as the best she could, squealing in his ear, “Kolya, that was great! We did so well, don’t you think?”

Relief washed over him. She thought it was good. He hadn’t let her down. She released him, grinning, and took his hand, prompting him as they bowed to each section of the audience.

She didn’t let go of his hand as they skated off the rink to where Otabek was waiting for them. He grew a little nervous as they approached his girlfriend’s stone-faced father. She had thought it was good, but Otabek was another matter altogether. Aliya allayed some of the tension by releasing his hand and hugging Otabek, exclaiming, “Wasn’t that good, Әкем?”

He regarded them seriously, and nodded somberly. “Yes, it was quite good. You can expect a decent score from that.”

Laughing, Aliya pulled Otabek off to the kiss and cry, Nikolai at her side. Before they even got their score, his mind was wandering, concentrating on the free skate program they were set to skate the next day. He barely heard the score they got, but managed to be excited along with his pretty love, and smile at the camera as it focused on them.

The next day came all too soon for his nerves, and it seemed like a blink of the eye before he was once again standing at the edge of the rink, waiting to be called out to perform their free skate. 

This performance had a much different feeling, however. He could feel Aliya’s nerves humming almost as fast as his own. He wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning down to whisper in her ear, “Why are you so nervous today?”

She looked up at him, doubt etched into her features. “I don’t know, it just…feels a lot different. You know, since I picked this song.”

“You mean since you picked it for your parents?”

“Well…yeah. It means a lot to me. I hope people understand our message with it.”

Despite his own worry, Nikolai laughed a little at that. “I think they will. Our theme for the season makes it pretty clear, I think.”

She smiled up at him, and they said together, “Love is love.”

The loudspeaker crackled to life, announcing them. “Up next is Aliya Altin-Plisetsky and Nikolai Katsuki-Nikiforov doing their free skate to ‘End of the World.’”

They took a simultaneous deep breath, then looked at each other and laughed. Otabek patted both of their backs from behind, and they linked hands, entering the rink to the cheers of the crowd. It might have been Nikolai’s imagination, but as they got into place, he thought that the cheers seemed a little louder than they had the day before. 

He focused back on the task at hand, however, as the music began, a soft pressing of piano keys and thrum of strings. They began to skate, mimicking a waltz with their movements as they skimmed over the surface of the ice. As they began to get into the technical elements of the program, Nikolai began to lose himself to the routine. He allowed himself to fall into the music and let his muscle memory take over, the places where his body came in contact with Aliya’s feeling hot despite the chill coming off the ice. He focused on the feeling, carrying it through the last dying note as he suspended Aliya in one last held lift, gradually lowering her down until their foreheads rested together.

In the moment after the music ended, the stadium exploded.

The noise made Nikolai remember where he was. He gently set his dainty partner down, and they smiled at each other secretly for a moment before linking hands to bow. As they left the ice to the continued cheers, he leaned down and said in her ear, “I think your parents will be proud.”

She smiled up at him, moist eyes saying everything her lips didn’t.

This time, all four of their parents were waiting for them. Nikolai blinked at his parents as they stepped off the ice and put on their skate guards. “How did you two get in here?” he asked blankly.

Victor wagged a finger at him. “Please, did you think two Olympic medalists couldn’t get into the kiss and cry with their son?”

Yuuri laughed. “I think it had more to do with your determination than your medals.”

His husband smiled at him. “I’m sure they didn’t hurt, though.”

Aliya smiled up at her parents. “What did you think?” she asked, almost tremulously.

Yuri grunted. “It was good. I suppose if you and Nika keep skating like that, this could work out just fine.”

Nikolai stared at him, wide-eyed. Had he just said something nice? And…called him by his name?

His pretty girlfriend was already grabbing his hand though, saying, “Come on, Kolya, let’s go get our scores.”

He gave in and followed her along with the throng of their parents. Looking down at their linked hands, he smiled. Yes, this was going to work out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter! Yes, I put them in a eros and a white eros costume, because I'm like that. If you're interested in the songs I agonized over I MEAN chose for their programs, here are links:
> 
> "Let Me Be Myself," by 3 Doors Down: I felt like this song really embodied Nikolai's struggle with himself and how the world saw him and his family, and him making the conscious decision to just be himself. Hence the choice of the eros costumes also, to signify that he is proud of his parents' heritage.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmDYbiyMHvo
> 
> "End of the World," by Matt Alber: He's pretty much a gay icon, and this is just a generic love song that I thought had some good lyrics to convey the idea that, like Nika and Aliya's theme, love is love.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTvJdpkdLiw
> 
> I want to thank all of you so much for joining me on this ride, especially if you're here at the epilogue reading this! A few of you really bolstered me through this whole journey with your comments and assessments. I hope I did justice to the story and the issues represented in it, and that you all enjoyed it at least a little bit as much as I did. I'm sure I'll see you all again in my Victuuri writings!


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